I've tried suicide once before, and now I'm unsure how long I can continue

sneaky_charm

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So this is pretty complicated. I'm saying beforehand most of you AREN'T going to believe me, but it's happening.

I was diagnosed with Schizophrenia 3 years ago, took meds, coped. But it's not a medical condition. I knew it then, I know it now.

Basically I hear voices. It's some kind of sorcery or occult (if you're laughing or think I'm crazy, I understand, but apparently it's somewhat common is Southeast Asia).

They insult me for being a lower social class or race. Threatening voices, raised voices. My friends, parents, teachers speak in double meaning ways which I recognise as being influenced by some force outside of themselves. I can't trust my own parents. Sometimes think they'll possess them and my parents will kill me with their own hands. When I walk on the streets the people around me look at me, threaten or mock indirectly.

These are all medically considered as Schizophrenia. Now, bear with me why it's not.

I've had my bank account passwords changed, Facebook hacked from a city IP I knew one of them went to, automatic calling from my phone, mom calling to my phone when she wasn't even touching her phone, credit card used in an unauthorised way, dad laughing at me when I got freaked out by him and tried choking him. It's weird stuff.

I'm keeping my headphones on almost all the time to cope since last 2 days. To avoid the voices that make me uneasy, sometimes downright scared. I don't look at other people.

Basically, I have nobody who can help. I know who they are but even if I tell someone I think they'll easily possess them and turn them against me. I sometimes think of killing them somehow. But I think they're too powerful. Even if magically I succeed, I don't want jail time, a murderer tag, or the weight of killing someone.

Any advice? I just want these weird strange things to be over but they haven't stopped since 3 years. I don't want to die.
 

trashKENNUT

Cro-Magnon Man
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sneaky_charm,

I can't help you diagnose this. I know two man who has help me somewhat.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_NCdSmoJFI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0lagC4l7SO0

In case you wonder if you are alone. :)
Loss my brother in 2005.
Lost another brother in 2007.
Somewhat hated when i was young.
I don't know why i am disliked.
Got bullied and beat up in 5-6 grade (11-12 yrs old)
Never really fit in or somewhat vague in a lot of people's lifes
Idiotic father somewhat
Narcissistic mother somewhat

:)

I can probably add more but that's not the thing. i know it's not comparable to your medical condition but i'm here.

Zac
 

sneaky_charm

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Zac,

How did you lose your brothers? And I'm sorry, that sounds harsh.
 

trashKENNUT

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sc,

sneaky_charm said:
How did you lose your brothers? And I'm sorry, that sounds harsh.

PROBABILITIES.

One died of normal illness (fever) that he contracted from work. Which we learn was virus + normal fever. The other brother: died after we had a family chalet. We went back home early.

He rode bike home 2-3 days later. That was his last ride. The thing is his helmet flew somewhere far and his bike was far too. I never really knew how he died. Might have skidded. I don't know.

That's life.
Now that i think about it.
It is not just about my brother. It is not just about Girlschase. IT is not just about girls. I have this fuzzy feeling that everything is probabilities. Yes, Girlschase will help you a lot in getting that "quality" girls. School might make you become a lawyer, or a great father might have help you be better..

or you can try getting "less attractive" girls, like you mention in the previous post. I don't know really.
I am confident that half of success in life or the continuation life is also probabilities.

Zac
 

trashKENNUT

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Personal message me. or you want me to pm you?
i do my best to help you. I have to try and keep my word of not posting on Girlschase too much. I have my reasons. :) You be fine okay. PM me.

i'm sure we can play playdoh. :D We make an awesome team

Zac
 

Regal Tiger

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I'm not really sure what to say here man... the only advice that I have is go to someone far more qualified to go over this stuff with you. I wish I could do more for you or have more information but this is way too far beyond me and anything I tell you is going to be wrong.

We're here for support for you, but definitely get this stuff checked out by a medical professional.
 

sneaky_charm

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Haha yeah I know. I had this checked by a professional. The drugs do stop the voices, but I don't want any drug fucking with my brain long term. So, stopped taking them. The drugs weren't too strong I guess, but they definitely alter brain activity. Other than that, it is not a medical problem. Maybe the drugs make me hear less somehow and that's about it.
 

Regal Tiger

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sneaky_charm said:
Haha yeah I know. I had this checked by a professional. The drugs do stop the voices, but I don't want any drug fucking with my brain long term. So, stopped taking them. The drugs weren't too strong I guess, but they definitely alter brain activity. Other than that, it is not a medical problem. Maybe the drugs make me hear less somehow and that's about it.

I understand what you mean. I try to stay away from drugs myself (I believe Chase said the same thing about his own depression, so we're in good company in that regard), even alcohol (though I don't like the taste) and other drugs I stay away from. I don't like the feeling of not being me. Which is ultimately what these things do.

And it's true, taking those drugs will not make you completely you. They will mess with your brain. And from my reading well over a decade ago (hopefully this isn't as true as it used to be, I haven't looked into it in so long) I know that these drugs sometimes do come with side effects. And then you have to take more crap just to deal with that crap.

It can seem like a lot, can't it? Do you ever feel overwhelmed with it?
 

sneaky_charm

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Regal Tiger said:
sneaky_charm said:
Haha yeah I know. I had this checked by a professional. The drugs do stop the voices, but I don't want any drug fucking with my brain long term. So, stopped taking them. The drugs weren't too strong I guess, but they definitely alter brain activity. Other than that, it is not a medical problem. Maybe the drugs make me hear less somehow and that's about it.

I understand what you mean. I try to stay away from drugs myself (I believe Chase said the same thing about his own depression, so we're in good company in that regard), even alcohol (though I don't like the taste) and other drugs I stay away from. I don't like the feeling of not being me. Which is ultimately what these things do.

And it's true, taking those drugs will not make you completely you. They will mess with your brain. And from my reading well over a decade ago (hopefully this isn't as true as it used to be, I haven't looked into it in so long) I know that these drugs sometimes do come with side effects. And then you have to take more crap just to deal with that crap.

It can seem like a lot, can't it? Do you ever feel overwhelmed with it?

Yeah of course. I actually jumped into a well, then after going down once or twice, finally shouted out 'Mom', they got me outta there. It was about 2.5 years ago. Another time I went to a river bridge 45 miles away cause I wanted to jump. The police patrolling the bridge said people weren't allowed to walk on the bridge.
 

Regal Tiger

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sneaky_charm said:
Yeah of course. I actually jumped into a well, then after going down once or twice, finally shouted out 'Mom', they got me outta there. It was about 2.5 years ago. Another time I went to a river bridge 45 miles away cause I wanted to jump. The police patrolling the bridge said people weren't allowed to walk on the bridge.

Damn...

But my next few questions is this though: are you more overwhelmed with the drugs or without them? What can you do in your life while taking them? What can you do in your life without taking them?

What kinds of goals do you have?
 

Cacc

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Sneaky Charm,

Antipsychotics cause dementia when taken long-term and it's the reason why Schizophrenics have short lifespans.

But, there have been many people with Schizophrenia who take the meds and experience a cessation of symptoms after a few months and after stopping all medication many of them never experience psychosis again.

Watch this: https://youtu.be/S5tiJJqHQB0

He shows how to cure Schizophrenia.

I researched all this shit because I was put on an anti-psychotic.

Edit: Read your responses. You're being delusional. This isn't the cause of the supernatural, no one's out to get you, it's psychosis and paranoid delusions. When you can accept that none of it is real that's when the illness has less power over you.

The road you're going down now, you're going to end up either dead or with blood on your hands.
 

Chase

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You ever see "A Beautiful Mind"? The film about John Nash. Great film. That was one guy who genuinely beat the voices on his own, without medication. Very impressive. Definitely an outlier.

Whether the voices are real or the result of bad people deliberately inflicting misery on you is kind of irrelevant. They are daily torture; medicine makes them go, no medicine means they stay.

If you are going to kill yourself without medicine, you will indisputably lead a better, more productive life on the medicine. Even if your brain wiring is a little different on it, that's better than the brain wiring you get otherwise -- rotting, decaying brain wiring in a decomposing corpse buried in a coffin. Right?

I suspect with the voices out of your head, you can more easily handle the other issues too. Better password security might be a good place to start (get a password manager that generates long hard-to-break passwords).

Credit cards you've just got to be careful with in general. Use it at the wrong/shady store and they can clone your magnetic strip. Online credit card DBs get hacked too -- when that happens, criminals will buy card numbers in bulk and try them on purchases until they find one that works. Then just go buy a bunch of things.

On the parents, whenever you think they want to kill you, just remember the amount of really grueling work and personal sacrifice that goes into raising a child. Instead of sitting on a beach somewhere and having the time of their lives they had you. There are always a few bad apple parents out there... but odds are your parents have sacrificed greatly for you and want you to succeed. You are their legacy in the world.

Get the voices handled first. I dunno your exact situation, but while I normally am anti-pills, with something like voices I think I'd go for the pills. It's impossible to think straight when you cannot get a moment to reflect in peace.

Chase
 

sneaky_charm

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Damn...

But my next few questions is this though: are you more overwhelmed with the drugs or without them? What can you do in your life while taking them? What can you do in your life without taking them?

What kinds of goals do you have?

Regal Tiger,

Drugs seem to work fine, although I'm not 100% sure that they'll stop the voices again. However, the thing is the doctor gives me drugs continuously. I've read some things, and I definitely don't want Parkinson's or any other shit like that.

The goals, that is the biggest issue. I want to travel, have online business, and hopefully open a few companies and make them big later once I have the share of fun. For that, I need a sound mind and a body. The risk of taking meds year after year kinda freaks me out.


Antipsychotics cause dementia when taken long-term and it's the reason why Schizophrenics have short lifespans.

But, there have been many people with Schizophrenia who take the meds and experience a cessation of symptoms after a few months and after stopping all medication many of them never experience psychosis again.

Watch this: https://youtu.be/S5tiJJqHQB0

He shows how to cure Schizophrenia.

I researched all this shit because I was put on an anti-psychotic.

Edit: Read your responses. You're being delusional. This isn't the cause of the supernatural, no one's out to get you, it's psychosis and paranoid delusions. When you can accept that none of it is real that's when the illness has less power over you.

The road you're going down now, you're going to end up either dead or with blood on your hands.

Cacc,

I understand what you're saying. Also, I have had too many freaky experiences to think that it is a medical condition and nothing else. Shit happens. I never believe these things, but having experienced them I don't deny anymore. If law of attraction and gratitude and things like that work, I don't see why other supernatural elements cannot exist. But I totally understand what you mean, and certainly don't want to be dead or a murderer.

What about you, what exactly happened to you?

About the power thing, whenever I go out groups of people look at me, raise voices etc. I've basically started thinking 'Whatever happens, fine, I don't want to control it.' It keeps me sane. Let's see what the future brings. I'll be in Thailand this December. I didn't get the passport yet, should get it within a month or less. Other than that, I'm concentrating on studying a bit, some basic French and things like that. Hopefully, things will work out fine!


You ever see "A Beautiful Mind"? The film about John Nash. Great film. That was one guy who genuinely beat the voices on his own, without medication. Very impressive. Definitely an outlier.

Whether the voices are real or the result of bad people deliberately inflicting misery on you is kind of irrelevant. They are daily torture; medicine makes them go, no medicine means they stay.

If you are going to kill yourself without medicine, you will indisputably lead a better, more productive life on the medicine. Even if your brain wiring is a little different on it, that's better than the brain wiring you get otherwise -- rotting, decaying brain wiring in a decomposing corpse buried in a coffin. Right?

I suspect with the voices out of your head, you can more easily handle the other issues too. Better password security might be a good place to start (get a password manager that generates long hard-to-break passwords).

Credit cards you've just got to be careful with in general. Use it at the wrong/shady store and they can clone your magnetic strip. Online credit card DBs get hacked too -- when that happens, criminals will buy card numbers in bulk and try them on purchases until they find one that works. Then just go buy a bunch of things.

On the parents, whenever you think they want to kill you, just remember the amount of really grueling work and personal sacrifice that goes into raising a child. Instead of sitting on a beach somewhere and having the time of their lives they had you. There are always a few bad apple parents out there... but odds are your parents have sacrificed greatly for you and want you to succeed. You are their legacy in the world.

Get the voices handled first. I dunno your exact situation, but while I normally am anti-pills, with something like voices I think I'd go for the pills. It's impossible to think straight when you cannot get a moment to reflect in peace.

Chase,

I definitely saw the movie, it was great. Freaky but great.

Medicines do make them go I guess, but may not always work. I'll think about getting back on them. But when I need to keep taking it month after month, it definitely concerns me.

About the passwords, I can do nothing. However ridiculous it sounds, I've seen too much to think otherwise. They know my passwords, they know my phone numbers. I sound crazy I know, but I've given up thinking there is no supernatural element. But, I totally understand where you're coming from. Before the episode, I laughed at anybody who talked about magic and shit like that. Now, not really. It's weird, but it is what it is.

Today, I think I was deliberately made to wait by two of the shopkeepers. One was a chicken shop I visit almost everyday, and the other was a cosmetic shop. I trimmed my chest hair today, and basically the guy mentioned something about shaving my chest when I bought a razor when he certainly wasn't present in the bathroom when I was trimming. Also, they took the first name of my college, which the voices, or the people, as you may like to think, use to insult and belittle me. It is one of the two best colleges in the state today, and hands down the most well-known. So, they keep mocking the name of the college, belittle me for going there. They attack my father's profession cause he became something despite being from a family and culture of nothing. Think of it as a black person from the hood getting a respectable job, and all the town folks insulting him cause he is from the hood. They also attack in other ways.

I don't think the parents want to kill me. It's just that they can control people. I know it sounds very very lame, and ridiculous to the core, but just take my word haha. So, now whenever some people mock me, insult me, raise voice etc. I look at them and really try to think that they are actually people who have a job, kids, family etc. They're not the ones who are trying to kill me. It is only 4 or 5 butthurt people.

But I give them points for persistence. You and I would have given up trying to break someone after 3 years or so, but they are quite persistent. It's funny that way!

I calculated the situation yesterday. I was 21 or 22 when it first happened. They were a group of about 4 or more people, all about 26 or close I think. Besides, they are using powers I don't understand. The government is basically on their side, they have insurgency group, the police is mostly theirs. I can't do shit if they kill me or all of my family.

So, I calculated they are using at least 8x the force I am equipped with. Even Alexander and Hercules would have given up haha. So, I've stopped worrying. If they do something, there is no shame, cause it was never a fair fight.
 

Regal Tiger

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sneaky_charm said:
Regal Tiger,

Drugs seem to work fine, although I'm not 100% sure that they'll stop the voices again. However, the thing is the doctor gives me drugs continuously. I've read some things, and I definitely don't want Parkinson's or any other shit like that.

The goals, that is the biggest issue. I want to travel, have online business, and hopefully open a few companies and make them big later once I have the share of fun. For that, I need a sound mind and a body. The risk of taking meds year after year kinda freaks me out.

I understand about being freaked out, even if it's something you have to put up with. I have to attend weekly group sessions for some bullshit that I didn't do. I'm no longer able to go to parks and I've lost a lot of my so-called friends. I still help out at a dance studio on occasion and people look at me the same way that a lot of people in high school did. Like I'm some kind of disgusting beast... and yet I still go so that I can help out the lady that allows me to stay where I am and is still on my side. It's a massive pain and I don't want to go, I don't like to go and yet I still do.

This entire ordeal has severely damaged my ability to feel connected to people, and that scares me a little bit. Especially with how utterly cold I can feel towards people that I don't know.

I understand what it's like to be freaked out by something. Our situations are drastically different, but I can empathize, at least a little bit with what you're going through.

But the reason that I asked about your goals is one of the things that Chase mentioned: yes, there are side effects of your drugs. But what is more important to you? Avoiding the possibility of having something develop in the future? Or having a future and attaining your goals? Which is more important to you?

Try to think about being out somewhere, traveling and having fun. Then working for a little while on your business that allows you to do it. Now imagine it being taken away from you.

It's not fair, it truly isn't. But that is a possible reality. I'm not telling you to take these drugs if you don't want to, but you do need to find a way to beat these delusions because they are a natural byproduct of schizophrenia. You've even mentioned yourself how they help stop these voices and everything else. You've even admitted that it sounds crazy.

I don't think that you're crazy. I can't begin to understand the daily torture that you go through and overwhelming it must be at times. I do know what depression is like, and how it breaks down both your mind and your body. Nothing like what you've had to experience but it's a start with trying to understand your position.


In fact, what kind of business are you wanting to start? I'd like to hear about it.
 

Chase

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Well, there are two possibilities here: natural, and supernatural.

If it's natural, it's schizophrenia. The symptoms all match: voices, persecution, onset beginning after age 19. If it's natural you want medicine before the symptoms worsen.

If it's supernatural, it's black magic / sorcery / etc. At which, you know, I wouldn't scoff... have always been interested in that sort of thing, and I've had some weird experiences myself. I had an apartment some years back where *something* in the place gave people terrible nightmares, sudden unexplained depressions, "old hag" (which is terrifying), feelings of being watched, and tried to make whoever stayed there jump out the window. I couldn't rule out environmental things (there's an infrasonic frequency that can cause people to experience supernatural phenomena) but... impossible to know. Based on your description, schizophrenia sounds way, way more likely to me, but again, the world's a funny place.

If it's supernatural, then it's something you need to find a witchdoctor or psychic to lift. There are people who inspect auras, look for entities attached to you (which if someone bewitched you with voices, would almost certainly be an entity, and not some guy sitting in a chair all day every day sending nasty thoughts to you), and exorcise them.

Either way, get on top of fixing it. Starting with voices. If it's schizophrenia it'll get worse with age: more voices, more persecution, your behavior will get more extreme, and people will be more and more put off by you. You may hurt yourself or someone else (choking your father's a bad sign, even if he laughed it off... your dad loves you, man); you may end up in a psych ward. If it's some kind of hex it won't go away either; whatever's attached to you will stay attached until you get it cleansed.

I think if I was you, and I was convinced it's supernatural, I'd go see some psychics/healers/etc. first, and ask for readings, aura examinations, all that. And if you get someone who finds something, have it cleansed. If it's too strong for them to cleanse, get a referral / find someone more advanced.

If they don't find anything though, you'll have ruled "supernatural" out... and will know it's natural, not supernatural. At that point it's either pills or violence/homelessness/other common schizophrenic ends (and there is a 5% suicide rate for schizophrenics). Which is extremely wasteful, given your potential (self-improvement oriented, going to a good school, entrepreneurial ambitions, etc.).

Anyway, get on top of it now... before your condition deteriorates, and you find yourself less and less able to communicate with people like us, or your classmates/teachers, or family, and more likely to turn to extreme or anti-social behavior.

Chase
 

Sub-Zero

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Correct me if I'm wrong Chase, but if you take medications for mental health, doesn't that affect you with jobs and stuff? Don't they need to know this and it would make them also want to hire you less?

And with the supernatural thing, what if someone feels like they have bad luck or something? What would he the difference if someone feels like that compared to it really being something super natural ? You know how people say they feel they have bad luck, does that mean it could be something supernatural or not?





Chase said:
SC-

Well, there are two possibilities here: natural, and supernatural.

If it's natural, it's schizophrenia. The symptoms all match: voices, persecution, onset beginning after age 19. If it's natural you want medicine before the symptoms worsen.

If it's supernatural, it's black magic / sorcery / etc. At which, you know, I wouldn't scoff... have always been interested in that sort of thing, and I've had some weird experiences myself. I had an apartment some years back where *something* in the place gave people terrible nightmares, sudden unexplained depressions, "old hag" (which is terrifying), feelings of being watched, and tried to make whoever stayed there jump out the window. I couldn't rule out environmental things (there's an infrasonic frequency that can cause people to experience supernatural phenomena) but... impossible to know. Based on your description, schizophrenia sounds way, way more likely to me, but again, the world's a funny place.

If it's supernatural, then it's something you need to find a witchdoctor or psychic to lift. There are people who inspect auras, look for entities attached to you (which if someone bewitched you with voices, would almost certainly be an entity, and not some guy sitting in a chair all day every day sending nasty thoughts to you), and exorcise them.

Either way, get on top of fixing it. Starting with voices. If it's schizophrenia it'll get worse with age: more voices, more persecution, your behavior will get more extreme, and people will be more and more put off by you. You may hurt yourself or someone else (choking your father's a bad sign, even if he laughed it off... your dad loves you, man); you may end up in a psych ward. If it's some kind of hex it won't go away either; whatever's attached to you will stay attached until you get it cleansed.

I think if I was you, and I was convinced it's supernatural, I'd go see some psychics/healers/etc. first, and ask for readings, aura examinations, all that. And if you get someone who finds something, have it cleansed. If it's too strong for them to cleanse, get a referral / find someone more advanced.

If they don't find anything though, you'll have ruled "supernatural" out... and will know it's natural, not supernatural. At that point it's either pills or violence/homelessness/other common schizophrenic ends (and there is a 5% suicide rate for schizophrenics). Which is extremely wasteful, given your potential (self-improvement oriented, going to a good school, entrepreneurial ambitions, etc.).

Anyway, get on top of it now... before your condition deteriorates, and you find yourself less and less able to communicate with people like us, or your classmates/teachers, or family, and more likely to turn to extreme or anti-social behavior.

Chase
 

sneaky_charm

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I understand about being freaked out, even if it's something you have to put up with. I have to attend weekly group sessions for some bullshit that I didn't do. I'm no longer able to go to parks and I've lost a lot of my so-called friends. I still help out at a dance studio on occasion and people look at me the same way that a lot of people in high school did. Like I'm some kind of disgusting beast... and yet I still go so that I can help out the lady that allows me to stay where I am and is still on my side. It's a massive pain and I don't want to go, I don't like to go and yet I still do.

This entire ordeal has severely damaged my ability to feel connected to people, and that scares me a little bit. Especially with how utterly cold I can feel towards people that I don't know.

I understand what it's like to be freaked out by something. Our situations are drastically different, but I can empathize, at least a little bit with what you're going through.

But the reason that I asked about your goals is one of the things that Chase mentioned: yes, there are side effects of your drugs. But what is more important to you? Avoiding the possibility of having something develop in the future? Or having a future and attaining your goals? Which is more important to you?

Try to think about being out somewhere, traveling and having fun. Then working for a little while on your business that allows you to do it. Now imagine it being taken away from you.

It's not fair, it truly isn't. But that is a possible reality. I'm not telling you to take these drugs if you don't want to, but you do need to find a way to beat these delusions because they are a natural byproduct of schizophrenia. You've even mentioned yourself how they help stop these voices and everything else. You've even admitted that it sounds crazy.

I don't think that you're crazy. I can't begin to understand the daily torture that you go through and overwhelming it must be at times. I do know what depression is like, and how it breaks down both your mind and your body. Nothing like what you've had to experience but it's a start with trying to understand your position.


In fact, what kind of business are you wanting to start? I'd like to hear about it.

Regal,

Yes you went through some real bullshit, was worried the whole time. Was slightly relieved that you didn't get prison. My situation is quite identical, except the voices are present from the moment I wake up till the moment I sleep, and they increase when there are other people around me. We both are facing the same kinda stress, and I'll never be able to comprehend what you went through.

Regarding taking pills, well I have taken the pills for about a year or similar during these 3 years. So, I have learnt to survive without them. Sometimes the voices totally go even without pills, but hasn't happened the last few months. Doesn't mean I don't break down sometimes, I was just watching the Unbroken movie scene where the guy keeps holding the plank because if he falls he will be killed. I broke down for a few seconds, but cannot cry in peace either because then my parents will ask what happened and everything starts again. The pills, they'll worry when I'm not at home, the visits to people who claim to remove sorcery etc.

I am overwhelmed but think I'll get through this unless they decide to damage me more severely. I think of it as if I'm damaged I'll become like Stephen Hawkins, Nick Vujijic or something like that. If I die, I hope God or Universe will take care of me in case there is anything after death. To keep myself sane, I imagine my life is like Jesus or Nelson Mandela or Buddha or Socrates etc. All of them had to go through shit, and they were the greatest. It's silly, but I have to survive each day till I fall asleep you see.


SC-

Well, there are two possibilities here: natural, and supernatural.

If it's natural, it's schizophrenia. The symptoms all match: voices, persecution, onset beginning after age 19. If it's natural you want medicine before the symptoms worsen.

If it's supernatural, it's black magic / sorcery / etc. At which, you know, I wouldn't scoff... have always been interested in that sort of thing, and I've had some weird experiences myself. I had an apartment some years back where *something* in the place gave people terrible nightmares, sudden unexplained depressions, "old hag" (which is terrifying), feelings of being watched, and tried to make whoever stayed there jump out the window. I couldn't rule out environmental things (there's an infrasonic frequency that can cause people to experience supernatural phenomena) but... impossible to know. Based on your description, schizophrenia sounds way, way more likely to me, but again, the world's a funny place.

If it's supernatural, then it's something you need to find a witchdoctor or psychic to lift. There are people who inspect auras, look for entities attached to you (which if someone bewitched you with voices, would almost certainly be an entity, and not some guy sitting in a chair all day every day sending nasty thoughts to you), and exorcise them.

Either way, get on top of fixing it. Starting with voices. If it's schizophrenia it'll get worse with age: more voices, more persecution, your behavior will get more extreme, and people will be more and more put off by you. You may hurt yourself or someone else (choking your father's a bad sign, even if he laughed it off... your dad loves you, man); you may end up in a psych ward. If it's some kind of hex it won't go away either; whatever's attached to you will stay attached until you get it cleansed.

I think if I was you, and I was convinced it's supernatural, I'd go see some psychics/healers/etc. first, and ask for readings, aura examinations, all that. And if you get someone who finds something, have it cleansed. If it's too strong for them to cleanse, get a referral / find someone more advanced.

If they don't find anything though, you'll have ruled "supernatural" out... and will know it's natural, not supernatural. At that point it's either pills or violence/homelessness/other common schizophrenic ends (and there is a 5% suicide rate for schizophrenics). Which is extremely wasteful, given your potential (self-improvement oriented, going to a good school, entrepreneurial ambitions, etc.).

Anyway, get on top of it now... before your condition deteriorates, and you find yourself less and less able to communicate with people like us, or your classmates/teachers, or family, and more likely to turn to extreme or anti-social behavior.

Chase,

Yes I totally know that the symptoms match with Schizophrenia, I understand. I want to believe that too, but as I said, I've experienced too much at this point to think of it as a mere medical condition.

The thing is I have visited 4 or something people who claim to treat sorcery and stuff. Did what they told me, didn't work. Don't know anybody who is genuinely very powerful and their advice or treatment work.

Thankfully, everybody thinks I'm fine now, so it hasn't gotten worse I hope. I don't tell my parents or brother that I still hear voices because they'll push me for doctor visits again, also, they sometimes can be inconsiderate, and kinda mock me for not taking pills. Not really mock, but the tone is like that. As if everything was my fault, I was weak or something. The fact that I can't tell anyone what I'm going through cause they'll start to view me as a freak makes me lonely.

On the bright side, during the last 2 months of college I've become somewhat popular in college. I know at least 60 people by their first name and they either nod or talk to me in college. Pre-selection is high, too. I've heard that 2 different girls like me, also that some other girls like me. Guys are mostly friendly to me, some have asked or commented how I know all these students. I have 3 or so field reports, one about a failed kiss attempt, another about a failed kiss attempt too.

The biggest issue is that I don't know how to proceed. I know I didn't move fast, that lost me all the girls till now. But I don't know how to, or what to do after kissing a girl or something like that, if I can. I have ABSOLUTELY NO logistics. No car, no personal room, no girl's room, anything. What is the best way to improve in a situation like this? Do I take girlfriends, if yes, how, given that I cannot have sex? Also, what if I want to kiss lots of girls but want to do it smoothly? All these girls know each other directly or through mutual friends I think.

Also, there's this girl I really like. We have major together so see each other everyday. Asked out about 6 weeks ago, she denied, seemed like I was not persuasive enough. I know some things, but not much about her. She may have liked me, or maybe never. I feel like she auto-rejected cause she saw me flirt with a few other girls. But should I try to make her my gf, cause I find myself thinking about her a lot and we're still friendly? What if she rejects, how does that affect my chance with other girls considering she is one of the prettiest in the college?
 

Sub-Zero

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Sep 6, 2014
Messages
836
I also perform rituals everytime I have bad thoughts, and the bad thoughts come every second and I do the rituals to make them go away, but they never go away, been like that for years. They are rampant, they are always there, I have to either think of something else or I have to keep doing rituals.

Also have days where I feel I can do anything, then I have days where I feel like I'm hopeless.

I'm trying to cope without pills, I don't want to have to write down I take medications and be labeled for it, or worse, Blackville from jobs because of it.

Or maybe a psychic can help instead?

Let me know your opinion if this is something worth taking pills for please.




Chase said:
SC-

Well, there are two possibilities here: natural, and supernatural.

If it's natural, it's schizophrenia. The symptoms all match: voices, persecution, onset beginning after age 19. If it's natural you want medicine before the symptoms worsen.

If it's supernatural, it's black magic / sorcery / etc. At which, you know, I wouldn't scoff... have always been interested in that sort of thing, and I've had some weird experiences myself. I had an apartment some years back where *something* in the place gave people terrible nightmares, sudden unexplained depressions, "old hag" (which is terrifying), feelings of being watched, and tried to make whoever stayed there jump out the window. I couldn't rule out environmental things (there's an infrasonic frequency that can cause people to experience supernatural phenomena) but... impossible to know. Based on your description, schizophrenia sounds way, way more likely to me, but again, the world's a funny place.

If it's supernatural, then it's something you need to find a witchdoctor or psychic to lift. There are people who inspect auras, look for entities attached to you (which if someone bewitched you with voices, would almost certainly be an entity, and not some guy sitting in a chair all day every day sending nasty thoughts to you), and exorcise them.

Either way, get on top of fixing it. Starting with voices. If it's schizophrenia it'll get worse with age: more voices, more persecution, your behavior will get more extreme, and people will be more and more put off by you. You may hurt yourself or someone else (choking your father's a bad sign, even if he laughed it off... your dad loves you, man); you may end up in a psych ward. If it's some kind of hex it won't go away either; whatever's attached to you will stay attached until you get it cleansed.

I think if I was you, and I was convinced it's supernatural, I'd go see some psychics/healers/etc. first, and ask for readings, aura examinations, all that. And if you get someone who finds something, have it cleansed. If it's too strong for them to cleanse, get a referral / find someone more advanced.

If they don't find anything though, you'll have ruled "supernatural" out... and will know it's natural, not supernatural. At that point it's either pills or violence/homelessness/other common schizophrenic ends (and there is a 5% suicide rate for schizophrenics). Which is extremely wasteful, given your potential (self-improvement oriented, going to a good school, entrepreneurial ambitions, etc.).

Anyway, get on top of it now... before your condition deteriorates, and you find yourself less and less able to communicate with people like us, or your classmates/teachers, or family, and more likely to turn to extreme or anti-social behavior.

Chase
 
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