Celibacy

Smith

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Sep 14, 2013
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1,017
Hello,

Just wondering if anyone who has done pick up long enough undergo a period of celibacy intentionally (not dry spell)?
I've heard Tyler and some of the people in the seduction community who I have respect for talk about being celibate for 1-2 months, where they start to find joy in doing other things in life without needing sex. They all said it was one of the greatest transition in their life. It gave them new perspective on women.
I would be keen to try it out, but not sure how I would go about it without slipping back to porn and video games because obviously the hardest part is still taking action. I would be interested to hear your experience of being celibate =)
 

Drck

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
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Feb 14, 2013
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1,488
I've met the hottest girls that ever hit on me (correct, not the other way) while I was focused on totally different things than women, namely education. I was also practicing sort of spirituality at that time, just to keep it simple: lots of meditation and relaxation....

There is definitely something on being totally disattached from women, not desiring them, not chasing them, perhaps even ignoring them - while at the same time keeping elated mood and meditative state. I don't want to say extasy because extasy is something short acting and high intensity, but if you apply such state over longer period of time and less intensity, that's what it is.... IMO that that's when a guy projects the highest attraction, without being even overly sexual.

I believe that the reason is, that you (a guy) is simply in a high pleasurable state because of meditation, your mood is light, you are non-judgmental, not needy and so on, and the girl can simply mirror your emotional state. In other words, she is attracted to that pleasure, she wants to be a part of it...
 

Rage

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Oct 23, 2013
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474
Hey smith what's up buddy

This is an interesting topic; I kind of have views on it and some thoughts about it yeah…

On this idea of going celibate, I think one way to see it would be to not be sleeping with new women as in randoms regularly for a certain period… I think there are some guys that are in a good girlfriend relationship and they can sleep with her couple times a week and have sort of the same celibate effect… but single guys can and should take some time of rest.

I think the value in what you describe is kind of that you get to put more sex energy into a big project or piece of work of yours. Whatever that may be; competitive athletes will take times apart where they focus only on their training diet sleep, revolve their life around the goal of their big competition or fight or whatever… and all their energies largely go into that.

People doing a big startup or writing a book or writing a screenplay or training to be a master acrobat or whatever: any person working towards mastery towards some big project and/or a hard skill of some kind, put a lot of sex energy into what they do and need to do that.  

There are a number of people in history (tesla, da vinci, newton etc.) who recognized the value of this and the power of their sex energy fueling their work and set out to never sleep with or do anything with a woman (or focus their energies much anywhere else really that was distracted from their main purpose and obsession) so they can further put all their energy into their work.

I think doing pickup regularly and getting good at it is imperative and invaluable for the skill of getting good with women and getting to abundance and then to absolute abundance (and additionally focus largely on it when it is the primary think to master); but after that I think that guys who are the most focused on their personal growth and creating big things/working on big projects won’t be fucking randoms a lot all the time, once they’ve built the skill up to a high enough level.

This sounds controversial to say at first but I’ll elaborate more. I think that there is a distinction between the guys that fuck a lot of girls and who keep up with that largely into much later and later years, vs. guys who get pickup and get into relationships with extreme high value women who make them better men, and then while they are in that they can stay fully committed to that or sleep with the odd randoms for a fun break here and there should they choose.

What the guys who swore off relationships their whole lives and what the guys who are intent on fucking girls forever and never getting into relationships don’t realize or get to experience the power of, is a strong amount of personal growth and betterment that comes in a healthy relationship with a woman who is high value and challenges you to be better (one who is focused on her growth and her journey, and can grow stronger alongside you as you grow stronger).

The stoics believed in marriage and in relationships/the growth from them quite a bit… and there is a lot of virtue/wisdom/maturity that is gained in a relationship with a complimentary opposite girl that you’d be sort of hard pressed to find elsewhere (i.e. it would be hard to find on your own, or in other friends… could only really be gotten from a mate).



So with pickup there will be guys (I’ve met one or two and in ways I feel emotionally a bit jealous towards them) who don’t have any other purpose or higher desires or urges than just fucking a lot of girls. Their quality will be sort of all over the place, they’ll have a ton of fun, and they won’t grow a ton as a person, but they won’t be super intent on that (and don’t have to be if they don’t want to be) and will be cool getting their rocks off appeasing their high sex drive and getting their dick wet, time and again.

The other camp of guys (most of the guys on this site if I’d have to venture  a guess) who wanted to get good with women, sleep with many, find high quality ones too BUT who also want to achieve other things, build other things, create things for others, contribute to the world and bring massive value to it and leave some small sort of their own mark on it.

For these guys( likely tyler rsd guys, guys on the boards, yourself and myself included) personal growth and personal betterment and progress at this in all the facets and realms of your life are desired.

For these guys some partly committed or fully committed relationships are good, and some time focused on big projects and away for a bit from pickup is also good. Fairly healthy I think…

So that’s my opinion on this at least.

I took two whole months off this summer from sleeping with new girls, largely by choice… and in that time got to progress quite a bit with my strength training and focus on it without any other distraction. But I intend to do the same for pickup soon once I finish my current lifting training cycle, (take a break from lifting for a little bit, and other projects a little bit and focus hardcore on my pickup).

Rest period gives you time for your subconscious to piece together truths and deeper meanings and understandings of what you took time off of and make your better. Have seen this in multiple fields; and when you come back at them you can begin and soon find yourself even better at them and deeper understanding and skilled at them than you ever had been before your break.

Just don’t break for too long I think ;)

Rage 
 

Smith

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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1,017
Love all of your responses guys!I don't intend to completely cut out pickup and not meet any new people at all lol but just put it on the back burner and at least socialize with girls, so once I got my lifestyle sorted, getting back into it is not that difficult. However, I do have to say seduction can be quite distracting sometimes.

Drck said:
I've met the hottest girls that ever hit on me (correct, not the other way) while I was focused on totally different things than women, namely education. I was also practicing sort of spirituality at that time, just to keep it simple: lots of meditation and relaxation....

There is definitely something on being totally disattached from women, not desiring them, not chasing them, perhaps even ignoring them - while at the same time keeping elated mood and meditative state. I don't want to say extasy because extasy is something short acting and high intensity, but if you apply such state over longer period of time and less intensity, that's what it is.... IMO that that's when a guy projects the highest attraction, without being even overly sexual.

I believe that the reason is, that you (a guy) is simply in a high pleasurable state because of meditation, your mood is light, you are non-judgmental, not needy and so on, and the girl can simply mirror your emotional state. In other words, she is attracted to that pleasure, she wants to be a part of it...

Meditation is something I focus a lot on now and I totally get what you mean. Now I meditate before a date and it allows me to enjoy the date for what it is. On top of meditation, I also pick up reading and I absolutely love it. Reading puts me into a nice present state. Pretty much anything that's recommended by people like Tony Robbins, RSD Tyler, Tai Lopez..etc. I intend to go through them. Right now, Echart Tolle's New Earth give me so much insight on how my ego works.

@Rage
agree with you man! Now the idea of going out solely for daygame doesn't really appeal to me, unless I can also do other things while I'm out, like shopping, meeting friends. I remember Tyler and Todd talked about listening to an audio book while you're out doing daygame, and I love that idea. I'm putting seduction on the back seat right now (still chatting up girls here and there, but not as much as I used to) and focusing on study and developing a positive eco-system. I have to say at first it made me feel depressed even though it was my own choice. But it was a big realization that for the past year since I started this, I have been pretty dependent on girls' validation for my own happiness, even though I told myself I didn't really need them. The hardest part for me is the sex part, when you're just so horny and that make you more needy than usual. Meditation helps me not to go all sex crazy and gets me focus that energy on somewhere else like you talked about lol

Rage said:
What the guys who swore off relationships their whole lives and what the guys who are intent on fucking girls forever and never getting into relationships don’t realize or get to experience the power of, is a strong amount of personal growth and betterment that comes in a healthy relationship with a woman who is high value and challenges you to be better (one who is focused on her growth and her journey, and can grow stronger alongside you as you grow stronger).

I have to say I only met a couple of girls who are focused on self-development and serious about their own growth, but I haven't met any of them recently. This could probably be due to my location - a pretty small college town. Most people here don't have that far vision of who they want become and only wanted to get over their exams. Even if they have a vision, they don't commit to it. Not judging them, but that's just what it is. A gf who's as into personal growth as I am would be my ideal relationship partner.

@Radeng
Glad to hear spirituality is what most people have in common when they decide to take a break. After reading Echart Tolle, I now realize there were times I was searching myself through the lays. Now I want to hustle hard and put myself in an upward spiral. I've noticed I stop spending less mental energy on girls who don't reply my texts and kind forgot about them until they text me back a few days later.
 

PrettyDecent

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Mar 2, 2013
Messages
876
Smith,

I think periods of celibacy and breaks from pickup are important, but I believe the reason its useful is because your brain is consolidating lessons from your last "grinding period".

There was a time through mid-last year to mid-this year where I was completely behooved from this plateau I couldn't break through...when I came back (albeit, with quite a bit of rust, but for other reasons), I'd solved the puzzle that allowed to me break through and reach the point where I felt like I truly "made it" in pickup. For me, that goal was to know I could sleep with my dream girl on a first date. The problem for me before was knowing "right" vs "wrong" tension, where sexual tension sat on that scale, and how to make a woman feel truly comfortable. I've still got a few more miles in my journey, but I'm for sure closer to the finish line than I would've been if I stubbornly kept pushing. Taking that break gave my social muscles time to relax and rebuild after a year of grinding.

~Nick
 

ocantu1987

Space Monkey
space monkey
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Dec 6, 2012
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402
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Houston, Texas
Hey Smith, same boat here man. I'm going to take a break myself and work on improving the other areas of my life.

Been meditating for 2 weeks now and im starting to feel the benefits. Im in better moods, and i feel more focused as well. I had an epiphany which is probably is common sense to everyone. Neediness goes away when your happy without women in your life. Easier said than done sure, but I feel meditation helps with that.

Im also really broke and I am pushing myself to get my degree in Process technology (Big money-making career). I go out with my friend and he makes 6 figures, and he always buys most of my drinks and im tired of that. He is pushy in getting me out to holler at girls despite my money problems that i tell him about.

Im picking up books again as well. Reading tony robbins "Awaken the giant within." I feel my life needs to be more in order financially, and emotionally before i start getting back on the hunt. Plus i still live with mom and im 28 now yikes lol.
 

Motiv

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Dec 18, 2013
Messages
211
Absolutely—I also put myself through periods of self-imposed celibacy for one express purpose: self-control over my emotions. My neediness drops, and I gain the energy to focus on my mission (of which I have several): classical music (path of the magician and lover), physique training (path of the warrior), and my new fitness business (path of the king).

One of the reasons Christian Grey is so sexy is that he is a king of business. He knows exactly what he wants out of life and pursue's it relentlessly. Women are drawn to him as a natural side-effect. This is the angle through which I currently think of seduction: getting my life in order to where I am on the path to being the man I want to be. I don't even do approaches anymore because I find that sets me back to a state of neediness. I go out to bars very well dressed (sporting my new physique), but I spend the time working the business on my phone with an occasional check on my peripherals. Cute girls come to me, and I take it from there. :)

A man with emotional control and a clear mission in life is incredibly sexy to women (along with having the rock-solid passive fundamentals I mentioned)—not to mention, it is essential for your own mental health. You never want your self-esteem attached to your ability to get laid—women sniff this instinctually and it repulses them. If/when you notice this, tell yourself "stop it!" and get your priorities back to where they should be. Then, the opportunities to get laid will re-open to you.

-M
 

Motiv

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Dec 18, 2013
Messages
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Drck said:
I've met the hottest girls that ever hit on me (correct, not the other way) while I was focused on totally different things than women, namely education. I was also practicing sort of spirituality at that time, just to keep it simple: lots of meditation and relaxation....

There is definitely something on being totally disattached from women, not desiring them, not chasing them, perhaps even ignoring them - while at the same time keeping elated mood and meditative state. I don't want to say extasy because extasy is something short acting and high intensity, but if you apply such state over longer period of time and less intensity, that's what it is.... IMO that that's when a guy projects the highest attraction, without being even overly sexual.

I believe that the reason is, that you (a guy) is simply in a high pleasurable state because of meditation, your mood is light, you are non-judgmental, not needy and so on, and the girl can simply mirror your emotional state. In other words, she is attracted to that pleasure, she wants to be a part of it...

I love this post, Drck. If I may add, I believe women are attracted to the combination of stability and strength that you project: this is masculinity (a la Yang). Most of us modern guys have been overloaded with feminine energy, so we rarely have to worry about cultivating the tender side—it's already present in abundance.

The turbulence of femininity (a la Yin) is naturally drawn to genuine masculine power—all the above you have mentioned.
 

Drck

Cro-Magnon Man
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Agreed Mischief. I actually consider it as part of fundamentals:

1. Lifting weights - masculinity, testosterone, good posture, strength, dominance, ambitions, physical and mental health, seriousness... This is in essence pure masculine energy, this is strength.
But at the same time you don't want to be perceived as meathead, so:

2. Some intelligence (knowledge, books), humbleness, empathy (for good connections), respect, good emotional regulation, some decent communication skills with females... This is in essence lots of feminine energy, sort of weakness, silliness... So she can find got both in you, strength and weakness as well, she is polarized...
And also:

3. Relaxation, meditation... Relaxed, laid back, sort of dis-attached, independent, non-chasing, non-judgmental... This creates good/positive emotional and pleasurable state. Good vibes, she can relax around you, she can feel free to express her deep desires without being judged, criticized, blamed... This generates lots of attraction, initial pleasurable and sexual state...

So you create a sort of holy trinity, LOL. She can find plenty of masculinity in you, she can easily connect with you because of the feminine energy, and at the same time she can relax and express herself in non-judgmental way...
 

Motiv

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
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Messages
211
Drck said:
Agreed Mischief. I actually consider it as part of fundamentals:

1. Lifting weights - masculinity, testosterone, good posture, strength, dominance, ambitions, physical and mental health, seriousness... This is in essence pure masculine energy, this is strength.
But at the same time you don't want to be perceived as meathead, so:

2. Some intelligence (knowledge, books), humbleness, empathy (for good connections), respect, good emotional regulation, some decent communication skills with females... This is in essence lots of feminine energy, sort of weakness, silliness... So she can find got both in you, strength and weakness as well, she is polarized...
And also:

3. Relaxation, meditation... Relaxed, laid back, sort of dis-attached, independent, non-chasing, non-judgmental... This creates good/positive emotional and pleasurable state. Good vibes, she can relax around you, she can feel free to express her deep desires without being judged, criticized, blamed... This generates lots of attraction, initial pleasurable and sexual state...

So you create a sort of holy trinity, LOL. She can find plenty of masculinity in you, she can easily connect with you because of the feminine energy, and at the same time she can relax and express herself in non-judgmental way...

I like your "Holy Trinity."

I think I've always been good with #2. I've lacked #1 all my life until recently—curious to what turning myself into a "meathead" could do for my results since I've never been one before (always felt sorely lacking in the aggression department). #3 is touch and go for me: sometimes I have it, sometimes I don't
 
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