Toxic Friends

pks391

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jan 12, 2015
Messages
275
Location
Mumbai, India
Okay this may be a long post but i had to get all you guy's experiences on this because this thing has been bugging me for almost a month and i have no proper person around me who can give me the kind of advice i need.
I have these friends around me who know me since childhood but only recently have become close to me. The friendship was very good for the first two years with no setbacks but recently a plethora of issues have arisen that have totally shaken me and are starting to affect me.
A few of my friends are racists, they are unemployed, they gossip about others, the worst trait is that they are Woman Hating (All these things were depicted to me as if they were absolute truths)These are very poisonous thoughts for me to listen to as I am now. i was told that MOST women lie, cheat, take undue advantage of their gender. That I will not be successful in a relationship with a woman . My wife will run away/sleep with another man. I will have a poor sex life/first time will be not so great and many more, they have started becoming controlling, they are forcing their negative beliefs on me, they themselves lack action, make excuses and blame others.
My core belief is to treat my gf as an equal and give her respect and freedom in life. They told me that that was bullshit and respecting her on that level will make her take advantage of the situation. Thats just one of their comments. They are not selfish but these issues listed above are now beginning to affect me and are making me have doubts. They are moral policing me to the extreme level saying that since i live in India i should be thinking like an Indian and not like an American. That this belief system of mine will cause me problems.
They said they will make me 'normal' and proceed to feed me with shit about how certain beliefs of mine will not work out. When i told them that they're being very negative in life, they correct me by telling me i always look on the bright side alone and I am a one-sided thinker. Now, i dont think one-sidedly, i know the bad things, its just that i don't believe in thinking about those until they arise. I totally ignored them at first but now taunting me has become kind of a sport among them.

I am pursuing a professional degree which is about halfway complete btw. I want to inculcate all the values taught on this site and i have, but now their constant comments are making me question/doubt myself and i do not like it at all. Its making me think that somewhere i may be wrong about everything and they will be right. I admit i am slightly argumentative by nature and I have kept secrets which they did not like but its just that i dont like talking about certain things to everyone as i am not comfortable with it.
Other than that, they have been pretty good people uptil recently....My question is what should i do about all this now? Am i one-sided? Am i thinking wrongly? Am i being stupid about the situation and are they right about everything? Should i drop them and continue toward my goal? Will leaving them be the right thing to do? There is much more to this but i cannot explain those parts very well.....i need advice since this situation has had me doubting alot......
 

Mr.Rob

Modern Human
Modern Human
Joined
Jun 16, 2013
Messages
1,902
Who or what kind of person would you be most excited to be 5 years from now?

Are your friends helping or taking away from you achieving your goals and the lifestyle you would be most excited to have?

Do you look at the lives that your friends have financially, sex life, cool high caliber friends/relationships, and health wise and you think to yourself "wow I really wish I was more like my friends! They have really awesome lives that I would like to emulate!"

If you do not think this this (or something similar to this) when you're with your friends then I would cut contact with these losers today and never associate with them again.

Pretend like they all died in a car accident today and they are not longer with us.

Save each of their names in your phone as DNA which stands for "Do Not Answer" and then whenever you see DNA calling you on your phone you will know it is a deadbeat. You no longer associate with deadbeats so you will not pick answer the phone. You will then go seek out positive people, make friends with them, and go achieve your goals in life.

Simple as that.

I cut all my loser friends off about 3 1/2 years ago to go create a better life for myself. I still consider it to this day the best decision I ever made in my life.

The last thing I will leave you with is this.

I would rather be by myself and have no friends than associate with negative losers that are taking their lives in a direction I do not care to replicate with my own life.

I would rather be by myself than associate with negative people.

Let me know if you have further questions.

Good luck,

-Robert
 

pks391

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jan 12, 2015
Messages
275
Location
Mumbai, India
Mr.Rob said:
Who or what kind of person would you be most excited to be 5 years from now?

Are your friends helping or taking away from you achieving your goals and the lifestyle you would be most excited to have?

Do you look at the lives that your friends have financially, sex life, cool high caliber friends/relationships, and health wise and you think to yourself "wow I really wish I was more like my friends! They have really awesome lives that I would like to emulate!"

If you do not think this this (or something similar to this) when you're with your friends then I would cut contact with these losers today and never associate with them again.

Pretend like they all died in a car accident today and they are not longer with us.

Save each of their names in your phone as DNA which stands for "Do Not Answer" and then whenever you see DNA calling you on your phone you will know it is a deadbeat. You no longer associate with deadbeats so you will not pick answer the phone. You will then go seek out positive people, make friends with them, and go achieve your goals in life.

Simple as that.

I cut all my loser friends off about 3 1/2 years ago to go create a better life for myself. I still consider it to this day the best decision I ever made in my life.

The last thing I will leave you with is this.

I would rather be by myself and have no friends than associate with negative losers that are taking their lives in a direction I do not care to replicate with my own life.

I would rather be by myself than associate with negative people.

Let me know if you have further questions.

Good luck,

-Robert
Robert,
I understand that, but cutting friends off is a problem for me because friends used to hold a very important place in my life, i know this may sound stupid but i feel im being selfish by cutting them off or i may have gone wrong somewhere. You see, they have been helpful to me and nice to me in many places too.
Im just doubtful as to whether Im ignoring something really important and they are actually trying to help me or give me good advice and i am taking it in a wrong way. Its all damn confusing because of my emotions/perspective on friends. Also, there are certain aspects of their lives which i really like i.e. they are outdoorsy and not like my nerdish college friends. We have gone on several bike tours to different places. They have given me a love for travel, shown me new places. All these things create a conflict in my mind as to what to do or whether Im even doing it right.
 

Mr.Rob

Modern Human
Modern Human
Joined
Jun 16, 2013
Messages
1,902
pks391,

pks391 said:
i feel im being selfish by cutting them off or i may have gone wrong somewhere.

There is a time and place for everything.

People that do not have strong personal boundaries and do not know when to be selfish vs. selfless often have chaotic and confused lives. You could if you wanted to go create the life of your dreams and do some high level things that you would be ultra excited to achieve which might require you to care about your self (be selfish) and distance yourself from people that are holding you back from achieving this.

Or you could care more about your friends than yourself (be selfless), not distance yourself from the people that are holding you back from achieving your dream life, and not achieve your dream life by instead settling for whatever mediocre life you and the people you surround yourself with have.

You cant usually do both.

The closest you can do to getting the best of both worlds is only hanging out with your friends in certain situations. (i.e. you only hang out with them when you go on outdoor adventures and refuse to talk about the belief systems you both hold)
If you think this is possible and you are totally against cutting your friends off then try to shoot for this option.

Lastly I will leave you with this.

We as humans are like sponges. Whatever stimulus we surround ourselves in we will take in and thus become like. You become the people that you hang around. You take on their habits, beliefs, values, and morals. If you truly care about living a happy life then you will choose to only associate with people you want to become like. If you hang around people you do not want to become like you will become like them whether you like it or not. If you become like the people that you do not aspire to be like you will not like yourself which is a deep tragedy.

pks391 said:
i was told that MOST women lie, cheat, take undue advantage of their gender. That I will not be successful in a relationship with a woman . My wife will run away/sleep with another man. I will have a poor sex life/first time will be not so great and many more, they have started becoming controlling, they are forcing their negative beliefs on me, they themselves lack action, make excuses and blame others.

This is not true at all! If you continue to hang out with your friends in situations where this conversation takes place you will also take on these beliefs and attitudes towards women.

Not a great recipe for having an awesome fulfilling dating life and relationships with women.

-Rob
 

pks391

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jan 12, 2015
Messages
275
Location
Mumbai, India
Mr.Rob said:
pks391,

pks391 said:
i feel im being selfish by cutting them off or i may have gone wrong somewhere.

There is a time and place for everything.

People that do not have strong personal boundaries and do not know when to be selfish vs. selfless often have chaotic and confused lives. You could if you wanted to go create the life of your dreams and do some high level things that you would be ultra excited to achieve which might require you to care about your self (be selfish) and distance yourself from people that are holding you back from achieving this.

Or you could care more about your friends than yourself (be selfless), not distance yourself from the people that are holding you back from achieving your dream life, and not achieve your dream life by instead settling for whatever mediocre life you and the people you surround yourself with have.

You cant usually do both.

The closest you can do to getting the best of both worlds is only hanging out with your friends in certain situations. (i.e. you only hang out with them when you go on outdoor adventures and refuse to talk about the belief systems you both hold)
If you think this is possible and you are totally against cutting your friends off then try to shoot for this option.

Lastly I will leave you with this.

We as humans are like sponges. Whatever stimulus we surround ourselves in we will take in and thus become like. You become the people that you hang around. You take on their habits, beliefs, values, and morals. If you truly care about living a happy life then you will choose to only associate with people you want to become like. If you hang around people you do not want to become like you will become like them whether you like it or not. If you become like the people that you do not aspire to be like you will not like yourself which is a deep tragedy.

pks391 said:
i was told that MOST women lie, cheat, take undue advantage of their gender. That I will not be successful in a relationship with a woman . My wife will run away/sleep with another man. I will have a poor sex life/first time will be not so great and many more, they have started becoming controlling, they are forcing their negative beliefs on me, they themselves lack action, make excuses and blame others.

This is not true at all! If you continue to hang out with your friends in situations where this conversation takes place you will also take on these beliefs and attitudes towards women.

Not a great recipe for having an awesome fulfilling dating life and relationships with women.

-Rob
Completely true Rob, I totally agree.
I was thinking about the 'middle path' that you were suggesting.
Right now i have made it clear to them about their negativity and i have distanced myself from them since a few days.
Sometimes I feel a bit bad that the path to growth involves solitude and shedding old people from your life.
 

Drck

Cro-Magnon Man
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Joined
Feb 14, 2013
Messages
1,488
The best way is to develop your own mind, start thinking on your own. People say things because they believe those things are true. They believe it's true because it's their experience, that's all they know. So they might not be lying, they may not be too negative, it's simply what they consider to be true in their lives...

But Life is vast, one hundred different people have one hundred different experiences... Some people have negative mindset - they are unemployed because they don't see any point of having good employment, they hate others for this or that reason, they don't see any point of pursuing better life, they only see the bad things in others, they don't trust others or are suspicious of everybody because of their past experiences...

Other people have positive mindset, they believe that good job and education matters, they chose to see good things in others, they trust others,they are choosing to see positive things in life and in people...

When you think about it, we are only reflecting and projecting our own thoughts into the environment that we live in. Our environment is many times just a mirror of our thoughts. A person with negative mindset will feel comfortable among people with the same mindset, he will not vibe well with positive people. A person with positive mindset will feel much better among people who have positive and constructive mind, he will not feel well around people with destructive mind. If you didn't finish high school, you will not be comfortable around people with masters and doctorate degrees, and vice versa; there simply won't be good vibes...

Once we understand that, it is rather natural to start surrounding yourself with people who have similar goals, similar mindset. If you are working hard on education, surround yourself with people who like education. If you are seeking to become rich, surround yourself with rich people, adopt their mindset. If you are looking to be successful with girls and in life, surround yourself with people of similar minds...

You cannot become millionaire with Bernie Sanders mentality because his mindset is focused on poor people and on poverty, and you cannot believe in "free stuff" if you are following in footsteps of billionaire Trump... You cannot be a winner with loser mentality, if that makes sense... Note that both are great people, they just have very different mindset, different approaches to life...

The same way, you cannot be successful with women if you don't have some abundance mentality, if you don't talk to girls, if you believe that each girl will cheat on you, lie and divorce you... That's just too much conflict between your mindset and what you want...

Your mindset is simply different than mindset of your friends, you are pursuing different things in life - and now you feel the friction between you and your friends, now you realize that the great vibes you once fell are slowly gone...

So chose your goals, find what is important in your life, then surround yourself with people who are good in those areas.... That doesn't necessary mean that the other guys that you are describing are wrong - all it means is that you are choosing different approach to reach what you want in your life...
 

pks391

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
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Messages
275
Location
Mumbai, India
Drck said:
The best way is to develop your own mind, start thinking on your own. People say things because they believe those things are true. They believe it's true because it's their experience, that's all they know. So they might not be lying, they may not be too negative, it's simply what they consider to be true in their lives...

But Life is vast, one hundred different people have one hundred different experiences... Some people have negative mindset - they are unemployed because they don't see any point of having good employment, they hate others for this or that reason, they don't see any point of pursuing better life, they only see the bad things in others, they don't trust others or are suspicious of everybody because of their past experiences...

Other people have positive mindset, they believe that good job and education matters, they chose to see good things in others, they trust others,they are choosing to see positive things in life and in people...

When you think about it, we are only reflecting and projecting our own thoughts into the environment that we live in. Our environment is many times just a mirror of our thoughts. A person with negative mindset will feel comfortable among people with the same mindset, he will not vibe well with positive people. A person with positive mindset will feel much better among people who have positive and constructive mind, he will not feel well around people with destructive mind. If you didn't finish high school, you will not be comfortable around people with masters and doctorate degrees, and vice versa; there simply won't be good vibes...

Once we understand that, it is rather natural to start surrounding yourself with people who have similar goals, similar mindset. If you are working hard on education, surround yourself with people who like education. If you are seeking to become rich, surround yourself with rich people, adopt their mindset. If you are looking to be successful with girls and in life, surround yourself with people of similar minds...

You cannot become millionaire with Bernie Sanders mentality because his mindset is focused on poor people and on poverty, and you cannot believe in "free stuff" if you are following in footsteps of billionaire Trump... You cannot be a winner with loser mentality, if that makes sense... Note that both are great people, they just have very different mindset, different approaches to life...

The same way, you cannot be successful with women if you don't have some abundance mentality, if you don't talk to girls, if you believe that each girl will cheat on you, lie and divorce you... That's just too much conflict between your mindset and what you want...

Your mindset is simply different than mindset of your friends, you are pursuing different things in life - and now you feel the friction between you and your friends, now you realize that the great vibes you once fell are slowly gone...

So chose your goals, find what is important in your life, then surround yourself with people who are good in those areas.... That doesn't necessary mean that the other guys that you are describing are wrong - all it means is that you are choosing different approach to reach what you want in your life...

Drck,
That is correct, but I am such a sponge. I have been constantly working on developing a positive outlook towards life and it worked too. But now they went hard on me so much that the two thoughts are conflicting in my mind and I am unable to decide whats correct and whats not.
Can keeping a positive attitude be dangerous/delusional? How do i know when my positivity is not the right type?
 

pks391

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jan 12, 2015
Messages
275
Location
Mumbai, India
Drck said:
The best way is to develop your own mind, start thinking on your own. People say things because they believe those things are true. They believe it's true because it's their experience, that's all they know. So they might not be lying, they may not be too negative, it's simply what they consider to be true in their lives...

But Life is vast, one hundred different people have one hundred different experiences... Some people have negative mindset - they are unemployed because they don't see any point of having good employment, they hate others for this or that reason, they don't see any point of pursuing better life, they only see the bad things in others, they don't trust others or are suspicious of everybody because of their past experiences...

Other people have positive mindset, they believe that good job and education matters, they chose to see good things in others, they trust others,they are choosing to see positive things in life and in people...

When you think about it, we are only reflecting and projecting our own thoughts into the environment that we live in. Our environment is many times just a mirror of our thoughts. A person with negative mindset will feel comfortable among people with the same mindset, he will not vibe well with positive people. A person with positive mindset will feel much better among people who have positive and constructive mind, he will not feel well around people with destructive mind. If you didn't finish high school, you will not be comfortable around people with masters and doctorate degrees, and vice versa; there simply won't be good vibes...

Once we understand that, it is rather natural to start surrounding yourself with people who have similar goals, similar mindset. If you are working hard on education, surround yourself with people who like education. If you are seeking to become rich, surround yourself with rich people, adopt their mindset. If you are looking to be successful with girls and in life, surround yourself with people of similar minds...

You cannot become millionaire with Bernie Sanders mentality because his mindset is focused on poor people and on poverty, and you cannot believe in "free stuff" if you are following in footsteps of billionaire Trump... You cannot be a winner with loser mentality, if that makes sense... Note that both are great people, they just have very different mindset, different approaches to life...

The same way, you cannot be successful with women if you don't have some abundance mentality, if you don't talk to girls, if you believe that each girl will cheat on you, lie and divorce you... That's just too much conflict between your mindset and what you want...

Your mindset is simply different than mindset of your friends, you are pursuing different things in life - and now you feel the friction between you and your friends, now you realize that the great vibes you once fell are slowly gone...

So chose your goals, find what is important in your life, then surround yourself with people who are good in those areas.... That doesn't necessary mean that the other guys that you are describing are wrong - all it means is that you are choosing different approach to reach what you want in your life...

Drck,
That is correct, but I am such a sponge. I have been constantly working on developing a positive outlook towards life and it worked too. But now they went hard on me so much that the two thoughts are conflicting in my mind and I am unable to decide whats correct and whats not.
The main concern is if i adopt my own mindset and stick to it no matter what people say I'm afraid that i may become ignorant to blatant facts/truths around me which others can see and i can't. This is what is making me feel bad....that is what makes this conflict in my head. I need help with it.
Can keeping a positive attitude be dangerous/delusional? How do i know when my positivity is not the right type?
 

Drck

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Feb 14, 2013
Messages
1,488
There are two things to consider, reality and believes. Both can drag you down in life, or both can lift you much, depending how you use them.

Reality is reality. If you are average guy with height 5'3", chances are that you will not physically overcome average guy who is 6'3". If you are 40 years old and make $10 per hour the whole life, chances are very high that you will never become millionaire, or even rich. It might be possible but very unlikely with your current mindset. If you only sit home and read articles about girls on the internet, chances are very high that you'll never meet your dream girl....

Good Believes can change reality. If you are 5'3" and believe that you are very good fighter, you may at least have a decent chance to overcome guy who is 6'3", especially if you start practicing intensively some martial art. If you make $10 per hour and start believing that you can become billionaire, your believe can result in many different actions - you start educating yourself, you take business classes, you start investing, you start thinking big business ideas, and eventually you'll become rich. Maybe not exactly as you believed but pretty rich. Or, with some luck you can become much richer than you even believed. Same with girls, once you start believing that you can have great girls, your mind will sooner or later adapt those ideas. Add actions to it, e.g. start approaching, talking to many people/girls, start inviting for dates, start overcoming rejections - and your reality will change. You will meet lots of different and great girls...

But believes can also go the opposite way. If you are average build 6'3" and believe that you are weak and cannot fight, you may easily lose fights to most guys. If you have great business knowledge and are already fairly rich, you may easily become bankrupt if you believe that you can't be rich, or if you believe that being rich is very wrong (think about why are so many people poor!). If you are a great guy who has lots of doubt about himself and is surrounded by many great girls, you may never get a single girl - if you don't believe that it is possible...

Therefore be careful in what you believe, you have to choose your believes quite carefully if you want to move forward in your life...

And yes, believes can also make you delusional, that is quite a danger. You can become a maniac, especially if you magnify your believe through some religion or politics - you can then become easily blinded by your believes...

So a good way to deal with believes is to monitor them, always check them with reality. If you believe that you are a son of god and start hurting everybody else who doesn't agree with you just so you can get some virgins in heavens, well, maybe your believe is quite crazy, irrational, unhealthy. If you are a poor guy who never ran a great business, never employed one person and doesn't really understand how business and finances work, if you believe that every rich person is a thief and liar, your believe that you will be the best US president is probably quite delusional. If you believe that you are the best guy, the best seducer, while all the girls you meet are running away from you, well, your believe is simply wrong, disconnected with reality...

The right or correct believes are different. Hey, I am working quite hard on my education, I have a high potential for great future, I can be quite successful in my life, I can meet lots of great people and have a great family, I can be quite successful businessman because I spent lots of time on educating myself and investing - those are good and positive believes because they are connected with reality. I can (or I am) quite successful with girls because I am a great guy, and because I approach/talk to lots of girls, and have good vibes with girls, I feel comfortable around girls - those are good/positive believes because they are connected with reality, assuming that you are also doing it in real life...

Good believes should be quite specific. Think big, but keep in touch with reality:
* If you want to make 1 mil dollars, overshoot, start believing that you can make 10 mils. Be specific with time - today? That will not work. In one year? Most likely not, unless you win lottery. 10 years from now? It is quite possible (but check with reality, that is on average 1 mil per year, which is quite difficult if you make $10 per hour and doesn't know the difference between investment and saving)...
* If you want to be a great fighter, well start believing that you can beat Bruce Lee (but check with reality, your 1.5 hour per day 3 times a week and lots of whining will just not do it, that's a delusional believe)...
* If you want to sleep with 200 girls in 5 years, overshoot, start believing that you can sleep with 1000 within 3 years (but again, check with reality, that is pretty much one girl per day, most likely not possible if you are not approaching any girls... Delusions, or just poor math?)...
* If you want to have a great family with one particular girl, start believing that you can have great family with 20 different girls (check with reality - how many girls are you actually dating? Are you working on developing long term meaningful relationship, or do you just want to bang blindly any girl that come to your sight and then move to another? Whats more important to you, quantity or quality?)...

Also, believe in yourself. Each of us is unique, what works for others may not work for you. Find your own way, don't just blindly copy ways of others. Think, use your own way, use your own logic, rely on your own brain, learn by your own mistakes... If others drag you down, well, simply don't let them...
 

pks391

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
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Messages
275
Location
Mumbai, India
Drck said:
There are two things to consider, reality and believes. Both can drag you down in life, or both can lift you much, depending how you use them.

Reality is reality. If you are average guy with height 5'3", chances are that you will not physically overcome average guy who is 6'3". If you are 40 years old and make $10 per hour the whole life, chances are very high that you will never become millionaire, or even rich. It might be possible but very unlikely with your current mindset. If you only sit home and read articles about girls on the internet, chances are very high that you'll never meet your dream girl....

Good Believes can change reality. If you are 5'3" and believe that you are very good fighter, you may at least have a decent chance to overcome guy who is 6'3", especially if you start practicing intensively some martial art. If you make $10 per hour and start believing that you can become billionaire, your believe can result in many different actions - you start educating yourself, you take business classes, you start investing, you start thinking big business ideas, and eventually you'll become rich. Maybe not exactly as you believed but pretty rich. Or, with some luck you can become much richer than you even believed. Same with girls, once you start believing that you can have great girls, your mind will sooner or later adapt those ideas. Add actions to it, e.g. start approaching, talking to many people/girls, start inviting for dates, start overcoming rejections - and your reality will change. You will meet lots of different and great girls...

But believes can also go the opposite way. If you are average build 6'3" and believe that you are weak and cannot fight, you may easily lose fights to most guys. If you have great business knowledge and are already fairly rich, you may easily become bankrupt if you believe that you can't be rich, or if you believe that being rich is very wrong (think about why are so many people poor!). If you are a great guy who has lots of doubt about himself and is surrounded by many great girls, you may never get a single girl - if you don't believe that it is possible...

Therefore be careful in what you believe, you have to choose your believes quite carefully if you want to move forward in your life...

And yes, believes can also make you delusional, that is quite a danger. You can become a maniac, especially if you magnify your believe through some religion or politics - you can then become easily blinded by your believes...

So a good way to deal with believes is to monitor them, always check them with reality. If you believe that you are a son of god and start hurting everybody else who doesn't agree with you just so you can get some virgins in heavens, well, maybe your believe is quite crazy, irrational, unhealthy. If you are a poor guy who never ran a great business, never employed one person and doesn't really understand how business and finances work, if you believe that every rich person is a thief and liar, your believe that you will be the best US president is probably quite delusional. If you believe that you are the best guy, the best seducer, while all the girls you meet are running away from you, well, your believe is simply wrong, disconnected with reality...

The right or correct believes are different. Hey, I am working quite hard on my education, I have a high potential for great future, I can be quite successful in my life, I can meet lots of great people and have a great family, I can be quite successful businessman because I spent lots of time on educating myself and investing - those are good and positive believes because they are connected with reality. I can (or I am) quite successful with girls because I am a great guy, and because I approach/talk to lots of girls, and have good vibes with girls, I feel comfortable around girls - those are good/positive believes because they are connected with reality, assuming that you are also doing it in real life...

Good believes should be quite specific. Think big, but keep in touch with reality:
* If you want to make 1 mil dollars, overshoot, start believing that you can make 10 mils. Be specific with time - today? That will not work. In one year? Most likely not, unless you win lottery. 10 years from now? It is quite possible (but check with reality, that is on average 1 mil per year, which is quite difficult if you make $10 per hour and doesn't know the difference between investment and saving)...
* If you want to be a great fighter, well start believing that you can beat Bruce Lee (but check with reality, your 1.5 hour per day 3 times a week and lots of whining will just not do it, that's a delusional believe)...
* If you want to sleep with 200 girls in 5 years, overshoot, start believing that you can sleep with 1000 within 3 years (but again, check with reality, that is pretty much one girl per day, most likely not possible if you are not approaching any girls... Delusions, or just poor math?)...
* If you want to have a great family with one particular girl, start believing that you can have great family with 20 different girls (check with reality - how many girls are you actually dating? Are you working on developing long term meaningful relationship, or do you just want to bang blindly any girl that come to your sight and then move to another? Whats more important to you, quantity or quality?)...

Also, believe in yourself. Each of us is unique, what works for others may not work for you. Find your own way, don't just blindly copy ways of others. Think, use your own way, use your own logic, rely on your own brain, learn by your own mistakes... If others drag you down, well, simply don't let them...
Okay so comparing myself with reality is healthy.
So you're saying that I should be positive but realistic as well.
For Eg:I think i can achieve anything as long as i put in efforts and get through the setbacks intelligently, I also feel that if a guy moulds himself into a sexy man, the chances of his girl cheating on him go down considerably.....are these healthy beliefs?
 

Drck

Cro-Magnon Man
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Joined
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Exactly. Correct your believes first, then add actions to it. You will then become a man with high value - so why would she cheat on you? She will have no reason to cheat, she will not want to lose a guy who is valuable to her on multiple levels...
 

pks391

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jan 12, 2015
Messages
275
Location
Mumbai, India
Drck said:
Exactly. Correct your believes first, then add actions to it. You will then become a man with high value - so why would she cheat on you? She will have no reason to cheat, she will not want to lose a guy who is valuable to her on multiple levels...
Thank you very much Drck for your patient replies.
I will keep your advice in mind :)
 

ray_zorse

Modern Human
Modern Human
Joined
Aug 12, 2014
Messages
1,986
Location
Australia
Definitely cut off losers, I agree 200% with Mr.Rob's posts. No fucking excuses, when you are at the top of your game with pussy coming out your asshole and you are busy with lots of projects and social circles that add value, your mental landscape has been renovated to see yourself as king dick and your time to be incredibly valuable and you don't have a problem being direct and telling people they are leeching value... THEN sure, meet up with your loser buddies occasionally because you will have value to spare. NOT NOW. You need to conserve every ounce of your value and put it towards your self improvement efforts and meeting new social circles. Backsliding will just reinforce poor mental habits where you fall into old patterns of letting your buddy be the leader and doing stuff that fulfils his/her emotional and physical needs, such as letting him/her waste your time by moaning to you about their hard life blahblah (in reality a result of their own decisions) or eating unhealthy food or whatnot. Cut it out completely and make a clean break -- like Chase's choc chip cookie theory: If you don't buy them they won't be in the house and you can't eat them. Trying to control yourself is much harder and next to impossible where codependent relationships are concerned. What I mean to say is, that is the true reason you are having trouble -- you are in a codependent relationship with these losers where you each approve and act as each other's enablers in partaking in loser, self-sabotaging behaviours. It's hard to give that up. But FWIW I recently tried to re-establish contact with some loser buddies around my 40th birthday, they came to the party and we promised to hang out but frankly I couldn't be bothered, when I see them socially from time to time my feeling is they don't really invest in me that much and I am not sure they ever did, I made it too easy for them by over investing with calls and messages and organizing nights out and shit, because I didn't value myself and wanted friends at any cost. So now that I stopped doing that I don't really click with these guys anymore it appears.
Ray
 
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