Victim mentality seriously starting to ruin my life, know the cause not the fix.



Re: Victim mentality seriously starting to ruin my life, know the cause not the

Postby Chase » Mon Dec 17, 2018 2:57 am

Cool to see all this, Toby.

NYC will be a good place for you. Definitely a smart move.

The French-Vietnamese chick... good show on the quick lay.

Invite her out again and give her a proper railing next time. Don't jack off beforehand :)

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Re: Victim mentality seriously starting to ruin my life, know the cause not the

Postby Toby » Wed Dec 19, 2018 1:46 am

A lot has happened since my very short break from this forum. So I realized I have a lease that does not end until the end of March but I have to be in NYC for my start date of the job which is January 15th. Read the contract and it is pretty strict, cannot break the lease unless you are in the military. So my only option is to find someone to take over my apartment or I would need to pay about 3 months worth of rent (not cheap!). Now that has been stressing me out as well as looking for a place in NYC, deciding which neighborhood I want to be in.

My life has had so many changes going on and I feel like I really have not been taking care of myself but the past couple weeks have been rough for me since I have been flying around so much for interviews. Ever since I got laid off, it all hit me hard and though I had money saved up, I am slowly running out and cannot afford to pay those 3 months of rent.

To some degree I feel like my health may slowly start to be impacted, I have been messy and had a bad schedule of not getting up early enough, its been so depressing at times too with all of this piling.

I am also thinking ahead to the life I want when I go to NYC.

On one hand yes I want to stay in the corporate 9 to 5 life since that will feed me plus the job offer I have is a pretty sweet one but I definitely want to get involved in the service industry/nightlife work there on the weekends when I get a chance. I really feel my clock ticking fast (mid 20s here) to make the bartending as a second job/side gig a reality in NYC as well.

Its like so much going on with trying handle what is current and then feeling time running out on my future goals of living a fun fulfilling life with some bucket list items such as having worked in nightlife being knocked out. I also need to get in shape since I have put on a few, the last workplace I was at really took a toll on me as well.

GAH!

Its not been an easy time, I can say that but I also accept that I need to get my shit together in terms of my schedule.

I also won't be able to meet up with 4 girls on Bumble whose numbers I got and had dates arranged with, two of them were above average looking.

There is also a book I have been trying to finish but in the past couple weeks, the structure to my day has been demolished. I am spent from all these interviews!
Toby


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Re: Victim mentality seriously starting to ruin my life, know the cause not the

Postby Toby » Sat Dec 22, 2018 12:59 am

So my computer died today, posting this from cell.

Had a date with the 10th different girl last night, sat at the bar and chatted.

We talked about a lot of things but even she agreed that it is tough to make new friends in Atlanta. Took her back home to my place and fingered her as we made out but that was it. Other than that she went home at like 11pm or so and I texted her best wishes the next morning. The reason I did that was hoping there was not going to be a false accusations since both of us did have drinks.

Have a date with a Latina tomorrow who says she is a single mom but she is sexy!
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Re: Victim mentality seriously starting to ruin my life, know the cause not the

Postby Toby » Sun Dec 30, 2018 11:52 pm

I have slowly realized that I have a lot to be grateful for even though my social life is in shambles. Getting ready for the move to NYC, no doubt that the first year there is going to be rough and throw a ton of challenges my way. Still trying to narrow down some places to live at but for now will stay with sublet a few months here and there until I make up my mind, really need to find a good roommate situation.

Look to go to NYC with an open mind and to embrace the challenges that might come my way. I had to think about why I picked the city and outside of the gender ratios alone, my gut just told me that there was something for me there. They say that NYC is supposed to be one of the most fun cities to spend your 20s in.

For now, I am going to focus a lot on doing well at my job (corporate world) and really settle into the city for the first few months.
Toby


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Re: Victim mentality seriously starting to ruin my life, know the cause not the

Postby Toby » Wed Jan 02, 2019 4:00 am

I write this on a night I cannot sleep but I am not sad or depressed. Looking back to my college days, I realized that despite the bad circumstances I could have had my success. I realized that instead of going out there and trying, I didn’t put in the effort and I came off as a brash and uncalibarted guy. Even then I had this worry and anxiety about the future.

It was not the fault of a state, culture or any group. Like I get it, Georgia (at least the Atlanta area) can be a certain way but still there were kids having a great time. It’s like I feel so free ever since this really hit me, it is so damn freeing. The things I could have done and cool people I could have made if I kept pushing back in college instead of giving in to the toughness. If I showed up the club meetings and religiously attended them, something could have happened and that would have been the spark I needed.

Maybe I didn’t have to follow a script, I could have created my own. I didn’t need to be a frat boy in a top feat, I didn’t!

It was my fault, it is my fault and this realization makes me so free.

Even now I have fallen into this in the past couple years, that life ends after college.

Even now I limit myself when I could be writing my own script.

Maybe it’s time to say fuck it and write my own script.

Maybe they are out there, my dream friends and crew.

They were out there in college and I didn’t need to be in a frat to get them.

I could have found them, if only I was patient enough and added value.

Let’s see what NYC brings....

I feel so free.
Toby


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Re: Victim mentality seriously starting to ruin my life, know the cause not the

Postby YOLT » Fri Jan 04, 2019 12:20 am

Hey Toby. I'll make this short.

I just read this entire thread. From what I understand:
- You frequently date cute girls (you probably go on a lot more dates than most guys in America)
- I think I read you're a successful corporate employee
- You're a man of ambition
- And you're making this amazing move to the greatest city in the world for a new job, all in your 20s. This is exciting!!!

You seem to have so much going for you. Imagine how much more you'll have going for you when you start reaching some of your other goals. This is an exciting time in your life! SMILE! You have so much opportunity and joy in front of you. Start appreciating all these great things (it seems like you are starting to appreciate them and improving your mentality). Embrace this new opportunity :)


Note: I see you're pretty good with apps. Try Bubmle BFF when you're in NYC to make guy friends. A word of warning - about 60% of the guys on there are gay and looking for other guys (which is not the intention of the app), but 40% are straight men looking for another cool guy to hang out with, and some of them are surprisingly cool guys. Just write in your bio you're a straight guy new to NYC looking to meet some other cool guys.

All the best,
YOLT
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Re: Victim mentality seriously starting to ruin my life, know the cause not the

Postby Toby » Fri Jan 04, 2019 9:50 pm

YOLT you are right my man, I have tried to internalize being more grateful in life and will work on this in the coming months. I have a date in an hour from a match on Hinge.

I went out today, during the weekday, and had a quick conversation with a person I met who was from Illinois. We talked for a few minutes and that turned into almost a couple hours. Outside of the date I had a few weeks ago, he is another person who told me about what he has observed in Atlanta culture. Apparently he moved here with his wife and after a couple years here, they find that something is kind of "off" about the city compared to what they experienced in Chicago, Portland and Seattle. So we connect on social media as well and the dude seemed really cool for the most part.

In some ways, it kind of makes me wonder if I was not the only one feeling the way I did in Atlanta, surely there must be others in the same situation. Not trying to excuse myself of any responsibility here of what has happened in the past but it does make me excited for what comes in the future. I feel like all those nights of me being in college trying to make new friends but failing miserably or me failing in my time in Atlanta with social life for the most part, maybe there were things I could not control.

It is almost like life throws us things that make sense of some things from the past, kind of feels like that anyways. So I am excited for what is to come next, treating it all as a learning experience. One day once I become prominent enough on this site, I will write some things about Atlanta comparing it to NYC.
Toby


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Re: Victim mentality seriously starting to ruin my life, know the cause not the

Postby Toby » Sat Jan 05, 2019 4:00 am

So the date I had tonight showed up like 20 lbs heavier than her pics, apparently she was using old pics for online dating so we only chatted like for an hour before cutting it short. After the date I did something I had not done for months, I decided to head out to the bars and cold approach.

Got shut down a lot, no success at all. I did it because I feel like I had to so I decided to head out for that, the most lively area of the city. I decided that it would be best because I am done with the A-town soon anyways so might as well, plus it would help me man up more because online dating has spoiled the fuck out of me. Struck out all the way but my bitterness, it was like gone, I just took it in stride and headed home. Maybe it is me getting older or who knows what but what I know is I have come a long way from the old me who would be hurt over a bad night.
Toby


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