dealing with a girls parents

shaneawi

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jul 4, 2014
Messages
99
I've been going out with my girl for almost 9 months. I'm 30 and shes 27.

Her mom is really sweet and nice to me but her father is a complete A**hole. Her father is diagnosed with depression and tried to commit suicide about a year ago. His personality is very strange. He's not a very warm or nice person. He likes to be condescending all the time to everybody. He constantly has to make an inappropriate comment or joke about someone or something.

For example: My girlfriend told him that myself and her were trying to figure out how to make a smoothie and his response was "How hard can it be to make a smoothie?"

We went to dinner for her birthday and I said that I currently weigh 160 pounds and he laughed and said "I used to weigh that in high school."

When we were eating birthday cake he was giving me weird looks and "said we found his flaw" referring to me because of the way I was cutting the cake that was on my plate.


How do you deal with someone like this? I'm a successful attorney who has a great job and no debt at age 30. Whenever I'm around him I want to shut down and not even talk. I'm not the type of person to let another guy treat me like this but I feel bad responding back because he has mental health issues and it's my girlfriends dad.
 

Ben

Rookie
Rookie
Joined
Apr 15, 2018
Messages
9
I would go with one of three options depending on my mood:
1) Have fun with it. "We've found his flaw" *Look up, make an exaggerated face of terror* "You can't tell anyone, They are watching". Or "Yeah, I've been trying to fix it my whole life, it's the one thing stopping me from reaching Perfection. One day I'll fix it and the world will know my name". Or *sigh deeply* "This is an ancient tradition of my people, that was deeply offensive. I'd advise you to recite psalms 119 and 120 so the ancestors will not strike you down".
Or make fun of yourself about it.
"I used to weigh that in highschool". *Big smile* "Whoa, me too! Twinsies!!!"
(You may not find my examples funny. Use your own sense of humor, whether it's turning his statement into something exaggerated (agree and amplify), something absurd, or self deprecating humor, or something else. Be playful, and amuse yourself.
2) Ignore (or give little recognition to) his antics. Look away for a second or two, then continue as if nothing happened. Don't be mean about it,just act as you might if you were a chivalrous knight of yore and a fair lady farted.
3) Shut his comment down. "How hard can it be to make a smoothie?" *Confused look* "How do you make a smoothie?"
Keep going in this vein, asking him exactly how to make a smoothie as if it's a complex subject, are confused, and he's claiming to get it. Same as if he asked "How hard can it be to calculate the cosinus of a number in your head?".

"We found his flaw" "What?" "Your flaw" "What flaw?" "You cut like an idiot" "Why do you say that?" etc

basically "what" "why" and "how" him all day long. 2nd grade trolling.
 

Fuck This

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Jul 24, 2015
Messages
2,092
If this wasn't the father of a person you cared about you wouldn't suffer his foolishness i'll bet. but if you want to have a future with this woman you are going to have to deal with his bullshit.

Understand this is the common "sense of humor" for people with low self esteem, or narcissistic tenancies. Your best bet is to agree and amplify. You aren't going to school him without looking like an ass. I grew up with parents who like to throw me under the bus and I've told them in private to knock that shit off and that I don't appreciate it. But when they do it in public I appear more self assured when I take the joke and run with it. "Yeah I missed my shot at the national cake cutting team because of my bad form and fundamentals. Start your kids off right with lessons so it becomes second nature right?" Grinning the whole time....

Or turn it on them and Say "well I guess I missed out on your cake cutting classes when are you offering the next one? " Again smiling and joking....

In the same vein you gotta get some thicker skin. No body can make you feel bad about yourself with out your permission.
 
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