FR  instant date didn't gain momentum

Hey guys,

Today I did some day game and was working on not being direct with my openers and not showing intent AKA being more subtle with my seduction and just letting things "happen".

I see this HB9 who is wearing a blue beanie hat and who looks like Natalie Portman low key. I go up to her when we're in an outdoor farmer's market and say:

Me: hey I like your hat. I'm BigS
Her: thanks (blushing), Im NP. I don't really like it haha
Me: yeah its a little interesting... (joking smile)

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She then walks over to a booth where they're serving wheatgrass shots or some shit and she buys one. I tease her a bunch about this and she starts telling me why they're great and qualifying herself to me.

Once she pays I say:

Me: lets walk this way (gesturing towards the way she was walking)
Her: weren't you walking the other way?
Me: no im walking this way
Her: okay I actually have some errands to do
Me: lets go do your errands. where are you taking me?

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I set the frame that she's taking me along with her on her errands. Im careful to not walk behind her or suggest that she's leading in any way--Im the one leading, but she "asked me out".

We go into the first store where she's looking for some wire organizer or something. I legitimately try to look and help her, again being sure not to follow her around. The conversation gets a little sparse here and the focus is away from us getting to know each other and more on finding this stupid thing.

In retrospect I should've led us to a coffee shop or something where we could sit and talk. I could feel that I was losing the frame of her "taking me out somewhere" like on a date.

At one point in the store we split up and are actually pretty far from each other. I feel the momentum going down so I tell myself she can choose to avoid me now, but if she comes back to me and reinitiates, that's a good sign.

She comes back after a minute or two and stands next to me and kind of stomps her foot to get my attention. I look at her and say:

Me: no luck?
Her: nope
Me: okay lets go
Her: she obliges

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We're outside the first store and I ask where she's taking me now. She says she has another errand to run but I say:

Me: I have an idea--lets get a coffee around here. I know a great spot.
Her: idk, I have to run this next errand
Me: it'll take 5 minutes. lets go.

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I just start walking and she follows me. While in the coffee shop we are waiting in a pretty long line so this is a good time for some "get to know you conversation", which I think had been lacking until this point.

She's an actress and I deep dive her a bit about this. I also ask what she wants to know about me, and I give her some info. I can feel the connection building, but it seems like we have been "strangers" for too long and I was still the strange guy that went to her last errand with her.

While in line she also shittested me a bit, but I chose not to participate in these. There were no seats open in the coffee shop and she said "good, I guess we'll have to go".

We then start walking with our coffees to the next errand spot and we are conversing more about each other. However, the focus was not on getting to know each other for the first part of the date.

While walking she says that she's doing this errand and then going to her friend's house. I see this as a logistical barrier and choose to end the date, regrettably.

Me: so you took me out this time, let me take you out next time
Her: hahaha
Me: put your number in my phone (handing her my phone)
Her: why don't you give me your number?
Me: okay

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We part with a hug and Im not sure if she'll text me. I think I started the interaction too slow and we never really gained the proper momentum to make it feel like a date. I also may have rejected her too early when she said she had to see her friend later. I could've persisted and persuaded her to get a drink with me instead.

Any suggestions? I was also lacking with physical escalation because we were walking and looking for this stupid wire organizer for a while. Oh well.

Cheers,

BigS

Big Slay,

Overall, decent job. You got some compliance and made some progress in getting conversational investment from her mid-errands, as well as partially taking her out of auto-pilot.

It seems like something kept her in her line of thinking and course though, which ultimately did not give you the satisfactory level of compliance you needed for a real instadate and/or some type of escalation.

The entire time reading this I was thinking, "are you using touch?", and as you mentioned, not really. That's huge. It puts you into a clear sexual intent and excites her if she's attracted.


With the number grab thing, that's tough. It's better to get her number because that allows you to send the 1st text, create lapses of time from meet --> 2nd communication, and gives you a little more control. Now it's all her.

By that point, it kinda sounded like she'd already fizzled out, though. I might have tried, "looks like we both want each others.. here - you take mine and I'll take yours.", then made fun of her phone / phone case if possible. Some playful teasing could have helped you here since she wasn't being compliant.


Lastly, no hugging bro! It makes you look like a pussy. If you guys weren't touching each other, not talking beyond platonic conversation, and she wasn't compliant, it puts you in a soft guy box, synonymous with friend zone or orbiters.

I've seen plenty of guys do that, including myself, starting out and it just doesn't give your the effect you want. Chase warns against this as well.

A lingering hand hold, or sliding your hand across the small of her back with a sexy smile trumps this.


But yo, good shit!! I love seeing you out here getting your feet wet in different avenues. Seeing you try with this level of effort WILL get you better, and is inspiring to see.

Slay slay slay.

Slay all day.


Hue

Huey duey,

Thanks for the reply man! I feel you on this one. She never really switched from the mindset of getting her shit done, to sitting down and carving out the time to go on a date with me.

Do you think I would've had to completely derail her plans of doing errands in order to access her emotional mind? Is there any way for me to make running her errands an emotional experience? I was trying to find a GC article on this but couldn't yet.

Im especially curious now because I have a date tonight with a girl who is very busy in her work life. Our date was for 7, but she just asked if we could push it up to 6 or 6:30 probably because she wants to go to sleep early.....

How do I get her out of this "getting ready for work" mindset and into "I might sleep with this guy tonight" mindset. I was thinking of meeting her at the bar for our date and completely switching the location on her then and there. Idk if this would work though....

I am trying to think of times when I am very busy, but I want to get into the mood of hooking up with someone. I feel like the best way to do this is to be with a dominant leader who allows you to turn off this logical mind.

Any other suggestions? Hoping to apply this to my date tonight.

Thanks,

BigS

Big S,

Do you think I would've had to completely derail her plans of doing errands in order to access her emotional mind? Is there any way for me to make running her errands an emotional experience? I was trying to find a GC article on this but couldn't yet.

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Well, no I don't think you would have to be so damn good everytime she thinks, "fuck my plans, I just want to suck this dude off!" hahaha.

What you want to do with the first interaction is leave her with an emotional impact and/or a connection before you leave her to continue with whatever she's up to. If you are damn good, then you absolutely CAN screen logistics and pull of an Insta-lay. Richard had GREAT LR's on doing this in day game, but has since taking those down

A good technique here is to acknowledge that what she did is just token resistance. You have to chip away at token resistance before you can really get a moment to leave an emotional impact on her that stays until you reestablish contact with her (after getting her number), or she gives you a moment to sit down and let you deep dive her / make a connection. Sounds like you were moving in this direction while in line, but didn't lead her to another place to enjoy eachother since all the seats were taken. Her saying there was no seats was probably just another token resistance. Did you persist or just accept her frame?

Her: okay I actually have some errands to do
Me: lets go do your errands. where are you taking me?

I set the frame that she's taking me along with her on her errands. Im careful to not walk behind her or suggest that she's leading in any way--Im the one leading, but she "asked me out".

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For example, here you do set a frame. However, that frame is "I'm following you while you do errands." I get that you were not walking behind her, but you're still going where she wants to. That means that she's the one leading.

I legitimately try to look and help her, again being sure not to follow her around. The conversation gets a little sparse here and the focus is away from us getting to know each other and more on finding this stupid thing.

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Then here you're investing time and effort in to doing what she wants to do, without her reciprocating investment into what you want to do: have conversation and get to know eachother. Again, that gives her the frame of leading the interaction, and you submitting to what she wants. It makes her the superior in the interaction.

At one point in the store we split up and are actually pretty far from each other. I feel the momentum going down so I tell myself she can choose to avoid me now, but if she comes back to me and reinitiates, that's a good sign.

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Then, you split. This is ACTUALLY a good move, whether you meant to come off this way or not. It shows her that "you're not investing with what I want, so I'm gonna spend my time away from you". At least, that's how it reads.

After that you make use of the token resistance, "it'll take 5 minutes. let's go". And then what does she do? She follows your lead!

She's an actress and I deep dive her a bit about this. I also ask what she wants to know about me, and I give her some info. I can feel the connection building, but it seems like we have been "strangers" for too long and I was still the strange guy that went to her last errand with her.

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EXACTLY.

While in line she also shittested me a bit, but I chose not to participate in these. There were no seats open in the coffee shop and she said "good, I guess we'll have to go".

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You stopped persisting. Again, token resistance. Had you said, "let's just find a bench, I think I saw one back there", or spontaneously come up with a good place to sit down, that might have pushed her over.

If she is STILL not complying, you should probably throw a hail mary. "Hey, I know you have plenty to do today and I get that. I've got some stuff on my plate too, and would love to take a little more time to sit down and talk. Why don't we take a break from paroozing around this place, and just enjoy ourselves for a bit? Have you enjoyed talking with me so far?"

Im especially curious now because I have a date tonight with a girl who is very busy in her work life. Our date was for 7, but she just asked if we could push it up to 6 or 6:30 probably because she wants to go to sleep early.....

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Yeah, that leaves a huge window for her to say, "no, I need to home and sleep!" when you invite her home. Also, you compromising before the date starts (submitting) means you might do it on the date. There are times where it is reasonable to compromise, and not doing so is just being stubborn. But if the date was scheduled for 7, the date was scheduled for 7. You're a busy, organized man who stays with his plan.

The only thing to do in these circumstances is persist, and acknowledge her token resistance. Be the dominant man and lead her investment, by asking her to stay 30 more minutes, or "let's try out over there for a bit", or "moving over there will only take a second". You do this enough times with a calm, but insistent attitude, and next thing you know she's coming home with you.


Hue

Hue,

Thanks for the input man. I really appreciate how you took the time to find specific examples from my FR.

What topics do you think I should read up on? I was thinking about learning how to be more dominant, "leaving her wanting" after interactions, and how to build emotional connections.

For the date tonight, I didnt reply to her text and she eventually just told me the original time is fine. I responded with:

Me: I understand, you want tonight to be as perfect as possible
Her: LMAO, I actually just had to do blah blah.

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BigS

Hue,

Ive been reading up on this moment you picked up where I physically split from her in the first store:

Then, you split. This is ACTUALLY a good move, whether you meant to come off this way or not. It shows her that "you're not investing with what I want, so I'm gonna spend my time away from you". At least, that's how it reads.

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I realize that what I am doing here, and what you probably noticed too, is that I am Breaking Rapport with her.

This is what caused her to come back to me and try and get my attention--essentially chasing me.

This is also what I think gave me the indication that I could ask her to screw her plans for now and come get a coffee with me.

So yeah, basically we both saw it, but im just labeling it as Breaking Rapport.

Thanks man,

BigS