- Joined
- Nov 14, 2017
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- 305
Truth Is Stranger Than Fiction
Weʼre talking one of my childhood friends here.
When it comes to women, heʼs more or less a fuckboy — always fucking one girl or another that heʼs with casually, but I donʼt normally see him in any serious traditional monogamous relationship. At once he seems to have a bit of an indifferent attitude towards game, gaming some girls and then somewhat sugar-babying others (I suspect to get at hotter girls), some of which comes down to laziness / efficiency / lack of focus on game. He has at points been a bit critical of my approach to women, in particular my insistence to not spend money on them. Heʼs even gotten white nightey and accused me of trying to play games with women, although this is more of an attitude he takes on when drunk, but at once was very happy to hear when I made my first clean seduction a little while back.
Anyway, the other day, he sends me some pics of this exchange student from Africa heʼs been banging, talks her up, and says he wants me to meet her.
For context, this is a black guy who will fuck a black girl on occasion but isnʼt really all that much into them generally, and usually goes for white and Latina girls. And one who knows, as just about everyone does, that I very specifically go for black girls and especially African girls.
The girl isnʼt South Sudanese cute by any means, but she is cute. Possibly a bit plump though, but itʼs hard to tell. Comes across as good‑natured.
Some strange intuition told me that he might just be trying to feed me this girl, and in retrospect, I suspect heʼs tried it before with other black girls.
It didnʼt work the last time, because of the “bro codes”. You just donʼt take a friendʼs girl! Of course, that rule comes from a culture of female scarcity — an implicit assumption of the girl being something it was very hard for him to find and which he is greatly invested in. Scarcity is such a ubiquitous mentality that it affects me even when it doesnʼt affect me! lol. That any guy, even a friend, would say, “here, wanna fuck this chick I been fucking?”, was mind‑boggling.
It was so unthinkable I couldnʼt even ask. But I couldnʼt shake the intuition, plus at this point I badly need more positive reference points. So I decided to make a joke about stealing her and then promised not to.
This is where it gets really strange. His reply:
????????????
This is just so far out of left field, Iʼm like a stunned bird.
I tell my friend that I value friendship over women, women are replaceable, so Iʼd absolutely never hit on a girl a friendʼs been with unless he tells me to explicitly.
Now What??
I donʼt know where to begin.
Iʼm not sure Iʼd even entertain this, were I doing better. But lack of volume due to approach anxiety is decimating my game. I plan to try to fix that by a move to Africa, but thatʼs still in the works and competing against various time drains. My only experiences with intercourse have been negative, and that creates even more mental challenge. If my friend is right and this girl falls in my lap easily, that could help solidify my mentality a lot. So itʼs worth trying. As nuts as it sounds.
So, starting with the basics. How do we do this? I say “we” because at this point and after a bit of further chatting, itʼs obvious my friend does actully want to get this girl on my dick.
This scenario is particularly foreign for me, because Iʼve always gamed lone wolf and usually not in social circle settings. Much less a girl whoʼse been banging my friend! LOL.
There are different possibilities:
- Get introduced electronically and otherwise handle it as a normal seduction. This may be particularly difficult for me since all of my experience getting dates has been with women I had at some point met in person; Iʼve never done Tinder or anything, ever, (proudly got laid without it, lol,) so Iʼm not used to having to build enough rapport over the wire to even get a date — a date has usually already been proposed in person and the wire is just for logistics.
- Get introduced in person but make it really brief and handle it largely the same as Iʼd handle a day game approach, proposing a coffee meet and getting her number, and do the rest as usual. When I play this out in my head, it seems a little forced.
- Get introduced in person in some activity the three (or more) of us are doing together, and try to build some interest and comfort, but propose a one‑on‑one meet on a separate occasion, almost like the (more challenging) two date template. Iʼve once gotten a girl home from date #2, but itʼs usually either date #1 or bust, so Iʼm not entirely confident here, although it might work.
- Plan that the initial meet happens at a seduction location, quite likely the friendʼs place. This is remarkably more practical here than it would be in just about any cold approach setting. Get cozy with her first, and then isolate to another room on some excuse that has been planned, or even just by the friend leaving the room, then escalate. I actually think that in most respects this is the most promising route, except for one big hiccup: I have to assume sheʼs not going to know the friend is in on this, and so sheʼs probably going to be scared that heʼll catch us, even though he wonʼt.
- We both seduce her simultaneously. Ummmmm..... this isnʼt the first thing that comes to mind when I hear the word “threesome”! I suspect my friend would concur.
The next issue is, girls are not monogamous, but they try to act like it. Well, not all. But I have to at least assume that the girl may not want my friend to know she fucked his friend. I donʼt really know how to handle this because itʼs such an atypical situation. Do I play like weʼre trying not to get caught? Or should my friend just communicate that he doesnʼt care if we do? The risk with the former is that her resistance to the risk of being caught could be high. The risk with the latter is that she may feel like sheʼs being pawned off.
Another concern is my buddyʼs remark that the girl falls in love way too easy. He seems to think sheʼll fall in love with me, as much as I donʼt see it myself. Iʼm not one to fuck a girl and then ditch her like trash, but at once Iʼm not into monogamy at all — much less with a girl thatʼs not even a tall, dark‑dark, cherub-faced South Sudanese. Iʼd stay friendly and potentially intimate with her, but if she pushed for a relationship, Iʼd refuse, and Iʼm worried that if sheʼs really the tender heart he makes her out to be, that might hurt her. It doesnʼt help that I have zero experience in repeat sex, and thus in managing expectations.
I mean, yeah, you could encounter such a girl randomly in day game, too, but here Iʼve been warned in advance. And my friend can sometimes be paternalistic towards women (sort of white knightey, but different), so there could potentially be some fallout if I wind up breaking her heart.
Sexual Complications
Another dimension is that presently sex itself is a problem for me. Iʼve suffered erectile dysfunction brought on by multiple factors including genital mutilation; I wrote about it in detail here.
The ED is in no small part mental, and performance anxiety has been particularly severe due to the rarity of opportunities to perform. (Poor sexual performance in turn has hurt my confidence, which makes it even harder to overcome approach anxiety and to have a sexy vibe, limiting my opportunities and making a catch‑22.)
Iʼd hate to have an opportunity put right in my lap only to blow it. It almost makes me think I should first practice on an escort to get more comfortable with the physical act. Iʼve already seduced a girl successfully without spending a penny on her, and know well that I can do it again, so Iʼm not liable to fuck up my mental model. I mentioned this option in the MGM/ED post above and had positive feedback on the idea, but havenʼt tried yet due to a combination of concerns including atypically high HSV‑2 risk.
(Thereʼs a strange tie‑in here, because if I was to go with practicing on an escort, this same friend is the one Iʼd probably approach for logistical advice on that, since he has occasionally done the pay‑to‑play thing.)
Either approach is complicated by another contributing factor in the ED: condoms donʼt help. This is partly due to loss of sensation from the genital mutilation, but also because they are not sexy. I suspect itʼs possible to overcome the ED with direct genital contact.
A while back I decided that until the ED subsides with experience, Iʼm going to prioritize sex without condoms. Thatʼs something Iʼm only willing to do with some subset of the women Iʼd be willing to fuck at all, mainly due to higher pregnancy risks. Thus Iʼve tended to prioritize hitting on women Iʼm ok with taking raw. (Which is not helping the approach anxiety any.) To that end, Iʼve also gotten the HPV vaccine, researched and obtained contraceptive sponges, and got a prescription for on‑demand PrEP (antiretrovirals) to marginalize the already small risk of getting HIV from a girl from Africa.
While I have taken some precautions to make raw sex less dangerous, one important risk that I canʼt mitigate is HSV‑2 (herpes), and this is a serious risk with prostitutes even with condoms, let alone without. As such, Iʼm not crazy enough to fuck prostitutes raw, although I know guys who have. I expect escorts tend to resist it, anyway — and if one doesnʼt, Iʼd be even more worried!
This makes practicing on an escort a double-edged sword. On one hand, it separates the sex act from the pressure of having to seduce a girl and perform for her. On the other hand, I have to go with 100% condom use, whereas with many a normal girl I couldʼve gone with sexier and more stimulating raw sex.
Of course, I donʼt know for sure that my friendʼs chick here even fits into that latter category. Contraceptive sponges are more failure-prone than condoms, so Iʼll only rely on them with women I wouldnʼt be totally pissed to have to call my babyʼs mother. I havenʼt met the girl to be able to tell for sure if she fits that criterion or not. If sheʼs substantially overweight, she doesnʼt.
Iʼm also cognizant of the girl probably being here on student visa and not having permanent residency, which both massively complicates shit if she gets knocked up, and possibly even gives her some incentive to do so with a citizen. Add to that the fact that the sponge may be somewhat vulnerable to witting or unwitting sabotage by the female, who is not supposed to remove it for 6 hours after sex.
Well, I guess thereʼs risks in everything.
