Parents and Life

Ken

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jul 13, 2015
Messages
227
Location
Staten Island, NY
So on Saturday, I did some mall game. I asked out the first girl I approached that day. She said yes. I got her number.

The next day, I told my mom about it, because I want her to know where I'm going. When I told her, she tried to persuade me to take her to a movie after the date, and avoid talking about sex during the first date. Hahahaha.

Yesterday, I got a text from a fraternity that I'm trying to join. They gave me a list of events that they are hosting this week. I told my mom about it, to let her know where I will be (I sound like a broken record, right?). I kept the part about the fraternity a secret, until she read about a sorority meeting up with them. And I told her that this is from a fraternity. She freaked out and tried to tell me about what happened to a fraternity from the news, but I was having none of that.

Over the course of these days, an overwhelming desire to tell my mom that I'm not five anymore and that I'm a grown man built up in my head. I did on Monday, but mom said nothing. She didn't even take it seriously.

My parents have always been protective of me, but know I feel like they're actively trying to protect me from life. And I'm sick of it. I live with my parents, so I don't know how to overcome this. I wish I could move out, but I don't have a job, I don't know anyone, and I don't have any money.

So the question is: How do I overcome my parent's limiting beliefs, go out by myself, and all while living under their roof?
 

Lover

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Jan 7, 2015
Messages
750
You might be a grown up man in your head, but look at the things you write.

"I don't have a job". Well, apply for some jobs until someone calls you for an interview.

"I don't know anyone". Well, go out and meet people. Life isn't fun without people in it. They don't need to know about your self improvement journey, but that's for you to decide.

"Should I get used to all of this while I share roof with my parents?" Yes. They will care for you and protect you until their lives end. And you would do the same to your kids. Can you blame them? I'm turning 23 in two weeks, and my parents still want to advice me. This is the nature of parents.

"My mom didn't take me seriously when I told her I wasn't five anymore". But why do you even want her approval? Don't tell her you're not five. Show her through your actions you're not five. You are applying for a frat, that's good. And you're taking charge of your dating life, that's good as well. But you shouldn't do all of this to prove anything. This is your journey. You will gain nothing from trying to prove anything to others.

Take more charge of your life for YOUR sake. You will inevitably make mistakes, LOTS of mistakes. But without mistakes you can't move out out of your comfort zone, and you can't be more decisive or make fast decisions when needed.

life can seem harsh when all you want is forge ahead on your journey, but people keep holding you back. They care about you, but you must remind yourself that this journey of yours is more important than their opinions. This is also the only way you can overcome their limiting belief: discovering what there is to life and thus create your own set of beliefs. To myself this process was easier because I had a mentor (a taekwondo instructor) in my teen years. He is the most masculine, bad-ass AND loving person I have ever known.

All it takes for you is to get out there and do the hard work to accomplish those things in life that you're missing, whether it be jobs, friends or girls.
 

kalyan

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Feb 11, 2016
Messages
137
I can't see why you tell your mom about all this.
I live with my parents too, and my mom tends to be nosey. I once told my mom about some girl i was dating and gave her too much info, stuff I didn't necessarily want her to tell other people.. And she did. Was fuming but, well, not everyone is a socially savvy beast. After that i promised myself not to let myself tell her much, and that's worked out fine.
She asks where you're going? To meet a chick, with a smile. She asks for more info? Tell her to relax, you're not going to marry her. If she asks a lot of questions, tell her you really don't feel like talking about it.
Same for the fraternity. Tell her you're meeting friends and no, she doesnt know them.
Don't let your mom dominate your ever move, that sucks.
 

Fuck This

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Jul 24, 2015
Messages
2,092
Your mother is always going to try to mother you. She has been doing it her whole life. How do you change that? By demonstrating you have the ability to direct your own life. Start with things she wants you to accomplish. Applying for a summer job, going to interviews, volunteering to do some shopping for the family, Stepping up to take care of things around the house without being asked.

Pretty soon when you show positive personal growth, they will probably give you more leeway. They still might question you, but you need to expect that and offer rational reasons for your actions. Research the Fraternities philanthropy activities, and have that info available. Talk about the alumni network for career options out of college. Demonstrate that you can responsibly socialize and not get blackout drunk. (that will help with girls too). Hold up your end on grades...

How did i do it? I moved 700 miles away from my parents...Made some mistakes, but ended up back in my home town. I still have to deal with my mother, and remind her I can look out for her as well as she looks out for me. It is a relationship you still have to maintain. Trust, respect and Love are still a big factor in making it work from both ends.
 

Parkour

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Sep 10, 2014
Messages
115
I don't think you should bother trying to convince your mom. You need to go hustle to go get that job and money. Being a man isn't about age but about taking the reigns on life and making shit happen. If you really wanted a job you could apply for 7 tomorrow, no joke. You would scour craigslist, classifieds, indeed, linked in, your friends and family would all know you're on the hunt. You wouldn't let anybody slow you down or get in your way. On a mission! Get it over with now, not later. Don't buy into self defeating talk, just start to sell yourself in. You need a resume? Search google, Download a template and fill it in. Anything else you do is just nonsense and wasted effort. Start tackling life milestones and you won't have anyone doubting you.
 
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