critique 2 of my tinder convos

fog

Modern Human
Modern Human
Joined
Jul 20, 2015
Messages
1,533
Location
peru
i really find tinder to be a great place to practice my verbal game in a low pressure environment, where i have the option to strategize and not feel pressured to respond right away. however both these conversations were relatively on the fly, with me challenging myself to operate on autopilot.

Girl 1

ya nice banter and I'm pretty happy with this conversation and everything but..i have this sticking point where sometimes a girl is trying to get to know me but i evade the question a little bit to much (as evidenced by my hot dog reply to her height question). since I'm a short guy i dont like mentioning my height on tinder, girls have DQed me on it before and dipped.

fog: hi, you're so adorable
fog: just like a little kitten
girl: omg meeeee
girl: i am the human equivalent of a cat
fog: wow! what makes u say that? u must be cute, harmless and cuddly
girl: *gif of a really cute cat*
girl: LOL sometimes *laughing face emoji*
fog: awwwww!
fog: i wonder if u were a cat in a past life
girl: must have been!
fog: is it true you are a virgo?
girl: yes why :)
fog: i will tell u tomorrow, cuz i gotta go to bed. the reason will shock u.
girl: *laughing face emoji x 3*
girl: okay talk to you tomorrow :)
next day
fog: hi girl! it tells me a lot about u that u are a virgo :)
girl: mmmmm what does it tell you!
fog: it tells me almost too much
fog: i have to ask you something
girl: LOL
girl: whats up!
fog: do you want to hang out with me?
girl: is it too much in a good way or bad
girl: im considering it
girl :)
fog: ok :)
fog: so youre a server?
girl: if I'm down to meet you ill let you know or if you have any good offers I'm listening *angel emoji*
girl: i am!
fog: ok I'm down to meet u if i still like u in a few minutes
fog: you have to be really outgoing and social to be a server. most people cant handle it.
girl: LOOOOL omg
girl: well i find most people love me or hate me there is no in between so
girl: heres to hoping
girl: i agree, I'm just more genuinely caring i think?
girl: rather than super outgoing
girl: but i can turn that on if i need it
fog: good news, i still like you so far. even more now that i know youre a caring person. my parents raised me to be a caring person so i really value it
girl: thats good to hear honestly
girl: i dont think anyone on here talks about being caring as a strong point
girl: its always height and length *laughing face*
fog: thats so true. most people only care about superficial things.
fog: youre 5'2? you might end up being too short for me :):):)
girl: ??! how tall are you LOL
fog: i am the length of 17 hot dogs
girl: i mean aren't hot dogs all different sizes
girl: are you 17 foot longs or 17 minis
fog: lmfao, k i definitely wanna hang w/ you
fog: what are you doing tonight/tomorrow
girl: I'm probably free saturday!

Girl 2

you'll notice that this conversation is slightly one sided. if this was in person, i would have been baiting her to get her asking me some questions.

shes 100+ km away and i have no intention of meeting her.

me: u got a hint of sophistication about u
girl: is that a question or a statement
me: its one of those question-statements
girl: well, yes. id like to think so. I’m relatively competent and know what I’m about
me: do you actually know what youre about? so may people say that and then i question them on it and they actually dont
girl: nah, i still got a lot of turmoil going on
me: oooh wow youre modest
girl: completely honestly, i have a very general idea of who i am. still lots of turmoil
me: lmfao omg sounds like you do not have a concussion ahhaa
me: i feel like we could get real deep in convo
girl: probably lol
me: but u might be too young for me
girl: i didnt even note your age
girl: sorry if i am :p
me: haha ok i will keep your apology in mind if you do end up being too young for me
me: so youre new to buffalo…how was the move? hectic
girl: i go to UB. ive, like, barely explored buffalo
me: ur a little girl in a big city
girl: essentially. i come from a town with more cows than people
me: ur a country girl? u dont look it!
me: big city girls are waaay too brash for me.
girl: I’m more of a suburb person
me: spoken like a sophisticated women
girl: im not too aggressive, but i hate country lifestyle/activities
me: like the whole mudding/country/music/drinking beer in blue jeans thing?
girl: yep. hate it
me: wow i was curious as first about you but now you got my attention
girl: cuz i hate the country aesthetic?
me: cuz youre a modest, not very aggressive suburb girl living in a big city who hates the country aesthetic
girl: what can i say *bunch of emojis*
me: do you also drink liquids
girl: is it possible to drink solids or gases
me: yes :)
girl: do you mean any specific liquids?
me: any liquid out there
girl: yeah, i can usually be caught drinking various liquids
me: oh man, well we should get together and drink a liquid sometime
girl: so im not too young for you, then?
me: nope :) you seem pretty cool so far
girl: so far *laughing face*
me: things could change like what if ur a stalker and a serial killer or something
girl: i could say the same about you
girl: also being the semi creep i am, i just looked at your pictures again. why are you wearing docs in a gym?
me: thats the mandatory dress code for gym rats. it sucks, i know. i really wish i could be wearing stilettos
girl: ooh, a man of many shoes, i like it
me: you are a sweetheart :) do you have a lot of shoes as well?
 

Atlas

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Sep 9, 2013
Messages
119
Hey buddy, so you're pretty good with the first girl, but there are some changes that I would make. It might just be my more direct style but instead of "do you want to hang out with me?" I would say something along the lines of "we should meet up some time soon". It's a subtle change, but I think its a powerful one. Also, when she said she was considering hanging out with you, I think it would've been a good idea to pull the trigger there. You could say something like "alright great, when are you free?" It displays a lot of confidence and I haven't had it backfire too much. The only girls that haven't responded well to that are ones who really didn't want to meet up with me in the first place.

Another thing that kinda throws me off is that you have 2 topics going at once for a couple parts of that conversation (probably due to double texting) and it makes it more difficult for both of you in my opinion. For example, "ok I'm down to meet u if I still like u in a few minutes" followed directly by "you have to be really outgoing and social to be a server. Most people can't handle it". The first one is good, a little witty banter never hurts, and the second one with the compliment is good as well, but it forces her to respond in 2 texts instead of focusing on one topic. It continues throughout the conversation and makes it hard to read from my POV and I would imagine it would for the girl as well. If she was more socially in tune then I would imagine she would ignore the more superficial of the texts and respond only to the more important one. It's almost like a form of "cutting the thread". Additionally, I think maybe you teased her too hard. Where you said "ok I'm down to meet you if I still like u in a few minutes" sounds a little socially unsavvy coupled with the "you might be too short for me text". It seems a little much to keep teasing her. For myself, I wouldn't really care if a girl said that to me, but like I said earlier you could've tried to get her to meet up sooner and it might've avoided some potential social errors. It comes off as trying to be too funny, despite how hilarious you are. I like to keep convos nice and short especially while texting because it allows people to fill in details about me. Chase mentions in one of his articles if someone likes, even a little bit, then they will fill in the blanks of things they don't know about you with favorable qualities and I like to play on that. I'm pretty nit-picky and everyone has their own style and way of doing things so don't think I'm trying to be too much of a dick here haha. Overall it's good, but I think you can polish it up some. The hot dog comment had me laughing really fucking hard btw. Probably just woke up my roommate.

Girl 2
If you consistently talk to girls that are far away on Tinder, its fun to open with something like "hey 300 miles isn't too far away right? (insert emoji of choice)" Just something to try out if you're looking for something but your opener seemed to work well. I would argue that you have the same problem with the second girl as you did with the first. You totally could have proposed a meet up (if you had the intention to) in the conversation where she said "so I'm not too young for you then" you could have responded with "Nope :) you seem pretty cool so far. Anyways, when are you free?" But what you have going seems to work for you, so I might be overly critical. Anyways this is a pretty good conversation in my opinion as well
 

fog

Modern Human
Modern Human
Joined
Jul 20, 2015
Messages
1,533
Location
peru
Atlas said:
Hey buddy, so you're pretty good with the first girl, but there are some changes that I would make. It might just be my more direct style but instead of "do you want to hang out with me?" I would say something along the lines of "we should meet up some time soon". It's a subtle change, but I think its a powerful one.

ya, lol that was actually a huge mistake on my part. the majority of the time id usually say what you suggested, but lately im trying to implement more "buy-in" into my game and that's how it came out. Unfortunately without vocal tones and body language, it really gave too much power over to her. She took advantage of that too, which is reaally interesting: "im considering it" and "if im down to meet you ill let you know", basically what she's suggesting is that she's the one in charge and passing judgement on me. im lucky i told her that id be down to meet if i still liked her, because that took the power back lol

The other thing is that since she likes me, I really could have afforded to be more dominant with her and said something like "we're gonna hang out sometime"

Atlas said:
Additionally, I think maybe you teased her too hard. Where you said "ok I'm down to meet you if I still like u in a few minutes" sounds a little socially unsavvy coupled with the "you might be too short for me text". It seems a little much to keep teasing her. For myself, I wouldn't really care if a girl said that to me, but like I said earlier you could've tried to get her to meet up sooner and it might've avoided some potential social errors.

Agreed, lol, it was pretty gamey when i could have just skipped all this shit and just asked her to hang out. No need for all this when she already clearly likes me.

Atlas said:
The hot dog comment had me laughing really fucking hard btw. Probably just woke up my roommate.

This is by far one of the best banter topics I have - it gets an excellent reaction 100% of the time, whether it's in person or thru text. Feel free to use it :)

Thanks for your input
 

mindful

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Mar 16, 2014
Messages
256
Agree with above poster. Also try to communicate more in statements and not questions. I do this a lot on dating apps.

examples:
So you got any big plans for the weekend
You doing anything exciting this weekend
We should meet up sometime soon
Let’s exchange numbers how does that sound

these are out of context so seem boring but you get the idea.

I’ll sometimes ask in a question format but only if I wanna add more warmth or something. Will depend on how the girl responds and her texting style.


Also your convos are waaaay to drawn out for dating apps. Flirt a little bit just to show the girl you are a cool normal guy then go for the meet up. This should take 6-8 messages back and forth total if you do it correctly.
 

Regal Tiger

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Mar 16, 2015
Messages
1,018
mindful said:
Also your convos are waaaay to drawn out for dating apps. Flirt a little bit just to show the girl you are a cool normal guy then go for the meet up. This should take 6-8 messages back and forth total if you do it correctly.

EDIT: talking about the first girl here, I get to the second down below
What Mindful said. You're taking waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayy too long. I advocate about 5 messages from you and from her and then setting up the date. Your banter on the first few messages was pretty good, but then instead of sealing the deal you drew it out further for no reason.

1fog: hi, you're so adorable
2fog: just like a little kitten
1girl: omg meeeee
2girl: i am the human equivalent of a cat
3fog: wow! what makes u say that? u must be cute, harmless and cuddly
4girl: *gif of a really cute cat*
5girl: LOL sometimes *laughing face emoji*
4fog: awwwww!
5fog: i wonder if u were a cat in a past life
girl: must have been!
fog: is it true you are a virgo?
girl: yes why :)

I'm undecided about if you should keep the cat in the past life or not. It's alright, but if you keep it then get rid of the 'aww' part. If you get rid of the cat part then keep the aww and add in a qualifier "you're fun" or something similarly vague. The are you a virgo is a great cold read, but where you're at in the conversation it only hurts you because you're failing to pull the trigger.

She's already ready for you to make a move, and with her excited responses you might have even been able to propose a date sooner.

But after the cat/aww part move immediately into going for the date instead of the virgo part and, truth be told, I'm ignoring everything that came after because no matter how good it is, it's hurting you. She's given you an escalation window and you ignored it.

Introduce your date idea *what I use for example:*

Do you like smoothies? -> starting to seed the date
Yes/no
If yes: have you ever been to blank?
Yes/no:
if yes have been to place before: then you already know how amazing they are. What's your number? We need to get one soon
If no, haven't been to place before: Oh man then you're missing out! These things are heavenly, best place in the world. What's your number? We'll set it up


If no, don't like smoothies (this doesn't happen very often. Even if she doesn't want one/like them then they just get a water. If she likes you she'll often times go anyways and just get something else. The other possibility is that she says she doesn't like them and counter offers a coffee date, this is also fine. If she just straight up says no then it's a yellow-red flag in my mind).

Assuming that she doesn't counter-offer the date for you, and says no to smoothies/date idea:
Her: I don't like smoothies, or whatever
Me: For realz? --> kind of a test to see if she'll pick up the slack and realize that she's fucking up. This gives her the chance to chase a little bit if she did just mess up. It also gives her the chance to blow me off if it wasn't a mistake and she's just trying to use me for validation
Her response: honestly doesn't matter what it is unless it's a counter-offer
Me: Well what about puppies and sunshine? Surely you like cute puppies and sunshine, right lol? :p --> make sure to put the emoji in there to make it beyond obvious that you're joking. This is a way to, again, qualify her and bring her back into the interaction. Because she fucked up she has to earn back my attention a little bit. Otherwise she's probably blowing me off or going to make her more likely to flake as I would be chasing otherwise.
Her: haha I love puppies
Me: Whew! Lol I was worried there for a second, but you're cool after all. But hey, since you don't like smoothies let's just get a coffee or water if you don't like coffee
Her: Sure!
Me: Awesome! What's your number and we'll set it up :)

Talking about the first few messages of second girl:
As for girl two, this kinda stuff could work in person, but online I feel like it's coming off way too aggressive. Especially when you're on a dating app it's just too easy to never get back to you. And if she's responding to something like that then you're not being fun, which is the first cardinal rule of texting: it has to be fun.

Though because she sticks in the conversation with you, you did turn it around nicely. But, having said that, at the same time it doesn't allow you to easily transition into a date, which is the whole point of online dating. I know you said she lives far away, which I get it, in that case anything goes because she's good practice if nothing else. But still, those are my notes. Hope they help :)
 
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