- Joined
- Dec 20, 2012
- Messages
- 798
Hi guys,
Hoping for some help here...
Something I've faced a few times over the last year is that I meet a girl I genuinely like, I'm open to dating them but somewhere between 2 and 4 dates they flake.
They will literally vanish off the face of the earth or if I'm lucky I'll get the courtesy of a text saying "Thanks for everything, you're great but I don't see it working out".
I have to preface this with saying that the terms of us meeting and our interactions had me more in the boyfriend potential zone than hookup zone. And just speaking on a few girls in particular I was ok with that.
I felt I did the right things, I felt the dates went well and often they'd follow up right away saying they wanted to see me again after the 1st, 2nd, 3rd date or whatever... but somewhere after that point they are gone.
Now I know the obvious thing guys will say is I didn't move fast enough. I'm experienced with placing myself in the "lover" role over this year and I have moved fast at times to make this happen but if I see something in a girl I like, I've been ok with falling into the boyfriend role.
I have experimented with various approaches... from bedding them on the first date to being "more of a gentleman" and not pushing fast enough. And everywhere in between.
If I pushed it faster the likelihood is I will see them again but they will flake after that. If I don't push it fast, I've had mixed results on another date but generally I will see them... the cliff is 3-4 dates. The girls just vanish.
On the face of it... I felt like the dates went well. I can't pinpoint anything that went wrong or where I messed up. Yet the results were the same, the girls are gone.
I'm trying to analyze it. I don't quite understand. Even in years gone by when I knew nothing about this stuff and was probably awkward and shy and scrambling for things to say and too shy to touch or kiss a girl, as long as I got 3-4 dates well then I never had a problem making them my girlfriend for a time at least... if she's still seeing me at that point she has got to like me, as terribly awkward and shy as I was back then... but now... it just doesn't happen.
I feel like this is playing on my mind and want to figure it out. I'm not so sure what I'm doing that is not right.
Hoping for some help here...
Something I've faced a few times over the last year is that I meet a girl I genuinely like, I'm open to dating them but somewhere between 2 and 4 dates they flake.
They will literally vanish off the face of the earth or if I'm lucky I'll get the courtesy of a text saying "Thanks for everything, you're great but I don't see it working out".
I have to preface this with saying that the terms of us meeting and our interactions had me more in the boyfriend potential zone than hookup zone. And just speaking on a few girls in particular I was ok with that.
I felt I did the right things, I felt the dates went well and often they'd follow up right away saying they wanted to see me again after the 1st, 2nd, 3rd date or whatever... but somewhere after that point they are gone.
Now I know the obvious thing guys will say is I didn't move fast enough. I'm experienced with placing myself in the "lover" role over this year and I have moved fast at times to make this happen but if I see something in a girl I like, I've been ok with falling into the boyfriend role.
I have experimented with various approaches... from bedding them on the first date to being "more of a gentleman" and not pushing fast enough. And everywhere in between.
If I pushed it faster the likelihood is I will see them again but they will flake after that. If I don't push it fast, I've had mixed results on another date but generally I will see them... the cliff is 3-4 dates. The girls just vanish.
On the face of it... I felt like the dates went well. I can't pinpoint anything that went wrong or where I messed up. Yet the results were the same, the girls are gone.
I'm trying to analyze it. I don't quite understand. Even in years gone by when I knew nothing about this stuff and was probably awkward and shy and scrambling for things to say and too shy to touch or kiss a girl, as long as I got 3-4 dates well then I never had a problem making them my girlfriend for a time at least... if she's still seeing me at that point she has got to like me, as terribly awkward and shy as I was back then... but now... it just doesn't happen.
I feel like this is playing on my mind and want to figure it out. I'm not so sure what I'm doing that is not right.