Possibly lost my friends with benefits should i just let her go?

jujux15

Space Monkey
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So i'll try to summarize this as best I can. Met a girl about a year and a half ago on a dating app hit it off great I'm still a newbie and somehow managed to hit on the first date. We proceeded to go on a date every week and each time had sex, whenever I felt that she was hinting at a relationship I would dodge the issue then finally summer was ending and I felt she was getting a bit clingy. As nicely as I could (cuz shes genuinely a cool girl) I told her that I couldn't continue this because I was starting the semester back, I felt that she wanted to be serious and I didn't want to string her along. She said it was cool and that she just wanted fun too. I thought this was the end of it then the semester ends and she texts me asking if i want to mess around again.
This goes on till the end of summer once more and I cut her off again cuz of school. Now cue present day, I hit her up once more she says shes down. We go out I hit again, cool everything going smoothly. She flakes on the next meeting but I dont think much of it cuz she never flaked on me before, and even the week prior when she thought she may not make it she was freaking out saying "she likes to eat her cake and have it eaten too", I still have my eye open though. Now where I think I messed up. The plan was to just grab something to eat then sex, she instead asks if I want to go to a comedy club and I am like sure why not, ive gone on multiple dates with her all end in sex im not tripping.
Well I should have because a lot of the comics bits were about side chicks. One comic mentioned if a guy brought you here today you're the side chick, a female comedian mentions she doesn't give sex out for free and you should never do that. Then when we are finally leaving one of the comedians says, "yall have a great night youre a beautiful black couple! I try to shrug it off but I noted that she laughed at everything but the jokes about being a side chick etc. Now normally we go to the same location to have sex cuz its her neighborhood im not from there but this time she led me straight to her place said it was fun etc. To hit her back up again. I was frustrated but didnt know what the hell to do. Its been a few days since, we dont normally text regardless so of course I havent texted her since but you guys think shes gone or can I fix this, I would like to keep her if possible but not if it means I have to have a relationship.
 

Regal Tiger

Cro-Magnon Man
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Hey boss! Gratz on the first date lay!

jujux15 said:
So i'll try to summarize this as best I can. Met a girl about a year and a half ago on a dating app hit it off great I'm still a newbie and somehow managed to hit on the first date. We proceeded to go on a date every week and each time had sex,

This is why she was hinting at more. Don't go on dates with your fuck buddies as it's misleading. Women will always follow your lead and going on dates means that you see her as a possible girlfriend. Fuck buddies are for sex only.

whenever I felt that she was hinting at a relationship I would dodge the issue then finally summer was ending and I felt she was getting a bit clingy. As nicely as I could (cuz shes genuinely a cool girl) I told her that I couldn't continue this because I was starting the semester back, I felt that she wanted to be serious and I didn't want to string her along. She said it was cool and that she just wanted fun too. I thought this was the end of it then the semester ends and she texts me asking if i want to mess around again.

This girl really likes you and waited for the semester to end, nice! But because your obstacle was "We can't be together because of the semester" she took that to mean that "Okay, now the semester is over and we can be together now!"

This goes on till the end of summer once more and I cut her off again cuz of school. Now cue present day, I hit her up once more she says shes down. We go out I hit again, cool everything going smoothly. She flakes on the next meeting but I dont think much of it cuz she never flaked on me before, and even the week prior when she thought she may not make it she was freaking out saying "she likes to eat her cake and have it eaten too", I still have my eye open though. Now where I think I messed up. The plan was to just grab something to eat then sex, she instead asks if I want to go to a comedy club and I am like sure why not, ive gone on multiple dates with her all end in sex im not tripping.

Now she's getting mad because she's not getting what she wants, which is a relationship. That's why she flaked, she's hoping to open your eyes and see how much you really want her, or see herself how it'll never happen so she can move on.

Well I should have because a lot of the comics bits were about side chicks. One comic mentioned if a guy brought you here today you're the side chick, a female comedian mentions she doesn't give sex out for free and you should never do that. Then when we are finally leaving one of the comedians says, "yall have a great night youre a beautiful black couple! I try to shrug it off but I noted that she laughed at everything but the jokes about being a side chick etc. Now normally we go to the same location to have sex cuz its her neighborhood im not from there but this time she led me straight to her place said it was fun etc. To hit her back up again. I was frustrated but didnt know what the hell to do. Its been a few days since, we dont normally text regardless so of course I havent texted her since but you guys think shes gone or can I fix this, I would like to keep her if possible but not if it means I have to have a relationship.

She's trying to regain power by denying sex (though it sounds like you didn't really go for it, the way I'm interpreting this paragraph). You'll have to let her go if that's what she wants because you don't want a relationship.

But you're also confusing her by going on dates. Fuck buddies don't go on dates. People in relationships go on dates. That's why she's acting up because you're not being congruent.


As for what to do from here (and keep in mind that there is a very high chance that you lose her no matter what you do at this point):
Wait for her to text you first if it's been less than a week. If it starts getting to around the 10 day mark go ahead and send her a text. Either go straight to her place or have her come straight over to yours. DO NOT GO OUT. Fuck, maybe talk a little bit possibly even watch a movie or have food. Fuck again. Leave without staying the night.
 

jujux15

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
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Messages
36
Regal Tiger said:
Hey boss! Gratz on the first date lay!

jujux15 said:
So i'll try to summarize this as best I can. Met a girl about a year and a half ago on a dating app hit it off great I'm still a newbie and somehow managed to hit on the first date. We proceeded to go on a date every week and each time had sex,

This is why she was hinting at more. Don't go on dates with your fuck buddies as it's misleading. Women will always follow your lead and going on dates means that you see her as a possible girlfriend. Fuck buddies are for sex only.

whenever I felt that she was hinting at a relationship I would dodge the issue then finally summer was ending and I felt she was getting a bit clingy. As nicely as I could (cuz shes genuinely a cool girl) I told her that I couldn't continue this because I was starting the semester back, I felt that she wanted to be serious and I didn't want to string her along. She said it was cool and that she just wanted fun too. I thought this was the end of it then the semester ends and she texts me asking if i want to mess around again.

This girl really likes you and waited for the semester to end, nice! But because your obstacle was "We can't be together because of the semester" she took that to mean that "Okay, now the semester is over and we can be together now!"

This goes on till the end of summer once more and I cut her off again cuz of school. Now cue present day, I hit her up once more she says shes down. We go out I hit again, cool everything going smoothly. She flakes on the next meeting but I dont think much of it cuz she never flaked on me before, and even the week prior when she thought she may not make it she was freaking out saying "she likes to eat her cake and have it eaten too", I still have my eye open though. Now where I think I messed up. The plan was to just grab something to eat then sex, she instead asks if I want to go to a comedy club and I am like sure why not, ive gone on multiple dates with her all end in sex im not tripping.

Now she's getting mad because she's not getting what she wants, which is a relationship. That's why she flaked, she's hoping to open your eyes and see how much you really want her, or see herself how it'll never happen so she can move on.

Well I should have because a lot of the comics bits were about side chicks. One comic mentioned if a guy brought you here today you're the side chick, a female comedian mentions she doesn't give sex out for free and you should never do that. Then when we are finally leaving one of the comedians says, "yall have a great night youre a beautiful black couple! I try to shrug it off but I noted that she laughed at everything but the jokes about being a side chick etc. Now normally we go to the same location to have sex cuz its her neighborhood im not from there but this time she led me straight to her place said it was fun etc. To hit her back up again. I was frustrated but didnt know what the hell to do. Its been a few days since, we dont normally text regardless so of course I havent texted her since but you guys think shes gone or can I fix this, I would like to keep her if possible but not if it means I have to have a relationship.

She's trying to regain power by denying sex (though it sounds like you didn't really go for it, the way I'm interpreting this paragraph). You'll have to let her go if that's what she wants because you don't want a relationship.

But you're also confusing her by going on dates. Fuck buddies don't go on dates. People in relationships go on dates. That's why she's acting up because you're not being congruent.


As for what to do from here (and keep in mind that there is a very high chance that you lose her no matter what you do at this point):
Wait for her to text you first if it's been less than a week. If it starts getting to around the 10 day mark go ahead and send her a text. Either go straight to her place or have her come straight over to yours. DO NOT GO OUT. Fuck, maybe talk a little bit possibly even watch a movie or have food. Fuck again. Leave without staying the night.
why would she come back then if she wants more? You know, the first time I told her I gotta go back to school. When the semester ended she not only texted me back but said "Now that youre done with finals lets play again" and after the summer was over she was like it was fun (with a water emoji). Like, I know at some point she wanted more but now at times I cant tell anymore.
 

Lover

Cro-Magnon Man
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jujux15 said:
why would she come back then if she wants more?

Because she is attracted to you. And she loves the sex. Or she just likes spending time with you.

And she is probably fine with a FWB set up. This girl like you so much, she is following your every lead. But as Regal points out, you're not making an effort to stop things going in the opposite direction of what you want. Remember, She is judging your ACTIONS, not your words or intentions. And your actions - going on dates - are telling her you want serious shit even though your words are not adding up.

You can't be FWB and go on dates everytime you meet. For the first meeting and MAYBE the second meeting, it's okay. Dating after the second meeting, then you are moving into bf/gf territory. So you treating her like a gf but only wanting a FWB - that's confusing as hell and the stars are not aligning

Follow Regal's tip and see how things turn out
 

jujux15

Space Monkey
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Ajay said:
jujux15 said:
why would she come back then if she wants more?

Because she is attracted to you. And she loves the sex. Or she just likes spending time with you.

And she is probably fine with a FWB set up. This girl like you so much, she is following your every lead. But as Regal points out, you're not making an effort to stop things going in the opposite direction of what you want. Remember, She is judging your ACTIONS, not your words or intentions. And your actions - going on dates - are telling her you want serious shit even though your words are not adding up.

You can't be FWB and go on dates everytime you meet. For the first meeting and MAYBE the second meeting, it's okay. Dating after the second meeting, then you are moving into bf/gf territory. So you treating her like a gf but only wanting a FWB - that's confusing as hell and the stars are not aligning

Follow Regal's tip and see how things turn out
mmm i guess since i live with parents and have sex in a car it felt weird to just hit her up have sex there and drop her off, it'd feel more comfortable to me if i could actually take her home or something but i get you guys.
 

Lover

Cro-Magnon Man
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jujux15 said:
mmm i guess since i live with parents and have sex in a car it felt weird to just hit her up have sex there and drop her off, it'd feel more comfortable to me if i could actually take her home or something but i get you guys.

Okay my bad, thought you had your own place. Where have you had sex so far?
 

jujux15

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Ajay said:
jujux15 said:
mmm i guess since i live with parents and have sex in a car it felt weird to just hit her up have sex there and drop her off, it'd feel more comfortable to me if i could actually take her home or something but i get you guys.

Okay my bad, thought you had your own place. Where have you had sex so far?
My car
 

Regal Tiger

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jujux15 said:

That's a tough spot to be in. The only real remedy is to do whatever it takes to get your own place so you don't have to worry about it anymore.

Another possibility is to let her go if you're unable to meet her needs.

There's also the third path, where you do meet her needs if you're willing to. You can do so monogamously or through an open relationship of some kind. Have you ever thought about or come across any kind of open relationship system?
 

jujux15

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Regal Tiger said:
jujux15 said:

That's a tough spot to be in. The only real remedy is to do whatever it takes to get your own place so you don't have to worry about it anymore.

Another possibility is to let her go if you're unable to meet her needs.

There's also the third path, where you do meet her needs if you're willing to. You can do so monogamously or through an open relationship of some kind. Have you ever thought about or come across any kind of open relationship system?
Yeah I’ve been wanting to move out for a while, I’m in school still (24) and just couldn’t justify spending money when my parents are 30 mins from school. I don’t really want any type of relationship because I live with parents, I prefer to have my own place if I do that. Regardless that’s why the fact that I even pulled this off was crazy to me like she was down to mess around in a car for this long. Main reason why I never pursued a relationship with her besides all that is because she’s a little overweight and I value being in shape. I kept her around cuz her face is cute as hell and she’s fun to talk to though and she’s down for whatever sexually. Oh well I think I’m just not gonna text her and let her hit me when she wants too. I feel like at this point I’d be putting in more effort than I’d want roo.
 

Fuck This

Cro-Magnon Man
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At 24 and still living at home 30 minutes from school? (shaking my head)

300 minutes a week lost to commuting.
That is 5 hours.

5 hours x $15 per hour = $75 in potential wage income per week. $300 per Month. Enough to pay for a room on campus or a shared apartment.

You my friend have bigger problems than whether some woman wants to continue banging you in your car....
 

jujux15

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Messages
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Fuck This said:
At 24 and still living at home 30 minutes from school? (shaking my head)

300 minutes a week lost to commuting.
That is 5 hours.

5 hours x $15 per hour = $75 in potential wage income per week. $300 per Month. Enough to pay for a room on campus or a shared apartment.

You my friend have bigger problems than whether some woman wants to continue banging you in your car....
hello friend, if i wanted advice to move out I would have asked for that, dont know what room you pay for but at my college its 700 plus for a room. You dont know my circumstances so dont come at me like that.
 
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