Addressing Insecurities and Getting Better with Women

NewBeeWinner

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Sep 7, 2018
Messages
364
Hey guys,

In light of recent events and in general, I want to address something - specifically, insecurities and issues guys may also be facing that I know I am that are holding me back. I've posted something very similar in my journal but I want to hear what your guys' thoughts are and how you have dealt with these:

1 - Actually being OK with not having sex. I almost lost my chances with a new girl because I let almost getting to sex - but not having sex (see my LR-) ruined my mood as we were heading back. I wasn't actually OK with not having sex and she picked up on this and it made her hesitant to want sex because what if I would change how I acted afterwards?

2 - Being worried that a girl won't want to see me again. Is it true that if I don't get anywhere, I might not see her again? Yes. But, I'm viewing it wrong. It's that I need to improve my process and focus on moving faster by hitting escalation windows and keeping constant forward progress with the girl I'm with. If we don't get to sex, it's OK as long as she sees me as a lover and there is a constant forward progress with our dates. Why wouldn't she want to see me again as long as I set the right frames and keep things moving forward? I'm a high value guy - it's about time I see myself as much and begin to act from an abundance mindset. It also wards off desperation and chasing behavior.

3 - Being jealous of other guys and my friends. The new girl had no string attached sex with some guys and has videos on her phone - and I'm jealous that we've been doing things (sexual, sure) but we haven't had sex yet. It bugs me in this way. I'm jealous. Then, I have my best friend who has a girlfriend (which is fantastic for him - I'm not wanting a girlfriend per se), but I'm jealous that he has access to consistent sex, that he didn't have to try so hard to get it as me, and that in the two years they've been together (2 years! He first got with her when he brought her to a party I hosted - and I haven't been able to get laid in those 2 years?! Makes me seriously question what I've even been doing all this time). I'm reading on the GC articles on this.

4 - Slowing down when I am out in public doing cold approaches. What do I mean by this? Actually slowing down and not being so damn anxious to meet the next person or go to the next venue or do the next thing. I need to focus fully on the moment and the things I am looking at and if a cute girl shows up, I need to be completely committed to interacting with ONLY her and moving things ONLY with her - until she shows disinterest and leaves or the interaction has to end for whatever reason.

The common theme for me is that I'm too anxious and worried about getting to the next level that I'm missing everything along the way and I feel like this is a common sticking point for guys. You want sex? So you try and try and try and move too fast or skip steps or get into trouble somehow. It's the opposite of moving too slow, and I guess you need to experience both to calibrate properly and learn what the escalation windows look like. But maybe, like a GC article says, you need to completely enjoy each moment between each window (and still make sure you hit the window!) to really enjoy the escalation. Be completely focused on her and nothing else. Enjoy it - not in a goofy, let's have fun and not have a goal kind of way, but in a focused, let's get the most out of this moment before we do the next thing kind of way.

What kind of insecurities have you guys had to face and how have you conquered the ones I stated above (that are the ones I have)?

Thanks!

NBW
 

Grand Pooba

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Dec 6, 2012
Messages
1,465
Location
NYC
Thanks so much for this post - it's exactly what I'm going through right now as I'm trying to level up.
Curious to hear other's tips on the solutions.
Seems like you've got a good understanding on the problem NBW - cheers!
 

Hue

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Sep 21, 2016
Messages
1,453
NBW,

Great post bro!

Definitely have dealt with and certainly will run into these things again. In this kinda progress that we're making, these seem the hardest to shake no matter how much you level up.

I think that 1, 2, and 3 boil down to one thing: empathy towards the people in the situation.

Number 1 + 2

Recently, I was explaining to my acquaintance who's well read in the Red Pill community that it's about understanding where the woman is coming from in the situation. If you're not ready for that quality of girl, she's not ready for you.

That girl wanted something more, because that's where she was in the situation and/or her life, and to give her what she wants, you must continually level up until you reach that point.

If she doesn't want to have sex that night (and you've done everything in your power to persist and exude yourself as a high value lover), well, then she doesn't want to have sex that night.

If she doesn't want to see you after what's happened (and you've set the right frames about what meeting you more will offer her) well, she doesn't want to.

Anderson .Paak, one of my favorite R&B artists, and a great example of what it means to be a lover, says it well when a "tired bitch" he's fucking is too tired to keep having sex, in how he responds.

Check this song, Sweet Chick, and jump to 1:40.

"Damn. Okay!"

That simple, if you can internalize it.

"Ah girl you aren't feeling it. That's disappointing. Oh well! Life goes on and I'll get going towards my next opportunity / option!"

Number 3

As far as 3, this one is hard. I'm still figuring it out, since my roommate is pretty much a natural and stumbles into really solid pussy all the time, whereas it feels like I'm out here doing work alotta the time.

That said, if the guy is actually your friend (or if he's not), I try to imagine how glad I would be if I were to have scored a high quality girl. Knowing that, how can you have negative emotions around it? Sure, it's a natural response, but not one that does anything for you very much (other than perhaps, motivation to better yourself). Even when I'm out and in competition with a stranger, if he's the guy that got the girl... well, *shakes hand* good game haha!

Number 4

Number 4 is recently growing to be tough for me, since I now live in the area I normally cold approach. I think there reaches a point that if you're operating in a social circle that you care about, where they would find it ridiculous for you to break out of the group and cold approach a girl, you may have to pull back. For example, I work a very social job, but if I were out for drinks with a female manager or some other female coworkers and cold approaching random girls at the bar it would be a bad look.

When I'm with cool guys who also cold approach (naturals), then of course! Go on ahead!

My closest social circle from HS took some getting used to with this one. Some of my best lays have been from being with them one second, seeing a hot girl, and immediately leaving them and abandoning the entire night out to keep things going. Was it worth it? I would say yes, but it really pissed some of them off and some of them took it personally (but that's kind of their problem).

However, if you're not bound by any specific relationship to the people around you, that is a matter of training yourself to have that ON switch when you need it. Takes time to develop, I think. I'm not 100% there either.

It comes down to knowing when to and when not to break social barriers. It doesn't always serve you to be radically different so like I said in another recent post, context, context, context.



Would love some other insights from the rest of y'all!


Hue
 

ElderPrice

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jun 11, 2018
Messages
568
NewBeeWinner said:
Hey guys,

In light of recent events and in general, I want to address something - specifically, insecurities and issues guys may also be facing that I know I am that are holding me back. I've posted something very similar in my journal but I want to hear what your guys' thoughts are and how you have dealt with these:

1 - Actually being OK with not having sex. I almost lost my chances with a new girl because I let almost getting to sex - but not having sex (see my LR-) ruined my mood as we were heading back. I wasn't actually OK with not having sex and she picked up on this and it made her hesitant to want sex because what if I would change how I acted afterwards?

2 - Being worried that a girl won't want to see me again. Is it true that if I don't get anywhere, I might not see her again? Yes. But, I'm viewing it wrong. It's that I need to improve my process and focus on moving faster by hitting escalation windows and keeping constant forward progress with the girl I'm with. If we don't get to sex, it's OK as long as she sees me as a lover and there is a constant forward progress with our dates. Why wouldn't she want to see me again as long as I set the right frames and keep things moving forward? I'm a high value guy - it's about time I see myself as much and begin to act from an abundance mindset. It also wards off desperation and chasing behavior.

3 - Being jealous of other guys and my friends. The new girl had no string attached sex with some guys and has videos on her phone - and I'm jealous that we've been doing things (sexual, sure) but we haven't had sex yet. It bugs me in this way. I'm jealous. Then, I have my best friend who has a girlfriend (which is fantastic for him - I'm not wanting a girlfriend per se), but I'm jealous that he has access to consistent sex, that he didn't have to try so hard to get it as me, and that in the two years they've been together (2 years! He first got with her when he brought her to a party I hosted - and I haven't been able to get laid in those 2 years?! Makes me seriously question what I've even been doing all this time). I'm reading on the GC articles on this.

4 - Slowing down when I am out in public doing cold approaches. What do I mean by this? Actually slowing down and not being so damn anxious to meet the next person or go to the next venue or do the next thing. I need to focus fully on the moment and the things I am looking at and if a cute girl shows up, I need to be completely committed to interacting with ONLY her and moving things ONLY with her - until she shows disinterest and leaves or the interaction has to end for whatever reason.

The common theme for me is that I'm too anxious and worried about getting to the next level that I'm missing everything along the way and I feel like this is a common sticking point for guys. You want sex? So you try and try and try and move too fast or skip steps or get into trouble somehow. It's the opposite of moving too slow, and I guess you need to experience both to calibrate properly and learn what the escalation windows look like. But maybe, like a GC article says, you need to completely enjoy each moment between each window (and still make sure you hit the window!) to really enjoy the escalation. Be completely focused on her and nothing else. Enjoy it - not in a goofy, let's have fun and not have a goal kind of way, but in a focused, let's get the most out of this moment before we do the next thing kind of way.

What kind of insecurities have you guys had to face and how have you conquered the ones I stated above (that are the ones I have)?

Thanks!

NBW
Great post! My thoughts for whatever they're worth:

1. You know what? This to me sounds like any other step of the journey. When you're brand new, you're just dyyyyyyying to get one phone number. When you're a little better and get many numbers, you're just dyyyyyying to get a date. When you're getting many dates, you're dying to get sex. Etc etc. So I'm guessing sex is pretty rare for you and that's why you get frustrated when an opportunity doesn't lead to sex. So I would think, just apply the lessons from previous parts of the journey: Keep improving your skills, especially the fundamental ones, and get yourself more opportunities to get laid.

2. Hue touched on a particular point. You do realize you could be 100% perfect in your game but she might not want sex that night, right? Okay. And if you also have read countless GC articles, then you've probably also stumbled on the ones that talk about how girls can just lose interest or get distracted very quickly after your outing with her. It may not have anything to do with you. It isn't personal. Other stuff comes up, and you just aren't the shiny new thing anymore. I don't know about you, but I've felt this myself! There've been girls that I thought were super cute in the club who I just felt very "meh" about the next day. There was a super cute girl I made out with in a club one time, we didn't have logistics to make anything work that night, so we swapped numbers. The next day I thought "Ehhhh she's too fat for me. Next!" and never texted her. She never texted me either. If I can feel differently 24 hours after meeting someone, I guarantee girls can and do too. So my suggestion is keep working on your skills to turn yourself into a guy that gets girls into bed the same day you meet them. If you want to keep them around, learn how to give them multiple orgasms in bed, plus more in the morning. IIRC what Chase wrote, that's about as best you can do to keep a girl around. If she doesn't want to stick around after that, let her go lol.

3. Are you sure this is jealousy? This feeling happens to me occasionally, but it's not jealousy, it's more like depression. Seeing this stuff makes me feel depressed at myself. Makes me feel like an alien seeing seemingly everyone having no problem having regular sex, and somehow I didn't do it in my youth and I've still yet to do it after working on this stuff for whatever, maybe approaching a year. It fucking sucks. But I've accepted why it's happening. It's because I'm obviously very messed up mentally. This is actually liberating because I know that if (when) I get fixed the wacked out programming in my head, I'll one day be a stud. It's just basic social skills. Normal people learn them in their teens. I didn't so I am now. It's just coming to the realization that what you're seeing isn't magic, it's that people have basic skills and you actually do not. Not a big deal. You and I are working on them, and we're improving them quickly.

4. Not sure what to say for this one. Maybe work on your game plan? If you're expecting to know for sure she's into you after 1 or 2 lines, you should maybe "plan" a more extensive interaction. After all, they do say women's attraction to you is like a volume knob...

Hope that helps!
 
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