strictlyincreasing said:
I've tried the leather jacket/bad boy look and it made me look too scary or too much like kind of a bum. I'm in good shape with a fair amount of lean mass. I even tried the tight t shirt look and that was over the top. All I can go with is the more preppy style. That's not the most exciting but it's all that I can wear such that women might take me seriously. It does lend itself well to provider game too...
What do I do to fix myself? I want to try anything that you can suggest. I groom myself, choose a good facial hair style, buzz my hair down frequently, eat a healthy diet and carry a good amount of lean mass. But my fundamentals aren't good enough as of yet. Like I said, I dress preppy because it's these dull, safe looking guys that the women who I am interested in end up dating (but guys with hair...).
alright, so you indeed have tried different styles. Yes the preppy style might be what you need, especially if you're younger. But it is always worth to keep trying new styles. And glad to see that you are in a good shape, and taking care of yourself.
The fact that your results came when you were skinny fat etc. And the fact that I'm in bodybuilder shape but complaining about this stuff is an argument for hair being extremely important and being in shape being unimportant.
And here I completely disagree, sorry. What did work for me is not my hair. It is my
VIBE. Sexy, cool, masculine and confident. If you have this vibe, your hair, my body fat, or any physical imperfection WILL NOT matter that much. As a matter of fact I personally know some guys which are bald and naturally do well with women. In these Boards, as I recall, our member Fuck This is bald (FT please correct me if I'm wrong), yet reached advanced status here. The bald guys CAN do good.
The way I see it, you have enough fundamentals. It always can be improved, but it is enough. You found yourself a dressing style, and you take care of your body. It doesn't look like you're neglecting yourself.
But what works against you is your mindset. Beyond fundamentals, what you believe is the number one success factor.
You're coming from a mentality of "my hair is killing my chances". You have a backlog of rejection, and you rationalize it as because of your hair. You have more or less internalized it, and now you are in a "battle already lost" mindset before the battle begin. The women perceive it, and reject you, which re-inforces your beliefs.
In my case, when I meet a girl, I am highly confident that I will fuck her in a couple of hours. This confidence comes across as sexy, and reinforces my success. If I was obsessed by my body fat or my grey hair, and became convinced that it ruined my chances, I would accumulate failures instead of success.
It is crucial to come from a winner mentality. It shows off, and it significantly increases your chances and success.
The best thing you could do to improve yourself is to forever get rid of that idea that your hair (or whatever) is killing your chances. And adopt a more positive outlook. It is a change in internal beliefs.
We could give you tips on the Provider game - although this is not really the prevalent style here. But the truth is, it is a much harder path. Just consider that 90% of men use Provider game by default (without them even knowing). Wen the guy takes her on a dinner and wine and dine her over many dates, and brag over himself and his achievements, what he is essentially telling her is "look what a superb Provider I could be for you", in the hope to fuck her.
So in this segment you will face a lot of competition.
You could, of course, do some advanced Provider game, meaning competing as a Provider while knowing what you are doing. And that would put you at an advantage vs competition.
But you are going to attract women for the wrong reason: securing material advantages. It is setting a bad frame for a future relationship if it ever comes to that. And you risk attracting the wrong kind of women (the highly materialist type).
With more of a Lover game, you will attract girl for a different reason: sexual excitement. That's a much better place to start with. And you already out-compete 90% of the guys out there.
You should give it another try. But first clean yourself of the loser mindset regarding your fundamentals. It seems there not that bad after all. A winner mentality will help you a lot. Always assume attraction.
Seppuku