Missing out on the social experience of college still haunts me, here's why.

Indian Race Troll (IRT)

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It's like college is it in American culture....

There is not supposed to any fun life after it. Nothing cool or high status after it, unless it involves marriage or LTR after that. It is like college then right after that, marriage and kids, time to take life "serious". Like even if you are a fun and cool person, everyone in that situation around you fucking sucks. They are about marriage, kids, and being "serious"....Maybe I never find my tribe or community in life. Fuck..

I wish I peaked in college and life went downhill hard afterwards, I would be okay with that, I wish I lived in that alternate universe.

No wonder no one aspires to anything other than marriage + kids + mortgage after college.....

God fucking damn, what is the point to life after 25.


Like really....
 

Indian Race Troll (IRT)

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You know, maybe these kinds of situations are what create heartless sociopaths, the kinds of people who once loved humanity but now could give less of a shit if certain people suffer from the most misery. If that cool frat guy gets cancer, if that hot sorority girl gets fat and has her loved ones die, I mean fuck...

I could care less. Life.

How unfair it is.

Just because someone had loving parents, good circumstances, and lucked into a good high school and college experience, and that's it. I mean peaking after college, what the fuck is that other than being a celebrity. I am so whack and fucked, really am.

It isn't about pussy, I wish I had some friends, fun single friends. I am crying right now. Even a supermodel could not make me happy. Really.....

Maybe it is my last GC post ever. Not going with a bang here at all.
 

Sub-Zero

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Lol you just ignore all the advice that everyone gives you.
 

Seppuku

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Very frankly no one can help you if you don't even help yourself.

The most urgent thing you need to do to fix yourself, is to get out of this negative mindset in which you are, and which is currently your biggest problem. As long as you stay in the sort of negative mindset you are currently in, there will be nothing other people can do to help you.

You are running into circles regarding a past that cannot and will never be changed. You can't change the past, so what is the point of tormenting yourself about it?

The positive attitude would be to focus on what you can do today, to make your future better. This is directly actionable and under your control.

The next thing you need to start doing immediately, is to stop this sort of depressive drunk rants. Their only effect is to alienate further the people of these Boards who otherwise have lots of goodwill to help you. You are just damaging your own interests!

A starting point is to forever stop posting anything about your missed college days experiences. Everything has already been said on the topic. You are just repeating yourself and dwelling into your own negative thoughts. You are alienating other people here. Quit doing that! You are hurting yourself.

Instead, starting thinking of a plan of action.

It is time that you move forward and start helping yourself.

Seppuku
 

Rain

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I get what Seppuku is saying, but I think it's..... it's like oneitis, except this not about a specific woman, it's about a certain lifestyle with cool men and women. And I do think that things like this, or oneitis, are very hard to fix, in some people as opposed to others.

Are both your parents alive Toby or did anything bad happen when you were younger? There's a lot of resentment/bitterness which is stating the obvious, but I wonder if you got what you wanted, found some cool people >22 to hangout with, if you'd actually be happy. Because you wouldn't have any thing to "chase after" and then you'd be bored, the same as you'd be bored if you had a family right now. I'm not saying I have a solution necessarily, just something to think about.

Some guys/circles might be open to meeting new people at bars, or even through social things friends of friends. Not always, you won't like/be liked by everyone specifically, but there's a chance maybe even with an age gap, some guys/groups might not care so much?

Are you annoyed that cool people, or people in general[not everyone with a college degree is cool or are they?], have a 9 to 5 job and have a family, and you think they'd be better off not having kids but partying after 5pm?

When you get older you might want kids, maybe not for a decade, but you might change your mind about that. I saw something recently and it said something along the lines of "Kids get a bad wrap from hollywood... having more people in the world that love you, is that a bad thing? You've seen the world but kids haven't and they walk around in awe of buildings and it interests them."
 

DarkKnight

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Wow, that is some epic scale of negativity Toby.

First off, lose the illusion that life is some great fairytale. I swear lots of people seem to live with this paradigm. Real life includes pain, struggle, suffering, loss. You need to accept that or else you will always be stuck in this negativity: because YOU do not want to live by reality.

As others have said, take some damn action in order to create your own happiness. I have encountered multiple people who behave like you and they all have ONE thing in common: They never EVER take real action in order to change their lot in life. "But, life is not fair". Blah blah, yeah I know, but you need to persevere in what you want. Wishing for it won't help.

You are actually quite young and you have encountered a site which has given you some serious tools most people are not even aware of. Its up to you to do something about it.

But honestly not to bash you, but I think you will keep blaming others and the universe and never take any kind of responsibility. I have seen this way too much, to the point I don't feel any pity.
 

Indian Race Troll (IRT)

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Guys like Seppuku and many others on this thread are no doubt good dudes who mean well, and I know they are trying to reach out to me and really reason with me but I've been thinking about this on almost the daily about why it is haunting my thoughts some more, just peeling off the layers here.

I hated my life in the city I was in, so I moved out.

I hated the career I was heading into when starting college, so I switched.

I hated how I had no luck with dating apps, so I got nice pics done for dating apps and my matches have been blowing up.

These were things I felt like I could do something about. Even with dating and getting better with women, I feel like you can do something about it because there will always be single women and they will always love attractive men. The social life demon is the one that has been haunting me like no other, not having any crew to go out to hit the clubs, bars, and events with. Not having a community or group of friends in my life, I never had this, and I still do not, and it just fucks with my head like no other.

Then to hear time and time and time and time again about how college is the be all and end all to social life, the fun kind at least.

Even the rare chance I have had to make friends, they were way off base. I found community with church kids because that was the only one available to me but I hated it, I want friends to drink with, chase girls with, and party with. It is like the fucking universe robs me of these friends and it is driving me to the brink of insanity, because I feel like college was the last chance to have these kinds of friends.

It is like I wish there was something to aspire to or to do but social life success depends on society.

How can a man find his crew of cool guy friends and even cool girls to be friends with when every piece of shit marries and takes life "seriously" after the age of 22?

I never had my moment to fuck around with friends in college, no nights getting high with the crew for me, no nights getting wasted at bars with a large crew, none of that for me. Yet I feel powerless because I feel like there is nothing I can do, so much is dependent on piece of shit society. I am being special by foregoing marriage and kids by the age of 25 but everyone else is somehow now an "adult". People make no sense to me, you have money and freedom then why not have fun? Why have fun in your college and high school days when you do not have shit?

I wish life picked up for more people after college....

I wish more people were doing were and had the similar social life goals that I do around my age.
 

Sub-Zero

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Why u never had friends growing up before college?

That seems to be the biggest issue, you should have most definitely made friends from school when you were younger.

You never made friends at a job you had in college?

If you never had a crew of friends before then something is a bigger problem that you're not noticing about yourself.

And why didn't you make friends in college? Why didn't you join anything?

Are you trying to hang with dudes now?

You're in NYC most people are single.

Do you expect them to just want to hang with you for any reason?

What value do you give to these men that don't know you?

Why don't you form a tribe with the girls you meet online and go out with their girlfriends and their guy friends?

Something isn't adding up because if you're getting so many dates you would have girls to hang out with.





Toby said:
Guys like Seppuku and many others on this thread are no doubt good dudes who mean well, and I know they are trying to reach out to me and really reason with me but I've been thinking about this on almost the daily about why it is haunting my thoughts some more, just peeling off the layers here.

I hated my life in the city I was in, so I moved out.

I hated the career I was heading into when starting college, so I switched.

I hated how I had no luck with dating apps, so I got nice pics done for dating apps and my matches have been blowing up.

These were things I felt like I could do something about. Even with dating and getting better with women, I feel like you can do something about it because there will always be single women and they will always love attractive men. The social life demon is the one that has been haunting me like no other, not having any crew to go out to hit the clubs, bars, and events with. Not having a community or group of friends in my life, I never had this, and I still do not, and it just fucks with my head like no other.

Then to hear time and time and time and time again about how college is the be all and end all to social life, the fun kind at least.

Even the rare chance I have had to make friends, they were way off base. I found community with church kids because that was the only one available to me but I hated it, I want friends to drink with, chase girls with, and party with. It is like the fucking universe robs me of these friends and it is driving me to the brink of insanity, because I feel like college was the last chance to have these kinds of friends.

It is like I wish there was something to aspire to or to do but social life success depends on society.

How can a man find his crew of cool guy friends and even cool girls to be friends with when every piece of shit marries and takes life "seriously" after the age of 22?

I never had my moment to fuck around with friends in college, no nights getting high with the crew for me, no nights getting wasted at bars with a large crew, none of that for me. Yet I feel powerless because I feel like there is nothing I can do, so much is dependent on piece of shit society. I am being special by foregoing marriage and kids by the age of 25 but everyone else is somehow now an "adult". People make no sense to me, you have money and freedom then why not have fun? Why have fun in your college and high school days when you do not have shit?

I wish life picked up for more people after college....

I wish more people were doing were and had the similar social life goals that I do around my age.
 

Indian Race Troll (IRT)

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Sure man, I'll answer. I had "friends" growing up but they never really amounted to much, they stayed back in the old poor town while I ventured out. Many of them decided against college or getting ahead financially in life so we grew apart. My friend in adolescence who was almost like a brother to me was laid back towards everything and had rich parents that fueled his hobbies which include videogames and some of the more nerdy stuff.

My high school was in a sketchy part of town so naturally, that was the crew I was around, related the best I could and avoided bullying. A good bit of the kids in high school are also back in the old town not really doing much with life, everyone who wanted to do something with their life left.

I wanted to leave for college but parents kept me tied up at home, used all sorts of emotional manipulation to make me go to a local commuter campus than going off to a nice 4 year school I got into. Naturally I missed that window of opportunity in dorm life to make connections at 18, it is my fault but I was under the impression back then that parents want best. I was still outgoing and tried to make friends but being 18 and in classes filled with older students with family, there was a disconnect as you can see.

Had enough, told parents to fuck off, and transferred to a real university. Joined an organization, biggest one on campus, and even tried to join a fraternity but the only ones that bid upperclassmen at my university (which took Greek Life very seriously) were frats that watched porn, ate pizza, and played videogames on weekends than going out. I did make "friends" through a Christian organization but once again, priorities were fucked, they did not approve of me dating around, sleeping around, drinking on weekends, and anything that "Jesus would not approve of".

The frat guys and cool guys I tried reaching out to never wanted to hang, it was light convo. Even they stuck to the marriage and kids after college route.

First job out of college, ended up in a very toxic work environment, crabs in a bucket. Boss hated me and coworkers were losers, main thing being they talked about taking action but never did anything. Even took one out to a bar to approach some girls, never approached a girl that night and told boss I was being "sleazy" with women, which my boss tried to get me into trouble for but there was no proof. My boss also stopped me from getting ahead at work, he really did not like me having good numbers and tried to rationalize it as me being lucky. There was also tons of gossip that took place within the team so I wanted to leave, it was taxing on me and my life goals.

I went out to bars to approach some guys to see if they would be down to hang and be my wingmen if I had talked to them long enough, never resulted in anything.

I did make one friend through a church group full of 20 somethings, not even sure why I did it, and he was a decent enough wingman and seemed to be my bro. Closest I had in a while to a friend but as soon as I left my job and got a better job, he grew distant.

Now I am here, and I feel like I can't do shit anymore about my social life situation. Always on the outside looking in.

It is like everytime I try to get ahead in life, do get ahead, rise, and better my situation, my social life goes to hell.

Should I sacrifice success in life so I can have a social life?
 

metalbird

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Toby, I understand the challenge of trying to find an environment where you feel like you belong. I can relate to a lot of the frustrations your expressing. I AM that guy going back to school at 27.

What you are describing is a developmental stage known as "Trial Independence". The fact that you are so enamored with the idea of the college experience suggests to me that you, like me, did not progress through this stage in a normal way. I highly encourage you to research this, google the term, go ahead. Essentially, it consists of two key emotional components: A "rebellious phase" in which you A. Learn to be yourself and B. Learn to conform to your peers.

There are many reasons why people don't progress through this stage in a healthy way during the "normal" age range. A lot of it is, as you suggested, societal. For example, a hundred years ago, most Americans finished Trial Independence (the last stage of maturing) and entered adulthood by the age of 18! They went off to war or the farm or the railroad, and that was that. Research points to many things like technology and environmental factors for slowing the rate of emotional maturity in the modern age, but most psychologists put Trial Independence as 19-23 nowadays.

So maybe you're part of the 1 in 5 American males who didn't tackle this developmental milestone "on time". If so, then you will probably encounter things like:

  • Extreme anger at whatever factors emotionally stunted you
  • Grief/sadness over time lost, regrets over missed opportunities ("x years of my life!") ("I wish I had known then what I know now!")
  • Shame at being so behind for your age (both from younger people who see you as too old for being on the same level as them, and from peers who see you as lagging behind)
  • Strong, painful envy towards emotionally "on-track" young adults ("I wish I had figured this stuff out at your age") ("You don't know how lucky you are to be realizing this stuff now...")

Sucks, doesn't it?

Guess what. It could be worse. You could be going through this in your 30s or 40s, having a midlife crisis, or something like that, like many men do. Be GLAD you're only a few years behind.

The antidote to that anger is forgiveness.
The antidote to the shame is self-compassion and realizing that it's not your fault. And surrounding yourself with compassionate people, they're out there, trust me.
The antidote to that grief is gratefulness for what has gone right in your life, and focusing on the present.
The envy is for me the hardest to deal with. The only antidote that I have found is, "Life's not fair."


There is a photograph that changed my life in this regard:

84p9kq9dsf821.jpg


If I had to caption this photo, it would be, "Life's not fair". The difference is, unlike the guy in that photo, we still can have a chance to do something about it, move forward, and get better.

What you do with this is up to you. Wishing you the best though man. You're not alone.
 

Indian Race Troll (IRT)

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Just came back from a party for one girl I met weeks ago, we have built up kind of a bond but I am probably not going to pursue an LTR with her or anyone yet. It was a good time, it was her and her friends, I was the only guy in the group and they were cool about it. For the first time in ages, I started to feel a bit more alive, maybe this city has something to offer me that my past city did not. Maybe there is something out there.

But let's say my original thought process is right NewBee, that college years are the prime years for everything and yes, I am angry. You know what really pisses me off and gives me all of the negative emotions?

That now, finally, when I have my life on track and am free, the social opportunities die down. It is almost as if you have to be born into a good quality social life rather than earning it like you would other stuff in life. Dating is mostly fair, you take care of yourself and present yourself well, some girls will pick up on that. Even career and work life is fair, you do the right things and make the right moves, you will benefit. Yet, it seems like every guy I have known who has had that quality social life grew up in a well off area, had cool friends in high school, fraternity brothers in college, and all of that work in their favor.

I could not control what my parents did with my life in high school and even starting out in college, yet for that I am punished and I feel as if there is no redemption for people like me.

We get to our mid 20s and everyone around our age is mostly out of college, working, and already had their fun, hence the envy and anger you talked about. I want to build out a crew to go out, have fun with, party with, but they all already had that and want kids, marriage, and all of that settling down. If not settling down, they are sticking with their college friends and college crew.

Like I feel free, I am responsible at this age, I feel able finally in my life but at the same time it is as if for social life, the door has closed because of circumstances. It is like even despite the strides I have made in life, I am losing socially to some frat boy born with a golden spoon in his mouth whose parents loved him or who fell into good circumstances in his adolescence.

It makes me bitter NewBee and everyone. I wish I lived in a universe where people working full time in their mid and late 20s socially lived like college kids on the weekends.

You know who I am really bitter towards? Men! I fucking hate my gender.

I spent a fun night out tonight with some cool girls and it was great. Guys are hostile for partying with and going out to bars with for game or just a cool time. I have never had success when there is a guy involved in a social group of girls because he makes it competitive for no reason. I am like bro, relax, fucking enjoy life and stop trying to take my head off because you think some of these girls want my cock. I have lost all faith in my gender and quite frankly, could care less if most men fell off the face of this earth, especially men of my generation.

Anyways, what more can I say, I have said my piece. It still hurts.

There is a PUA for game, place for career advice, but really no expertise out there for building that cool social life. Read some posts on this site but even then, I feel as if after college so many windows close.

I don't get it either, my life is way easier now, a lot less stress of exams and everything. In many ways, my life is simpler after college than it was in college...But I deal with the fact that most people around my age fucked up. It is like what I want socially is not available because of most people around my age....
 

Seppuku

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Guys like Seppuku and many others on this thread are no doubt good dudes who mean well, and I know they are trying to reach out to me and really reason with me but I've been thinking about this on almost the daily about why it is haunting my thoughts some more, just peeling off the layers here.
Thanks, that is so kind of you.

There is a PUA for game, place for career advice, but really no expertise out there for building that cool social life. Read some posts on this site but even then, I feel as if after college so many windows close.
It doesn't matter if there are sites or not. No expertise will help you, if you refuse to even read it. You dismissed the tons of valuable advice that were given to you over time here. Just like you did here: "you guys mean well BUT".

And no expertise will help you as long as you are not trying to help yourself. It takes a proactive approach to do any kind of change in your life. It has to start from you!

What you should start doing immediately:

  • Stop dismissing what guys are telling you here. Listen to what they really say. You received lots of valuable input here. Just listen!
  • Stop using this place to vent your frustrations and anger and bitterness. You need to get out of this negative mindset. It is dragging you down.
  • Decide on your priority. Women? Social life? Either way is fine, but you won't be able to improve on both at the same time. Prioritize. If it's social life, that's OK, so be it!
  • Have an action plan, and devote yourself to it. Expect a few years for a serious, in depth turn around. There is no magic wand. Nothing valuable comes all of a sudden without putting the effort upfront!
So it seems your priority is social life? Fine! This is what I would do if it was me. I would be the one organizing cool parties. Guys won't just invite you into their parties. But if you are the one making a party, they will come! I would find a nice venue (I like lounge bars personally), then would organize an evening drink. Either I advertise it through my own network (talk to two cool guys, and ask each of them to come with two other cool guys on their own), or in a social network devoted to social gatherings (here we have Internations, but others do exist). Then I would do that like twice a month. Within six months I bet you I would be very well known in town.

Use the same plan, or use another one, but in any case, make up a plan of action! That is a much better use of your energy.

The community here have shown an extraordinary amount of goodwill to support you, but if you keep using these Boards for venting and whining, you probably won't be here for much longer. So use the chance you have to be a part of this community, before the opportunity vanishes.

I am looking forward to read your action plan.

Seppuku
 

Sub-Zero

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What's your plan socially for school?

Are you gonna try to join a club or frat?

Are you gonna try day game on campus?

Or are you just gonna go to class and go back to work or home?

Just curious on your plans for being an older student.




metalbird said:
Toby, I understand the challenge of trying to find an environment where you feel like you belong. I can relate to a lot of the frustrations your expressing. I AM that guy going back to school at 27.

What you are describing is a developmental stage known as "Trial Independence". The fact that you are so enamored with the idea of the college experience suggests to me that you, like me, did not progress through this stage in a normal way. I highly encourage you to research this, google the term, go ahead. Essentially, it consists of two key emotional components: A "rebellious phase" in which you A. Learn to be yourself and B. Learn to conform to your peers.

There are many reasons why people don't progress through this stage in a healthy way during the "normal" age range. A lot of it is, as you suggested, societal. For example, a hundred years ago, most Americans finished Trial Independence (the last stage of maturing) and entered adulthood by the age of 18! They went off to war or the farm or the railroad, and that was that. Research points to many things like technology and environmental factors for slowing the rate of emotional maturity in the modern age, but most psychologists put Trial Independence as 19-23 nowadays.

So maybe you're part of the 1 in 5 American males who didn't tackle this developmental milestone "on time". If so, then you will probably encounter things like:

  • Extreme anger at whatever factors emotionally stunted you
  • Grief/sadness over time lost, regrets over missed opportunities ("x years of my life!") ("I wish I had known then what I know now!")
  • Shame at being so behind for your age (both from younger people who see you as too old for being on the same level as them, and from peers who see you as lagging behind)
  • Strong, painful envy towards emotionally "on-track" young adults ("I wish I had figured this stuff out at your age") ("You don't know how lucky you are to be realizing this stuff now...")

Sucks, doesn't it?

Guess what. It could be worse. You could be going through this in your 30s or 40s, having a midlife crisis, or something like that, like many men do. Be GLAD you're only a few years behind.

The antidote to that anger is forgiveness.
The antidote to the shame is self-compassion and realizing that it's not your fault. And surrounding yourself with compassionate people, they're out there, trust me.
The antidote to that grief is gratefulness for what has gone right in your life, and focusing on the present.
The envy is for me the hardest to deal with. The only antidote that I have found is, "Life's not fair."


There is a photograph that changed my life in this regard:

84p9kq9dsf821.jpg


If I had to caption this photo, it would be, "Life's not fair". The difference is, unlike the guy in that photo, we still can have a chance to do something about it, move forward, and get better.

What you do with this is up to you. Wishing you the best though man. You're not alone.
 

Sub-Zero

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Messages
836
Yes you should, but what are you gonna do? You said you don't want to go back to school. So what are you giving up your career for exactly?




Toby said:
Sure man, I'll answer. I had "friends" growing up but they never really amounted to much, they stayed back in the old poor town while I ventured out. Many of them decided against college or getting ahead financially in life so we grew apart. My friend in adolescence who was almost like a brother to me was laid back towards everything and had rich parents that fueled his hobbies which include videogames and some of the more nerdy stuff.

My high school was in a sketchy part of town so naturally, that was the crew I was around, related the best I could and avoided bullying. A good bit of the kids in high school are also back in the old town not really doing much with life, everyone who wanted to do something with their life left.

I wanted to leave for college but parents kept me tied up at home, used all sorts of emotional manipulation to make me go to a local commuter campus than going off to a nice 4 year school I got into. Naturally I missed that window of opportunity in dorm life to make connections at 18, it is my fault but I was under the impression back then that parents want best. I was still outgoing and tried to make friends but being 18 and in classes filled with older students with family, there was a disconnect as you can see.

Had enough, told parents to fuck off, and transferred to a real university. Joined an organization, biggest one on campus, and even tried to join a fraternity but the only ones that bid upperclassmen at my university (which took Greek Life very seriously) were frats that watched porn, ate pizza, and played videogames on weekends than going out. I did make "friends" through a Christian organization but once again, priorities were fucked, they did not approve of me dating around, sleeping around, drinking on weekends, and anything that "Jesus would not approve of".

The frat guys and cool guys I tried reaching out to never wanted to hang, it was light convo. Even they stuck to the marriage and kids after college route.

First job out of college, ended up in a very toxic work environment, crabs in a bucket. Boss hated me and coworkers were losers, main thing being they talked about taking action but never did anything. Even took one out to a bar to approach some girls, never approached a girl that night and told boss I was being "sleazy" with women, which my boss tried to get me into trouble for but there was no proof. My boss also stopped me from getting ahead at work, he really did not like me having good numbers and tried to rationalize it as me being lucky. There was also tons of gossip that took place within the team so I wanted to leave, it was taxing on me and my life goals.

I went out to bars to approach some guys to see if they would be down to hang and be my wingmen if I had talked to them long enough, never resulted in anything.

I did make one friend through a church group full of 20 somethings, not even sure why I did it, and he was a decent enough wingman and seemed to be my bro. Closest I had in a while to a friend but as soon as I left my job and got a better job, he grew distant.

Now I am here, and I feel like I can't do shit anymore about my social life situation. Always on the outside looking in.

It is like everytime I try to get ahead in life, do get ahead, rise, and better my situation, my social life goes to hell.

Should I sacrifice success in life so I can have a social life?
 

radeng

Tribal Elder
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Messages
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viewtopic.php?f=3&t=18128&p=91085#p91085

Toby,

The above post from a year ago where you were still whining about the same shit. My replies were probably some of the most valuable posts I’ve made on these boards, but the advice has largely gone ignored. Hence my reccomendation to ban you.

The advice is mostly online with seppekus. Set aside 1-4 years to solely focus on this part of your life. Don’t drop your career but also, let it stagnate for a while. You will still be gaining “years of experience” which are valuable.

Make an action plan. I laid one possible strategy out for you in the post above but it seems like it was too hard for you.

Your main issue is you’re not willing to really put in the work. The easiest way to make cool guy friends is to get them girls. I have an extremely cool group of dudes I go out with, and all of the coolest ones I literally met them by making them impromptu wingmen and getting them laid. I’m sure there are other methods to make guy friends, but being known as a player has worked for me in that i have access to something almost all guys want and guys who want to go out and party are attracted to me because of it. If you want cool guy friends, you should have invited the coolest guys you know to hang with your 3 girl friends. Guaranteed the guys will have mad respect for you right off the bat.

I am now generally very selective about my dude friends. I don’t respond to 90% of dudes who hit me up to go out because they have nothing to offer me. If a guy is going to be my friend he better be able to make my life more valuable because I know anyone who hangs out with me, that I am going to be bringing them things - I’ll be fun, I have access to drugs through my network of friends, I am always bringing new girls and groups of girls around, I can give SOLID advice to my friends when they have questions about chicks, I usually buy rounds of drinks for the group when I go out with friends and expect nothing in return, my main focus at all times is that my friends are having the most fun when they hang with me.if you want to make cool guy friends you need to do the same. Also, all my guy friends do the same shit for me or have some other value they bring to the table, like “rich guy” who buys the most drinks - “great looking dude” who helps me have an in with hotter chicks, “absolutely hilarious guy” - everyone is cracking up around this guy all the time and other combinations of value giving things.

Want friends and social circle? Given more value and be cool.

I feel like if we met in person, if you actually tried talking with me, I’d immediately dismiss you as dweeb, and even with the three girls, I’d need to have confidence that you could keep bringing in new girls or have some other angle as to why I’d want to hang with you. I’d need to feel like, this guy is cool and he’s the leader of these chicks and he’s inviting me in to their clique.

Gaming guys is not so much different than gaming girls.

Radeng
 

Mr.Rob

Modern Human
Modern Human
Joined
Jun 16, 2013
Messages
1,902
Ya there's no hope for you man, your totally right its impossible to have an awesome social life after college. Those golden spoon fed faggots always be holding dudes back from social success.

Looks like your only real option is going to be to turn gay, learn to suck dick really well and use that skillset to open up a wealth of social opportunities in the LGBT+ community.

Other than that your just going to be forever alone these days. Smh at ghe world.
 

Indian Race Troll (IRT)

Rookie
Rookie
Joined
Jan 5, 2014
Messages
3,225
Except I have no guy friends in my new city yet, I just arrived here, all outings have been with dates I met from dating apps.

I am juggling between two schools of thoughts with social life, one optimistic and one not so optimistic, and I am caught in it.

One school of thought leans more on hope and optimism. It should not be that difficult to have an awesome social life after college. Big cities have more than enough people that move to them in their 20s after college and are still single, wanting to have fun and enjoy city life. A good amount of those people should be cool with meeting a new friend and being social with a newer group. In fact, latest research shows that people are now starting to look for family life and marriage in their 30s, using their 20s as almost an extension of their college days to socialize, meet new friends, and have a fun time.

By that nature, it should be realistic for me to make a ton of cool single friends in their 20s.

Then there is the other school of thought, the less optimistic one.

Almost everyone I talk to made their closest friends in college and still stick with their close friends from college. All I read online about fun experiences and stories as well as people I meet, they all seemed to have met a chunk of their social circle in high school or college. In fact, they even had all of their fun experiences in those days. So reality is not lining up for me there even though rationality would disagree.

So here I am, wanting to believe but finding road blocks in believing.

I'll get back to you guys with more later, been writing down in my journal how I can address a lot of this.
 

Michal

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jul 5, 2013
Messages
278
Toby said:
Just came back from a party for one girl I met weeks ago, we have built up kind of a bond but I am probably not going to pursue an LTR with her or anyone yet. It was a good time, it was her and her friends, I was the only guy in the group and they were cool about it. For the first time in ages, I started to feel a bit more alive, maybe this city has something to offer me that my past city did not. Maybe there is something out there.
Dude, focus on stuff like this. I will tell you one more thing. If you ever want an LTR, you've got to cut this negative bullshit out of your life. No bullshit here, nothing against you, just trying to open your eyes. Women hate that shit, especially if you are stuck in the past. They think about the future, especially if they like the guy. So if he is stuck in the past in his head, they leave. Focus on the fact that you went to a party. And you were the only guy with them there. Enjoy it for what it is. Give yourself a credit.

For male friends, join some sports team. Seriously stop bullshitting around and go play some team sport. That is one of the fastest ways to find a pack. Or organize it at work if you do not have that much of a man power to go play football yet.

I am sorry for the tone shift in the following part but... Let me ask you.. do you want to be a little whiny bitch who is at mercy of others or will you take responsibility and take charge of your life to achieve what you want? You cannot do both. You. Cannot. Do. Both. You got to that party with those girls because you have some skill, you have something to offer. Now.. did you get it by being this boo-hoo little bitch? ... I doubt it. Sometimes it seems you are complaining just because it is easy and you have nothing else to do. The part which I quoted sounded optimistic. Focus on stuff like that. I have been where you are, but Rome was not built in a day. I have read an article online recently, it was a good perspective change for me. It is about satisfaction, goals and expectations.
https://medium.com/the-mission/the-happ ... 43ebc788bf
 

Seppuku

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Aug 25, 2014
Messages
1,149
Location
Middle East, Asia, Africa
Toby said:
Except I have no guy friends in my new city yet, I just arrived here, all outings have been with dates I met from dating apps.
That's why. Decide what is your priority. Social life? Or girls? It is going to be too hard to improve on both at the same time. To make any meaningful change takes time and commitment. Choose one and devote yourself to it.

I am juggling between two schools of thoughts with social life, one optimistic and one not so optimistic, and I am caught in it.
Absolute non sense.

At about 25, The amount of things you could still achieve in your life is phenomenal. There is no reason you couldn't achieve success in your career AND social life, AND love life at the same time, except for the limiting beliefs you impose on yourself. Remove your own mental barrier. You are your own obstacle to success.

Drop this "not so optimistic" outlook once and for all! Stop comparing yourself to others, or to social "norms", and start building your life for yourself, the way you want it, at your own pace. You do NOT have to follow the same road as other people.

Did you even read Radeng's post? He is the one in here who really knows his stuff about social life. Read what he writes, and read it again. That will be worth your time! It's invaluable. He could be your mentor, provided you stop dismissing what he (or others here) is trying to convey. There is much more you could gain from these Boards other than getting attention, if you only were willing to listen!

I'll get back to you guys with more later, been writing down in my journal how I can address a lot of this.
If you want to write something useful for yourself, write your plan for the next five years! What are you going to do to become what you aspire to be? Forward looking, actionable, and in five years you will congratulate yourself.
 

Franco

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Nov 14, 2012
Messages
3,641
Location
Southern California
Toby,

This is "Girls Chase" not "Social Circles Chase."

We've had this thread many, many times in the past with a few other guys seeking validation from other people rather than seeking sex with beautiful women. You might want to think about which one you are actually pursuing.

This is a warning. Another thread like this may lead to a ban.

- Franco
 
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