Can't forget her EX problem

Hi guys,
I've been flirting the past 2 months with a girl I know from my home city. She broke 5 months ago with her ex and they were 3 years together. So she showed interest at me and I did the same. I live abroad, but I am travelling often for work to my home country so we saw each other for the first time after a month chatting and flirting. We had the first date, then second and we just kissed on the chicks. After a week, we decided to go to the mountains just two of us and we spent 2 days there together. Unfortunately, nothing happened...

At the end of the trip, she told me that she likes me but she still can't go over her EX who broke 5 months ago. It's been 6 days since I am back abroad and we stopped chatting and talking often. If I don't write to her, she won't. Now I am trying to convince her to visit me in a few weeks but it's seems hard. I like her...

How can I make her chasing me again and make her forget about her EX?

Hope for your support!
Thank you

Any suggestions?

You aren't. Find another woman who will serve your purpose. If this one was attracted to you enough she wouldn't use the ex as an excuse. Besides, if she was still hung up on him 5 months later and did like you you would't want her anyway....

Hi,
Thank you for your advice!
Why does she still continue texting me and calling me at least once per day when she is not attracted to me enough?

Nikot, she might be attracted to you enough or maybe she's lonely and wants the attention/validation that you've previously gave her. From what I can gather this is basic push and pull, she's pulled away by saying she's not over her ex and you haven't reacted and chased her. She's now pushing buttons to keep the level of attention and to try and get a level of investment. When a relationship ends a void is typically created from where that person took up space in your life and people look to fill that void. They usually do it through finding rebounds or by trying to get attention/validation from elsewhere to feel attractive and happy in themselves. Girls usually have orbiter that will help fill some of this void but they're not exactly turned on by these orbiters but in self pity might throw one of them a bone.

You failed to capitalise on a few moments by only kissing on the cheeks and not escalating fast when you were together for a few days. This could put you in the friend zone and she's happy to keep you there for the attention. Saying she isn't over her ex might be true, or it might be a soft way of letting you down. I totally agree with fuck this, find another woman who is attracted to you and you definitely don't want her anyway.

Best bet is to cut contact, don't talk to her. She might chase you and come back, she might not. Meet new girls!

SilenceintheSnow

Thank you Fuck This and silenceinthesnow for giving me the advice! Appreciate it!

I was planning to tell her straight that we had a good time but I can't continue talking to her just like that because I have feelings for her which are not as a friend. After which I will cut the contact.
Would you advice me to do it or just stop talking to her without an explanation? I am not that bad...

Thanks!

Nikot, definitely don't tell her just cut her out and go no contact. You don't owe her an explanation you're doing this for you. If you were past lovers then telling her could provoke an emotional response and trigger fight or flight and she could 'fight' for you but without the emotional attachment you'd appear weak and needy and this isn't attractive. Just remember no response is a response and although it looks like you're taking your ball and going home because you can't get what you want you are leaving strong on your terms because you can't get what you want. This is an attractive trait because you don't care if you lose her which shows that you have other options and you're not totally set on her.

She'll either accept it or chase you, but your time is too valuable for these distractions. The issue you're dealing with at the moment is you're focused on her the quicker you cut contact and meet other girls the better.

SilenceintheSnow

Search for "Soft Next"

silenceinthesnow , Fuck This, thanks for the advice!

I've just read about "soft next". I am going to apply it for a few days, however I already see that she needs some time for herself to forget about her ex. So she is not interested in relationship as well. Thus, responding to me will not happen and from soft next it will become hard next which of course is not my wish.

I am planning to see her in June when I come back home again. I will try to start all over and hopefully this time it will work.
Any tricks and tips are welcomed on how to make things work this time!

Dude, you are WAY too much interested in a girl who is not yours.

You're betting against the odds right now. The advice which has been given by the other members are all sound and I agree, but I think your biggest problem is scarcity. Talk to more girls and don't get attached to a girl which is not yours. Ofcourse these ladies tend to pull you back in when you try to get out, it's their typical modus operandi, but you when you interact with more girls you tend to care much less. Which they pick up on pretty fast. So then it becomes put up or shut up, instead of limbo land where you are right now.

But, usually advice like this falls on deaf ears, because the guy is way too invested already.

Indeed, I am way too interested in this girl just because I like her a lot!
The problem is that she is in this stage of "whatever happens, happens" mindset where she just let the things go so she doesn't force or go after me.

How to get her attention and take the lead when she is in that stage?
Any suggestions?

Thanks!

Any ideas?
Appreciated

Nikot, you can't. You don't have enough influence to change her mind set. She's not interested or invested enough and you don't have time to change her overton window or shift her paradigm. Anything deliberately to get her attention is chasing and needy which will turn her away faster than anything.

Cut contact for your own good. This in turn is the only thing you can do to get her interested because you won't be available to her. You'll be meeting better girls that are more suited. You'll quickly forget about her.

Dark knight hit it when he said you're to invested in a girl that's not yours. Meet more girls and you'll fix your scarcity issue and stop being caught up on this one.

SilenceintheSnow