Conflicted Religious Girl - How Can I Not Make This Mistake Again

NewBeeWinner

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Sep 7, 2018
Messages
364
Hey guys,

So if you've been reading my Journal, I met a girl through my church group. We weren't able to meet for a while because I had finals, but we were able to meet at the church group again (which meets once a week). She autoinvests and for the first week texted me pretty often first. She also eventually asked if we could talk on the phone, and after reading Chase's article on the connection call, I agreed. The call went great and she showed more interest afterwards.

When we met at the church group, I talked with her about an hour or so after the meeting ended. We started light then I invited her over to my car to show her my camera (which she asked to see). I got her to move around a lot and come closer when I motioned for her to. We got into deeper topics and she asked what I thought about premarital sex - of course, I was fine with it. After deep diving a bit more, we got into a solid discussion on sex (I had isolated her in the coffee area and she was very open with me).

I found out she's a virgin and had a 3 year sexless relationship with her previous boyfriend. However, she's also new to her faith and very committed to God, but also very sexual. She struggled with masturbation and porn and did sexting and other things. The most she ever did with her previous boyfriend was a 10 second blow job - which she felt bad about afterwards. So she's very conflicted about being sexual yet a christian - especially because they jam not having sex before marriage down her throat.

We talked a bit more and I was open (more or less) about my thoughts - her being sexual is perfectly fine. Her being a christian is also perfectly fine. Of course, she eventually brought up boyfriend-zoning topics - people should take it slow and get to know each other. Also more philosophical topics why like god made us sexual beings if we were to wait until marriage to have sex. I framed it more in my favor and eventually she ran out of boyfriend zoning topics - ending on it depends on how many girls a guy has been with.

Anyways we planned for coffee yesterday. However, she texted me that she had to pick up and drop off her siblings an hour later so I (wrongly) assumed she wanted to wait so I asked what she was doing afterwards (thinking ahead that I don't want just an hour with her). Come to find out she went to meet me for coffee and was very upset I didn't show up. Luckily, after a few back-and-forth phone calls - and her almost saying "forget it" - I got her to calm down about it. The rest of the day for me was horrible for other reasons. Since then, I teased her a bit and she's back to teasing me (over text). We'll probably plan to get together again sometime in the next few days (I'll text her tomorrow since I busy the rest of today).

Anyways, my past experience is telling me the obvious that talking about sex != (doesn't equal) sex. Since she's so conflicted I knew I had to reframe some things (during our deep dive). Looking back on two previous girls I dated, because we had talked so much about sex and never actually had sex - it became the issue that caused things to end (with them saying they don't want sex). Considering she had a previous sexless relationship (which I don't want), but yet is so sexual - how can I not get caught up in talking about sex (literally - not sex talk) and get to having sex?

My thought is to use a bit of sex talk with reframing to get her horny in person (likely in my car after a quick meet for coffee - I figure we've had enough face time that if its going to happen (sex) it'll happen and if not, then it likely won't ever) and then to escalate physically. Her being so conflicted might make it harder on me than needs to be, but I want to try and overcome this (and get laid and free her to be her sexual self).

Has anyone had any experience with this or have any suggestions? My focus right now is to get her out for coffee then take her to a nearby Frisbee golf place (she's really active and loves the outdoors) with a more empty parking lot. I'd then bring up before getting out of the car that I know this christian girl who's conflicted because she's christian but also very sexual and open (asking her opinion on the situation). I'd then say that if she was to ask me she needs a man who can accept both sides of her - a man who can (go into sex talk gambit) because what she really wants is to be accepted for who she is not who people tell her she needs to be. This would hopefully get her horny or thinking about sex and then I could kiss her and transition to escalating physically, transitioning her to the back of my car. That's what my plan currently is - let me know what you guys think.

Thanks for reading,

NBW
 

NewBeeWinner

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Sep 7, 2018
Messages
364
Hey guys,

After talking it out with someone else, I realized something. Two things actually:

1) This whole situation is my fault

2) Im needy for sex

So instead of setting the right frames to create an environment where she also wants sex, Im being needy and honestly expecting sex from her because she's so sexual.

Its crazy to think I read on GC about not being needy and not expecting things from girls and I honestly thought I understood that and was living it. How insane that I was so blind to how I was actually being.

Now that I know, Im going to change that. Im meeting to talk with her today so now I can say the right things. I'll post an update but please still provide advice if you have any!

Till the next one,

NBW
 

NewBeeWinner

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Sep 7, 2018
Messages
364
update:

Since my last post, we had a few phone calls but I got her out a few days ago under the premise she wanted to get out of the house.

We met in a Safeway parking lot and she hopped in my car. We caught up and then proceeded to have a long talk about sex - her fantasies, likes, dislikes, experiences. I used sex talk and a sex gambit I use and got her super horny and I touched along her body and rubbed her fingers as she showed me her done nails. She really liked all this.

I could also tell she is slowly accepting the idea of sex before marriage - I sent her some things to read, which she said she read some. Based on her answers to questions, I can see it slowly working on her.

Anyways, it started to get late and I asked her following the conversation if she wanted to see it. She asked what as her eyes darted to my crotch. After a few more ambiguous answers I decided to whip it out.

As I did, she turned her head straight forward and said "I dont think we should do this... I feel like we'd be crossing a line" I asked her what line and she said she didnt know just a line. She then whispered "this isnt why we came out here" (originally it was to talk) and in that moment I knew I wasnt being calibrated to the situation as well as I should be so I out my dick back. As I did, her eyes darted back to my crotch to get a quick peek before I put it all the way away. We then talked a bit more and I made her laugh, drove her to her car, and got a hug. She got out and looked again at my crotch before leaving.

When I got home she called and asked about me whipping it out. She asked if I was just horny and she felt bad because we talked about sex before I did. I told her it wasnt her fault and that my original intention was just to talk (which it was). She asked if I was worried shed stop talking to me and if Id be sad if she did. I was honest and said yeah Id be sad - she seemed to brighten up a bit. Id be sad but not desperate. She was also worried that itd be awkward between us now - I told her no I'd be the same as I was. (Im now realizing that may be the reason she was hesitant in the car because she was worried Id be different afterwards).

Anyways, her calling showed me I was right about calibrating. We met yesterday at the church group n kept making eye contact throughout the time. I didnt get a chance to isolate (we went after with a group to eat) and she hasnt texted me since the parking lot. But we had good eye contact n joked with eachother n she stood a lot closer to me than she used to. So I think its OK for now. Im going to see if she wants to join me hiking this weekend.

In terms of other girls, I have a few Im texting but I honestly need to get out more.

Till the next one

NBW
 
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