[do you know] How To Get Past This Rebuff?

fog

Modern Human
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The Approach

I notice this blonde girl in yoga pants standing around on the sidewalk, close to the gym, looking at her phone intermittently. I walk up to her:

Me: [waves to get her attention]

We make eye contact, and are holding it:

Me: you single? [said in a gruff voice, with a downtone]
Her: [holding eye contact with an amused, slightly incredulous look on her face] *shakes her head*

Now listen here boys, i cant remember if we broke eye contact and then she shook her head, or if we held eye contact while she shook her head. Regardless, there was a period of time after I delivered the opener, but before she shook her head, where it seemed like she was considering what to say.

Anyways, she goes back to looking at her phone, with three fingers covering her lips (thinking or hiding a smile?).

I am standing there, looking around and wondering how to counteract this lack of investment. Finally, after what seems like 200 dog years of silence and tension, I ask her:

Me: so you were just at the gym?
Her: I'm waiting for my uber [dismissive tone]
Me: Same [walks off]

My Thoughts

I've read Chase's rebuff articles. This is a soft non-verbal rebuff, right?

I feel like there was a slight window to do something to influence her upcoming rebuff when we were looking at each other, but she hadn't shook her head yet.

There was also the option to do something immediately after she shook her head. What should I have done?

Unfortunately I didn't react quick enough and let the silence hang too long. Does the long silence change my strategy?

I'm confused, because her rebuff was non-verbal, so my reply should have been non-verbal as well. But it seemed like she was about to crack. So should I have verbally teased her about it?

There's also the consideration of me doing something to ratchet up the tension she's creating.

All help is appreciated! What would you have done and why?
 

Space

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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songbird fog said:
Me: you single? [said in a gruff voice, with a downtone]
Her: [holding eye contact with an amused, slightly incredulous look on her face] *shakes her head*
I've figured it out by trial and error that it's probably not the best idea to ask girls yes-no questions, let alone something she has a chance to answer negatively, such as with a no. Yes, the are you single? openers may look good on YouTube, but I guess those guys asked more than one girls for a definitive yes answer for a cool story to show off. For a comparison, you've reported only about this one interaction.

How about 100% honesty? I know, I know. You probably want to get into her pants. That's fine, but you don't necessarily have to tell you this directly. Once you are sure you are not just in practice mode with her, but let's say you actually truly want to get to know her as a person, you could say something like this (last time I've said something like this; you can transcribe it to your situation):

Hey, I've seen you look like you are waiting around, I've seen you and I though you might be a cool person to get to know, I have a few spare minutes while doing my errands, so why don't we try to get to know each other briefly? I'm Space. [Shake her hand and hold onto it a little longer.]

She was a little shocked, in a positive way. As we've discussed earlier, this real life Tinder works better than the one on your smartphone.
 

Fuck This

Cro-Magnon Man
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Space has a good point.

I tend to be a little more indirect. Especially when I don't have her gaze and good eye contact before introducing myself.

That situation could be one where humor can kinda shock her out of her bubble on her phone.

Hey , I saw you in there. You left like 280 on the Squat rack. They sent me out here to tell you to put your plates away (ridiculous assumption especially if she was nowhere near the weights)
Her: Huh? Not me. I didn't do any weights, I was doing the Pilates class. (now you have an opening to talk about her and what she goes to the gym for)

You: I was just teasing you. I'm FT.
 

razir110

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Honestly I don't like these special openers, the do you have a boyfriend, etc..

Just say something you really like about her, pay a complement about her dress or hair or something. Then just introduce yourself and go.

It just makes the start of the interaction much easier.
 

Big Daddy

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Fuck This said:
Hey , I saw you in there. You left like 280 on the Squat rack. They sent me out here to tell you to put your plates away (ridiculous assumption especially if she was nowhere near the weights)
Her: Huh? Not me. I didn't do any weights, I was doing the Pilates class. (now you have an opening to talk about her and what she goes to the gym for)

You: I was just teasing you. I'm FT.

Tis gr8. I like this because it's witty, and it gives you a chance to get to know her without any justification.

Space's point is 100% valid, I think getting a straight no like that is hard to recover from unless you prepare something beforehand to make it look like you actually expected her to say no. I like those kind of openers better because I hate to be bullshitting around, if she's not down, then great.

The "I thought you might be a cool person to get to know, why don't we try to get to know each other briefly" kind of openers are weird for me because I hate when people don't go straight to the point when talking to me. But some people can build it up, and that's just my personal preference!

A go-to compliment is also good.
 

mindful

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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I usually make a cold read to find out if a girl has a boyfriend.

For the gym example. You can joke with her and say something like "your boyfriend must like your dedication at the gym" or something like that.

I wouldn't use that as an opening line but would work it in somehow. She will probably laugh and then will answer the cold read inferring she has a boyfriend or doesn't.

This also lets her know that you see her as a lover not just a friend. Unless the girl can't read between the lines lol.

Good luck!
 

fog

Modern Human
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hey friends, thanks for your answers...but i still didn't get the answer i was looking for. I'm not looking for suggestions on openers.

my question again: what should i have done/said after she shook her head?

Anyways, it doesn't matter cuz I'm gonna continue to get into these situations and figure it out myself by being polarizing.

razir110 said:
just say something you really like about her, pay a complement about her dress or hair or something. Then just introduce yourself and go.

Big Daddy said:
A go-to compliment is also good.

I am strongly, strongly opposed to opening with compliments, especially with women who i believe might consider me to be below their league. I'm opposed for several reasons:

1. They make me too attainable right off the bat
2. Rarely do I find someone who is actually worthy of a compliment. And there's no way I'm delivering an insincere compliment - one time I had a girl pay me a compliment on my shirt, and I could tell it was insincere and that she was just saying it to be polite. It felt weird, and I don't wanna give that impression to other people.

Space said:
I've figured it out by trial and error that it's probably not the best idea to ask girls yes-no questions, let alone something she has a chance to answer negatively, such as with a no.

Space said:
Yes, the are you single? openers may look good on YouTube, but I guess those guys asked more than one girls for a definitive yes answer for a cool story to show off.

Hey, ya, definitely don't want to build up negative reactions right away. BUT, the idea behind the opener "are you single" has way more purpose than a cool story. One of the ways you can get girls to test you quickly in daygame is by opening them really boldly. If I had passed her test, I don't think the head shake would have even mattered, she'd be into me.

Besides, there's a difference between a girl giving you a "no" because she's so startled and nervous that she doesn't know what to say, and a girl who's giving you a no because she's actually not single. The girl whose no is because you're intimidating her is barely negative - she doesn't even mean it!

Space said:
you could say something like this:

Hey, I've seen you look like you are waiting around, I've seen you and I though you might be a cool person to get to know, I have a few spare minutes while doing my errands, so why don't we try to get to know each other briefly? I'm Space.

This implies you've been watching her and made the conscious decision to approach her, right?

Fuck This said:
Hey , I saw you in there. You left like 280 on the Squat rack. They sent me out here to tell you to put your plates away (ridiculous assumption especially if she was nowhere near the weights)
Her: Huh? Not me. I didn't do any weights, I was doing the Pilates class. (now you have an opening to talk about her and what she goes to the gym for)

You: I was just teasing you. I'm FT.

Haha lol nice, a little polarizing. imagine i portrayed myself as the gym owner!

mindful said:
You can joke with her and say something like "your boyfriend must like your dedication at the gym" or something like that.

meeeh, not really my thing.
 
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