I work myself to death. And how do you grow?

I do it in 2-3 months sprints/jumps.
I approach hundreds, get on dozens of dates, read hundreds of pages and see dosens of videos till I can't even look at a girl.
I get so nervous trying to apply everything 100% correct that it becomes hard for me to breathe fully (I can't even yawn).
Sometimes I need days, sometimes a full month to rest.

And how do you improve?
Do you get anxious trying to be perfect?
Do you stress yourself for months making monumental improvements but completely burning out in the process?
How do you improve?

There is a Horse trainer alliteration that addresses that....Pay attention to the bolded sections....

Pat Parelli Proudly Presents his Provocative Program and the Proclamation that Prior and Proper Preparation Prevents P-Poor Performance, Particularly if Polite and Passive Persistence is Practiced in the Proper Position. This Perspective is Patience from Process to Product, Principle to Purpose. The Promise that Pat Plans to Prove is that Practice does not make Perfect, only Perfect Practice makes Perfect. .

Focus on higher probability approaches. Higher quality of execution. Missing a shot 90 times to make it 10 just means you reinforced bad habits. Analyze the ones that worked and look for those characteristics. When you seek out better opportunities, you have higher success.

With self-improvement in general, it can be easy to over-saturate yourself in both working to make yourself a better person and information on HOW to make yourself a better person. In doing this, it becomes easy to grind with intensity in execution, but not grind with intelligence in execution.


Have you tried starting a journal?

How often to you post FR's and analyze your interactions?

Are you trying new things, or just repeating the same things you always do?


In certain contexts, I can be a bit of a perfectionist myself. This is a blessing and a curse. You get so focused on doing better, and better, and better, you get lost in the process and by the time you come out you really have improved a lot (if you were grinding with the proper execution). But, you might go crazy while you were in the cocoon, which can create lots of stress and anxiety.

I get so nervous trying to apply everything 100% correct that it becomes hard for me to breathe fully (I can't even yawn).

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You'll never be perfect. Even my best executions could have been better, in some tiny micro-measurement of say, my left eyebrow being a millimeter higher in my expressions than required for OPTIMAL SEDUCTION. Lol.

I suggest you embrace this. Be better right now than yesterday, and plan to be even better for the days ahead.

Sometimes I need days, sometimes a full month to rest.

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That's fine. It is a very handy thing that, even when exhausted, you can still force yourself to go through certain motions that might end up with a girl in your lap.

BUT, when you're experiencing burnout, or perhaps you've neglected other aspects of your life because you've been grinding so hard, it's totally fine to take a break, lower the amount of time you're putting into learning seduction, and grow yourself in some other way.

When you decide to return to the grind, you'll now be another version of yourself (perhaps now you've learned an instrument, a form of dance, or are putting in some of the highest numbers in your company), and this makes your value higher, which makes attracting women EASIER.


Let's say you're putting in 60-80% of your time during your grinding to learn seduction.

Okay, you're getting stressed out and seeing diminishing returns. Take a deep breath. Relax.

Lower that percentage to something more manageable. 40%. 25%. Hell, 15%. You'll still be improving, so long as you're practicing the proper analysis, adjusting your behaviors accordingly, adjusting your mindsets accordingly, and then acting off of those adjustments by going back out there and trying NEW things out.


Growth is not easy. Most people stick to 1-2 things and that's it. In a specialization like seduction, so much of the growth process is tied to growing many different areas of your life, which makes it stressful and very difficult to try to do everything at once. Looks, career, posture, facial expressions, muscles, voice, vibe, financial resources, attainability, connection, touch, leading, outcome independence, specific things like never chasing or chase framing... all while learning how to be CALIBRATED as fuck in every aspect of this.

Yes man, the growth process in seduction is quite a lot to chew.

If you're trying to grow in too many areas at once, you will experience overload.

Back up, pick which specific things you really need some work in, and tackle 2-3 of those - that's it.



You got this.


Hue

Thanks, guys.

In my last 3 month I:

1. Stopped spam approaching
Before: 18 approaches to 1 number (one time it was 106 approaches in one day and just one fucking number)
After: 4 approaches to 1 number

2. Extended approach to full interaction.
Before: 30 seconds/generic open/number grab/fucking run
After: 3-5 minutes/specific compliment/qualifying/connecting/date plans/number grab/closing statements.

I had 10 dates in 3 weeks.

3. Learning particularly difficult approach.
Before: (only direct) approach girls walking by themselves, very rare with one friend.
After: girls with one-two friends/girls in mixed crowds/contextual approach

4. Approaching only hot girls.
Before: approached ones who are easier to approach, 70% of them I wasn't even that attracted to
After: only "ooh, fuck, look at her" level of girls, no matter, how difficult was the situation

5. Taking numbers only from those that I liked
Before: Fucking grab whatever number I can, need good stats on that sweet spreadsheet.
After: only those hot girls that I like in person:

me: "Tell me something interesting about yourself"
hot girl: "Well, nothing really, I smoke hookah sometimes" (boring tone)
me: "That's great! I have to go"

6. Really pay attention to my walk and vibe
This thing fucking killed me and send me to the burnout in which currently am
Before: am who I am
After:
-Straight back
-Slow heavy steps
-Clenched jaw
-Widespread arms and legs
And the whole approach was just so much slower, so much more grounded.

Now my skill level is (viewtopic.php?f=3&t=20350):
Can get 1 date a week with a really hot (level: Mother Russia) girl consistently, but not calibrated on sexual vibe and comes off as too pushy.

I rest now, then when I am rested, I think I'll need 3-5 dates to calibrate well and start fucking new girls consistently

A lighter and shorter take on the issues raised in A Rant Against The Pickup Community, the video Don't Make Pick Up Your Life (You're An Idiot If You Do) might be relevant here/to you.