- Joined
- Sep 7, 2018
- Messages
- 364
Hey guys,
In light of recent events and in general, I want to address something - specifically, insecurities and issues guys may also be facing that I know I am that are holding me back. I've posted something very similar in my journal but I want to hear what your guys' thoughts are and how you have dealt with these:
1 - Actually being OK with not having sex. I almost lost my chances with a new girl because I let almost getting to sex - but not having sex (see my LR-) ruined my mood as we were heading back. I wasn't actually OK with not having sex and she picked up on this and it made her hesitant to want sex because what if I would change how I acted afterwards?
2 - Being worried that a girl won't want to see me again. Is it true that if I don't get anywhere, I might not see her again? Yes. But, I'm viewing it wrong. It's that I need to improve my process and focus on moving faster by hitting escalation windows and keeping constant forward progress with the girl I'm with. If we don't get to sex, it's OK as long as she sees me as a lover and there is a constant forward progress with our dates. Why wouldn't she want to see me again as long as I set the right frames and keep things moving forward? I'm a high value guy - it's about time I see myself as much and begin to act from an abundance mindset. It also wards off desperation and chasing behavior.
3 - Being jealous of other guys and my friends. The new girl had no string attached sex with some guys and has videos on her phone - and I'm jealous that we've been doing things (sexual, sure) but we haven't had sex yet. It bugs me in this way. I'm jealous. Then, I have my best friend who has a girlfriend (which is fantastic for him - I'm not wanting a girlfriend per se), but I'm jealous that he has access to consistent sex, that he didn't have to try so hard to get it as me, and that in the two years they've been together (2 years! He first got with her when he brought her to a party I hosted - and I haven't been able to get laid in those 2 years?! Makes me seriously question what I've even been doing all this time). I'm reading on the GC articles on this.
4 - Slowing down when I am out in public doing cold approaches. What do I mean by this? Actually slowing down and not being so damn anxious to meet the next person or go to the next venue or do the next thing. I need to focus fully on the moment and the things I am looking at and if a cute girl shows up, I need to be completely committed to interacting with ONLY her and moving things ONLY with her - until she shows disinterest and leaves or the interaction has to end for whatever reason.
The common theme for me is that I'm too anxious and worried about getting to the next level that I'm missing everything along the way and I feel like this is a common sticking point for guys. You want sex? So you try and try and try and move too fast or skip steps or get into trouble somehow. It's the opposite of moving too slow, and I guess you need to experience both to calibrate properly and learn what the escalation windows look like. But maybe, like a GC article says, you need to completely enjoy each moment between each window (and still make sure you hit the window!) to really enjoy the escalation. Be completely focused on her and nothing else. Enjoy it - not in a goofy, let's have fun and not have a goal kind of way, but in a focused, let's get the most out of this moment before we do the next thing kind of way.
What kind of insecurities have you guys had to face and how have you conquered the ones I stated above (that are the ones I have)?
Thanks!
NBW
In light of recent events and in general, I want to address something - specifically, insecurities and issues guys may also be facing that I know I am that are holding me back. I've posted something very similar in my journal but I want to hear what your guys' thoughts are and how you have dealt with these:
1 - Actually being OK with not having sex. I almost lost my chances with a new girl because I let almost getting to sex - but not having sex (see my LR-) ruined my mood as we were heading back. I wasn't actually OK with not having sex and she picked up on this and it made her hesitant to want sex because what if I would change how I acted afterwards?
2 - Being worried that a girl won't want to see me again. Is it true that if I don't get anywhere, I might not see her again? Yes. But, I'm viewing it wrong. It's that I need to improve my process and focus on moving faster by hitting escalation windows and keeping constant forward progress with the girl I'm with. If we don't get to sex, it's OK as long as she sees me as a lover and there is a constant forward progress with our dates. Why wouldn't she want to see me again as long as I set the right frames and keep things moving forward? I'm a high value guy - it's about time I see myself as much and begin to act from an abundance mindset. It also wards off desperation and chasing behavior.
3 - Being jealous of other guys and my friends. The new girl had no string attached sex with some guys and has videos on her phone - and I'm jealous that we've been doing things (sexual, sure) but we haven't had sex yet. It bugs me in this way. I'm jealous. Then, I have my best friend who has a girlfriend (which is fantastic for him - I'm not wanting a girlfriend per se), but I'm jealous that he has access to consistent sex, that he didn't have to try so hard to get it as me, and that in the two years they've been together (2 years! He first got with her when he brought her to a party I hosted - and I haven't been able to get laid in those 2 years?! Makes me seriously question what I've even been doing all this time). I'm reading on the GC articles on this.
4 - Slowing down when I am out in public doing cold approaches. What do I mean by this? Actually slowing down and not being so damn anxious to meet the next person or go to the next venue or do the next thing. I need to focus fully on the moment and the things I am looking at and if a cute girl shows up, I need to be completely committed to interacting with ONLY her and moving things ONLY with her - until she shows disinterest and leaves or the interaction has to end for whatever reason.
The common theme for me is that I'm too anxious and worried about getting to the next level that I'm missing everything along the way and I feel like this is a common sticking point for guys. You want sex? So you try and try and try and move too fast or skip steps or get into trouble somehow. It's the opposite of moving too slow, and I guess you need to experience both to calibrate properly and learn what the escalation windows look like. But maybe, like a GC article says, you need to completely enjoy each moment between each window (and still make sure you hit the window!) to really enjoy the escalation. Be completely focused on her and nothing else. Enjoy it - not in a goofy, let's have fun and not have a goal kind of way, but in a focused, let's get the most out of this moment before we do the next thing kind of way.
What kind of insecurities have you guys had to face and how have you conquered the ones I stated above (that are the ones I have)?
Thanks!
NBW