Living with OCD

CaptainHenley

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Dec 19, 2015
Messages
118
I have been diagnosed with OCD.

I am taking my meds...though i wouldnt say results have been great. I could write pages upon pages, but I would just repeat symptoms that are already known.


I struggle with the "girlschase" side of life aswell... Like for example having extreme "ethical" restrictions, feeling dirty and guilty about liking women or even making things happen with them.

People seem to think that its only about cleaning or organizing, but to be honest, its a lot more than that. You also "check" things "ethically" or "religiously" and get obsessed with them...

Good thing is you can recognize the differences between YOUR thoughts and the disorders's ones, but the compulsive side of things is a very very heavy load



I am curious if anyone else faces that problem. How has life been for you?
 

Parkour

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Sep 10, 2014
Messages
115
I can only relate in that I have anxiety and am uncomfortable with incongruence. Basically changing things here means challenging your ethics which tend to be black and white. It's not just about finding grey, it's about finding green and red and blue. There are a lot of conflicting concepts that you may be weighing but at the root is evaluating the most important truth and way for those things.

if you.can reconcile the concepts like understanding that maybe the women you are attracted to and thus can meet your sexual requirements may need you to be more assertive with them and with life to feel the attraction they need to love you in a sexual way. Reconciling complex truths and becoming congruent with a version of yourself that is effective at making good things happen with women is what this site is about. But those truths are not always compatible with every mindset you've accepted in the past.
On the OCD side read the article on Byronic traits to figure out how it can possibly enhance your intrigue with women. Finally try expanding your flexibility slowly to expand your comfort zone without triggering the reaction. For example meditation and presence might help you reconcile OCD impulses from other rational ones and any form of control over your compulsive behavior is likely to be extremely empowering
 

Drck

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Feb 14, 2013
Messages
1,488
OCD may not be that bad, you can actually use it for your benefits. Think about it in terms of energy, sort of 'mind energy' if we can call it that way... The energy is there, you can't really stop it, but you can chose different outlet that it can be vented out... Think about it as this energy is a desire to get in control of things, of your life... All you have to do is use it the right way

If your focus is negative, you will be only obsessing with negativity, your mind will be running in negative loops. You can create a lot of depression and misery in your life by thinking in negative loops... You can create a lot of failures in your life by constantly thinking about failures...

On the other hand, if you focus on positive things your mind will be running in positive loops. You can create good and productive life, you can create success. The choice is only yours...

For example, if you focus on academics you can become quite good in any subject you chose, your mind will simply be going over and over things till you gain great knowledge. Many lawyers and doctors have OCD, their mind is simply running over and over different material till they become academically good... So think in terms that you can use OCD for your success, think about that OCD is your great friend in stead of enemy...

If I could give you some advice, don't try to stop or change the OCD at this time. Learn to utilize it in your benefits, chose some area in your life where you can use your obsessive thoughts (school, business, job, knowledge about girls,...) and focus on it in a constructive way. Focus on positive outcomes (e.g. I want to achieve great aducation, open a good business,...) and avoid negativity (e.g. I feel dirty and guilty, I am useless). Focus on success and give your mind free run in stead of trying to suppress it. Become obsessed with success. Once you do that, you will actually notice that the OCD will much improve...
 

CaptainHenley

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Dec 19, 2015
Messages
118
All the things you mentioned are good , and I to a certain extend I already practice them


But how about being afraid to make out or have sex with girls due to germs, contamination etc. etc.

How about being afraid to have success with women because it's "immoral", "wrong", "unethical"?
How can you hang out with people like that without feeling "dirty", "guilty", "worthy of a punishment"...?


Those problems arise everyday, and on top of everything else, they become a real burden.
 

Parkour

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Sep 10, 2014
Messages
115
I don't know that you can completely alieve those items without a reframe. Start at the rational level and then you can start working on the subconscious level. We're fancy apes, our closest relatives sling poop and live in dirt. Our bodies, immune systems, and emotional systems are designed to grow and improve from stress. Of course the concern is that too much of a directed stress can break us but not stressing ourselves out enough makes us fragile.

You may need the patience to deal with the two issues separately (germs, sexuality). The fix for the germs part will come from building a deep seeded belief that these germs from kissing/touching girls are a vaccine for the germs from the sick person coughing in the air. Controlled exposure to these germs gives your body the workout it needs.

The fix for sexuality is to appreciate the design and simplicity of it all. Appreciating male and female energies. Appreciating why it is so crucial to our ability to thrive as a species. Appreciating that everyone is struggling to reconcile and their urges and their social expectations. Many great people have complicated romantic lives. The drama of working through these items creates an energy and the suppression of that creates self destruction. Women are sexual beings as much as you are at your core (or you wouldn't be here). They are most directly satisfied by male energy and become bitter without it. You're not doing yourself, women, or the world any favors by not sharing this when you're otherwise very able. Get comfortable with the idea that some types of innocence lost are also naivety lost. Experience provides a backbone for being able to grow and become a better you. You might become a better you, you might provide her with an experience that makes her a better her. Eventually with enough of these learning experiences you can be with women, create amazing experiences that never could have happened otherwise.

All of this shows you rational and somewhat emotional frames. You may still need to directly address your doubts, uncertainties, fears, potential frustration/boredom, etc... lower level reptile brain stuff to get through this. Also you may want to continue to read field reports, build up a vision for yourself, and start asking "what was right" with the interaction. How much of this is actually congruent with you already and what can you do there to smooth those areas further while you're working through smoothing out these hang ups?
 

Drck

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Feb 14, 2013
Messages
1,488
Be patient bro, it takes time... Remember, it is all just in your head... The underlying cause is lots of anxiety, desire to control things, fear of unknown...

Try many different things, you have to sort of re-boot your brain, your personal believe system...

First, practice lots of relaxation and meditation. Do it couple of times a day, start when you wake up in the morning and before you go to sleep. It doesn't have to be long, once you get some practice even couple of seconds will do it. Relax so much that relaxation will become your nature...

Relaxation and meditation will change frequency of your brain waves, e.g. during anxiety your brain operates on high Beta waves, while during relaxation the wave frequencies are much lower... When a brain is operating on high frequency waves it is very critical, agitated, anxious and so forth, but once you are able to lower the frequency by relaxation and meditation the brain will become less critical, more relaxed... and more open to suggestions...

Create a list of positive suggestions, repeat them while you are relaxing. For example:

1) Change "I am being afraid to have success with women because it's "immoral", "wrong", "unethical" to simple suggestions:
"I used to be afraid to have success with women but now I understand that there is nothing wrong with having lots of success with women. I am comfortable being successful with women"

...then change it to:

"Having success with women is great, it is positive and exciting experience"

...then:

"I love being successful with women, women are cute, silly and sexy, they always bring great feelings"

...then:
"Having lots of great women in my life is amazing"; "Sleeping with women is great and pleasurable"

... and so forth. Note that once you advance you will completely omit the negative words (immoral, unethical, wrong, dirty, punishment...), you will simply forget them by focusing on some positive words (great, pleasurable, cute, silly, sexy, amazing...). You will most likely have to change the sentences around several times, but repeat them for days or even weeks. Start slowly, see what works at first and what doesn't, because if you try to force some idea upon your brain that are not true, your brain will reject them. For example, if you tell your brain now that sleeping with girs is amazing and exciting, it will reject those ideas because it is still believe in punishment, immorality and wrong doing... It just takes some time to convince your brain otherwise by persistant and positive suggestions...

You are simply trying to re-program your brain by positive self-talk and self-confirmations. At first, you try to explain to your brain that there is nothing wrong with having lots of women in your life. Keep it positive (meaning use positive words) and brief. Repeat and repeat... It takes some time but IT WORKS. In essence, you are trying to flood your brain with positive thoughts over and over, till it becomes your new reality...

Some would recommend NLP, I would advise against it at this time. Don't make me wrong, NLP can be a great help, but in my opinion only for people who have more advanced understanding of how brain works, or for people who are strong believers. Which I assume that you are not at this time, therefore simply avoid it for now... You can always add it later on...

2) Systematic exposure. Simply try to get exposed to different women (while relaxing). Talk to different women without trying to sleep with them. Cross out the sex for now, just focus on good vibes... Give a hug to your woman friend or family member (as touch is very important). Get a massage couple of times (while relaxing and meditating). Later on go to a strip club, with your friends or by yourself. Just do it, don't think about it, go see some real tits... This way your brain will simply get used to the idea that being around women and touching them is a pleasurable experience...

3) Rational approach: Be real. STD's are real, germs are real, get used to it, that is life. Use protection. Chose girls that don't sleep around, e.g. date girls that go to church to minimize the possibility of her sleeping around and having STD. There are still good girls who care, who don't sleep around. Maybe avoid cities and focus on rural areas where girls are more traditional...

4) Develop trust with the girl. If she likes you she will understand you very well, she will get to your level. Tell her what bothers you, be honest, chances are high that she will know anyway long time before you tell her, girls are very smart, some can 'read you' in seconds... If you are sincere she will wait for you, she will help you... Girls are great in that sense... Tell her the truth, simply don't pretend to be some sexy MF when you are not...

...good enough, be patient & practice
 

vaquero

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Dec 1, 2016
Messages
10
so far as I understand OCD correlates with the locus of control, the degree to which people believe that they have control over the outcomes of events in their lives, as opposed to external forces beyond their control. I.e. OCD shifts the locus of control to external forces. So one has to be informed about it, one book or two articles (plus special questionnaire - Rotter's, Duttweiler's and the like) would be enough. This knowledge provides a reliable resource of a correct perception of reality, how to solve problems, reduce the level of anxiety etc. We can't edit events and circumstances but we surely can change our attitude towards them.
 

CaptainHenley

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Dec 19, 2015
Messages
118
Drck said:
Be patient bro, it takes time... Remember, it is all just in your head... The underlying cause is lots of anxiety, desire to control things, fear of unknown...

Try many different things, you have to sort of re-boot your brain, your personal believe system...

First, practice lots of relaxation and meditation. Do it couple of times a day, start when you wake up in the morning and before you go to sleep. It doesn't have to be long, once you get some practice even couple of seconds will do it. Relax so much that relaxation will become your nature...

Relaxation and meditation will change frequency of your brain waves, e.g. during anxiety your brain operates on high Beta waves, while during relaxation the wave frequencies are much lower... When a brain is operating on high frequency waves it is very critical, agitated, anxious and so forth, but once you are able to lower the frequency by relaxation and meditation the brain will become less critical, more relaxed... and more open to suggestions...

Create a list of positive suggestions, repeat them while you are relaxing. For example:

1) Change "I am being afraid to have success with women because it's "immoral", "wrong", "unethical" to simple suggestions:
"I used to be afraid to have success with women but now I understand that there is nothing wrong with having lots of success with women. I am comfortable being successful with women"

...then change it to:

"Having success with women is great, it is positive and exciting experience"

...then:

"I love being successful with women, women are cute, silly and sexy, they always bring great feelings"

...then:
"Having lots of great women in my life is amazing"; "Sleeping with women is great and pleasurable"

... and so forth. Note that once you advance you will completely omit the negative words (immoral, unethical, wrong, dirty, punishment...), you will simply forget them by focusing on some positive words (great, pleasurable, cute, silly, sexy, amazing...). You will most likely have to change the sentences around several times, but repeat them for days or even weeks. Start slowly, see what works at first and what doesn't, because if you try to force some idea upon your brain that are not true, your brain will reject them. For example, if you tell your brain now that sleeping with girs is amazing and exciting, it will reject those ideas because it is still believe in punishment, immorality and wrong doing... It just takes some time to convince your brain otherwise by persistant and positive suggestions...

You are simply trying to re-program your brain by positive self-talk and self-confirmations. At first, you try to explain to your brain that there is nothing wrong with having lots of women in your life. Keep it positive (meaning use positive words) and brief. Repeat and repeat... It takes some time but IT WORKS. In essence, you are trying to flood your brain with positive thoughts over and over, till it becomes your new reality...

Some would recommend NLP, I would advise against it at this time. Don't make me wrong, NLP can be a great help, but in my opinion only for people who have more advanced understanding of how brain works, or for people who are strong believers. Which I assume that you are not at this time, therefore simply avoid it for now... You can always add it later on...

2) Systematic exposure. Simply try to get exposed to different women (while relaxing). Talk to different women without trying to sleep with them. Cross out the sex for now, just focus on good vibes... Give a hug to your woman friend or family member (as touch is very important). Get a massage couple of times (while relaxing and meditating). Later on go to a strip club, with your friends or by yourself. Just do it, don't think about it, go see some real tits... This way your brain will simply get used to the idea that being around women and touching them is a pleasurable experience...

3) Rational approach: Be real. STD's are real, germs are real, get used to it, that is life. Use protection. Chose girls that don't sleep around, e.g. date girls that go to church to minimize the possibility of her sleeping around and having STD. There are still good girls who care, who don't sleep around. Maybe avoid cities and focus on rural areas where girls are more traditional...

4) Develop trust with the girl. If she likes you she will understand you very well, she will get to your level. Tell her what bothers you, be honest, chances are high that she will know anyway long time before you tell her, girls are very smart, some can 'read you' in seconds... If you are sincere she will wait for you, she will help you... Girls are great in that sense... Tell her the truth, simply don't pretend to be some sexy MF when you are not...

...good enough, be patient & practice

For some reason I just found out about your reply...

Thank you very much Drk.
 
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