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Trying to get this girl out...

PostPosted: Thu Dec 06, 2018 2:26 pm
by killerman
So there's this girl I met recently. Met at work. Asked her out for a drink before to which she said that she was busy with working overtime but would be free in 2-3 weeks and would let me know later when she was free. She never texted me to say when she was free. However since then she's got to know me more and she really digs that I play guitar and am passionate about music and is always asking to hear me play. I hadn't asked her to meet up again because I didn't want to be seen as chasing and wanted her to contact me like she said she would. So the other day she said she wanted to hear me play again to which I said that she should come down to hang out where i live to hear me as I thought id ask her again as its been 3 weeks. She replied that she was up for it to which i asked when she's free. she said she could do next week so i asked her to text me when she knows she's free as i didnt want to chase too much. Also asking her when she was free right there would be putting her under pressure to make a decision right there which is not good. She then said again later as we left that she'd contact me when she knew she'd be free. She seemed pretty up for it

Now the thing i'm wondering is if she doesnt contact me by the end of next week what do I do? It seems like every strategy is a bad strategy because to me texting her again is chasing too much as ive already asked her yet waiting for her to get back to me seems like it's leaving the ball in her court too much, as if she doesnt get back to me 2 times then trying the same strategy again is likely to fail again, so what do i do if she doesnt get back to me?

Re: Trying to get this girl out...

PostPosted: Thu Dec 06, 2018 10:20 pm
by fog
when you first met her, you had no value in her eyes.

but after learning about your music, now it sounds like you have moderate value in her eyes. she's interested, but not so interested that she will open up her schedule immediately for you.

if you're not persistent in the correct way, you get into a trap with "busy" girls who you only have moderate value with. the trap is you pinging her every so often to see if she’s finally free. and guess what? she won't be free. this is all sorts of bad. you sink time and energy into her, only to turn into an orbiter, or to have her text you letting you know that she's got a new boyfriend.

killerman, you are being way too accommodating of her schedule. ping her and tell her you have time to see her for a short amount of time in the next few days. if she cant take an hour of her time to meet you, then you need to move on. this is NOT chasing (she wants the same thing as you), this is persistence.

Re: Trying to get this girl out...

PostPosted: Fri Dec 07, 2018 11:18 am
by DarkKnight
Second attempt right? I would not leave let it up to her. It's better to ask when she is free and then set a clear date with time and place. If you leave it up to her, her moodiness can influence the process because girls live in the moment etc. Also, I have a feeling you suffer from scarcity. You met girl from work (why is she important, do you cold approach girls or at the very least expand your social circle?) Waiting for something to happen is torment and unneccesary, you should not wait an entire week for a yes or a no, or a maybe , or a flake, or whatever. A year only consists of 52 weeks. Remember that. Believe me, your describing a pretty classic scenario. You have to be willing to next her if she goofs around, it's simple as that. And after that do things on your terms, and your terms only. Honestly, these days I do not get slow movers. It's put up or shut up.

Re: Trying to get this girl out...

PostPosted: Fri Dec 07, 2018 5:05 pm
by killerman
Ok, so do you think I should just go for it and ask her when she texts me again even though I asked her 2 days ago? By the way she texted again right now, 3 times. Good news is she's always the one to initiate texting me and she does it pretty regularly, so at least that's some good news...