Im getting weaker before her , and im loosing my power.

thulani826

Rookie
Rookie
Joined
Jul 28, 2019
Messages
4
Hey .

So , i've been dating this girl for a year and like , 10 months now . It all started out a little messy and ive kinda been keeping it in control for a while , but its slowly getting out of hand .

We started out , as "friends" with benefits , this was because i found her in a long distance relationship with a guy from another city . She was open to kissing , but wouldn't let me get further . one time i took her to a hotel room and she got fully undressed but wouldn't let me fuck her. I thought this was just because she didnt know me that well but i wasn't sure . perhaps it was because of that boyfriend she had , but i didnt take their relationship seriously because she told me , that she'd never had sex with him. So i believed her , that time .

Over a period of like 2 months , we started a relationship , but i didnt bother to ask about if she had left her boyfriend or not , i just assumed he was history . A week after we got into a relationship, i was supposed to leave for another city for college , but the same day , we had a disagreement and i left her. The same day i felt a little uncomfortable with my decision so i tried to call her again because i wanted to get her back . i had not had sex with her yet . she did not pick up my calls for a day until finally her phone went off the following day . she was unreachable .

A day later after her phone went off , she turned it on and i called her . she was avoiding me and asked me to cut the call as another person was trying to get in contact with her . I asked my uncle about why she was acting this way and he told me that its probably because there was another guy giving her attention . I was in denial, so i kept pursuing .

About a week later we were talking again , she was warm , but whenever i raised the topic about us being together , she would avoid it and get somewhat angry, she wanted us to stay friends . I kept pushing until finally , she let me visit her, and we got a room, where i fucked her for the first time . She was skeptical at first ,she wanted us to just kiss and not have sex but after some convincing and persuasion she finally let me have it , and asked me to promise to never leave her , to which i did , becuse i really wanted that p*ssy.

About a week or 2 later , i was bashing through facebook and i came across the guy she was in a relationship with , who i assumed she was over with . I sent her the photo of him and she got kind of jittery and defensive in her response . Turns out , they were still seeing eatchother . She pleaded with me, dumped him immediately and said she had never had sex with him but only kissed him , but from my perspective , it was kind of obvious that she had had sex with him . But she denied this numerous times and to the point of getting bored answering the same questions over and over. Because i kept pressing her for the truth, but i decided to give her a benefit of doubt. I was pussy whipped. This whole thing made me go crazy and i started seeing 4 other girls to try and get over it but it didnt work.

A month later i contact the guy , of which i know im not supposed to do but, hey , it was affecting me in the worst way and i needed answers . Well , just like every other guy would , he was angry that i was talking to him about this . Told me i should not speak with him but instead i must ask my girlfriend what happened . I was not satisfied so i pressed him until finally he tells me "Okay , yes . I fucked her , she was my girlfriend and i did everything to her". I was hurt . so i told my girlfriend what he told me ,and she was angry at me for talking to him. I told her its not my fault for wanting to know the truth that she wasn't willing to give me proof or evidence that she was not having sex with this guy. Besides she admitted to spending the whole night with him , only that she did not give up the p*say , she didnt have sex with him , all night ? . to me it was kind of unbelievable

After she got angry and providing no solutions what so ever , she kept saying " if you want to leave me , go ahead , im not gonna let you put me under pressure" , "i have other stuff to think about" as though to say , it doesn't matter what i think or what i feel , its not important to her . So i came up with the suggestion of her calling him, putting him on loud speaker and i will pretend not to be there . she refused this and did not want to comply . a month later , i talked to the guy again and this time i was trying to get him to tell me the honest truth . to which again he responded angry and said "look dont ask me this question again ,yes i did fuck her. Do you think i would date a girl without fucking her " .

I told her about my previous confrontation of the guy ,she got angry again , and then this time she brought it up herself to give him a phone call and ask him why he was saying these things . She gave him a call in my presence and put him on loud speaker , and i was quiet the whole time , so he wouldnt know i was there .

She asked him " Hey, so why have you been telling Thulani that you and i had sex ?" , to which he answered " Look your boyfriend keeps forcing me to say stuff im not supposed to say , i tried to avoid him but he keeps forcing me" he went on further to say , " I told him to ask you (my girlfriend) if he wants to know anything , he must not speak to me , i have moved on " , she responded saying " I have already tried to tell him the truth but he does not listen to be , i have told him numerous times" , he responded " Your boyfriend told me that you said i did not have sex with . Okay so if he already knows the truth , the what does he want from me , because i told him , if he wants to know the truth he should ask you , i cannot discuss this stuff with him , i can only talk to you" , she said " look im sorry , that he's been bothering you over this " , he says " fine its okay , but just tell him not to talk to me , he's being very childish " . Well simply put , the implication i got from their conversation was that , he was just fucking with me because i kept pestering him , and he didnt really fuck her .

After that , i was happy , for a few days . then i stared to get this doubt all of a sudden , what if he just admited to not fucking her , so that i wouldn't confront him anymore . what if he did , but he was perhaps just trying to be the bigger man or something. Doubt's crawled back inside my head and the psychotic chain of thought had begun again. For me , it was too good to be true. Did she perhaps inform him that she would call , and told him what to say. Im not sure about that convos , its a mystery . I just dont understand why this guy would lie to me telling me "Do you think i would date a girl without fucking her " ,Only to admit that he did not infact fuck her . to me its ridiculous and a little embarrassing for him to lie about it.

Its been, 8 months now and i still have doubts to this day . I also have another girl im seeing i let go of the other 3 . im kind of starting to get over the first girl but , its hard still . no matter how much i fuck my other girlfriend, i just cant seem to get over the first one.

And the most painful part about it is , she doesn't give a shit if i leave her , she says she could get rid of me if i keep having trust issues . It hurts because , more than anything i want her to love me , i've tried seeing other women, right under her nose . but i still dont feel better , i still kinda need her , even when she'ill clearly shown me , she could care less . she says ,she loves me but , i cant feel it , i used to but not anymore

What do i do , how do i get over her and leave her ?
 

JacobPalmer

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jun 24, 2019
Messages
375
Oh man.....honestly you need to break up and get with like, 50 girls. Because right now you have some major issues you need to work through. 0 trust, super needy, and yes, very childish. Honestly, what's going to happen is you're going to crack and the two of you will break up, you'll be sad, then find someone else, and the same cycle will continue. Break up with her and work on yourself for a while.
 

naturalmikey

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Jun 9, 2019
Messages
815
pull back. just quit talking to her for a while. the best test of how much a girl likes you is “is she complying.” when a girl stops complying you need to pull back. don’t text her even to respond to her. don’t call. no contact for a week. give he a chance to miss you.
 

thulani826

Rookie
Rookie
Joined
Jul 28, 2019
Messages
4
and the same cycle will continue
But , one surprising thing its that, its not the same feeling with other girls . I actually feel like, if i do get over this girl i would be able to get over any girl in the world in minutes . She not particularly the hottest girl i've ever dated , but something about her makes me hold on to her , and to a point where she knows that im holding on .

I dont get why i'm in this position , its kind of like a spell , where i want to leave her but i cant stand how much it will pain me .
 

thulani826

Rookie
Rookie
Joined
Jul 28, 2019
Messages
4
don’t call. no contact for a week. give he a chance to miss you.

I've tried that , and yes it did help . She was warmer in her responces . The only problem i had with no contact was that , i had so many worries , i didnt want her cheating or anything because that would only worsen the hurt . so i broke the no contact after a week , when i originally intended to leave for a month. I've tried radio silence like twice , but she only starts to call back after i initiate contact . She never contacts during the given period of time .

All in all i just want a way to completely forget her . I tried seeing a therapist and that didnt work . I've been considering Xanax , because i get real anxious when she doesent call.
 

naturalmikey

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Jun 9, 2019
Messages
815
she’s not very invested. she probably is cheating. you need to move on.
 

DarkKnight

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Oct 18, 2018
Messages
1,576
The answer is extremely simple. There is no dileberation necessary.

*cut off contact/move on
*meet more girls
*avoid girls who you are too invested in who trigger this much of damned drama

But usually guys who are in your position cannot help themself until the girl cuts it off.
 
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