Wasted Years - An Old Guy Rant

MonsterzRock

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Aug 1, 2013
Messages
33
Location
SO-CAL
Lately, I've been giving some serious thought to giving up women and dating for good. I feel like I'm slowly losing hope and faith of anything ever changing or improving in this regard.
Sometimes I feel like my ship has already sailed and that it's too late for me now because of my age--57. There are so many damn factors to take into account why I've had continuous problems trying to implement many of the articles and forum topics.

As negative as this rant may sound, I'm still looking for positives and solutions that will help me get out of this rut. Yes, I've read the articles about older men dating younger women and still wrestle with issues that it covers. Some of my perceived issues with dating much younger women are sexual performance and having children.

I'm trying not to display a dismal life story here but I was a late bloomer for a number of reasons. I had a huge drug and alcohol problem years ago and finally got my act together by the time I turned 27. Just before I got off the drugs at age 25, I lost my only daughter to the child welfare system. I never saw her again after I turned 33. I went back to college and got a four year degree, got married and divorced twice, and stayed with the same employer for 25 years--although I don't have much to show for it (market collapse, some bad financial choices, etc.). And after all this, I have zero assets--no house, no condo, just a car, lol.

In early 2013, I discovered Girls Chase and I've been hooked ever since. I still truly believe that a majority of the articles here are useful and valuable. The game changing Girls Chase article for me was "Why I Quit Dating Girls Who Club, Party or Drink." I'm a recovering addict who has managed to stay clean and drug/alcohol free for over 31 years. So I was excited about the things that Chase talked about here and elsewhere.

In addition to my day job, I'm also a part time working musician playing in several bands at night. In a lot of respects, I'm living my dreams regarding the music scene and having way more success than I ever did when I was in my 20's. I've been in one of the bands for over 12 years and played all over Southern California. Okay, so there's all the background information laid out.

Some of the realizations I'm coming to are: most guys my age have been married for a while and have children and grandchildren and about half of them are in worse shape physically and health-wise than myself. The single men around my age (or divorced ones) just let themselves go (drink a lot, smoke a lot, eat a lot, etc.) and just settle for being single until they drop dead. The point here being, that there are not many men my age who would make good mentors for many of the things talked about here at Girls Chase.

Playing in clubs the past 14 years I've pretty much seen it all, lol. So I have ZERO interest in women at clubs, bars, parties. etc. and ZERO interest in night game. I've never been married to, been in a relationship with, or lived with a women who drank alcohol or did drugs during the past 31 years. Why the fuck should I settle for more magnified and unnecessary drama?

I just feel like I'm looking for a needle in a haystack regarding dating women and where to find them. I've read almost every "day game" article I can find here and tried but life takes over sometimes. I've been so busy with work and bands that I forget to look ahead and plan.

So the takeaway for the rest of you here in your 20's, 30's and 40's, get your shit together with everything here at Girls Chase! It's an invaluable resource that is truly priceless. None of this existed (at least not to this degree) until after about 2008 or so. I have found many of the articles here to be life-changing and game-changers. Don't end up like me--years later regretting not taking enough action, chances and healthy risks. The only thing I've been doing the past year "action-wise" is looking for a better job--still at it, lol.

Anyway, I've always appreciated the support and dialogue here in the Girls Chase Forums. Thanks for listening.

P.S.: Yes, I'm a huge Iron Maiden fan. Is that the problem? Lol..
 

nad_bigger

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Feb 15, 2019
Messages
135
when you will be 80 you'll think, oooh, fuck, I was so young at 57, my dick still worked, I could have done it, I could have fucked so many women.
the only motivation for you is here: this is your challenge, do it until it is done, until you have a pipeline of women and know your exact process.
My grandfather is 82, he still works with wood and makes money, this is not an old guy rant, this is a middle aged guy rant.

little fact I remember - most of viagra users are young guys. To me that is all you need to know. Just picture it.
Confident grown man in his 50's just fucking a girl in the pussy, while 25 y.o. child is sitting there nervous and unable to get it up.
 

Seppuku

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Aug 25, 2014
Messages
1,149
Location
Middle East, Asia, Africa
Hey MR,

Cheers from a former huge Iron Maiden fan!

Seppuku (Pierre) here. I agree that Girls Chase has some unique, life changing material. I started immersing myself into the content and ideas written by Chase and others back in 2012, before finally prompting myself out of inaction in 2014 (I was 45 back then).

Since then, it has been quite a journey learning all this, and I must say a fun one, between a constant flow of new girls, current girls, and past girls (which keep popping back into my life). I am now nearly 50 and I don't see the end of the journey any time soon. In fact, for the foreseeable future, I am planning to continue fucking more and more girls, because after all is there anything better to do? Fucking is life!

As far as I know, my own dad (rest in peace) had his last girlfriend when he was about 70.

So you see where I am getting at. This feeling that your "ship has already sailed" is nothing more than a limiting belief. You could do it, if you devoted yourself to it. There is no reason why you couldn't, except for the mental barriers that you impose on yourself. It's all in the mind!

Looking into the perceived problems you mention, they all could find solutions or workarounds.

  • Sexual performance: Yes, it is not as good as it used to be, there is no denying. But the more you fuck, the better it gets. And there are things, such as serious weightlifting, that can naturally boost your testosterone and improve the situation. It certainly improved my own performance !
  • Zero assets. Well, sorry to hear. And it is true that, to some extent, we older men are expected to have some degree of success to show for. But all is in the perception! You don't have to go about and advertise loud that you have zero assets. And once she is in your bed, it doesn't matter that much anymore
  • Children. Yeah, younger girls will desire children at some point. It is a question I am facing. And you will have to face it at some point. But not fucking girls because they may desire children later is not a valid excuse.
  • Night game or not night game? Well, night game is not for me either. But there are other ways. It's about finding a way to generate dates that is suitable to you.
So all these could be worked around.

And I can already think of a couple of ways I could advise you to get started.

But the real issue is here:
I've been so busy with work and bands that I forget to look ahead and plan.
Any significant change in life course will require time and devotion. It won't happen otherwise. To get where I am with girls today took me a good three years in which I devoted most of my free time. I could have done other things with this time, but I made learning seduction my priority. So for three years, getting girls was my top item during my free time.

Without a significant time involvement and an actual will to learn, experiment, improve, and get good, it will not happen.

So it could be done, even at 57!

But the real question being, are you ready to prioritize it and give it the time it requires to make a meaningful change?

At the end of the day, it is a matter of choice and priority.

If you decide to give it a serious try, I am happy to give you some pointers!

Cheers,
Seppuku
 

MonsterzRock

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Aug 1, 2013
Messages
33
Location
SO-CAL
nad_bigger said:
when you will be 80 you'll think, oooh, fuck, I was so young at 57, my dick still worked, I could have done it, I could have fucked so many women.
the only motivation for you is here: this is your challenge, do it until it is done, until you have a pipeline of women and know your exact process.
My grandfather is 82, he still works with wood and makes money, this is not an old guy rant, this is a middle aged guy rant.

little fact I remember - most of viagra users are young guys. To me that is all you need to know. Just picture it.
Confident grown man in his 50's just fucking a girl in the pussy, while 25 y.o. child is sitting there nervous and unable to get it up.

Nad, you're hilarious! Lol.. I was just talking to my Dad yesterday, who's almost 80, and he was trimming branches earlier that day.
I actually tried one of those blue pills about 5 years ago with a gal I dated briefly...had a hard on for almost 6 hours, lol.
Thanks for the inspiration!
 

MonsterzRock

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Aug 1, 2013
Messages
33
Location
SO-CAL
Seppuku,

Zero assets: Well, I'd never blurt that out to any woman--I consider that a guys only topic. I started looking for other employment a year ago when I came to the realization that my company wasn't keeping up with the times with annual pay raises. Living paycheck to paycheck is no longer an enjoyable experience especially living in Southern California, lol. But I'm not giving up easily because I know I can make more with another company here.

Night game/day game: Yeah, you make a great point here. I need to figure out a way to generate dates that works for me.

"But the real question being, are you ready to prioritize it and give it the time it requires to make a meaningful change?"

And that is the burning question here.

I'll admit I've let my time management skills fall by the way side lately. The trick, as you said, is committing the time, energy and priority needed to start making it happen.

--MR
 

ray_zorse

Modern Human
Modern Human
Joined
Aug 12, 2014
Messages
1,986
Location
Australia
Firstly, Seppuku's and nad's advice is very good.

I could second it from my own experience, I started GC at 37 after long dry spell, some incidents of not being able to get it up through nervousness (the feeling that having a girl in my bed was a once in a lifetime opportunity thus putting pressure on me), some bad breakups in which I pined for her for years afterwards, some "relationships" i.e. friendships in which I did not get laid, got cheated on and whatnot. The loneliness. You know, all those depressing things that beta guys have to deal with.

Now I'm nearly 45 and much happier, it's not so much the actual success with women that makes me happier but the mental reboot of never being in a subservient position and the confidence that I can meet my own needs whatever they may be. At the moment, like you, I do not have a lot of economic success despite decades of hard work and good knowledge and skills, so I have been focused on that and gradually seeing an improvement. Because of this change in focus from PUA to economic actor I have wanted a reliable, attractive, supportive and sex-obsessed woman by my side, and the PUA experience has been key in making this into a reality, though I miss PU.

What I wanted to tell you about though, is my friend who is 90 and has some very ingrained beta attitudes and behaviours. After his wife died he was actually getting a fair bit of interest from women in their 60s such as neighbours, in the gym, through various societies and friends etc, but was unable to capitalize due to his not really understanding the dating process or how women express attraction, he was certainly HOPING something would happen but dithering too much and not making his move. I laid it all out for him on many occasions and tried my best to encourage him, but he was basically convinced he was too old and it would take a miracle to solve the issue.

Now his health is failing a bit and he has moved interstate to a retirement village near his daughter, a big mistake actually and I miss him a lot. He has made a friend who he soends a fair bit of time with but I think still too timid to make a move (will find out when I go there after I saved some money in coming months). Don't let his story be your story. It may be tough to get a girl now. It will be a lot tougher later on though.

Ray
 

MonsterzRock

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Aug 1, 2013
Messages
33
Location
SO-CAL
Ray Z,

Yeah, the first paragraph of your response almost sounds like my last 2 marriages rolled into one, lol. I can totally relate. I can also relate to the "mental reboot" you mentioned which I think I've been in the midst of since about 2015. I'm definitely much happier and in a much better mental state than I was after my last divorce in 2012. I found Girls Chase later in 2013 just before my divorce was finalized. I was relieved and grateful from that point forward. No regrets, many "lessons learned" from both failed marriages. Yes, it was painful at times but a number of eye opening experiences. I think what Girls Chase has done for me since 2013 is identify what those "lessons learned" actually were, what behaviors and attitudes were holding me back and hindering my progress. I guess you could say I've been on a journey of self-discovery here at Girls Chase mostly working on my mental state and not much else, lol.

My mind and my ego are probably my worst enemies when it comes to women and dating...hell, maybe more than those two, lol. Here's my lay count between 2013 and right now: one. Do I blame Girls Chase? No. Do I blame myself? Sure, I take responsibility for my actions and inaction. I guess you could call that being self-aware and I believe that I am. However, I know I have a LOT to learn...here and elsewhere. I've read and downloaded over 500 articles from Girls Chase but I haven't done so the past year.

Anyway, the one aspect I'm looking to tackle is a dating plan.
I like how Seppuku stated it: "It's about finding a way to generate dates that is suitable to you." And this right here is what lead to my original post here about my frustration of how and where to meet women that I want to date and fuck regardless of age.

At this moment in time, I think all of you are missing an important point from my original post. And here's the best way I can explain it. In the Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous programs there's a term thrown around called "terminal uniqueness." What that means in this context is that a person feels their situation is so unique and different from everyone else's issue that (a) the issue is unsolvable or hopeless,(b) or no one understands the issue or can relate to it (which often tends to be untrue), or (c) the belief that the dozens of ideas and suggestions that worked for many others won't work for them.

I don't believe I have "terminal uniqueness" now but I know I had a lot of it earlier in my life. I do, however, believe that my current dilemma with dating is a little more unique than most. But I also believe my dating dilemma is solvable. I feel like I'm on the cusp of figuring out how to achieve my dating goals as a 12-stepper using the numerous tools here at Girls Chase. I know there is a way I just haven't figured it out just yet.

I'm not going to be preachy or philosophical here. But I've seen less than a handful of posters who were non-drinkers and posted anything remotely similar to what I've posted here. And I'm not passing judgment on anybody here about drinking and any other extracurricular activities. I don't give a shit about that and it's none of my business.

But I think as time goes by, more guys like myself (as a recovering addict), whether they're 20 or 50, will find Girls Chase and also try to figure out how to incorporate all the tools here to their benefit. I don't think I'm the first and I probably won't be the last. I've tried to tell a few recovery guys about this and they think it's all a bunch a crap. All I have say to them is H.O.W. (honesty, openmindedness and willingness). Whether Chase and the other writers are conscientiously aware of it or not, many of their articles contain some aspects of HOW along with other great strategies, ideas, concepts, etc. for becoming better men and mastering all the aspects of dating women.

Thanks for listening to my ramblings again,

MonsterzRock

P.S.: And no, I don't want to be or become that 90-year old man. :)
 
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