FR+: Did I shoot myself in the foot?



FR+: Did I shoot myself in the foot?

Postby NewBeeWinner » Fri Feb 08, 2019 11:43 pm

Hey guys,

Went out for coffee today with a girl I met on campus. She had seen me around and finally stopped me and asked who I was, so that's how we met. She lives in the dorms, so I figured I'd try to end up back at her dorm room, since my parents are at my place (plus it's close and she'd be more comfortable).

I picked her up at 6 outside of her dorm. She hugged me when we met and we chatted and talked till we got to my car. I then drove us to the nearby Starbucks. We got our drinks and I directed her where to sit. I then had to show me some of her things and watch my drink while I used the restroom, telling her "I trust you with my things". We had a good conversation that covered different topics: travels, adventures, dreams, etc. She's very spontaneous and adventurous.

Then after around 30-45 min, I said "What do you say we not have a boring old date where we just talk at this Starbucks and go and play some pool? Do you play?" to which she excitedly replied "Yes! I'm going to kick your butt!" We then hopped in my car and drove over to campus to play pool.

We played a few rounds and (yes) she did kick my butt haha. We had a fun time with light conversation, physical contact, and strong eye contact. A few times she said I was distracting her. So after a few games, she wanted another rematch (when I won), but I said no let's do it next time. We then headed out and had a short walk back to my car, talking about her interest in photography.

I drove around the campus a bit to give us more time to connect before arriving at her dorm. As we sat in my car, before getting out, I brought up how I had to take human anatomy next semester (following the conversation) and how I read an article about delaying orgasms. I then described how it worked, teasing a girl sexually and keeping her from orgasming until the end when she cums really hard. She was really interested and said "you really have this down to a science" and when I was done that "wow you must have a lot of success with this" to which I replied "maybe" while shrugging, causing her to laugh. I could tell it got her horny as her breathing got heavier as we walked back to her dorm. She also told me that "that anatomy class is going to be pretty interesting!"

We stood outside her building and I told her "I haven't gotten to see what these dorms are like, invite me up?" to which she said "hmm, not tonight" to which I asked if there was any reason why. She kind of paused and in a whispered voice said "it's the first date. next time". I then told her we would just chill, unwind, and talk. No pressure on her. She then said "next time" again after pondering it. I then said "alright, but we'll see how busy my schedule gets. No promises". She replied "OK" and we hugged, to which I then held her a bit. The sexual tension could be cut with a knife. Seeing she wanted me to kiss her while she was close to me in my arms and that she was super horny (I didn't want her to go into auto rejection from getting horny and then having nothing happen), I decided to kiss her. She happily did and then kissed me again. I then pulled away and said "OK" and she smiled. I had originally decided a while ago to not make it my goal to kiss on first dates, but to only when she's ready for sex. However, knowing I didn't push the right way to beat her resistance to me coming up to her room, and not wanting her to go into auto rejection from being really horny, I decided lowering her sexual tension a bit wouldn't hurt. She was still visibly horny after we kissed, but not nearly to the same extent, having relaxed just slightly. We then hugged again and went our separate ways.

Did I handle this OK or did I shoot myself in the foot? The whole date lasted around 2 hours. I've kissed girls in the past on the first date, just to not see them ever again. I don't think that will happen this time, but what are your guys' thoughts?

All feedback appreciated!
NewBeeWinner


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Re: FR+: Did I shoot myself in the foot?

Postby NewBeeWinner » Sun Feb 10, 2019 12:04 pm

So I really feel like an idiot. She was getting cold feet about it and I realized what I should've done is broken it down for her when persisting (NOT persisting by saying "we'll just chat and relax, no pressure" because that doesn't solve anything. I was thinking of giving her an excuse, but she didn't need one. She just needed me to be a man and to help guide her through it.):

1 - "Let's at least stand inside. It's too cold out here"
2 - "Since we're inside, let's head up to your room. It'll be more comfortable. Plus, we're already here (at her dorm)"
3 - "I wonder how messy or tidy of a girl you are. Mind showing off your room?"
4 - (gets tour of room) NOW can kiss and escalate

Maybe even a yes-ladder here.

This would've been a billion times better at trying than doing what I did. The night was still super young (around 8 by the time I left) so I'm sure she didn't feel to great either when I did. Can't blame her for not replying to my text the next day - she doesn't owe me anything. I'll give her a few days then call her. Maybe I can get a second date and close the deal then. Maybe I won't.

Either way, I learned from this that when facing resistance like this, it could be good to break it down into easier chunks. NOT saying "it'll happen next time" because "next time" never comes.

- NBW
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Re: FR+: Did I shoot myself in the foot?

Postby ElderPrice » Sun Feb 10, 2019 5:15 pm

Your persistence wasn't terrible. But based on what you wrote, your pull could have been smoother. "I haven't gotten to see what these dorms are like, invite me up?" is plainly obvious what you're asking for. Especially after adding 'chill, unwind, and talk. No pressure.' This just screams "Hey girl. I want sex" which is way too obvious. It needs a lot more window dressing. Try thinking if she were just a friend and you legitimately wanted to do something non-sexual at her place, what would you say?

Maybe:
"I didn't know you were that into pool! Have you seen the ABC YouTube channel? They make amazing pool videos! Your place is like two minutes away. Let's pull up YT on the TV, I've GOT to show you my favorites! Each video is only like 2 minutes long."

"I didn't know you were that into pool! Have you seen the pool documentary on Netflix? I heard it's amazing and that you'll never see a funnier breakdown of the mathematics of pool! Tell you what. We're 5 minutes from ABC store. What say we go get some popcorn, candy, and drinks and nerd out on a pool movie? I think it's only an hour long."
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Re: FR+: Did I shoot myself in the foot?

Postby NewBeeWinner » Sun Feb 10, 2019 6:08 pm

ElderPrice,

Thanks for the tip. Yeah, I dont have much experience inviting myself to a girls place so this is still slightly new to me. I'll definately try it in a smoother way like you suggest.

Till the next one,

- NBW
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Re: FR+: Did I shoot myself in the foot?

Postby NewBeeWinner » Mon Feb 11, 2019 12:21 am

Hey guys,

I got this reply from her today:

"Actually I think I'm going to pass. I thought you were super cool up until the last conversation we had and then you inviting yourself up to my place. I'm not looking for a hookup. Find it somewhere else."

I read up on how Chase recommends to respond to this - girls done with "hookup" and I sent his preferred response. Will update when I get a reply.
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Re: FR+: Did I shoot myself in the foot?

Postby NewBeeWinner » Mon Feb 11, 2019 8:00 am

Her reply:

Either way, I wasn't getting good vibes. The first date was fun, but I don't think there will be a second.

So seems like she detected my intentions because of my poor pull and then autorejected. Can someone verify this?

Can this be flipped?
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Re: FR+: Did I shoot myself in the foot?

Postby BigS » Mon Feb 11, 2019 2:53 pm

Hey man,

Reading your report it sounds like you did a great job 99% of the time. It also seems like you have some experience.

I think during the pull you probably hesitated or made her nervous in some way. That way she was able to see that you werent being genuine and just trying to game her.

I would read GC articles about Transitions and moving things fast with girls.

Also, I wouldbt fixate too much on the no kissing rule. What you want is for there to be a steady increase in sexual tension throughout the date. If you sense there is a lull or the momentum is slowing and you see a window for a kiss, I say go for it. Just pull away first and resume conversation.

Reading about Transitions could really help you. The essence is to push the pace towards the bedroom while making it seem like "no big deal" and not waiting for a response, just assuming its a "yes".

What youre doing with this is short circuiting her "logical brain" so she doest have time to think about things! Shes just really excited and flustered, and enjoying it!

Hope this helps,

BigS
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Re: FR+: Did I shoot myself in the foot?

Postby NewBeeWinner » Sat Feb 16, 2019 4:20 pm

BigS,

Thanks man. I took your advice and read up on some of the articles - I realized I lost this girl and another one during the transition.

However, a different girl I took back home after reading a bit and I did my best to make it "not a big deal" saying I just had to let my dogs out real quick or something. I realized its easier said than done! But I assume like most seduction, you just get better at it with practice.

Till the next one,

NBW
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