I(26 yrs old) was in a relationship for (4) years up until last Saturday(split due to being long distance/logistics) and although the approach/subsequent date with this chick who I am going to discuss further didn’t go as planned, I am glad that there is finally some forward momentum in life.
Appreciate any advice from you all on what I could have done better here. I can deep dive and can get others to talk about themselves, but my physical escalation is rusty. I trust myself to the point where once a kiss happens, I can take it to sex, but the kiss never occurred. This was a peculiar situation that I’ve never experienced before because the girl gave me multiple verbal cues that gave me the proverbial green light, yet would not be physically receptive to my touch. I’m attributing this to her being aloof/shy and young(21 years old), so I’m thinking she wanted me to be the man and take the lead, but I am totally confused as to what I could have done without being too try hard and forceful. In hindsight, her not leaving my room and being physically present with me is a good sign.
I understand that in most circumstances, a 2nd date is completely out of the question, but since she is leaving town in a few weeks anyways, I feel like it’s worth a shot to exhaust all options, but wouldn’t know where to begin with asking, what activities to do, etc.
The initial approach was nothing special, as I have seen this girl at the local gym over the past few months, but never acted on it because I was in a relationship. At the end of my workout, this girl coincidentally came to work on a machine pretty close by. Although the gym was dead, it just so happened that the machine she went to had someone next to her...and I hate approaching near people, as I don’t want to be labeled a PUA within a place I frequent often. I was in a completely disheveled state, i.e. sweaty and in old gym clothes and hadn’t shaved for a week, but went over and made a comment that her body is made of playdough(since she always does gymnastics/handstands/etc.) and introduced myself. The only relatively polarizing things I mentioned were that I couldn’t tell her age at all(gave her a high-five when she mentioned 21) and complimented her on being a gym regular because most people are sleeping in after being out the prior night. The set was nothing special and lasted not more than a few minutes, but I found out she was from Germany and here until the end of the month doing a fashion internship. Mentioned grabbing coffee with her and left because I genuinely had to meet my friend for lunch down the block.
Waited about ~2.5 hours to send the icebreaker text. Here is the dialogue.
Me: Hey XXX, hope you’re not dead from the workout like I am. On grabbing that coffee - what’s your schedule look like this weekend?
-My Name
Her: Hi, I’m actually fine but I didn’t push myself too hard today cause I have a cold from the ac haha, I have nothing planned this weekend
Positive Signs:
-She responded within (3) minutes.
-She added a smiley face.
-She is free all weekend, which is a sign to “escalate” and setup logistics.
Me: Sometimes, you just have to take it easy.
Great - I can show you one of my favorite spots in Manhattan(it’s around XXX gym). Let’s shoot for 2pm tomorrow.
Her: Sounds good!
Her: Where do you want to meet?
My previous text is left open-ended without a destination for a few reasons:
-Honestly didn’t know what coffee shop to meet at, since a lot of them are closed on Sunday.
-If she asks where we are supposed to meet, this is a form of investment and a good sign.
-If she doesn’t ask where we are supposed to meet, it’ll be an excuse to text her on the day of the date, which re-confirms her availability.
Me: XXX Coffee Shop & Address.
Her: Great!
Met her at the coffee shop down the block from the gym(also down the block from my apartment) and I barely recognize the girl since she put in quite some effort to get dolled up. At the gym, I noticed she had a few pimples, but used makeup to cover them up, had her hair done up, and was in a nice, flowy dress. Because the coffee shop had a lot of people inside(not conducive to deep diving), we just grabbed the coffee/teas and went for a walk. Had to do most of the talking at first, but after 15-20min, she finally opened up and was doing the majority of the talking. We stopped at a nearby dock to sit and look at the water and at this point, I noticed the date was going well. She mentioned being an introvert and not opening up to strangers, but I commented on her talking quite a lot to make her realize that she had broken out of her shell. After some more chatting(say (2) hours total after the initial meet-up), I suggest going back to my place down the block to get out of the hot summer sun to cool off, meet my roommates, and play the card game UNO(seeded this earlier). No objections and we simply continue talking like it wasn’t a big deal.
Some yellow flags I noticed while sitting at the dock is a lack of accepting my physical contact, but feel free to tell me if I’m just being a little girl and should have done something else. I had some playful shoving, pinky promise(yes I’m five years old), and seemingly incidental touching from gestures while talking to her. There wasn’t any reciprocation on her end, but she never gave me a sign to not touch either. Also, I was wearing a tank top and noticed her checking me out at many points throughout the date.
Back at my place, my laptop is already out and on YouTube, so I ask her to play some of her own music to make herself comfortable. We start playing UNO while sitting on my bed, even though I try to keep it fun and light-hearted, I can tell I’m losing her interest. Go completely off my rocker and start saying beyond stupid shit, making up ridiculous stores, and get her laughing and interacting, i.e. having her draw and write in a notepad. I could tell the interest was back because she mentions that the rest of her day is free and asks what I have going on later in the day(mention seeing a friend in a few hours from now).
To be honest, at this point I was lost here because my go-to in college was to play UNO(play the question game with every turn of the game to deep dive further and kiss at the end of the game regardless as to who won) as a reward for winning/losing, but because the game was never finished, I felt there was never a good time to escalate for a kiss. It would just feel awkward to randomly stand up from the bed, go over to where she was on the bed, and kiss her because the tension was never at such an apex point(even though her eye contact with me was unwavering throughout). Realize this, say fuck it in my head, ask for her hand and gently pull her over to me, but she resists, so I get frustrated and say let’s check out the roof top. This is actually hilarious because I have never seen a girl from hot to cold so quickly. Her face visibly changes after I mention going to the rooftop, then she says, “Seriously, you want to leave the room?” I’m in auto-rejection right now and completely disregard the blatant sign that she wants to be physical and proceed to get out of my apartment to the roof. At the elevator, I get another sign from her when she says with questioning face, “You’ll never get to know what happened because we never finished UNO.” I finally get the hint here and as soon as we get off the elevator to the roof, I say, “Do you trust me?” as I take her hand to pull her into me, but she resists. After small talk for a few minutes, she says it’s time to go. Walked her out and got the very friendly hug with the pats on the back - oh how I hate that lol.
Problems that I need to conquer:
#1: Physical Escalation in a more smooth manner, especially with a girl who is acting aloof and not giving me any blatant signs.
The (2) positive hurdles that I overcame here were:
#1: Approaching while completely disheveled, i.e. was in sweaty and old gym clothes and hadn’t shaved for a week - yet I still went over to the girl - and not only that, but it went well too!
#2: Always hate approaching next to other people because I am ashamed that they will label me as a “PUA,” or even worse - if the set goes sideways(judge me for being a weirdo). In this instance, there was another girl literally (3) feet away from me, yet I forged ahead anyways.
Appreciate any advice from you all on what I could have done better here. I can deep dive and can get others to talk about themselves, but my physical escalation is rusty. I trust myself to the point where once a kiss happens, I can take it to sex, but the kiss never occurred. This was a peculiar situation that I’ve never experienced before because the girl gave me multiple verbal cues that gave me the proverbial green light, yet would not be physically receptive to my touch. I’m attributing this to her being aloof/shy and young(21 years old), so I’m thinking she wanted me to be the man and take the lead, but I am totally confused as to what I could have done without being too try hard and forceful. In hindsight, her not leaving my room and being physically present with me is a good sign.
I understand that in most circumstances, a 2nd date is completely out of the question, but since she is leaving town in a few weeks anyways, I feel like it’s worth a shot to exhaust all options, but wouldn’t know where to begin with asking, what activities to do, etc.
The initial approach was nothing special, as I have seen this girl at the local gym over the past few months, but never acted on it because I was in a relationship. At the end of my workout, this girl coincidentally came to work on a machine pretty close by. Although the gym was dead, it just so happened that the machine she went to had someone next to her...and I hate approaching near people, as I don’t want to be labeled a PUA within a place I frequent often. I was in a completely disheveled state, i.e. sweaty and in old gym clothes and hadn’t shaved for a week, but went over and made a comment that her body is made of playdough(since she always does gymnastics/handstands/etc.) and introduced myself. The only relatively polarizing things I mentioned were that I couldn’t tell her age at all(gave her a high-five when she mentioned 21) and complimented her on being a gym regular because most people are sleeping in after being out the prior night. The set was nothing special and lasted not more than a few minutes, but I found out she was from Germany and here until the end of the month doing a fashion internship. Mentioned grabbing coffee with her and left because I genuinely had to meet my friend for lunch down the block.
Waited about ~2.5 hours to send the icebreaker text. Here is the dialogue.
Me: Hey XXX, hope you’re not dead from the workout like I am. On grabbing that coffee - what’s your schedule look like this weekend?
-My Name
Her: Hi, I’m actually fine but I didn’t push myself too hard today cause I have a cold from the ac haha, I have nothing planned this weekend
Positive Signs:
-She responded within (3) minutes.
-She added a smiley face.
-She is free all weekend, which is a sign to “escalate” and setup logistics.
Me: Sometimes, you just have to take it easy.
Great - I can show you one of my favorite spots in Manhattan(it’s around XXX gym). Let’s shoot for 2pm tomorrow.
Her: Sounds good!
Her: Where do you want to meet?
My previous text is left open-ended without a destination for a few reasons:
-Honestly didn’t know what coffee shop to meet at, since a lot of them are closed on Sunday.
-If she asks where we are supposed to meet, this is a form of investment and a good sign.
-If she doesn’t ask where we are supposed to meet, it’ll be an excuse to text her on the day of the date, which re-confirms her availability.
Me: XXX Coffee Shop & Address.
Her: Great!
Met her at the coffee shop down the block from the gym(also down the block from my apartment) and I barely recognize the girl since she put in quite some effort to get dolled up. At the gym, I noticed she had a few pimples, but used makeup to cover them up, had her hair done up, and was in a nice, flowy dress. Because the coffee shop had a lot of people inside(not conducive to deep diving), we just grabbed the coffee/teas and went for a walk. Had to do most of the talking at first, but after 15-20min, she finally opened up and was doing the majority of the talking. We stopped at a nearby dock to sit and look at the water and at this point, I noticed the date was going well. She mentioned being an introvert and not opening up to strangers, but I commented on her talking quite a lot to make her realize that she had broken out of her shell. After some more chatting(say (2) hours total after the initial meet-up), I suggest going back to my place down the block to get out of the hot summer sun to cool off, meet my roommates, and play the card game UNO(seeded this earlier). No objections and we simply continue talking like it wasn’t a big deal.
Some yellow flags I noticed while sitting at the dock is a lack of accepting my physical contact, but feel free to tell me if I’m just being a little girl and should have done something else. I had some playful shoving, pinky promise(yes I’m five years old), and seemingly incidental touching from gestures while talking to her. There wasn’t any reciprocation on her end, but she never gave me a sign to not touch either. Also, I was wearing a tank top and noticed her checking me out at many points throughout the date.
Back at my place, my laptop is already out and on YouTube, so I ask her to play some of her own music to make herself comfortable. We start playing UNO while sitting on my bed, even though I try to keep it fun and light-hearted, I can tell I’m losing her interest. Go completely off my rocker and start saying beyond stupid shit, making up ridiculous stores, and get her laughing and interacting, i.e. having her draw and write in a notepad. I could tell the interest was back because she mentions that the rest of her day is free and asks what I have going on later in the day(mention seeing a friend in a few hours from now).
To be honest, at this point I was lost here because my go-to in college was to play UNO(play the question game with every turn of the game to deep dive further and kiss at the end of the game regardless as to who won) as a reward for winning/losing, but because the game was never finished, I felt there was never a good time to escalate for a kiss. It would just feel awkward to randomly stand up from the bed, go over to where she was on the bed, and kiss her because the tension was never at such an apex point(even though her eye contact with me was unwavering throughout). Realize this, say fuck it in my head, ask for her hand and gently pull her over to me, but she resists, so I get frustrated and say let’s check out the roof top. This is actually hilarious because I have never seen a girl from hot to cold so quickly. Her face visibly changes after I mention going to the rooftop, then she says, “Seriously, you want to leave the room?” I’m in auto-rejection right now and completely disregard the blatant sign that she wants to be physical and proceed to get out of my apartment to the roof. At the elevator, I get another sign from her when she says with questioning face, “You’ll never get to know what happened because we never finished UNO.” I finally get the hint here and as soon as we get off the elevator to the roof, I say, “Do you trust me?” as I take her hand to pull her into me, but she resists. After small talk for a few minutes, she says it’s time to go. Walked her out and got the very friendly hug with the pats on the back - oh how I hate that lol.
Problems that I need to conquer:
#1: Physical Escalation in a more smooth manner, especially with a girl who is acting aloof and not giving me any blatant signs.
The (2) positive hurdles that I overcame here were:
#1: Approaching while completely disheveled, i.e. was in sweaty and old gym clothes and hadn’t shaved for a week - yet I still went over to the girl - and not only that, but it went well too!
#2: Always hate approaching next to other people because I am ashamed that they will label me as a “PUA,” or even worse - if the set goes sideways(judge me for being a weirdo). In this instance, there was another girl literally (3) feet away from me, yet I forged ahead anyways.