Life Purpose: Do I need a Reality Check?

I am very conflicted with the direction to take in life currently.

My confusion and anxiety are hindering the ability to take action. And I have high aspirations.

I'm even struggling figuring out good questions to ask, not sure where to start. So I'll try to lay out the situation.

I've just moved to South Florida where I planned to reinvigorate and inspire myself and help me make some decisions for my life and take action towards goals and leading a fulfilling life. I was becoming depressed in the previous city from crazy shitty weather, long drives everywhere and less than ambitious people. South Florida is cool but is more a place to getaway and I see it as a stepping stone before moving onto an environment that aligns better with my values and desires.

But I still am feeling at odds with the environment. I'm the kind of guy that craves nature and I want to practice day game and find some peace of mind. Problem is there are way less cute girls than I hoped (though I'm setting up trips to Miami where that should not be a problem), and the vibe of the area feels like a big mall and man made. This may not be such a problem. Miami is within reasonable distance and I still have lots of nature areas to check out.

There is a reason why I brought it up. I'm not feeling motivated to push myself to explore and take the opportunities to talk to the girls I do see, and I do see cute girls occasionally. I sit at home and try to calm myself from mental breakdown. My body sometimes is so tense that it borders on painful. I'm overwhelmed.

And I attribute this to my lack of clarity for the direction I want to take my life. Its really had to have goals in the midst of indecision and confusion. I feel like a bag in a katy perry song. I understand that living a fulfilled life is ideal. Fulfilled as in providing value for others in a way that aligns with my own values and also being able to experience life's treasures through adventure, challenge and learning. The dreams I have are mostly of travel. Specifically to find a walkable city to live in with some nature nearby and cute girls. Maybe even just finding a place like that to visit once in a while. I have a love of languages, foods, architecture, and all the other amazing things of the cultures of the world. But I know this is not purpose, this is a strong desire, part of the motivation for purpose. Purpose is the vehicle to fulfillment which perhaps can lead to satisfying and living out my dreams.

So then that leads me to figuring out my purpose or in other words what value I can provide others? And this is where the dilemma can be seen.

I am a musician. When I am involved in musical projects, good things come into my life. I meet amazing people, have amazing experiences, and meet amazing women. This I think is a good start for purpose. I have seen how I can bring value to others when I play. Yet, the music industry is unstable and a difficult and sometimes insufficient way to make a living. I'll get to travel yes, but the extremely short tour stops are much different from the intimate exploration of the travel lifestyle I dream of.

The other option I've been exploring is location independent passive income building. I've tried creating information products and blogging, but doing so drives me crazy. I have very little interest in the projects besides what it could mean if I succeed. There is a possibility that I haven't found the right method of expressing and conveying the information of value I can provide, but as of yet I keep banging my head on the wall in confusion, and give up to keep myself sane until I recover. The process repeats itself when I become apprehensive from the lack of action towards the goals that I dream of achieving everyday all day.

There are other things of value I think I can provide, but I still have yet to figure out how to express them in proper format.

The good news is that I have free time and a stable living situation that I can take advantage of for exploring my purpose, and I'm also very much more aware and clear in my understanding of this whole situation than ever before. Writing this brought a little more clarity to it as well.

I'm also aware that perhaps music can indeed lead to the fulfillment and realization of traveling in the ways I desire. And I haven't given up on location independent passive income just yet (4 Hour Work Week Is the Bomb). Maybe I just need to relax (I definitely need to relax) and things will work out.

So my questions are...

What can I do to gain a better understanding of my situation?

Am I overlooking anything?

Does anything jump out at you? Do I need a reality check?

Any advice?

Bro, just went to Whole Foods to pick up some dinner and thought of you. There were 4-5 girls I saw in the 15 minutes that were definitely cute including a extremely attractive Hispanic girl who worked there. In the surrounding outlets I have seen cuties as well, so my guess is your timing may be off.

The closest beach that I have heard that is touristy is Deerfield beach, which is about 30 minutes south, I haven't been but my boss claims there are lots of "butts" down there. I know Palm Beach has more cute dogs then cute girls

As to your purpose, it seems like you have been doing a lot of contemplating and not as much doing. Use those burning desires to go out and start making moves. You aren't going to come to a realization that will suddenly change everything without putting a shitload of action into it... especially career wise.

Ideally I would like a passive income as well, but what I realized was that I didn't have any skills or expertise that someone else didn't have. My belief is that to end up with a passive income or owning your own successful business requires loads and loads of time in a industry(s) and then having an AHA moment where you realize you can do this better or more effectively then the current system allows.

Chase, for example, didn't start his career by saying I want a passive income and I want to run a business. He did some 9-5 at one point, but after spending hundreds of hours focusing women and socialization, he realized he was getting pretty good and so many people were asking for advice that he decided to make money off his advice.... or something like that.

I'm sure you will figure things out, if you ever feel stagnant, just look back a couple months or years and see where you were. My current situation frustrates me because I'm not saving any money, but once I look back to where I was and how I thought a couple months ago it is reassuring.

Good luck!

-Lotus

Thanks for the reply and support Lotus!

Lotus said:

Bro, just went to Whole Foods to pick up some dinner and thought of you. There were 4-5 girls I saw in the 15 minutes that were definitely cute including a extremely attractive Hispanic girl who worked there. In the surrounding outlets I have seen cuties as well, so my guess is your timing may be off.

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All I ever see at Whole Foods is hot moms. What time did you go?

I definitely agree with what you are saying about taking more action. Its the anxiety and confusion that trips me up. I am looking into ways I can relax more and discovered a seriously cool and powerful meditation technique today.

Here's my own reality check.

I'm doing well.

I made the move down here to avoid the seasonal depression I get from 6 month winters. Whereas I would be struggling to get out of bed around this time of year, now I'm struggling with how to better take action. Upgrade.

I'm still in transition.

My new job has been taking forever to get started, but next week is my first day. It'll be easier to relax with some $$ and a car. I also still have sooooo much exploring to do.

Girls are somewhere and I think I found them.

I really have NO excuse about not practicing day game. Just realized CityPlace, Clematis, the waterfront, and a university are all within easy walking distance of each other. Then there is college near a book store I frequent, also near a trader joes and delicious juice bar. Probably the best spots may be the endless beaches we have. All instadate paradise. That looks pretty damn good.

I'm taking action.

I may be confused and having a hard time tackling my dreams of world travel head on, but I haven't been sitting around. I have music projects, modeling gigs, and lots of activities lined up.

So much opportunity.

Miami is right around the corner and I'm already building contacts down there. My new job has awesome transfer programs, so I can even easily move down there eventually! Music has always been good to me and I have some cool potential to work with. Also just discovered a HUGE wildlife preserve nearby which can give me my nature fix.

I think my anxiety is the biggest issue right now, it makes me blind to all the awesomeness I talked about above. It's no excuse for not taking action, but it definitely needs to be addressed.

Awesome man, glad things are starting to work themselves out.

I was there around 7 at the pre cooked food bar, and it was pretty packed.

-Lotus

J Wick,

From personal experience, I have a hard time dividing my focus between more than one skill at a time.

If I'm focusing on music, then my brain's power capacity is spent creating new, creative ideas and/or breaking down why other people's music sounds so good - that's all brain power that could've been used to breaking down nuances and troubleshooting in my Field Reports. So my pickup learning curve takes a hit. This is why pickup is the only skill that I legitimately grind on; after this, I have other skills that I want to sit down and figure out.

In terms of your frustration, I always get the same feeling if I don't feel like I'm grinding enough on the skill. As soon as you start feeling like you're working hard enough, you lose that existential, "why is my life not turning the way I want it!?", to "how can I improve this certain element of my game?". Still a little bit frustrating, but nowhere near as much as that first question.

If you feel like your overarching life purpose is to provide awesome music to people, maybe devote all of your focus on that when you decide to go for it. I'd recommend learning how to pick up girls first, just because it'll always be a thorn in your side and take up at least some of your brain function if you don't have it down.

First thing I might do if I were you is to find a location I was happy with. If learning how to pickup girls is something you're really serious about (and I say this because most people on this forum are uncharacteristically dedicated to mastering this art), then do you think it might be worth biting the bullet for 2 or 3 years and living in the city centre of Miami, where you could really practice pulling with consistency? Maybe something worth sitting down and pondering.

~Nick

Lotus,

I was definitely in a negative mindset and blinded myself from seeing all the bitties.

PrettyDecent,

PrettyDecent said:

From personal experience, I have a hard time dividing my focus between more than one skill at a time.

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This is an issue I have too. Like I said I have a hard time focusing because of anxiety and fear that crops up from wondering and feeling like I'm focusing on the wrong thing.

When I focus on music, I feel a lack of intellectual stimulation. Music to me is feminine and all about going with the flow and I love that. But there's a part of me that wants to build and direct and use my mental powers for the furthering of humanity. And that part won't shut up and let me chill! I want to just let go of that self imposed duty because its really fucking me up and preventing me from focusing.

Despite that I'm planning on taking time to focus on music and chill and really learn how to relax fully and ease my constant tension. I won't be surprised if that'll help me fulfill that intellectual side once I learn how to relax and focus. Even a fortune I got today at a Japanese festival said the same thing.

I'll still be picking up girls. Do you really think I need to focus on one or the other?

PrettyDecent said:

First thing I might do if I were you is to find a location I was happy with. If learning how to pickup girls is something you're really serious about (and I say this because most people on this forum are uncharacteristically dedicated to mastering this art), then do you think it might be worth biting the bullet for 2 or 3 years and living in the city centre of Miami, where you could really practice pulling with consistency?

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Yeah like biting a bullet with jelly filling inside. The whole reason I moved to South Florida was to improve my living situation and I already have plans to make a habit of going down to Miami and my new job has a transfer program that could probably get me down there easy. Thing is, I have been obsessed with finding a place I love that I'll love living in, and Miami doesn't fit the bill.

Another element of my anxiety stems from looking at my strengths and desires and wondering, "How the fuck is this going fit together?" Because it doesn't make sense in my head.

I have a feeling the answer lies in just relaxing and enjoying the process and I'll get there. It's illogical, but every time I do it this way it works. I tend to write it off because it feels unreliable. Now that I've tried other methods only to bang my head on the wall, I think I'm going to try my old UN-realistic way that seems to work.

I've already seen progress after a day. I was just chilling at a cafe and met a cool old Croatian Womanizer and we talked about travel and girls. He joking told me I have place to stay in Split. The dude was super cool and I wanted to stay in contact with him but didn't get his name. Turns out my uncle is friends with him and he's a legendary tennis player. Knowing my uncle I wouldn't be surprised if I really do have a place to stay in Split.

Peace. OM. Chill. Go with the flow.

We'll see how this goes!

J-

Lots of great advice from everyone else here, and it looks like you've already got what you need.

One note though: any time I start feeling some existential angst, generally I take a moment to look at how I've just spent my day.

Usually I'll discover I did nothing or very little of note on accomplishing any of my overarching goals that day. So, I'll make a few notes about what to accomplish the next day, then head immediately to bed if it's not too early so I can get some good sleep and wake up refreshed and get right to work.

The next day I'll generally bang out all or most of the stuff on my list plus whatever else I want to do, and I hit the hay that night feeling like everything is on track and I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing.

Anyway, that's what I've noticed: if you're feeling angsty, try planning a day where you knock out a bunch of progress on things that are important to you the next day. Then see how you feel at the end of that day. Odds are, the angst will be gone.

Once you identify this pattern, you'll probably find you start planning more and more days where you knock out learning + productive tasks, and pretty quickly your life starts trending in exactly the direction you want it headed in.

Chase

J Wick said:

When I focus on music, I feel a lack of intellectual stimulation. Music to me is feminine and all about going with the flow and I love that. But there's a part of me that wants to build and direct and use my mental powers for the furthering of humanity. And that part won't shut up and let me chill! I want to just let go of that self imposed duty because its really fucking me up and preventing me from focusing.

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Music is one of those things that will keep furthering humanity long after it ceases to match the meaning of humanity, so if you come to feel that what you do is meaningless, well, perhaps it isn't, music is not the bricks on wich men build houses, it is the color that they imagined them with when they dreamed of build a house.

The simplest would be trying to do music in a way that stimulates your intellect, but it sounds to me like that part of you drives you to become a scientis or a philantropist of some sort, maybe you ought to listen to it instead of wanting it to shut up, there is a possibility that is trying to tell you something, maybe there is a way you can bring that desire to your music.

Is there something that satisfies that philantropic yearning of you?

Cheers.

Chase said:

J-

One note though: any time I start feeling some existential angst, generally I take a moment to look at how I've just spent my day.

Anyway, that's what I've noticed: if you're feeling angsty, try planning a day where you knock out a bunch of progress on things that are important to you the next day. Then see how you feel at the end of that day. Odds are, the angst will be gone.

Chase

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Thanks Chase,

The thing is, I don't really feel anxiety from day to day because I tend to busy myself with skill building, learning, and goal reaching. But that goal reaching tends to change or I become disheartened/bored/confused/whathaveyou and set sails for a new horizon.

In other words my angst seems to come from not a micro (day to day) level, but a macro (life direction). I know by now that I am emotionally motivated so once I lose enthusiasm, I burn out and am compelled to change course.

All in all I am working out the issues and learning to tame my emotions, so despite my concern I am NOT worried. In fact I am excited for the future. I am making gains on goals (there are a few that I keep coming back to) and learning more and more about myself. I also know that my determination is unwavering even if my emotions tug and tear at me. Life's a journey and when I face the storm as a challenging game of sorts, I can see the potential for joy and growth in it.

Leavenoblackplume,

Music is one of those things that will keep furthering humanity long after it ceases to match the meaning of humanity, so if you come to feel that what you do is meaningless, well, perhaps it isn't, music is not the bricks on wich men build houses, it is the color that they imagined them with when they dreamed of build a house.

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Is there something that satisfies that philantropic yearning of you?

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I agree with you. And that is the question that is burning within me. haha

Right now I am doing my best to relax the anxiety of picking the right thing, and then sticking with one thing. I've noticed that when you get to a high enough level in something, that the skills you have developed bleed over into other areas of life.

"You don't have to understand the desert: all you have to do is contemplate a simple grain of sand, and you will see in it all the marvels of creation."
-The Alchemist

Or something like that.

My cousin gave me advice. I look up to him like an older brother and he's doing well for himself. We also are very alike in that he dabbled in many things at my age too.

He said to just stick with one thing and fuck the rest for awhile basically. Think a little less and DO and focus on that one thing for a few years until I can say it doesn't work or it does. I've contemplated enough to know a pretty damn good place to start.

So music.