Indifference after a relationship/friendship. Help me out

trashKENNUT

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HI Guys,

I have been in a lot of bitter and ugly relations. It's been an unfortunate life of mine to see bitterness spew out of my parents divorce and family/cousins drama, and growing up and being labelled "sensitive". and my step mum would hate me because i was well aware beyond my age. I guess that's how society try to control people, well in this case, my step mum try to set her own rules.

Growing up, i have had difficult times, i had friends, i work hard to win friendships, and i noted after 6 years, i made a lot of friendships that didn't offer me value. I don't regret all this friendships, but i wonder why my past friends find me "wrong".

I'm like working so hard to make friendships and things work, only to fail and walk away, and you people hate me? I am like what the fuck. YOu guys don't practically do shit. My question now is how do i make peace with all of this?

Yes, i do feel angry because i am the one who was investing too much without thinking. I don't hate them, but when i hear from friends that they talk about me, even today, it makes me hate them. It's pathetic because i am beyond it already. Or just maybe i am not beyond it because i feel this emotions?

Zac
 

disciple99

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hey zac do you get some solution of it can you go more deep here I did like to learn from your experience also in what kind of relationships were you in and how did ya manage them when friends family comment and said things behind your back
 

Drck

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Good advises above. Also a good thing is to start analyzing future in stead of analyzing past (or as they say: Don't live for the past, live for the future).

Past is gone, none of us can change it. Many, however, keep thinking about the past, they are trying to analyze what happened and what should have happened instead... They sort of trying to change the past in their thoughts and memories, which is usually not working. They sort of have obsessive thoughts about the past memories, they are re-living it and that is a cause of bitterness.

Make peace with the past and let it go. Today you are here, so start focusing where you want to be 1 year from now, 5 years or 10 years from now. Start constructing future in your mind, overshoot with your dreams.

A good way is to WRITE it down, because this way it will become more real.

Simple example:

Today (write today's date) I am here:
1. I have 0 friends
2. I have $100 dollars in my pocket
3. I am bitter, sad and depressed
4. I have no good relationships with girls
5. ...

>>>> This is simple realization and acceptance or reality, you simply describe your situation on a piece of paper as you see it today

My goals one year from now (write date):
1. Have 2 good friends (overshoot, if you want 2 good friends write down 10)
2. Have $1000 in my pocket (overshoot, but keep it realistic, e.g. don't write 10 millions)
3. Be more happier, more relaxed and more enthusiastic, more open minded
4. Improve relationships with girls, 2 good relationships with girls

My goal 5 years from now (write date):
1. ...
2. ...

Now this is also important, also write down what you will do to reach your goal:
1. To improve friendships and have more friends I will be more open minded, less judgmental, approach more people, get out of my head, be friendlier,...
2. To make $50,000 I will educate myself by taking business class, save money to invest, and invest in XYZ
3. To be happier I will focus on positive events and ignore negativity. I will practice mediation and relaxation daily.
4. To improve relationships with girls I will approach more girls and talk to more people in general. I will approach 10 girls every week. I will invite girls for dates, I will develop abundance mentality, I will develop good and positive frame ...


>>>> This is a great exercise for your mind. It is a great road map that your mind will follow. You may not exactly reach your goals but you will improve much by following the road map. For example, you are looking for making 1 mil 5 years from now and you overshoot, you write down 10 mils - you may not make 1 mil in 5 years, but you may have much better job that satisfy you and much better income. You may not have slept with 200 girls within 3 years as your dream is today, but you may be in great relationship and have two little Zacs running around. That how it works, your mind will simply follow the road map that you build today - the more details you write the better directions you give to your mind. So write down lots of details, that way your mind will know what to do.

---------------------------
Another great thing:

1. WRITE your life story, describe major events in your life, especially those that bother you. Write all the negativity that you perceive today, write what you wanted to do but didn't do. Write down everything that bothers you. Take your time, spent couple of days on it.
Example: "I have been in a lot of bitter and ugly relations. It's been an unfortunate life of mine to see bitterness spew out of my parents divorce. My life really sucks, it is the worst life anybody can have" (overshoot)

2. Let it sink little bit, give it some time, wait couple of weeks. Go back to it, add to it, rewrite it, whatever. You'll see that it is not that bad, your mind will tell you that your life is not that bad.

3. Now, couple of weeks later RE-WRITE your life story in most positive way that you can:
Some of my relationships were bad and ugly, but others were pretty good (give example). I am healthy today thanks to both of my parents. Even though my parents divorced, both of them are great people and did all their best to raise me, for which I am grateful. I will invite each of them for a dinner and thank them, show them appreciation...

>>>> Again, go nuts, overshoot with positiveness but keep it real. See, you have to change your overall mind set, currently it is quite negative. Your mind set keeps you anchored in the past, that's why you can't move forward. Change it, re-write it, write down your life in the best positive way you can, then go back and add to it more positive things...


Don't just think it, make it real by WRITING it down...
 

trashKENNUT

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disciple99,

disciple99 said:
hey zac do you get some solution of it can you go more deep here I did like to learn from your experience also in what kind of relationships were you in and how did ya manage them when friends family comment and said things behind your back

Okay, let's start from here. :)

ZacAdam said:
and my step mum would hate me because i was well aware beyond my age. I guess that's how society try to control people, well in this case, my step mum try to set her own rules.

Sandman mgtow get this perfectly on point. I don't know how to describe it but when you are "aware", women do not like it. It is like indicating to women that there will be one less dog/mangina to them. To be honest, i am still digging deep into this, though i know my answer stems from this reasons below

1)Face

i check this with my face many times but i can't figure

2)Intimidation

When you are darker skin, you tend intimidate but it is kind of funny because i get very polarizing reactions when i was young.

3)"Aware"

When you are more curious, you tend to be viewed by women as you are a women. I don't know how to describe it but it is like girl fight where each other is trying to dig information into the other. When you are "aware", she knows you are seeing "through" her bullshit and that pisses her off.

It's funny but this is what i see.

ZacAdam said:
i have had difficult times, i had friends, i work hard to win friendships, and i noted after 6 years, i made a lot of friendships that didn't offer me value. I don't regret all this friendships, but i wonder why my past friends find me "wrong".

I choose friends who have different interest, that's all. I also made friendships with people where they drain me emotionally and physically while i was doing everything.

My fault is

1)not screening people.
2)expecting an apple to grow as a pear (which is what mainstream is doing)
3)no asking for investment

disciple99 said:
said things behind your back

It is more of a misexpectations and not screening people. And we are all unhappy, you know. When you are so used to expecting things from me, or Chase, or someone, and they let you down, people will say such things.

I don't hold any grudge that much. I'm still annoyed however.

ZacAdam said:
I'm like working so hard to make friendships and things work, only to fail and walk away, and you people hate me? I am like what the fuck. YOu guys don't practically do shit.

Goes back to the important point. Screening.

ZacAdam said:
but when i hear from friends that they talk about me, even today, it makes me hate them. It's pathetic because i am beyond it already. Or just maybe i am not beyond it because i feel this emotions?

Whiteknights or guys in general play the "better man card". A hat off to Chase on this. It is to make someone look trivial when they are the one draining the real victim.

You have to be careful. It's a 21th century tactic that is very popular.

Zac
 

trashKENNUT

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radeng,

radeng said:
Do for others and feel good about the good you do but never expect anything in return...ever.

Not always easy. :) We all say things.

radeng said:
This post makes it seem like you are needy within your friendships even if you are offering value.

Not really. More of like expecting an apple to grow to a pear. Miss expectations, when now i think deep, it is so fuck up in the mainstream.

radeng said:
If you get bitter about an old friendship, then that's on you, and the fault is probably on you as well. Do good and help others and nurture friendships for your sake. Having good friendships is about you in your wellbeing but they owe you nothing and you owe them nothing. That is the way. Just be happy and pleasant to be around. If your always trying to offer value rather than just being valuable you've never truly been valuable to that person, you've just been a tool. Become valuable.

Bitter is not exactly the term but if you say i am bitter because people say i "suck" or it is my "fault" or make me as the "enemy", after many years, then what the fuck is that?

That's not cool. but i guess "play the better man card" is a trending tactic afterall. :)

Zac
 

trashKENNUT

Cro-Magnon Man
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Drck,

Drck said:
Don't just think it, make it real by WRITING it down...

Chase mention something about expressing through writing, playing music, on his comments awhile back. We, as a society, never really taught to immerse ourselves except education. We are numbers afterall.

I guess that's why society's fuck up. :X:X:X:X

Zac
 

disciple99

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thanks zac you always clear my head.a question do you make friends through cold approch or through existing social circles & by cold approch i mean street or mall or something where no one know you . one more question will you break friendship where your friend were supportive but expect you to be always moraly right which you cant deliver.i think i also have problem of misexpectation how to manage them.
.......................... sorry i just bombarded you with questions but your expirence always point me the right path.

also i dont know where but i somehow picked up habit of writing things down or speaking them out loud when i feel any heavy load on my heart and doing it eases pain of my heart.
 

NorthStar

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I'm sorry for such a question but how old are you?

Well I had the same problem froe the biggest part of my life. There were times when I was so dissapointed in life and people around me that I didn't want to have any relationships at all. Especially dissapointed I was in friesdhip because I also gave a lot for my friends and then they simply left me alone, one after one. Really sad experience I can say...

It was a typical situation for my teenage years and also for my early student years. Then times changed, I became older and wiser I think. I just understood that it's good and important when you have such people in your life and of course you should value friendship and so on. But on the other hand the only person who will be with you forever it's you, not other people, despite that fact how good they are. Everything changes and it's ok when your life roads go to the different sides. Sad but that's how it is.
So... Value your friends/lovers, be happy with that moments together but don't become too addicted to other people, it's useless and has no sense at all.
 

disciple99

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@northstar are you asking zac the OP or me disciple bout age btw i turned 17 this march.
whats your age and what was your journey to wise.
@zac you mentioned that women hate awaerness because you become curious and are viwed as women so is this awareness is different from the one you and drck mentioned in other posts about medtation well because girls get more attracted to me when i am aware (detached) i think i know they are different but want to confirm it so i dont fuck up lol which i do.
 

trashKENNUT

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NorthStar,

NorthStar said:
I'm sorry for such a question but how old are you?

26. :)

NorthStar said:
There were times when I was so dissapointed in life and people around me that I didn't want to have any relationships at all. Especially dissapointed I was in friesdhip because I also gave a lot for my friends and then they simply left me alone, one after one. Really sad experience I can say...

What we think people want and what people actually want, are two different things. You must separate yourself from other people, and we all should... because our only friend once we are very old are ourselves. People will never say what they want. See what they do.

NorthStar said:
It was a typical situation for my teenage years and also for my early student years. Then times changed, I became older and wiser I think. I just understood that it's good and important when you have such people in your life and of course you should value friendship and so on. But on the other hand the only person who will be with you forever it's you, not other people, despite that fact how good they are. Everything changes and it's ok when your life roads go to the different sides. Sad but that's how it is.
So... Value your friends/lovers, be happy with that moments together but don't become too addicted to other people, it's useless and has no sense at all.

Definitely. :) Also, women will always take care of her family first. You just need to do the same. Men can't accept that. That's why marriage is so put on a high pedestal. They are still not "free" and i can say even at a high level, there are guys that still put marriage on a pedestal. There is still part of that mainstream influence. I think this is more to legacy, but we often forget women pursue her own legacy too.

Maybe i get this into depths someday where i show people's handicapped by the idea of marriage, because marriage is an idea, fundamentally.

Zac
 

trashKENNUT

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disciple99,

disciple99 said:
do you make friends through cold approch or through existing social circles & by cold approch i mean street or mall or something where no one know you .

If you're new, find places where people do not recognize you.

Existing social circles are always limited.

I don't make friends by cold approach. I just talk to people, in elevators, with waitresses, at malls, etc. I have friends here. The best places to make friends is find where they are. Here i made friends with

- Chase
- Tayo
- Prettydecent

Convert only 3% out of 100%. LOLX! Why spent time with people who do not have your interest for way too long! (Easy to say, not easy to do)

I have their personal facebook or email. As Chase note, if you want to fish for marlin, go where marlin swim. :) Afterawhile, i can't tolerate most people. I can do my part to where the other person think i am "God", but it just isn't where i would spend most time with. The fact that most people even admit this, with facebook memes and everything else, means that we are free to make friends with anyone.

Most people don't even like their friends. And they stick together and then they fight and it's a cycle.

disciple99 said:
will you break friendship where your friend were supportive but expect you to be always moraly right which you cant deliver.i think i also have problem of misexpectation how to manage them.

If you talking about not breaking circle because there's a girl walking and you want to approach her, then you must be forgiving (to an extent). I remember taking this personally and when i do the same to a new friend i just made, he was puzzled.

As a guy, you need to go thru that.

The "bro code" has many different variance with people because people like to be exceptional/special, we all do. The key here is recognizing it.

disciple99 said:
also i dont know where but i somehow picked up habit of writing things down or speaking them out loud when i feel any heavy load on my heart and doing it eases pain of my heart.

It will be irritating to people where you find a place and you vent out everything but if it is going somewhere, at least it is something. At the end of the day, it's what we do with what we receive.

Sometimes we learn that many years later. and the bonus question below

disciple99 said:
you mentioned that women hate awaerness because you become curious and are viwed as women so is this awareness is different from the one you and drck mentioned in other posts about medtation well because girls get more attracted to me when i am aware (detached) i think i know they are different but want to confirm it so i dont fuck up lol which i do.

Actually, the awareness is the same.

There are two ways to know if a girl wants to do anything with you, FAST. Use either or both:

- Awareness
- Fundamentals

and move fast.

No women can lie with either or both of that. This is more pseudoscience and advance, maybe. It will take time to spell it out.

Zac
 

disciple99

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hey Zac your point is right that most people don't have friends whom they really want in life but they let it stay as it is because anything is better than nothing.
so do you don't feel need to hangout with friends In person and fooling around or you have grown out of this need or its something we only have as kids.
 

trashKENNUT

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disciple99,

disciple99 said:
so do you don't feel need to hangout with friends In person and fooling around or you have grown out of this need or its something we only have as kids.

I recommend that you always kind of participate in social events, from community centers to events. Because social circles are limited, and community and events will be limited too once you make friends there.

Life is two things: Awareness and Systems. Buyers and Sellers

I am selling you an idea, or telling you a story here, Am i? :) So life is like that.

Zac
 
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