First, excuse my language mistakes, english is not my first language.
My story may be quite pathetic to You, so please, show me some good heart.
I'm handsome but I'm a virgin. And I'm almost 32. I look young, though, maybe like 25. I'm quite inteligent and talended, have many interests, my first romantic kiss was at age 7! So, What went wrong? Social anxiety is a bitch! I have always been able to suggest to my friends that I was good with women. At partys when I was, of course, really drunk, I was the king of the floor because of my natural dancing skills, and all women liked it. Few times I got alone with a girl after party but wasn't able to do anything.
My sober life was even worse. I quit studies, had no job for long time. I was ashamed by myself that I haven't been with a girl. (At age 20 I kissed a girl few times in one day, then she dumped me, well, actually she just didn't make a relationship with me, but of course I thought, she was my girlfriend.
At age 27 if I recall, I decided to get the job I want even without formal education. And I made it. I lasted in this job for 3 months, then I quit because of social anxiety. Then, a year after this I found another job, even better, and this is when the main part of the story goes.
Some day after agonizing pain due to social anxiety at work, I realized, that I actually have social anxiety! Started some research on the internet and decided to work it out. So, it got better a little. I had been driving to work by the bus, because of course, I wasn't able to get the driving licence in the past (guess why). I asked a girl at my work to give me a ride until I get the license. She wasn't that beautiful but, well, I know she liked me because of my looks, so I was sure I will get her -only us two in a car, no need to manage other people. She had a boyfriend but It didn't bother me - I knew she would want me.
Long story short - Some day she gives me nonverbal suggestion by using her phone that she is done with her boyfriend. She is ready for getting kiss from me. I see that very clearly. I do nothing. She even gives me another chance by stopping a car in different place. Same result.
Next day she textes me quite long, asking how my driving exam went.
Now, we are going to work in her car and she says to me in the conversation,that she has a boyfriend but it's nothing sure, it could end some day.
Of course I had a big crush on her, let her manipulate me because she saw that I "love" her.
Couple months later, when I was obsessed with the girl, I discoverd some rsd materials on the intenet. I started to learn. She was into me back again because I was more relaxed.
Then she quit the job, I was quite unhappy with that, but quickly started to looking for something new.
Then the new girl came to work. I thought she is nice mating material. I knew from the start she has a fiance, but decided to work it out.
The girl quickly started to gaming me! I knew I was getting better, however I didn't want to get into something serious with her because I could find nicer lookin girls on the street. But still, I wanted to execise on her first. She was really nice girl! Intelignet and quite stiff at first. I really liked her. And I wasn't studdying the game anymore.
I dont want to bore You with details but some day it was clearly obvious that she waited for me to talk to her. I ignored her due to my "strategy". She even wore elegant clothes for me. Shit, I was so stupid. She ignored me too when i wanted to say goodbye after work.
Next day I saw that her boyfriend dropped her to work. I was so confused, I thougth she wanted to "show me". Of course i was ignoring her due to my stupidity and fear of not knowing what to say and when to kiss her. After work I saw flowers on the mask of her car - she was ready to dump her boyfriend for me.
I was crushed. She was so nice to me and I treated her like that. And she could be my first real girlfriend.
I kept my strategy with her. She seemed to game me still but we talked less and less. I couldnt make a move.
It's been a whole year after we first met. She is still nice to me. Or, is she?
Now - she is on vacation. I ask her colleague when she will be back - "she won't, maybe until next year - she's pregnant"
I was crushed again - she waited so long for me to make a move, she decided to "show me" by getting pregnant and not saying anything about it. Not even to me, to almost everybody in the office!
So, today I'm alone, without her, knowing that i probably won't see her anymore. Completely heartbroken and regreting those many, many oportunities. I was hurting her, she is so nice girl, I have tears in my eyes writing that.
I am really on the edge. She was great long term partner material, but no, I was a player, right?
If You have something to write, please write, I don't want to feel like this, this is unbearable!!!
My story may be quite pathetic to You, so please, show me some good heart.
I'm handsome but I'm a virgin. And I'm almost 32. I look young, though, maybe like 25. I'm quite inteligent and talended, have many interests, my first romantic kiss was at age 7! So, What went wrong? Social anxiety is a bitch! I have always been able to suggest to my friends that I was good with women. At partys when I was, of course, really drunk, I was the king of the floor because of my natural dancing skills, and all women liked it. Few times I got alone with a girl after party but wasn't able to do anything.
My sober life was even worse. I quit studies, had no job for long time. I was ashamed by myself that I haven't been with a girl. (At age 20 I kissed a girl few times in one day, then she dumped me, well, actually she just didn't make a relationship with me, but of course I thought, she was my girlfriend.
At age 27 if I recall, I decided to get the job I want even without formal education. And I made it. I lasted in this job for 3 months, then I quit because of social anxiety. Then, a year after this I found another job, even better, and this is when the main part of the story goes.
Some day after agonizing pain due to social anxiety at work, I realized, that I actually have social anxiety! Started some research on the internet and decided to work it out. So, it got better a little. I had been driving to work by the bus, because of course, I wasn't able to get the driving licence in the past (guess why). I asked a girl at my work to give me a ride until I get the license. She wasn't that beautiful but, well, I know she liked me because of my looks, so I was sure I will get her -only us two in a car, no need to manage other people. She had a boyfriend but It didn't bother me - I knew she would want me.
Long story short - Some day she gives me nonverbal suggestion by using her phone that she is done with her boyfriend. She is ready for getting kiss from me. I see that very clearly. I do nothing. She even gives me another chance by stopping a car in different place. Same result.
Next day she textes me quite long, asking how my driving exam went.
Now, we are going to work in her car and she says to me in the conversation,that she has a boyfriend but it's nothing sure, it could end some day.
Of course I had a big crush on her, let her manipulate me because she saw that I "love" her.
Couple months later, when I was obsessed with the girl, I discoverd some rsd materials on the intenet. I started to learn. She was into me back again because I was more relaxed.
Then she quit the job, I was quite unhappy with that, but quickly started to looking for something new.
Then the new girl came to work. I thought she is nice mating material. I knew from the start she has a fiance, but decided to work it out.
The girl quickly started to gaming me! I knew I was getting better, however I didn't want to get into something serious with her because I could find nicer lookin girls on the street. But still, I wanted to execise on her first. She was really nice girl! Intelignet and quite stiff at first. I really liked her. And I wasn't studdying the game anymore.
I dont want to bore You with details but some day it was clearly obvious that she waited for me to talk to her. I ignored her due to my "strategy". She even wore elegant clothes for me. Shit, I was so stupid. She ignored me too when i wanted to say goodbye after work.
Next day I saw that her boyfriend dropped her to work. I was so confused, I thougth she wanted to "show me". Of course i was ignoring her due to my stupidity and fear of not knowing what to say and when to kiss her. After work I saw flowers on the mask of her car - she was ready to dump her boyfriend for me.
I was crushed. She was so nice to me and I treated her like that. And she could be my first real girlfriend.
I kept my strategy with her. She seemed to game me still but we talked less and less. I couldnt make a move.
It's been a whole year after we first met. She is still nice to me. Or, is she?
Now - she is on vacation. I ask her colleague when she will be back - "she won't, maybe until next year - she's pregnant"
I was crushed again - she waited so long for me to make a move, she decided to "show me" by getting pregnant and not saying anything about it. Not even to me, to almost everybody in the office!
So, today I'm alone, without her, knowing that i probably won't see her anymore. Completely heartbroken and regreting those many, many oportunities. I was hurting her, she is so nice girl, I have tears in my eyes writing that.
I am really on the edge. She was great long term partner material, but no, I was a player, right?
If You have something to write, please write, I don't want to feel like this, this is unbearable!!!