- Joined
- Feb 22, 2019
- Messages
- 40
So my parents and I were talking about school and the past few years of me at college. This was the topic of the conversation because I had received an email of my confirmation that I graduated as an Engineer. Awesome!
Problem is that during school my parents insist my focus was elsewhere such as my social life and dating scene. It was new for me to enter college and have all this opportunity to meet people. But being incredibly awkward at the time and full of social anxiety and low self-esteem, it made it very difficult for me to go out, have fun, etc. This continued even after I found a few friends whom I am still friends with. They are right, my focus was off and my grades suffered, but I never actually neglected the work by partying. Ironically, I was depressed I wasn't going out, having a good time, and that in turn made my grades depressed.
This all being said, unless I explained to them the stuff I learned here wrong, the stuff I read in the rationale male, etc. They think my mindset when it comes to girls and dating is wrong. Completely. (one thing led to another so this became the topic. Please don't think this is a regular discussion or that we are weird.)
I am very insecure about this topic, because of how difficult it feels, or it seems, to me to get better at. So here's a list of the bullet points. I would like an honest assessment here because I don't know what to believe anymore. Please correct me if I am wrong, or have the wrong idea. Visual descriptions and details would help, since well I'm a bit literal sometimes.
ME:
1. Cold approaching is making opportunity where there is none. Cold approaching a girl is acceptable, as long as you are confident about it and don't come off as weird or needy.
PARENTS:
1. Cold approaching is not normal, it comes off as desperate, shows you're too interested, and sometimes creepy. Girls don't like that as it shows the guy is too easy and is way too interested in the girl. If a girl is interested, she will show interest in you. (Then how do average guys get pretty girls? It wasn't because she thought he was cute or anything, that I know for damn sure.)
ME:
2. Dating is a skillset you can get better at.
PARENTS:
2. You shouldn't try to be something you're not, if you aren't good a socializing, accept it and don't think about dating and meeting girls and let it go.
ME:
3. Going to the bar is where you meet people. Where else are you going to meet people if you already struggle to do so? (I generally don't have fun at bars, I go to meet (talk to) girls. Its very hard for me not to think about this when out.)
PARENTS:
3. You go to the bar to have fun and listen to music. Just stand there and observe people. Don't go to the bar alone that looks creepy.
There were are few more points but honestly I forget and don't care. Thing is, I've never really gotten a successful cold approach. I did go home with one girl on Spring Break but I think it was more intimately platonic than just intimate. Funny thing is, all the girls whom I've been with, with I think one exception, or two, was because they approached me. This is out of probably two maybe 3 dozen girls over the course of 2 years that flaked, ignored me, or rejection. So my track record sucks. Thing is, none of the girls that show interest in me are really that attractive. I could wait all day for warm eye contact, thing is, I just don't get it. I think my mentality is flawed but then again I am not sure.
Problem is that during school my parents insist my focus was elsewhere such as my social life and dating scene. It was new for me to enter college and have all this opportunity to meet people. But being incredibly awkward at the time and full of social anxiety and low self-esteem, it made it very difficult for me to go out, have fun, etc. This continued even after I found a few friends whom I am still friends with. They are right, my focus was off and my grades suffered, but I never actually neglected the work by partying. Ironically, I was depressed I wasn't going out, having a good time, and that in turn made my grades depressed.
This all being said, unless I explained to them the stuff I learned here wrong, the stuff I read in the rationale male, etc. They think my mindset when it comes to girls and dating is wrong. Completely. (one thing led to another so this became the topic. Please don't think this is a regular discussion or that we are weird.)
I am very insecure about this topic, because of how difficult it feels, or it seems, to me to get better at. So here's a list of the bullet points. I would like an honest assessment here because I don't know what to believe anymore. Please correct me if I am wrong, or have the wrong idea. Visual descriptions and details would help, since well I'm a bit literal sometimes.
ME:
1. Cold approaching is making opportunity where there is none. Cold approaching a girl is acceptable, as long as you are confident about it and don't come off as weird or needy.
PARENTS:
1. Cold approaching is not normal, it comes off as desperate, shows you're too interested, and sometimes creepy. Girls don't like that as it shows the guy is too easy and is way too interested in the girl. If a girl is interested, she will show interest in you. (Then how do average guys get pretty girls? It wasn't because she thought he was cute or anything, that I know for damn sure.)
ME:
2. Dating is a skillset you can get better at.
PARENTS:
2. You shouldn't try to be something you're not, if you aren't good a socializing, accept it and don't think about dating and meeting girls and let it go.
ME:
3. Going to the bar is where you meet people. Where else are you going to meet people if you already struggle to do so? (I generally don't have fun at bars, I go to meet (talk to) girls. Its very hard for me not to think about this when out.)
PARENTS:
3. You go to the bar to have fun and listen to music. Just stand there and observe people. Don't go to the bar alone that looks creepy.
There were are few more points but honestly I forget and don't care. Thing is, I've never really gotten a successful cold approach. I did go home with one girl on Spring Break but I think it was more intimately platonic than just intimate. Funny thing is, all the girls whom I've been with, with I think one exception, or two, was because they approached me. This is out of probably two maybe 3 dozen girls over the course of 2 years that flaked, ignored me, or rejection. So my track record sucks. Thing is, none of the girls that show interest in me are really that attractive. I could wait all day for warm eye contact, thing is, I just don't get it. I think my mentality is flawed but then again I am not sure.