FR  My Sobering and Interesting New Life Experience

NewBeeWinner

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Sep 7, 2018
Messages
364
Hey guys,

In line with my goals, I went out today and planned to spend one hour at the mall and one at the nearby bookstore to pick up girls. Instead I spent one at the bookstore and 2 at the mall and didnt meet a single girl.

I did, however, get a few compliments on my clothes and tons of girls smiled at me. One of the girls that works there I seen before and she melts when she sees me. She acted like she had trouble pushing a cart up a ramp (an obvious attempt to give me a chance to talk to her) and I walked up and stupidly said "Looks heavy. Need help?" and she said no she got it and moved back to work before I could ask her name. I also wasnt loud enough (havent had to be loud in a while - this bites me later).

So that failed. At the bookstore I had ton of opprotunities to talk to cute girls but didnt. Unlike college, where I was spoiled because I knew every girl was around my age, I have a really hard time guessing everywhere else. I know I just need to approach and find out. I dont know whats wrong with me - its like Im a beginner all over again.

I also had multiple chances in my car driving next to cute girls to talk to them but didnt. But now gets to the really interesting part of my day.

As I previously stated, I made friends with a super religious girl I previously tried to date (she wont have sex no matter what). This girl invited me out to a swing dancing class. and having seen it before and thinking its a good opprotunity to meet new people, I decided to go.

In my mind, I was thinking it would be a small class with a couple people and an instructor or two who would show you a move, explain it, and then help the couples work on it one on one.

Oh was I wrong. I got there a bit late and there was a huge circle of people and a main instructor and his partner in the middle. The instructor showed the moves once then everyone practiced with their partner before switching to a new partner. After standing around awkwardly for a bit, I joined in the circle and starting roating through partners as well (all very cute women).

Anyways, it was confusing and hard to follow what I saw done once and I was hearing from others that they were confused to (but I found out later for a different reason).

After teaching a few moves and basic spins, he said our time was up (after 20-30 min) and to have fun dancing. Then the music got really loud and everyone began dancing. I rerouted and partnered with some of the people I met during the instruction.

I had thought we were all beginners.

Once again, I was wrong. They were new to the venue or had been coming for a long time (6 months or more). A majority had previous dance experience for years in different styles or purely in swing dance.

I ended the night feeling bad - so many of the girls I danced with got bored with me doing a basic step and a couple spins and moved onto more experienced partners. I could see it in their face as they scanned the room while we danced to find someone else and could feel it in their lack of enthusiam as I failed to lead (because I didnt know how).

I asked some to teach me but they all said they only knew how to follow - not lead. Outside of the dancing, I found that the conversation was also totally different from anything Ive ever experienced.

Outside of the loud music (which required me to shout or talk very deliberately), I really sucked at conversation. It isnt the best time to deep dive and I failed at handling a lot of the transitional phases in conversation. So what happened is a lot of awkward pauses.

One girl looked older than me (duh) and not thinking anything of it, as I had asked so many college girls before, I asked how old she was. She stopped and kind of looked at me and said "thats the one thing you dont ask a girl" and I said "youre right but Im just a curious guy" and she looked at me some more and said "I dont know what you want me to say" and the conversation went totally awkward before she said "well nice meeting you" and scurried off.

Another girl we had a break in conversation (another awkward pause because I failed to handle the transition) and another "well nice meeting you" and leaving. I feel bad because this is the last night shes in town (which normally would mean a great opprotunity for hookup - but under the circumstances, this obviously didnt happen).

I did have a great conversation with an older lady (maybe mid 40s) who was very interesting. And I also thought I connected really well with another girl who knows the girl I previously tried to date. However, when I asked for her number at the end of the day before I left (instead of on a high note in conversation more naturally like I know I should do) she just said shed add me on facebook (an obvious blow off).

Another girl walked with me as I left and I was going to ask her out for food, but she snuck in that she had a boyfriend at the last moment before I could.

The instructor guy (totally the main alpha of the group - he danced with all the hot girls) had shown all the guys up. I heard from multiple girls they all wanted to dance with him again. But I also heard from one girl that she was amazed because he lead half the time and followed half of the dances as well (he could do both). Meanwhile, I didnt pick up on any of that at all.

Another instance is when a sweet elderly woman showed me a few moves (as the lead) that I could do (finally! something useful I thought). I then got into a quick convo with an attractive 30 something and she told me to show her what I learned. I did my best but it was really awkward and I made a lot of mistakes (and yes she had a bored face on, wasnt enthusiastic with her body language, and she scanned the room to find someone fun - all of which made me feel worse). She also pointed out that one move I did was more for country swing dance (wtf theres different kinds?!? How do you tell!!) and so it wasnt relevant to the song or style of dance, she said. So instead I ended up looking like a loser who didnt know what he was talking about (which I dont!)

But overall, I had a fantasic time (it really is a ton of fun) but I havent felt like such a social burden or social tampon in such a long time. I sucked with the girls (not my usual seduction routine or environment) and felt awful because they got bored with dancing with me. It makes me want to learn more so I dont utterly suck (and so I can speak with my body and not try shouting to learn about someone awkwardly while barley dancing).

I learned too that its not good at all for learning about someone. It was a totally new experience for me and it showed me just how much I suck with conversation and group dynamics. It is really sobering. But I did have fun and I really do hope to learn more!!!

In the future, Im going to my venues with specific goals in mind (quantifiable goals) so I actually approach women and dont wonder the same venue multiple times (which I know is something I need to stop!!)

But that was my experience today. What are your guys' thoughts/experiences/advice?

Till the next one,

NBW
 

ElderPrice

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jun 11, 2018
Messages
568
Good for you for trying something new!

A couple thoughts:
- I'm pretty sure dance nights should be treated as social circle game, not cold approach. When you meet someone there, they always assume there's a chance that you both can come out to dance night again and see each other again. Thus, the rules of cold approach don't apply to the vast majority of girls you meet at dance night.
- While yes, girls you meet at dance night will be more excited about you if you're a better dancer, you can definitely compensate for being a beginner by having a great attitude. In a social circle, this means having a good time no matter what, and going out there with the desire to meet EVERYONE there, not just girls.

When guys show up to dance night and proceed to only find and ask to dance with the hot girls, they just have really odd vibes to them. They look lost and foolish. Think about it. Hot girls don't go to dance night to find a nice boy. They go to dance and spend time with friends. Then, when everyone else at the venue notices you only focusing on the hot girls, you basically offend all of them. You're communicating that the non-hot girls aren't worth your time and that the cool guys there aren't worth your time.

Instead, if you want better reactions from girls at dance night, you need to do the opposite. Make it your goal to MAKE FRIENDS (guys and gals), and for a night DON'T THINK about picking up girls. Befriend everyone. Dance with all the non-hot girls because you have fun dancing, and you love it when you can dance with them and make their nights. Do this, then all those hot girls will want to get to know you, and you'll get bonus points because they will be floored why you haven't asked THEM to dance yet.

Anyway, if you try it again, that's my two cents. Treating it like a social circle WILL mean it will take a lot of time to reap some benefits. If you're looking for faster results, stick to legit cold approach instead.
 

NewBeeWinner

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Sep 7, 2018
Messages
364
ElderPrice,

Thanks for your thoughts! Yeah I haven't gone back in a while but I recently had some other friends show interest so I might be going back soon enough. I'll definitely look at it as more of an opportunity to make friends and expand my social circle - I've had some decent results with this in other areas of my life.

I will say that I did dance with a variety of women when I went out - so I wasn't zeroing in on just the hot girls which is good. I also should've asked some of the guys how to lead some moves - that would've been smart!

Thanks again,

NBW
 
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