Advice?

Novacane

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Dec 9, 2012
Messages
80
Location
Toronto
What does one do when a woman you've layed with before goes absolutely cold? As in not replying to messages, to avoid this from happening in the future what steps should one take after a lay to keep things casual, I've seen the person one or two times after the initial lay, but was unable to proceed with another lay ever since then any attempt to meet up has been shut down or ignored, any advice would be appreciated!
 

NarrowJ

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Feb 13, 2013
Messages
1,279
Novacane:

Provide us with the backstory. There could be a ton of different reasons. I may not have the answer(s), but if you can tell the full tale: how you met, interactions toward a date and/or intimacy, and especially how the sex was... I can guarantee that someone on here will be able to help out!

NJ
 

Novacane

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Dec 9, 2012
Messages
80
Location
Toronto
Here's some back info. So I met this girl got her contact details talked for a bit then planned for a little meet up, the first initial meet up was great, fast forward to a month later (due to work I never really had time to go out) I drop by her place only too be confronted by a few of her friends played it cool and seemed to get the approval of her friends none seemed to try to cock block etc. Second time we meet up just me and her and I end up getting the lay, I admit prior to the lay I did some real high investment ish (Downloaded a shit ton of music for her) Met up with her for the third time didn't get a lay, and ever since then whenever i send a message to come by or hang it's just ignored. Now I understand the abundance mentality and believe me by no means is this affecting me, I just would like to get a grip on how to avoid or at least prevent those you've slept with from going cold, and if they do go cold how does one attempt to remedy the problem?
 

Franco

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Nov 14, 2012
Messages
3,641
Location
Southern California
Novacane,

I just would like to get a grip on how to avoid or at least prevent those you've slept with from going cold, and if they do go cold how does one attempt to remedy the problem?

There are usually two primary suspects when something like this happens, and they are both related to warmth. After sex, you need to provide enough warmth so that she doesn't get ego depletion and resent having slept with you. On the flip side, you don't want to provide so much warmth that she feels like you're a different person after the deed as well! She wants to feel like she slept with a real man, but one that won't make her feel bad about her decision.

Here's my usual checklist after I've just finished sex for the first time with a girl (regardless of my future intentions with her):

  • 1) Lay next to her for a moment and catch my breath for a few seconds (as we're both usually breathing heavily at this point).

    2) Make a joke referring to something earlier in the evening that somehow relates to the current situation in a calm, warm voice (i.e. "Well, I guess you won't be needing to do your cardio session at the gym tomorrow!"). She'll usually laugh at something like this.

    3) Exchange a bit of conversation with her for a minute or two.

    4) Use a hand gesture to tell her to move close to me on the bed if she isn't already. Once she is, I put my arm around her and let her cuddle in close to me, although I don't "cuddle" back. My other hand is usually thrown behind the back of my head with my head resting on it.

    5) Continue to have conversation with her for 10-20 minutes. This is a good time to reveal something about yourself that she didn't previously know. It's a way of "rewarding" her decision with some personal information that she feels like a lot of people may not know about you.

    6) At this point, if it's early in the night, you can have sex with her again, or you can walk her out if she needs to go. If she's staying the night and it's late, you can also go to sleep holding her (and then release her 20-30 minutes later so you can actually fall asleep).

    7) If she stayed over, I kiss her neck and her shoulders in the morning when it's time to get up, make a little bit of light, flirty banter, and have sex with her again. I then walk her to her car when it's time to go.

    8) Regardless of whether or not she stayed the night, I send her a text sometime in the early afternoon the next day with something along the lines of, "I had a great time with you last night, Alexis! Hopefully you're not too tired today ;)"

I've never had a girl go cold after sex, so that checklist has been rather full-proof for me. Hopefully this checklist will help you figure out where your sticking point was!

- Franco
 

Flames

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Dec 7, 2012
Messages
430
Location
England, UK
Check her pulse? :)

But seriously maybe your inadvertently screening out one night stands?

Also as Franco suggested sex for women had 3 stages, before, during and after you have to satisfy all 3.
 

Nuncle

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Feb 5, 2013
Messages
174
Damn, wish I'd read your post before my last, atrociously awkward, one night stand.
 

MonsterzRock

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Aug 1, 2013
Messages
33
Location
SO-CAL
Wow! I think Franco's response should be "stickied" somewhere if it isn't already. I'm gonna have to print it out and memorize it for future use. :)
 
Top
>