Is it right to accept your shortcomings and just let them be there (happy go lucky) or to put yourself out there and correct those issues (hard working image conscious)? Do the advantages/disadvantages of one make it more desirable than the other? Looking for opinions of individuals who are strong minded/leaders among their group of friends
Looking for strong leadership opinions
- Thread starter Evan27
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It all depends on what you mean by shortcomings and the overall situation... People and groups of people are different at different places, each group has its own dynamics, characters, perhaps even roles that you are assumed to play...
You may be quite popular and natural leader of some groups, yet in another groups you may suffer no matter what you do... you simply don't fit, people see you totally differently than how you feel you are, you just can't connect at the same level, you might be constantly misunderstood and you have to keep explaining yourself... Then you join another group, and the miracle happens - suddenly you are well respected without any effort, girls find you attractive, and perhaps even you began naturally leading without much effort... your confidence rises, and with it your success rate. It's like a snowball...
The same way, what does it mean strong leadership? Obama is a strong leader, Clinton is a strong leader, Trump is a strong leader... Each have different personalities, you may really like one of them, yet strongly dislike the others... Millions of people really like Obama and can't stand Trump, and vice versa...
Some of your personal characteristics may be attractive to certain girls, yet other girls will not care no matter what you do... Does it mean you should totally re-structure your personality because some girls don't like you enough? Probably not, you will spent lots of time accomplishing very little... It's easier to find a group in which you fit more naturally...
In simple words, if you are in your conviction a strong republican, you should probably focus on seeking girls in a Republican Party - in stead of trying to "fit" yourself among democrats...
You may be quite popular and natural leader of some groups, yet in another groups you may suffer no matter what you do... you simply don't fit, people see you totally differently than how you feel you are, you just can't connect at the same level, you might be constantly misunderstood and you have to keep explaining yourself... Then you join another group, and the miracle happens - suddenly you are well respected without any effort, girls find you attractive, and perhaps even you began naturally leading without much effort... your confidence rises, and with it your success rate. It's like a snowball...
The same way, what does it mean strong leadership? Obama is a strong leader, Clinton is a strong leader, Trump is a strong leader... Each have different personalities, you may really like one of them, yet strongly dislike the others... Millions of people really like Obama and can't stand Trump, and vice versa...
Some of your personal characteristics may be attractive to certain girls, yet other girls will not care no matter what you do... Does it mean you should totally re-structure your personality because some girls don't like you enough? Probably not, you will spent lots of time accomplishing very little... It's easier to find a group in which you fit more naturally...
In simple words, if you are in your conviction a strong republican, you should probably focus on seeking girls in a Republican Party - in stead of trying to "fit" yourself among democrats...
Mostly by what I meant was do you believe that one of those personality traits "Trumps" the other. I am sitting here in a total state of confusion because in my personal growth I am speculating how to get what I want ex. how to be the king and not be the peasant. You seem to think there isn't necessarily one that is better between certain groups but what I am curious of is if within those certain group (democrat, repulicans) if one of these two traits is better for king-hood? I hope that makes sense
As far as personal characteristics that are more attractive, many were already described here. I don't think it is only one characteristic, rather a combination. Generally speaking, I believe that being more laid back, cool, relaxed, non-chasing, non-judging and genuine are good things to work on. Abundance mentality is good. No neediness, no clinginess, more independence... Ability to make decisions, ability to go for things that you want... Find some passion in life, go for it... Being positive is good, you don't have to be a clown but having optimistic views in a sense "can do what I focus on" is pretty good. Some seriousness, e.g. you work hard at school or at work, or on your business is good, it also gives you a good edge...
But again, what does it mean "strong leader"? Do you believe that people want to be lead, and if so, in which situations?
... It all depends on personality and what you want. For example, you work at low paying job, the education is not so high, the overall motivation of workers is low, there is not much responsibility. For them it is just a job they don't care about, just put in couple hours per day, collect paycheck and go home. So strong leader in this group (boss, Alpha or whatever you want to call it) have to be more strict, more pushy around, giving specific tasks, perhaps rewarding extra effort and so on. He needs to persistently motivate them to keep or increase performance. This kind of leader should probably have higher education than average workers there. If he is more laid back, if he doesn't care much, well the company may not survive...
Take another group to compare, say you work at high paying jobs and work around highly motivated, ambitious and competitive people. It is a totally different approach, if you push them around like the above group they will mostly dislike you. You don't have to tell them what to do, you don't have to give them extra tasks to 'survive' the day at work. They also want to collect paycheck, so maybe you have to find way how to motivate them differently. The leadership may be more of finding out what they want and like, and enabling or allowing them to go for it...
The same with other groups, some groups simply don't want the classical "Alpha" leader, yet the others may desire it... For example, I had a group of friends. We were just guys, there was no "leadership" in group, no "Alpha", all was good. Then I decided to go for higher education, to move my life forward. The guys I knew were like my brothers since I was little, but most of them don't talk to me now. I sort of expelled myself from that group by trying to be "better". I became better in a sense of education, but at the same time I no longer "fit" in that group, just because of that...See, when people perceive you as "too good" they may not like being around you, because they feel inferior... If you feel inferior around somebody, you simply don't want to be around...
Exactly the same with girls, if you are "too good" (in other words, constantly self-improving masturbator) she may like you a lot as a guy but she may easily fall in auto-rejection. Why is that if you are such a good guy and does all things the right way? Well, that is the exact reason, she knows she doesn't do things the right way, she knows that she can't offer you the same things as you are expecting from yourself... She feels inferior, thus she goes to auto-rejection. Quick example: you are a muscle guy, all toned, all healthy food, and she is just cute/silly/pretty girl who doesn't care much about fitness. Do you think she wants to be seen around you on a beach? Some may, others won't...
... I believe Trump is a master in business, he is a brilliant guy, he is a "strong leader". If he only polishes his speeches little bit, if he only were more careful with how he says things, he would be much more popular. He sees things from both sides (Democrats, Republicans) vs e.g. Obama who is only one-sided. He is able to select what is good in each group and emphasize it in clear way. At the same time he emphasizes the negative things and connect them to the other candidates. He is also tough, he make people do things his way, the way he wants it... He may be a great boss, many businessmen may love him as a leader, they would do everything to work for him so they can learn - but would they want to be around him for dinners and fun time? Have a beer and spent free time? Probably not, he doesn't "fit" into their close friends group...
So there is difference between being "strong leader" and being "fit" for that particular group...
But again, what does it mean "strong leader"? Do you believe that people want to be lead, and if so, in which situations?
... It all depends on personality and what you want. For example, you work at low paying job, the education is not so high, the overall motivation of workers is low, there is not much responsibility. For them it is just a job they don't care about, just put in couple hours per day, collect paycheck and go home. So strong leader in this group (boss, Alpha or whatever you want to call it) have to be more strict, more pushy around, giving specific tasks, perhaps rewarding extra effort and so on. He needs to persistently motivate them to keep or increase performance. This kind of leader should probably have higher education than average workers there. If he is more laid back, if he doesn't care much, well the company may not survive...
Take another group to compare, say you work at high paying jobs and work around highly motivated, ambitious and competitive people. It is a totally different approach, if you push them around like the above group they will mostly dislike you. You don't have to tell them what to do, you don't have to give them extra tasks to 'survive' the day at work. They also want to collect paycheck, so maybe you have to find way how to motivate them differently. The leadership may be more of finding out what they want and like, and enabling or allowing them to go for it...
The same with other groups, some groups simply don't want the classical "Alpha" leader, yet the others may desire it... For example, I had a group of friends. We were just guys, there was no "leadership" in group, no "Alpha", all was good. Then I decided to go for higher education, to move my life forward. The guys I knew were like my brothers since I was little, but most of them don't talk to me now. I sort of expelled myself from that group by trying to be "better". I became better in a sense of education, but at the same time I no longer "fit" in that group, just because of that...See, when people perceive you as "too good" they may not like being around you, because they feel inferior... If you feel inferior around somebody, you simply don't want to be around...
Exactly the same with girls, if you are "too good" (in other words, constantly self-improving masturbator) she may like you a lot as a guy but she may easily fall in auto-rejection. Why is that if you are such a good guy and does all things the right way? Well, that is the exact reason, she knows she doesn't do things the right way, she knows that she can't offer you the same things as you are expecting from yourself... She feels inferior, thus she goes to auto-rejection. Quick example: you are a muscle guy, all toned, all healthy food, and she is just cute/silly/pretty girl who doesn't care much about fitness. Do you think she wants to be seen around you on a beach? Some may, others won't...
... I believe Trump is a master in business, he is a brilliant guy, he is a "strong leader". If he only polishes his speeches little bit, if he only were more careful with how he says things, he would be much more popular. He sees things from both sides (Democrats, Republicans) vs e.g. Obama who is only one-sided. He is able to select what is good in each group and emphasize it in clear way. At the same time he emphasizes the negative things and connect them to the other candidates. He is also tough, he make people do things his way, the way he wants it... He may be a great boss, many businessmen may love him as a leader, they would do everything to work for him so they can learn - but would they want to be around him for dinners and fun time? Have a beer and spent free time? Probably not, he doesn't "fit" into their close friends group...
So there is difference between being "strong leader" and being "fit" for that particular group...
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Evan-
To return to the original post's focus on correcting shortcomings vs. enhancing strengths, here's how I think about it:
So, for instance, if you know you're a total spendthrift and you blow through money as fast as you make it, but you also know if you work really hard over the next 2 years you can make a million dollars, you should fix the spendthrift problem first, because all that hard work goes down the drain if you proceed to work hard for 2 years, make a million dollars, and then promptly spend it and now you're back at zero again.
On the other hand, if you don't have a lot of muscle mass and you'd like to be bigger and stronger, but you're also a talented talker and you can already see girls falling for you whenever you can get them into conversation and guys being impressed, and the objective is to do better with people, forget about muscles for now and get your conversation game as tight as you can get it. Once you're absolutely crushing it on conversation and you've reached a point of diminishing returns, and there are no other major strengths you can enhance, maybe you go back and pack on a few pounds of muscle at that point.
Chase
To return to the original post's focus on correcting shortcomings vs. enhancing strengths, here's how I think about it:
- If you have a weakness that may cripple you, fix it. If it won't cripple you, ignore it until all the other low-hanging fruit is gone
- If you have a strength that is good but could be GREAT, and it's a useful strength, enhance it
So, for instance, if you know you're a total spendthrift and you blow through money as fast as you make it, but you also know if you work really hard over the next 2 years you can make a million dollars, you should fix the spendthrift problem first, because all that hard work goes down the drain if you proceed to work hard for 2 years, make a million dollars, and then promptly spend it and now you're back at zero again.
On the other hand, if you don't have a lot of muscle mass and you'd like to be bigger and stronger, but you're also a talented talker and you can already see girls falling for you whenever you can get them into conversation and guys being impressed, and the objective is to do better with people, forget about muscles for now and get your conversation game as tight as you can get it. Once you're absolutely crushing it on conversation and you've reached a point of diminishing returns, and there are no other major strengths you can enhance, maybe you go back and pack on a few pounds of muscle at that point.
Chase