- Joined
- Nov 14, 2017
- Messages
- 305
(Been quiet for a while, in part because Iʼm concentrating more on prerequisites of sneaking off this continent for a while. Still go out to approach once in a while just so I donʼt completely de‑normalize talking to girls, but approach anxiety just wonʼt allow me to get any serious volume here in the West, so I need to focus on going where Iʼll be able to work efficiently due to greater abundance of approach material.)
The Girl
Anyway, I just recently decided on taking a crap shoot on a girl I cold approached at a cultural event last year, by using a different strategy than usual. Luo girl (from Kenya). She has a young child and lives in a different city, but within the same commuting region.
Initially I had been aiming for the usual process with her: get on a coffee date, from there pull to one of our homes, and escalate. Iʼve since had the process work, so I know it works. But in her case itʼs been complicated by logistics. At that point neither of us drove, though she does now. But thereʼs also the question mark of care of her child. If I meet her somewhere near her place, sheʼs probably got a sitter, so unless weʼre coming back past the childʼs bedtime — maybe a little unrealistic for a coffee date, — itʼs tricky. Plus, less excuses to pull to her home. Near my place and she has to get babysitting the whole time sheʼs here — but sheʼs not going to realize how long she needs to be out since ostensibly itʼs just coffee! Plus, itʼs a fairly long way. Setting up a date conducive to pulling is basically an overconstrained problem. Girls Iʼve gotten home have always either not had kids or lived closer, or both.
As such, over the better part of a year there have been a handful of date plans with her that fell through. Of course, I kept my distance that whole time so as to not get friendzoned; Iʼd basically just disappear for two to four months and then say “hi” out of nowhere and after some basic pleasantries try to set something up.
Well, dragging on for even a month is not ideal, let alone a year, but I have gotten girls home after even longer than that, by pretty much the same approach of always breaking contact for long periods, so itʼs not necessarily a lost cause.
I think the problem is more logistics than interest on her part. Well, sheʼs not always great at answering texts — and thatʼs made me bugger off on more than one occasion, — but when I actually call her, sheʼs warm, seems genuinely interested and down to meet, and Iʼm typically the one to cut the call off. On some occasions when Iʼve texted, sheʼs replied by calling me. Calls me “darling” and “sexy” and “dear”, lol, although sheʼs the only Kenyan Iʼve dealt with yet, so who knows, maybe this is just the way they always talk to guys. At one point a while back while trying to make plans, she alluded to the possibility of staying overnight. She recently wanted me to call her, saying she had some things she had been meaning to ask for the longest time (I somehow avoided actually hearing these questions).
My Clever Idea
Anyway, I recently got an idea towards handling girls that are friendly but have shaky logistics.
Part of the logistics problem is that itʼs being made more complicated by having to maintain a façade of being an innocent coffee meet. In this particular case at least, if both of us were consciously on the same page that weʼre meeting up to fuck, that meeting would be a lot easier to negotiate logistically. Basically, Iʼd just grab an Uber straight to the girlʼs place after the kid goes to bed. Easy peasy!
Well, actually seeing first-hand how easy it can be to get laid and how much girls like to fuck, has made me think a little more boldly. So I figured, heck, if I go the usual route, Iʼll probably never meet up with this girl anyway — that approach has already failed, — so why not just try to meet up with the express purpose of fucking? Either it works or it doesnʼt, and I have nothing to lose by trying. And she might find my boldness attractive!
My plan was, ping her in the morning, feel out what sheʼs doing later, and if sheʼs responsive and not busy that evening, try to escalate sexually over texting over the course of the day. Get to the point of exchanging increasingly explicit pictures, and then when itʼs dead obvious we want to fuck each other, just text her, “Iʼm coming over tonight. Text me ur address.”
A year ago Iʼd have never expected that to work in a million years, but intervening positive experiences have made me not so sure.
Well, over the past several weeks, I tried to execute this plan on this girl two or three times, but each time aborted without actually escalating things, either because she was not quick enough in responding to messages, or because she had incompatible plans which I discovered through casual banter (while trying hard to not suggest I wanted to meet).
This is basically uncharted territory for me, as Iʼve never actually tried to purposefully inject blatant sexuality in remote communications. But I figured, well, people do sext, so I should probably get my feet wet, and no better a situation!
The Experiment
I was quite unsure how to steer the conversation towards sexting in a smooth manner. Not knowing what else to do, I decided to try out a really bold, impudent approach by making it a playful dare while sheʼs at work. She had recently indicated she gets a lot of breaks — perfect! However, this ploy meant I had to be quick and get the initial sexual exchange well before 5pm. The further steps (dirtier pics) could be left for after work. Given back and forth delays, this didnʼt leave a lot of room to be too gradual, and I didnʼt know how, anyway.
I recently discovered sheʼs on WhatsApp.
Her profile pic is literally the first time Iʼve seen her since the initial approach last year, which was like 5 minutes. From the pic, looks like she could be a little bit on the fat side, or at least thick, but itʼs hard to tell. I certainly donʼt remember her being a fatty in person — I normally donʼt hit on fatties, and Iʼd definitely remember it if I did. Well, she wasnʼt slight, but not fat.
So, hereʼs how the attempt went:
(I had to regroup a bit here because I wasnʼt sure what impact this would have on her evening/night availability.)10:03am — Phoenix: Clara, Whatup
10:10am — Clara: Hi Phoenix
10:15am — Phoenix: How was ur week.. enjoy the concert?
10:17am — Clara: Yes I did
10:18am — Clara: Amazing
10:18am — Clara: I think I will be going for [musician] next week
10:30am — Phoenix: Nice. So which fete u doing tonite?
11:03am — Clara: Probably take my car for paint correction
That last message is remarkably uncharacteristic of me... it took a lot of balls to press send!! Iʼm glad I did though, regardless of what happens — because not having balls has cost me God only knows how much pussy over my life.11:38am — Phoenix: Sounds like someone gets to Uber into work tomorrow!
12:09pm — Clara: True
12:09pm — Clara: How are you doing though
12:29pm — Phoenix: Iʼm pretty good. U at work?
12:39pm — Clara: Yeah
12:47pm — Phoenix: Hmmmm.... I dare you to go visit the washroom & send me a pic of ur tits (;
Results & Analysis
The blue ticks (meaning she most probably saw it) appeared on my last message within half an hour (I wasnʼt watching closely), but she never replied.
Of course, thatʼs some passive negative compliance, which I wasnʼt happy about. But sheʼs a little flaky with text generally, and has also seen but failed to reply to innocuous queries, too. So Iʼm not really sure what to make of her silence.
When she failed to answer, I was torn between myself staying silent so as to not seem try‑hard, and trying to tease a response out of her so as to not let the attempt go stale or feel awkward. Usually, I freeze out a girl who hasnʼt answered me, for a good day or two — but after this particular message, I almost wondered if it was counter-productive to do that.
At least I have enough experience to not worry too much that I may have really offended her; experience makes me doubt that.
Things Iʼm wondering:
- Was I too abrupt here? If so, how could I have gone about this more smoothly?
- Was I right to remain silent when she read but didnʼt answer the last message? Could I have coaxed her productively? Or should I maybe have tried calling her after work? (Sheʼs often more responsive with phone calls, and has invited them recently.) If so, how would I have best handled such a call?
- When and how should I re-engage her?