Advice on social life not going my way ?

Hello friends,

I would really appreciate your thoughts and insight on this. I don't quite have anyone else to open up this deep to.

My initial plan was to write about my last female endeavour, however by thinking about it, I realised I care and get attached quite easily, especially lately. That's why I think that's the reason it hurt so much when I saw the girl I was having so much fun talking to, going out with another (newer) guy. And by going out I mean fucking, meh. She's a little slutty.. I got too attached. I was going to ask for advice on that, but I think the problem might be deeper.

The frustration is quite simple: I often have moments when I feel lonely, moreover, there is also an omni-frustration that I don't have contact with as many girls as I would like to - my "intimate" life is quite a wreck. I have often found myself in situations that I would love to share with a girl.




With that being said, a little background:

I'm currently living in the city I have finished college in, 500miles away from hometown. My family is all good. I have a friend here, who's like my brother, he is almost the main reason I'm here and much more - let's call him Alex. So I adapted very well, had friends, etc.


2015: I think this year was a huge turning point for me, because I:

- started working on my own brand/product in hope of releasing and selling it (important for the professional life and dreams)
- finished college (college was important for the social life)
- pulled the trigger on a brand new apartment after graduating (the building was finished later in January 2017 - more on that later)
- went to the United States in Autumn (I'm from Europe) - work related, until May 2016 (crazy opportunity for me, learned a lot both socially and professionally)


While being in US and after coming back (May 2016), I have started to see things differently. My picture for what I want in life became more clear. You can say I was no longer a kid anymore. I realised how I wish my professional life to be (not a random employee). I became much more aware of what I want to achieve in life and the steps needed to do so.

So as a result, I slowly began to detach from my friends - they were either working all day, 9-5, boring life, or either partying every weekend, weed, pills, you know. - don't get me wrong, I like that shit too, but man.. that's not the way to go if you are dreaming of a Lambo or a house by the beach.

I realised in order to achieve my dreams, I have to follow this entrepreneurial spirit and desire - so in December 2016 I quit my first proper job (2.5 years) to fully dedicate myself to my own brand/product. (which I started working on in early 2015)

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Fast forward to today

- in January 2017 I moved in my own new apartment. I'm having "designing" issues, searching for furniture, all that jazz - which is awesome.
- in April 2017 I finally released my brand, I have sold a few products, things are going uphill - which is a dream came true for me.
- I started doing freelancing work, my "brother" Alex hooked me up. This is great because I get to work whenever I want, from home or whatever. So I have a lot of freedom - but with a financial cost, however.


Despite all of the above, this year felt like crap. I think the main reason for my sadness is the loneliness. Even though I'm an introvert, when I'm around people and socialize, I feel alive - it's my personality.
Coming back to the loneliness - living alone, there are a lot of days I don't get out of my apartment, I work from home (no more social interaction there). My only escape is my car which I love dearly and helps me a lot - I usually go for a night drive when I'm not feeling ok.

Moreover, ending up with a reduced friends circle (not that we are not cool, but I don't feel like it helps me achieve my dreams) brought my social life to zero. I can't remember the last time I had a drink.
The only time I socially interact is with the very few friends I still enjoy, however I rarely see them, maybe twice a month. Or with my car friends, in some weekends.
I took advantage of my current job situation and did a few city escapes, it helped.

However I feel like none of this social interaction I'm currently having helps me achieve my dreams. Talking about engines and horse power doesn't help me get that blonde I desire. So I end up staying alone..

Coming back to the girls aspect. I find it hard to play because of my current situation. How can I meet girls if I don't go out ? And go out with who ?
Frustrating.

Pretty much all that's left for me to do is try to focus and grow my professional life, sacrificing my social life, in hope of a better future.. in hope sunny days will come. However this is really tiring and frustrating, I can't do it 24/7 and it drives me crazy

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The only thing that keeps me sane is Alex honestly, lol. I enjoy interacting with him, but 90% it's on a professional level. He has a girlfriend, he's focused on work. He's ok with ditching all that social aspect for a better future. Me on the other side, I can't handle it that well. Maybe I need a gf ? But what about my desire to slay as much as possible ? Jeez...

A little about Alex: we are in the same boat. We both think the same and see life through the same lens. We both have the entrepreneurial spirit - he also has a brand of his own. We've recently started building something of our own, to sustain ourselves, etc. We both detached from our common friends, to dream and build bigger. So we are very alike, professionally, at least.
The only difference is that he has a very stable relationship (which helps him greatly on a mental level) and lives with his mother (he doesn't have to deal with all that living alone household bullshit)


I always new in my heart I need new friends that can help me grow both professionally and socially. The few friends I have don't help me that much on the social aspect.



To end this non-sense

Putting it in writing helped me retrospect and sort my thoughts a bit.
I don't expect replies honestly, but I truly hope maybe someone can chip in.

I feel a bit lost and breakable. Not sure what to do to fix it and be happier.

What do you think the course of action should be ? What would you do ?


All the best,
TA

You can go out alone.

OldGuy said:

You can go out alone.

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I find it really odd and uncomfortable. Can you elaborate ?

So, In what kind of direction do you want your social life to go?

Seems like you have some areas of life that are important for you handled. That’s awesome.
But then you don't meet as many girls as you wish? Or you don't have as many friends and events as you want if I understand?

To meet girls you can always go out and meet girls on the street, out and about. Maybe while you're running errands or dedicating time just for that.

I get that it gets lonely working from home too. I also have that, but to avoid isolation I like to work out at university libraries or cafes, where even if its midnight you see people studying or chatting. It does you good to see them and gives you a chance to talk to one or two cute girls while you're there being productive.

As for meeting more people and having variety, you can always take a hobby that puts you around people and makes you socialize a little, perhaps with pretty women too. A class of something like salsa, swing, any other dance, improv, acting, aerobics, etc.. Can cheer you up and put you and the path of some cool people. (I recommend you at least try all of those cause you never know which one ends up being your niche).

I would say doing this is a good start, but let us know what you think about it and how they work for you.

Ergon

Ergon said:

So, In what kind of direction do you want your social life to go?

Seems like you have some areas of life that are important for you handled. That’s awesome.
But then you don't meet as many girls as you wish? Or you don't have as many friends and events as you want if I understand?

To meet girls you can always go out and meet girls on the street, out and about. Maybe while you're running errands or dedicating time just for that.

I get that it gets lonely working from home too. I also have that, but to avoid isolation I like to work out at university libraries or cafes, where even if its midnight you see people studying or chatting. It does you good to see them and gives you a chance to talk to one or two cute girls while you're there being productive.

As for meeting more people and having variety, you can always take a hobby that puts you around people and makes you socialize a little, perhaps with pretty women too. A class of something like salsa, swing, any other dance, improv, acting, aerobics, etc.. Can cheer you up and put you and the path of some cool people. (I recommend you at least try all of those cause you never know which one ends up being your niche).

I would say doing this is a good start, but let us know what you think about it and how they work for you.

Ergon

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Thank you for your advice, Ergon. Indeed you got it right.
I was relying on other people for my social life (if that makes sense), it seems I should rely more on myself.