Solid first date, bad ending to second date. Now what?

Evan27

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Apr 24, 2015
Messages
37
Hey I would just like some advice for the night I had last night, or thoughts on what I could do differently:

So I met this barista in a coffee shop a few weeks back while out of town and got her digits. We obviously hit it off so I text her the next day and ask to hangout. She enthusiastically agrees. She picks a hiking date in her town (an hour away) and I go up there last weekend and have a great time getting to know her. We spent the day hiking, then got pizza, and came back to watch netflix at her apartment. We were cuddling and end up making out the rest of the night, but no sex, bc she wasn't ready for it on the first date. Anyways I leave that night and head home.

I text her that it was great time, she agrees, and we plan to meet in the future. But we had a week where I was going to the beach in between so no definitive plans or anything. I text her again about 4/5 days later and we small talk, and plan on coming up Wednesday (yesterday) night. She invites me to spend the night.

So I kept talking to a minimum, text her yesterday after lunch and she says yeah come on up, but ask if I want to go out with her friends. I reluctantly agree and we decide on a time to meet. So I get to her apartment, and am not greeted with a kiss, however everything else seems to be going well, we have a continuation of our first date conversation and eventually we get downtown and wait for her friends. It turns out her friends were 3 guys who were more than a few years older than the both of us. Not a problem, I thought at the moment, as I attempted to fit in with some of the guys and got to talking about brewing beer and so on. Anyway, we get to the tavern and find a table to sit at. Everyone is drinking at this point except for my girl. I ask her if she is okay with me drinking and she says yes. Still I find it a little off. The conversation seems to go well between me and the others, one of her friends really was interested in talking to me. I think everything is going well (looking back maybe I didn't focus enough on her) by the time we leave the first place and walk back to the cars. The group decides to continue at another bar. I don't really want to go but she seems to be enjoying their company and I agree.

We get to the next bar before her friends and meet some other of her acquaintances. I am pretty tired at this point and don't feel as social so I sit back and let the group carry on while I occasionally chip in. Her other friends then arrive and the story is much the same. At that point I am ready to go because I have to wake up early, and I was ready to spend some alone time with this girl again. As we are leaving, one of her friends asks us for a ride. Not wanting to be a dick, I accept and take this guy home. Again, the conversation was alright, him and me got along well. We drop the guy off and on the way back to her apartment we continue our talk and again, it seems to be a good connection. After arriving she says she is going to change into pajamas and we can watch a movie that I pick. This is where it got questionable. I pick two movie choice, (American Pie-naked mile, and Jackass 2.5) and she disagrees to them both. I really hate netflix at this point, am tired, and have no idea what we are going to watch, and opt to have her pick the movie. (She picks some movie called Dope.) We start cuddling and I think it will be like the last date except better. I go in for a kiss and she does kiss back, but quickly turns her attention back to the movie. This goes on for another 30 minutes or so, while she is rubbing my arm, etc. She never initiates any kisses unlike last time. At some point during the movie, we are both tired and decide to move to her bed. Again I think this is my chance to finally get further. But as soon as we make it to bed, she has the covers wrapped around her so that I can't touch her. Anyways, I go in for a kiss, and like repeat really is never more than 2 kisses. So I go to sleep and in the middle of the night she ends up moving the covers and throwing her leg over me. I try to make another move but she doesn't just seems to be sound asleep making me uncomfortable proceeding any further. I eventually make some space between us and fall asleep. When the morning comes we end up saying very little, she walks me out, and gives me two extended hugs but seems to be avoiding a kiss. I leave.

My thoughts are that it was bad logistics and being around her friends failed to allow us to build upon the connection we had worked on. As far as making a move, I feel like she led me on and will continue to withhold sex from me for awhile bc she is not necessarily a party girl. I personally feel like it is a waste of time to continue working on her and additionally like she is not my type if she is going to be that difficult to sleep with, given the situation. Would she still be worth pursuing or has the missed escalation screwed up any possibility? Just wanted to vent because it was very frustrating to me, and see if anyone had any advice for this situation?
 

fog

Modern Human
Modern Human
Joined
Jul 20, 2015
Messages
1,533
Location
peru
yeah, it was a mistake to go out with her and her friends. that indicated to her that you are boyfriend/friend material, and now she is treating you like such. lovers do not do that.

also, you should have gotten her to come visit you. youre driving an hour to go see her!? MAN that's a lot of time, effort, and money invested into this chick when you guys HAVENT EVEN SLEPT TOGETHER YET! thats something you wanna avoid with chicks. if shes into you, shes gonna be more than willing to come to you.

what kind of frames did you set in the first place when you first met her?
 

Evan27

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Apr 24, 2015
Messages
37
The frame that was set was that I was mysterious, and a well rounded-high value mate (athletic, smart, successful) as I was from out of town and our conversations were based around sports, our futures, and our current jobs
 

ProblemSolving

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Jan 15, 2013
Messages
467
Evan27 said:
We were cuddling and end up making out the rest of the night, but no sex, bc she wasn't ready for it on the first date. Anyways I leave that night and head home.

How hard did you try? She let you spend the night over at her place - that's a pretty big green light! You've got to be persistent when going for the close. When dealing with last minute resistance, your goal should be to turn her on.

Despite that failure, she gave you another chance. She must really like you. Meeting her friends was a mistake, but you still managed to avoid major blunders - good job! Where you messed up was not being persistent when going for the close.

Evan27 said:
I go in for a kiss and she does kiss back, but quickly turns her attention back to the movie.

Completely normal.

Evan27 said:
This goes on for another 30 minutes or so, while she is rubbing my arm, etc.

This is her way of saying, "Keep going! You're turning me on!" Enough with the kissing and get your hand on her pussy already.

Evan27 said:
So I go to sleep and in the middle of the night she ends up moving the covers and throwing her leg over me.

This wasn't by accident. She's giving you one last chance to make something happen. Get your hand on her pussy and plant a passionate kiss on her. Be aggressive and release all that pent up sexual tension - she was begging for it. Look at this objectively, she invited you over TWICE to spend the night and allowed you touch and kiss her. She was hoping you'd make something happen.

Next time don't give up so easily. Try touching her pussy, try kissing her lips, try biting her neck, try eating her out, try everything until she can't take it anymore and she finally lets go or gives you a firm "No".
 

Evan27

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Apr 24, 2015
Messages
37
ProblemSolving said:
How hard did you try? She let you spend the night over at her place - that's a pretty big green light! You've got to be persistent when going for the close. When dealing with last minute resistance, your goal should be to turn her on.

Despite that failure, she gave you another chance. She must really like you. Meeting her friends was a mistake, but you still managed to avoid major blunders - good job! Where you messed up was not being persistent when going for the close.

This wasn't by accident. She's giving you one last chance to make something happen. Get your hand on her pussy and plant a passionate kiss on her. Be aggressive and release all that pent up sexual tension - she was begging for it. Look at this objectively, she invited you over TWICE to spend the night and allowed you touch and kiss her. She was hoping you'd make something happen.

Next time don't give up so easily. Try touching her pussy, try kissing her lips, try biting her neck, try eating her out, try everything until she can't take it anymore and she finally lets go or gives you a firm "No".
[/quote]

I'm curious to know your opinion on what to do if I had gotten rejected going for her pussy in bed. Whats the best move in that situation to proceed? It would have become an issue if I tried to force it when she was passed out. The problem I ran into was her whole attitude felt like she was not as into me as she was last time, it just seemed that way cause she wasn't as receptive to hooking up compared to the last time. When I had gone to slide my hand down her pants during the movie it was almost as she pressured her arm to prevent me from doing so.
 
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