Tinder date

LoneWolf14

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Aug 1, 2018
Messages
54
I matched with a girl on Tinder and went for the date. Here's how it went:

*my opener referring to her description*
*her response referring to mine and something about coffee*
Me: we should meet up and I'll show you what coffee is like in my world (another reference to my description)
Her: sounds good
Me: when are you free to get together?
Her: tuesday and wednesday
Me: alright we'll meet on wednseday at 6pm at the mall
Her: 90% it's a deal
Me: gotta be 100% for me. If you don't know whether you can make it or not, we should reschedule since I'm quite busy myself.
Her: I can't be a 100% certain because of my job. I work in a call center
Me: alright, I'll make up for that 10% this time. Give me your number and your insta (asked for the insta as a safety measure because she didn't link it to her profile)
Her: you really don't settle for less, do you? My number is the stake and my insta is the bonus, right?
Me: anything wrong with that? I'll just insert the coin and see if the slot machine pays off.
Her: well you've got to get used to the fact that you might not get what you want whenever you want it. *gives me her insta*
*we exchange a couple more flirty messages then I stop texting*

The date is technically set for tomorrow but she didn't give me her number and she got a bit triggered. How do I get a date confirmation and when? Is a morning message gonna do the trick? Please advise.
 

strictlyincreasing

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Oct 24, 2017
Messages
67
Don't expect anything good if you don't get a phone number. She may well unmatch you out of nowhere. In my opinion, you should forget it. Your time is too valuable. If it's low effort and convenient for you, go ahead and send the morning message to confirm. Don't put any jokes in the message, just a simple "good morning" and "see you at .... at .....". If she agrees then you should have a chance. Just make sure that she is agreeing to a specific time and place. But be very weary without a phone number. Somebody who is definitely willing to meet you would give their phone number. This behaviour shows that she is on the fence.
 

Space

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Aug 15, 2018
Messages
563
strictlyincreasing said:
Don't expect anything good if you don't get a phone number.
A phone number in 2018? You must live in the United States. According to stats, that applies only to a little more than 35% of Girls Chase's readership. In the rest of the world, we use various chat apps by now. Which have its own challenges, such as not everyone has agreed to be on the same app in the same country. Our overall phone bills are also usually lower than that of our fellow American friends.'

I have to add that a WhatsApp number is of course, the same as a phone number. But still, for some reason it feels easier on a girl to exchange contacts on WhatsApp, than to give her (same) phone number. I'm talking about how things work in the rest of the world.
 

LoneWolf14

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Aug 1, 2018
Messages
54
strictlyincreasing said:
Don't expect anything good if you don't get a phone number. She may well unmatch you out of nowhere. In my opinion, you should forget it. Your time is too valuable. If it's low effort and convenient for you, go ahead and send the morning message to confirm. Don't put any jokes in the message, just a simple "good morning" and "see you at .... at .....". If she agrees then you should have a chance. Just make sure that she is agreeing to a specific time and place. But be very weary without a phone number. Somebody who is definitely willing to meet you would give their phone number. This behaviour shows that she is on the fence.


Thanks for your reply! The transcript of the conversation is just a translation. It sounds a bit different in my language and she was quite excited when I asked her on a date. Ironically, what bothered her was the very fact that I asked for her phone number. From what I've seen, she seems a bit structured so I'm not paying too much attention to the.phone number thing. We've folowed each other on insta and she's been watching my content over there.

So the only thing that I wanted to do was to confirm the date since after I calmed her down to sort of put it that way, she was trying to drag on the conversation, instead of focusing on the date, at which point I stopped texting.

So I'm only looking forward to get a definite confirmation / cancellation. It's just a Tinder date so idgaf. She seemed kinda fun tho, despite getting triggered so that's why I would go out with her.
 

Seppuku

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Aug 25, 2014
Messages
1,149
Location
Middle East, Asia, Africa
LoneWolf,

This sounds very akin to the "I will let you know" loophole. Like it's sort of agreed, but you still need some sort of confirmation from her that will never come (most of the time). Then end up chasing her for the confirmation.

You handled the chat well, up to (inclusive):
gotta be 100% for me. If you don't know whether you can make it or not, we should reschedule since I'm quite busy myself.
then I think you should have stuck to this. I would never let her get away with a "90% deal". It's either 100% yes, or rescheduled. You should always keep things at your own initiative. You may even view that as a test: "he lets me take the initiative away from him, so he's not such a strong guy after all". See what I wrote on the "I will let you know" shit test here.

Like Space said, asking to switch to Whatsapp is a little bit more low-key than for the phone number, even if it amounts to the same in practice. Not sure why the mention of phone number triggered her, but it's probably because what she already experienced with other guys in the past. In any case, her reaction is negative compliance. Bad sign.

At this stage I would personally have called the BS. After all, she said she would be free tuesday and wednesday, so the "call center job" sounds a little like a BS excuse. That, plus negative compliance, is too much, so I would have closed the chat by telling her that the date is rescheduled to when she's free.

So did you ever heard back from her? Let us know if you got anything further from this interaction.

Seppuku
PS. I've noticed that many girls are on Tinder simply to increase their Instagram followers. They would usually give their Insta on their profile, then add "I'm not online here often, so message me on my Insta". Although it's not the exact case here. But I wouldn't view the Insta mutual following as a strictly positive sign. In general, Tinder is becoming more and more a garbage app in my opinion.
 

LoneWolf14

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Aug 1, 2018
Messages
54
Thanks for your answer!

I wrote to her in the morning of the day the date should have happened. I simply said 'Good morning, see you at 6 p.m., at the mall main entrance.' She said nothing so I naturally knew it wouldn't happen.

Not sure whether it was a shit test or not. In my language it sounded differently and I actually came strong on her, maybe too strong. When I told her that I would accept the 90% odds I made it sound like I was making her a favor. That's why after that she got a bit butthurt, telling me that I 'gotta get used to not getting everything I want, whenever I want it'.

Even though many people on pick-up forums don't accept it, culture plays a big role in pick-up. I'm from Eastern Europe and women here are very structured. In this particular case I was kinda aggressive and this makes women over here auto-reject. If I were to ask this particular girl what she honestly thinks about me, she would most definitely say I'm a douche.

This is why even though I know guys who are players I've never heard them have any success cold approaching. In fact I don't think I've ever heard a successful cold approach story over here. Except for tinder pickups if they count as cold approach, but I don't think so. Pickup only seems to happen in social circles over here.

Also, women over here want you to text them a bit before they would go out with you and this makes my game suffer massively since I don't like texting, I've always used it as a mean to set up meetings of any sort and I try to keep any chat over text attempt as short as possible.

I was already making women auto-reject because of my nature and applying the tips I got from pick-up artists and dating coaches and stuff only made my issue even clearer. Not to say that this advice is not good, I think it's wonderful but this seems to mostly be designed to help nice guys and white knights or guys who generally end up in the friendzone. I for one have only been friendzoned twice and each time I could have gone out had I not been a needy little bitch and a white knight. Still, the overwhelming majority of girls who rejected me (though in almost all cases I wouldn't even get there) seemed to auto-reject. Some became butthurt, others went ice-cold for a while, others distanced themselves and seemed to lose interest for a while. However since most scenarios happened within social circles, I would almost always get second chances.

What's interesting though is that this girl from Tinder is following me on insta and viewing my stories. I wouldn't be surprised if she texts me after a while (though unlikely). If that happens I will act as nothing happened and set up a new date.
 

Seppuku

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Aug 25, 2014
Messages
1,149
Location
Middle East, Asia, Africa
Hey LoneWolf,

OK I see. Your problem is that you are a little bit too much asshole. It is a much better problem to have than being too much nice guy (80% guys out there). Your frame, where it seems you are making her a favor, is much, much better than the opposite where she feels she is making you a favor. And yes, most pickup advice is about correcting the nice guy syndrome.

You are right about the diagnostic, you are probably making her auto-reject in the first place. So, in your case, what you absolutely need to do is to learn how to empathize on text.

You need to create a little bit of rapport by text before asking her out. Who is she? What does she likes? Where does she come from? What is she doing in life? What is it she wants to achieve in life? See her answers and try to relate, and bring up a little bit about you. This way you look more human, more relatable, and you create a beginning of a connection. A good habit is to inquire about her, until she starts inquiring about you (the "hook point"). At this stage you can ask her out. You can also try to add some sexuality (like sexual innuendos or humor) if it comes easy into the convo.

Give it a shot!

Seppuku
 

Michal

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jul 5, 2013
Messages
278
LoneWolf14 said:
Me: alright, I'll make up for that 10% this time. Give me your number and your insta (asked for the insta as a safety measure because she didn't link it to her profile)
Her: you really don't settle for less, do you? My number is the stake and my insta is the bonus, right?
Me: anything wrong with that? I'll just insert the coin and see if the slot machine pays off.
Her: well you've got to get used to the fact that you might not get what you want whenever you want it. *gives me insta*
She did not get triggered, you told her in a domineering way what she is supposed to do like she is your dog or something without establishing anything.
And then you compare her to a jukebox basically.
Then you push it suggesting that people should bend over to your will for no apparent reason and you imply a justification that you do not really care about what she decides.

Become more considerate of ghe other person on the other side of the phone and girls will not auto-reject left and right.
 

LoneWolf14

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Aug 1, 2018
Messages
54
@Seppuku

Thanks for your advice, it's much appreciated.

Had another match which went similarly:

Me: we could be exchanging texts, asking questions like 'what do you do for a living' or 'what do enjoy doing in your free time' or you could simply give me your phone number and we go ahead and schedule a date
Her: you're so direct
Me: ok so we do the texting thing. What do you do for a living?
Her: I'm a shop assistant in a super market. What about you?
Me: oh so you're the girl that I usually go ask if you've still got a product I can't find at the shelf, somewhere in the depot, right?
Her: you almost got it right
Me: what did I miss out then?

At this point she stopped answering so I pinged her again today saying 'see? Told ya' we shouldn't be texting'. No answer so far, she probably won't answer. I will try to build some rapport over text but it sucks because I'm touching on topics I should better approach in person and texting in general is a turn off.

Thanks again for your advice. Also, if you don't mind, could check the folowing 2 threads out please? They're about a social circle situation where I suspect a girl I really liked auto-rejected though I'm not sure. I go into detail about what happened both in the OP as well as the replies to other forum members. Your opinion would be much appreciated, thank you!
viewtopic.php?f=2&t=18968
viewtopic.php?f=3&t=19038
 

LoneWolf14

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Aug 1, 2018
Messages
54
Michal said:
LoneWolf14 said:
Me: alright, I'll make up for that 10% this time. Give me your number and your insta (asked for the insta as a safety measure because she didn't link it to her profile)
Her: you really don't settle for less, do you? My number is the stake and my insta is the bonus, right?
Me: anything wrong with that? I'll just insert the coin and see if the slot machine pays off.
Her: well you've got to get used to the fact that you might not get what you want whenever you want it. *gives me insta*
She did not get triggered, you told her in a domineering way what she is supposed to do like she is your dog or something without establishing anything.
And then you compare her to a jukebox basically.
Then you push it suggesting that people should bend over to your will for no apparent reason and you imply a justification that you do not really care about what she decides.

Become more considerate of ghe other person on the other side of the phone and girls will not auto-reject left and right.

I think you're exaggerating. Also how did I imply that I didn't care about what she wanted?
 
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