How to know when it's time to "give up" a sport/hobby?

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year gents! I hope all is well and that the holidays have been enjoyable for you all.

I've been training in Olympic Weightlifting for the past two years and have competed in 4 competitions. Trouble is, I've had some internal conflict over the past year or so on whether it is worth the time and effort to continue on this path. This past semester, it reached its peak and I didn't go to my gym very often and haven't seen my teammates or lifted at my club for almost the past 6 weeks. I was really focused on putting school first and I also found myself naturally putting more time into my Fraternity this past semester, and even got elected as vice prez. Now that I'm in a leadership role, I find myself really wanting to put forth a lot of my time and energy into cultivating my leadership abilities, since I believe the skills are more transferable/beneficial to my life than training in a strength sport.

However, I find myself emotionally torn about leaving the sport since I've invested the past two years into it and feel like I haven't shown very much for my efforts. Part of it is ego since I didn't come close to hitting the numbers I wanted to, but at the same time it's my fault for not dedicating myself to the sport more often mainly because I felt it was a time drain and it conflicted with my social life. My coach openly discourages drinking/partying since it hinders physical performance and he's right. But I really want to kick my social abilities and skills with women into overdrive. Plus, I've found that I tend to be a bit insecure about my looks since I grew up chubby/not very athletic and muscular. This sport focuses on performance first and not looks, plus I feel like I could develop a sexier-looking physique while putting in half the time I do now at the gym.

Mainly, I don't want to be a quitter and part of me feels that I am auto-rejecting a bit because my coach had high hopes for me when I first started and I don't feel I've come close to living up to that potential and that I haven't put forth anywhere near my best efforts. Part of me feels that my journey has run it's course and it's time to invest my energy into more productive things like school, fraternity, cold approach and overall social skills mastery. Then another half of me feels that I could actually be a pretty damn good lifter and accomplish something mildly athletic since I grew up not playing sports and feel like lifting is my athletic forte. However, my coach tends to be very self-righteous and constantly brings his political opinions into the gym (he's a feminist lol) and that creates a bit of resentment from me since he tends to be very ignorant on some issues and constantly tries to exert his moral superiority. I find it hard to follow someone's teachings who is of this nature and have done my best to separate his personal/political views from his coaching abilities. That's just another item to add to the list.

What are your guys' thoughts and opinions on a situation like this? Have any of you had to give up a sport/hobby to devote your time and energy to more productive areas of your life?

I'd like to offer a clear cut answer but there isn't one. I would give it one more shot to do it well and hopefully fit it in so that it's an additive dimension to you that complements the rest of what you have going on. This type of weight lifting isn't vanity but real strength that most people never achieve. It builds your nervous system, not just your muscles so you stay stronger moving forward and just from a general life planning thing, it's good to build and experience discipline in working out, pick a sport like this one that you could continue after school, and pack on muscle while your hormone levels are this high. It will always be easier to get back muscle you once had but it's harder to build up to new levels later.
If you do call it quits, I'd look for another physical activity to replace it with where you can get traction because whatever you do, you don't want something that drags on as a negative. It wreaks havoc on your confidence.

I think being aware of the sunk cost bias may or may not help you with your decision. This guy explains it better that I could: https://litemind.com/sunk-cost-bias/

Yeah, been down that road two years ago. But actually I found that it was the wrong time for me to do it. I replaced my sport (a martial art) with more study and learning new hobbies, but couldn't find anything to stick too.. and the "more study" thing only lasted until the midterms two months later. Why? I felt wrong. Low confindence. Slept bad. And generally bad mood. I realized why at last: I wasn't ready to leave my sport yet. I still had goals I wanted to achieve, so I got back. And my goals are still what's keeping me around, and the social circle to some degree. But I'm trying to not get too invested in the circle if I have to leave another time.

There's another side to it: I became very insecure some time after I left my club. It's like I lost a huge part of my identity. Something was missing. I had done it for more than 10 years. Then I just wanted to leave suddenly because everything was too stressful, and I had to make a choice.. apparantly, made the wrong one at that time. Why? Because I didn't allow myself to think things through before making a decision (at least you are doing that!) Today, I feel less anxious about quitting because I know I am not my sport, and my sport is not me. I might not be able to quit "just like that" yet, but I want to have that inner freedom to do so if needed

If I could meet myself two years ago with the experience I have now, I'd say to him: "Be sure that you can leave something with unfinished business. You might not get the chance later. And make sure, should it come down to you quitting that you can leave without suffering from an identity crisis"

Besides my own points, I second everything Parkour said, and Ergon's link is also worth a read

Parkour said:

I'd like to offer a clear cut answer but there isn't one. I would give it one more shot to do it well and hopefully fit it in so that it's an additive dimension to you that complements the rest of what you have going on. This type of weight lifting isn't vanity but real strength that most people never achieve. It builds your nervous system, not just your muscles so you stay stronger moving forward and just from a general life planning thing, it's good to build and experience discipline in working out, pick a sport like this one that you could continue after school, and pack on muscle while your hormone levels are this high. It will always be easier to get back muscle you once had but it's harder to build up to new levels later.
If you do call it quits, I'd look for another physical activity to replace it with where you can get traction because whatever you do, you don't want something that drags on as a negative. It wreaks havoc on your confidence.

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Parkour,

I get where you're coming from but perhaps I may have been a little vague in my description. I've been lifting weights since I was 17 years old and built up my size and strength to a respectable level (at least compared to the average man) to where I would consistently get compliments regarding my physique. I also made sure to emphasize training athleticism to avoid being a pure gym rat who can't run or jump without tearing a muscle. I only took up the sport of weightlifting to challenge myself and try something new, plus I really wanted to learn the Snatch and Clean and Jerk to increase my training repertoire. I've done that ten times over and can move really well with solid technique and do decent weight compared to the average gym rat and even crossfitter. I just feel like I'm chasing numbers at this point like some people chase money just for the money.

That's the dilemma. I would still be active and lift weights consistently even if I left the sport, I would just focus a little more on my upper body and overall aesthetics vs pure performance training. You're right though bud, it does complement me very nicely and most people who train for recreationally never develop that kind of superhuman strength. Those are huge reasons for why I'm still on the fence about leaving the sport.

@ Ergon,

I gave that article a read, it's good stuff and so is the blog in general. It made me realize that that bias has been influencing my thinking and reading that article opened my eyes a bit and has allowed me to think more clearly, so thank you for that. My biggest issue is not so much sunk-cost bias but rather opportunity cost that is making me reevaluate my efforts. I feel like I can be decently strong and look better physique-wise than I am now with half the time in the gym. I tend to feel a little guilt about putting the time and effort that I do now, because I tell myself that I could use that extra time to work on my social/sex life and make faster progress (which is universal to everyone) as well as learning skill (or at least starting) that I could monetize like copywriting. That's the main thing eating me up on the inside, but perhaps there is a perspective on this that I am not seeing clearly.

@ a-jay,

Very insightful, thanks for sharing your personal anecdote with being in a similar dilemma. That part you mentioned about leaving with "unfinished business" really hit me. I do feel this sport has become a part of my identity because I can still call myself an athlete. If I leave and just lift weights for fun, I can't officially claim that title anymore and that has also kept me on the fence.

Thanks for the feedback guys I'm starting to lean towards giving it a go for another semester but am still curious to hear what you guys have to say now that I have elaborated on a few things that I may have left out/been vague about in my OP. Do you still think it's probably better across the board to give it another go?

BBeyond said:

My biggest issue is not so much sunk-cost bias but rather opportunity cost that is making me reevaluate my efforts. I feel like I can be decently strong and look better physique-wise than I am now with half the time in the gym. I tend to feel a little guilt about putting the time and effort that I do now, because I tell myself that I could use that extra time to work on my social/sex life and make faster progress (which is universal to everyone) as well as learning skill (or at least starting) that I could monetize like copywriting. That's the main thing eating me up on the inside, but perhaps there is a perspective on this that I am not seeing clearly.

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You're losing what I'll call "Work Momentum". It's basically that you have spent so much time on one particular thing and having great momentum. Now that you're not doing it anymore (or at least to the same degree), you don't know what to do with all that extra time. And as a result, you don't do anything particular, and your momentum decreases. It happened to me, and I have watched it happen to a few friends as well. I think the solution is to plan out what you'll do with that extra time in advance. Get used to the thought of doing something else. Many of us cannot adapt to changes just like that. If you are to quit some time soon, tell yourself "I''ll quit weightlifting in two months, and once I quit, I want to do X and Y with the extra time".

In your current case; if I were you, I'd find a piece of paper and write a couple of words on it. Those words should give you an idea where to start with whatever you want to learn. You mention working on your social/sex life and learning skill. Pick one of them for now, work on it for a couple of weeks/months and then switch to the other after that.

But with that said...

BBeyond said:

Do you still think it's probably better across the board to give it another go?

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Yes, absolutely. But find out your short term and long term priorities. Things to consider when prioritizing:

- You will not be able to compete in weightlifting forever. You might as well give it another shot, regardless of everything else.

- BUT! You're not going to be in your frat forever. Enjoy your time as a vice prez, and let weightlifting be a side hobby for now. You'll also get time to work on your social and sex lives.

- There are other ways to cultivate leadership abilities. I can see how being vice prez can be an early landmark to become a leader (but I'm not familiar with the American college/fraternity/sorority scenes). If you can think of others ways to gain the same experience post-college, do your weightlifting full time for now and get those leadership abilities some other time. Be vice president though, just don't put so much energy into it.

Hope this helps, let us know how you are doing

a-jay,

Apologies for taking so long to respond, but I would like to thank you for your insight. I ultimately decided to give weightlifting another go due to your inspiring me to do so.

You're losing what I'll call "Work Momentum". It's basically that you have spent so much time on one particular thing and having great momentum. Now that you're not doing it anymore (or at least to the same degree), you don't know what to do with all that extra time. And as a result, you don't do anything particular, and your momentum decreases. It happened to me, and I have watched it happen to a few friends as well. I think the solution is to plan out what you'll do with that extra time in advance. Get used to the thought of doing something else. Many of us cannot adapt to changes just like that. If you are to quit some time soon, tell yourself "I''ll quit weightlifting in two months, and once I quit, I want to do X and Y with the extra time".

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Yes, definitely That is exactly what happened when I started getting out of shape and stopped going to the gym as frequently. I got used to having some extra time and didn't use it as wisely as I thought I would. Good suggestion on planning an end game so that all that extra time gets used wisely to develop whatever skill that would take the place of sport. Another reason I contemplated leaving was that I got WAY out of shape relative to where I was, and was feeling discouraged about the climb back to my old performance, plus falling behind and widening the gap relative to my teammates. However, I'm getting in the groove again (slowly) and will hopefully be back to where I was (or really close) within a short period of time.

I guess I had a bit of an irrational fear that was holding me back. I thought that by taking lifting weights to the next level and actually competing, it would hinder my social life since drinking/partying and staying out late hinders progress and/or makes it slower. Therefore, I felt like if I wanted to really maximize socializing and meeting girls it would be best to just train recreationally for health and fitness instead of competing. I've made peace with weightlifting just being a hobby and will no longer worry about that, but will get as much sleep and proper nutrition as I possibly can to offset this.

Also, I really value my fraternity and the opportunity to lead it since I will no longer be a part of it next year when I graduate. I am planning on running for president and have a really good shot of winning since a lot of my fraternity brothers have been hinting at me to take the reigns, and I feel it would be a high honor and privilege to lead this organization (I've wanted to be president ever since I joined). Which is why I wanted to focus on developing my leadership skills and doing an excellent job at vice prez.

Thanks for your feedback bro, it gave me a new perspective and inspired me to stick it out a little longer. If I end up winning president, then maybe I'll have to say goodbye to weightlifting. Until then, I'm gonna continue to train and hopefully do at least one more competition.