We need an article on how to follow up a flake



We need an article on how to follow up a flake

Postby DarkKnight » Tue May 21, 2019 10:16 am

Hey all,

We really need an article on how to follow up a flake

I think most of us are familiar with Chase's article on "what to do when girls flake". And I believe it is good advice, but there is one key ingredient missing and that's about how to follow up on flakes. In the article the girl Chase mentions is extremely apologetic, but lot's of times there are also girls who try to act like nothing happened. If you don't call her out, it just gets "forgotten", which ofcourse is not true, but convenient for the girls narrative. This makes it like comparing oranges to apples. Because at this point it feels like it's damned if you do and damned if you don't. For this reason the article becomes confusing for a lot of guys. I have read some comments across the board but they are quite varied and spread out, which prevents it to be a cohorent entity.

Suppose:

You arranged a date, girl agrees to it: then flakes out.

*If you act like it's not a big deal it's fine and dandy: BUT you can kiss your scarcity goodbye. There is a big risk in being friendzoned, or put unto the backburner, because you give the girl an opportunity to postpone. In the past I even had this happen with girls who seemed very interested, but because they avoided commiting since they do not like risks and maybe they hope for some kind of mythical white prince around the corner : they postponed. Ofcourse when I next them, they fly into a rage. Yeah, that's how it tends to go. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. The only option seems to be if we put it in context with Chase's advice, staying warm but maybe less available? I believe however the longer things get drawn out the more they fizzle out.

*If you reschedule fast, again you kill your value and officially become chasing guy. If you don't reschedule the girl will probably try to get some attention and you effectively move backwards, which again is bad.

*Acting butthurt: Lowers your value and attainability, good luck with giving someone a good validation boost and shooting yourself in the foot.

I think I have summarized this as best as I can. I would really love to see an article which gives some good tactical advice about how to follow this up. Because right now my default is moving on to the next girl, unless the flaking girl REALLY tries to make up again. But even then, I can be too impatient, I don't enjoy "long game". Whatever the hell that means.

I feel this is a sticking point for many and deserves to be adressed.
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Re: We need an article on how to follow up a flake

Postby Grand Pooba » Tue May 21, 2019 12:15 pm

Great topic; will write.
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Re: We need an article on how to follow up a flake

Postby DarkKnight » Tue May 21, 2019 12:36 pm

Thank you Varoon!
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Re: We need an article on how to follow up a flake

Postby Fluxcapacitor » Tue May 21, 2019 8:15 pm

That would be a great topic! Look forward to reading it Varoon dude!

I know I will make a few mistakes with a flake I'm dealing with at the moment an possibly won't turn it around but my current idea on it is keep warm, don't let her off the hook, offer value and persist.

How this worked was I sent a confirmation text that I didn't forget and that I would see her later. She messaged back a couple minutes later with a whole book of why she couldn't make it an would have to rain check... a lot of effort to cancel, a polite rejection? Most definitely! but it took some investment to write a huge excuse right?

I didn't let her off the hook, but I wasn't bitter about it. I messaged back a few hours later to say bummer! We'd have had a lot of fun!
I didn't tell her it was okay and offered value that it would have been fun. A few minutes later she replies I know I'm sorry.

It's a shit reply, it doesn't even suggest of a follow up. I leave it at this as not to start a text conversation an start chasing or playing her game. I will follow up tomorrow about 2 days later to say we need to go out soon. If she cancels or leaves this I'll throw the ball in her court. That would be my last play but think it's not a bad process.

Totally agree with DarkKnight dude, damned if I do and damned if I don't. I hate long game and not a fan of having to be persistent to get anywhere but my default of moving on means I've gave up on girls that needed a little more warmth!
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Re: We need an article on how to follow up a flake

Postby DarkKnight » Wed May 22, 2019 7:02 am

Flux, I'm curious about how your case will work out. I would love to hear the aftermath. The way I see it you have reacted pretty much perfectly.
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Re: We need an article on how to follow up a flake

Postby Fluxcapacitor » Wed May 22, 2019 8:16 pm

DarkKnight dude! A will give another update later cause it's still ongoing but I reengaged with her today 2 days after the flake and the cancel text. I kept warm and tried to encourage her to reply offering value but pushed for the meet.

Hi Melanie :) I hope you had fun babysitting, I bet I had more fun though! :P We should go for those drinks soon! :) Flux
Again I got a quick reply after a couple of minutes saying we definitely should but she went out last night and possibly won’t be drinking for a while.

Another polite rejection, but still not a no or a ghost. Another long winded excuse is still more investment than required. I know she isn’t that interested or she wouldn’t make it this difficult but that’s strike 2. I’ll ask one more time before throwing the ball into her court.

Am thinking of slightly changing the date idea this time despite the fact she agreed to drinks because her objection was to drinking. A will also imply scarcity giving limited availability this week saying other than tonight I'm really busy this week, when are you free next week? This will keep pushing for the meet, keep warm, let her know I'm not always available and bypasses her excuse without acknowledging it. It's also true I'm busy the rest of this week so I can really limit this.

Possibly far from perfect but it's the best I can think of! I'll keep you updated dudes!
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Re: We need an article on how to follow up a flake

Postby DarkKnight » Thu May 23, 2019 2:33 am

Flux, at that point I would kick her to the curb. Sent her a ball in your court message and then forget about her. I don't like her second reply one bit, especially not after her first social faux pas.
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Re: We need an article on how to follow up a flake

Postby Fluxcapacitor » Thu May 23, 2019 6:36 pm

DarkKnight dude! I didn't like her reply at all either an considered kicking her to the curb. My time is valuable and I don't think she' deserves it. I've next better girls faster without a thought but figured I waited to long to send a ball in her court message and it would look bitter. Just for the hell of it I followed up again.

Melanie hi! I've been really busy and after tonight I'm busy all week. Let's figure out a time to grab a bite! When are you free next week?
She messaged back a couple minutes later saying she's free Tuesday. I don't know if she'd have followed up to a ball in her court or if she'd have left it but it's progress. I can't make Tuesday I've told her I'm busy but to let me know what other days are good.

I'll see if it goes anywhere but am not overly into her. Am not a fan of persisting, long game or this many obstacles just to get them out. A feel it subconsciously tells them I've either got no options or I value her enough to circle back. I don't know if being unavailable on her proposed day is good or whether I've missed a window when she's receptive.
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Re: We need an article on how to follow up a flake

Postby DarkKnight » Fri May 24, 2019 7:50 am

Okay, keep me informed. I am interested from a more empirical standpoint.
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Re: We need an article on how to follow up a flake

Postby DarkKnight » Fri Jul 19, 2019 9:55 am

Varoon just read the article, it was a good read. Looking forward to part II which I think will be even juicier :)
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Re: We need an article on how to follow up a flake

Postby razir110 » Sat Jul 20, 2019 4:25 pm

Link to the article, please?
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Re: We need an article on how to follow up a flake

Postby DarkKnight » Sat Jul 20, 2019 4:27 pm

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Re: We need an article on how to follow up a flake

Postby naturalmikey » Mon Jul 22, 2019 12:34 am

i don't get flakes. here's how. when we make plans i tell her i'll text her the day before to confirm. then i'm like:

"hey just wanted to make sure you're on for tomorrow, it's cool if no just let me know." they always say yes which means they've said yes twice. then the day of the date i'm like "hey looking forward to see you tonight, but if anything changes just let me know and i'll understand." now she's confirming three times. and you're giving her an out. not forcing her to be there. try it. everyone is always like "that's low value." actually it's not. it just shows you value your time and aren't trying to waste it getting ghosted.
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