Asperger's Syndrome and the PUA community

The Byronic Man

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Aug 28, 2013
Messages
209
Location
Southern California
Hi guys. First of all, I think the forums should be made private for paying-members only. I don't feel comfortable sharing personal information in public.

Anyway, I'm in my early 30s and was just diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome. To make a long story short, I knew I had horrible social skills and spent 10+ years working on it. I'm at a point where I can sometimes be very charming, but sometimes I'm still awkward. This website is a godsend because it breaks down social dynamics and skills in such a logical manner that it makes perfect sense for an aspie like me. I'm a fan of Juggler (Wayne Elise) as well, but his material seems to assume the reader already has good social skills. I remember when I read The Juggler Methods many years ago, and I thought it was too abstract. Now that I've developed much more social skills, I'm beginning to understand the method to his madness. But nothing is as clear as Chase Amante's teaching. Need to you thank you again, Chase!

I think the community has a bad rep because I think many of its members have Asperger's Syndrome. AS tends to bring people to their lowest points in their lives, and being in low points in life tends to make people desperate for help.

When I was diagnosed with AS, it explained EVERYTHING. Why I am the way I am. And why I think so differently and why I struggle so hard with certain things. But...I'm unlike most aspies in that I direct my focus on social skills because I recognize the value in them (many aspies reject social skills as a coping mechanism). As a result, my social skills is far superior to most aspies my age. Through repetition (and much painful trial and error), a lot of social behavior that aspies typically struggle with are now automatized in me. One must first acknowledge and understand it intellectually, which creates conviction. Through repetition, the behavior becomes automatic. Surprisingly, there are even certain things that I am better at than most neurotypicals (aspies call normal people "neurotypicals"), and this is thanks to my natural aspie talent to focus intensely (which easily develops into obsession, but I digress). For example, my psychologist tells me I have good conversational skills. Technically, that's only some of the times.

Something I feel strongly about is that classic indirect game is BAD BAD BAD for aspies. OMFG, it's really painful for me to look back at my behavior lol. Because I didn't have a reference point, I was impressionable, and thought acting aloof and indirect was cool. Looking back, I've met MANY indirect PUAs who suffered the same affliction--they thought people admired them when in fact, these people thought they were weird and creepy. I'm sure many of these PUAs had AS well, which blinds them socially. Miraculously, I took a break from pickup to focus solely on my life. In time, my social skills improved as I let go of the indirect PUA mentality. And I finally lost my virginity to a girl who at the time I didn't understand why she liked me (and got into a really weird, unhealthy relationship, but that's another story for another time). I finally deleted all my indirect PUA material because it's genuinely toxic stuff, ESPECIALLY for clueless aspies. It's important for aspies to find the right role models; they would not know better due to their condition, so I think some of it is pure luck to choose the right guy. I know Chase is the right guy, because I independently discovered a lot of the same things he teaches. Of course, I am still green, but I am finally getting good social feedback for the first time in my life. Again, this was only possible after I let go of indirect game.

What I really want to know though...is how do I do handle the fact that I lack close friends and life experiences? Over the past 10+ years, I've become good at blending in, but I can only hide it for so long. And I'm always afraid that when people find out the real me, they'll reject me. It's like a self-perpetuating cycle I'm struggling to get out of. I've recently made some commitments to more regularly attend happy hours and meetups (meetup.com). Should I put dating on a pause until I rack up enough experience (it's funny how this sounds like an MMPORG)? I essentially did that for the past 10+ years and am now deciding to start coming out of my shell. Now that I'm over 30, I really need to get a handle on this shit.

P.S. As my social skills improve here, I'd love to return back to this community. I've got fitness really down, and would later like to contribute. To put it simply, I see that the advice espouse here is...well...broscience. 99% of it is unnecessary and/or taking 1 step forward and 2 steps back. Getting in shape is simple...but not necessarily easy. It is not rocket science...no meals/protein every 4 hours...none of that broscience stuff. To be continued... :)
 

The Byronic Man

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Aug 28, 2013
Messages
209
Location
Southern California
If a girl is attracted to you, do you think telling her you have AS is too much and thus an attraction killer and not Byronic? I've thought about revealing this by explaining how I've "overcome" it. Of course, only when she is really attracted to me and while we are in deep rapport.
 

LucidityComeBackToMe

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Aug 25, 2013
Messages
40
Hi Byronic Man!

Coincidentally the topic of Asperger's Syndrome came up in my recent post titled "PAYING women to go on dates (not just dinner).

I will come back and provide you some feedback on my experience being an Aspie. You seem like you are far ahead of me in developing yourself into a better person. I am 28 and only recently discovered I have Asperger's Syndrome (at 27 during the Spring of 2012). It did help lift the weight off my shoulders on why my life turned out the way it did. I am sure we can help support each other's efforts on our way towards becoming better at seducing women.

Chat later.
 

The Byronic Man

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Aug 28, 2013
Messages
209
Location
Southern California
Right on!

Well, I have had 5 more years of experience to figure out this AS thing. I'm sure you'll exceed me given how much earlier you've discovered your condition, but more importantly, found a good social role model. :)

Right now, I'm doing the whole online dating thingamajig. I genuinely have little time these day to pick up girls in real life (work, study, and intense interests/hobbies...once I'm done studying, I'll dedicate time to pickup). Only if I bump into a cute girl in real life will I then pick her up. Recently discovering Chase Amante and Wayne Elise has really rocked my world (in a very good way).

The nice thing about online dating is that it gives me time to think and integrate the principles I've learned from Chase and Wayne. In just a few weeks, I've internalized many of these principles! Woo!

I've found that keeping a stream of multiple girls from messaging to texting to dates really helps with an abundance mentality. I'll get nervous if I start putting too many eggs into one or two baskets. I also found it's a bad idea to message TOO many girls, haha. You want to keep some in reserve so you can experiment with different things. It's much like maintaining a self-sustaining forest--cut too much down too quickly and you'll replete your resources. I also don't settle for anyone below a 7 BECAUSE I won't be motivated to connect with her emotionally in person (this surprised me--I suppose this is an indicator of my awareness of my worth). Another interesting I found is that girls often don't stay on an online dating site for long. There was one where I'm still texting but she deleted her profile because she got sick of all the weird messages she got. Another one I sadly lost before I got her number (she was digging my messages and responding well, but work came up and I couldn't message her back for 3 days). Takeaway for me: For online dating, strike while the iron's hot because she hasn't had a chance to know you person, and things move QUICKLY online.

An interesting difference between Chase and Wayne is that Chase is big on intrigue while Wayne is big on talking (but in a sexy way to maintain a 50/50 balance between her and you). Because I can sometimes be a good conversationalist, I can maintain the 50/50, but I have a tendency also to say some really weird shit, haha. So I'm going to start trying Chase's conversational model. I can see it fitting my style quite well also.
 
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