ED help - Too sensitive AND can't get it up. Suggestions?



ED help - Too sensitive AND can't get it up. Suggestions?

Postby ElderPrice » Wed Jun 12, 2019 12:58 am

I had an opportunity to lose my virginity last night. Everything was going as planned but then Jr. Elder just did not want to cooperate. I think I know the problem, but I still would appreciate if anyone has any tips.

Jr. Elder has two problems. 1. He is super sensitive before 'releasing the first load,' and 2. In sexual situations (like last night, with a naked girl on the bed...), he struggles to get up.

(1) has been a problem for a while. Maybe it's not even a problem. It just seems odd. Basically, ANY stimulation from a girl, and he just pops immediately, even without getting hard at all. Examples: Spooning with a girl, clothed, not hard at all. Just laying there cuddling. Then she starts rubbing her butt against him. Boom. instantly pops. Or 1-2 years ago when a girl grinded on me on a dance floor for a first time. My brain: This is cool. Jr: Popped instantly.

This has been going on for years. I thought it was something that would go away as I got more experience being sexual with women. It just hasn't gotten any better so far. I feel like it's not the sexual situation that excites him per se, but more so the physical contact. I don't know. I'm not too worried about it because he acts much more normal afterward going into 'Round 2' as you'd expect.

(2) This is definitely Mental ED. I can feel it. By myself, in my own bed, completely relaxed.. no problems at all. But the slightest amount of anxiety or excitement? He really struggles.

I guess my main concern is how do I overcome this if my goal is to sleep with girls fast after meeting them? It seems like I (Elder, not referring to Jr. Elder here) just can't avoid the tiniest bit of anxiety, and that amount is all it takes to stay soft. So it seems to me that the only way to reach that 100% comfort level where JR. can just work and have a good time is by meeting a girl who will stay around long enough for me to get used to her and ultimately get comfortable. Which may be a while since EVERYTHING about this and each step of the process is new to me and thus exciting. Jr. struggles to get up when ANY contact with a woman is involved, whether that's making out in the car, grabbing her ass, or kissing/cuddling in bed.

I read the GC articles on the subject (ED/sexual anxiety) and I employed most of those tips last night. Didn't make a difference. So I guess I'm just curious if anyone has any practical tips, particularly for Problem (2). I just can't seem to shake anxiety or excitement with this process, even if it's with steps I've already covered before. For example, even after about 50 dates, I still have the tiniest amount of anxiety/nervousness during them nowadays. I mean tiny. So I definitely have a little more anxiety when isolated and escalating with girls.

Anyway, I'd appreciate any tips. Thanks guys!
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Re: ED help - Too sensitive AND can't get it up. Suggestions?

Postby Seppuku » Wed Jun 12, 2019 2:29 am

Well I have been following your development for a little while now, and first of all, I am glad you finally managed to get a girl fully naked in front of you. This, in itself, is an achievement, so congrats to that! It is the first of many more.

I can't help on the issue of oversensitive Mr Jr.

Regarding the question of Erectile Disorder, well I haven't read all GC articles on the subject, so I'm probably going to repeat what you already read, but OK, let's give it a try.

Overall, you have a very good reason to experience ED. It's your first time! You say you have "a little more anxiety", but it's probably an understatement. This is a moment that you have been expecting for such a long time! It would be just natural to be very anxious, at least on the subconscious level.

ED has it's own positive feedback mechanism. The more you worry you have ED, the more ED you get. The more you fight against an unwilling Mr Jr, the more unwilling it becomes. It's all in your head. That's has been my own experience, at least (fortunately I am not getting this very often). So I found that the best way to go, when this happens, is to stop fighting, switch to something else, take the issue completely out of my mind, and try again a little later.

One girl with whom I had the problem tried to suck me into erection, but with all due respect to her skill, it didn't work (more like making the matter worse). But I suppose this is different from man to man. So you can still give a try and give her your dick to suck, and see if it's any help.

Something that has worked for me much better, is to lick her pussy. It usually has an instantaneous erotic effect on me. Something about the smell and taste.

Also, if you haven't already done so, you should immediately stop watching porn, and reduce (pornless) masturbation to a maximum of once a week. Masturbating less frequently than that (e.g. once in two weeks, or once a month) will initially have the result of reducing your libido. Of course, no masturbation allowed within three days of planned encounter with your girl.

Also very important: whenever you have ED, you should spend some time with the girl explaining her that it has nothing to do with her sexual attractiveness. They usually tend to take it very personal.

Well, that's my two cents. Fortunately for me I grew up during a time of no internet porn (no internet, in fact), so I rarely experience ED. My first time to watching internet porn was at age 28. I suppose that younger guys who've been used to routinely watching porn since age 12 or so, will face a much harder time with ED. Widespread, free online porn is really a very fucked up thing.

It should get better next time you try.

Good luck!
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Re: ED help - Too sensitive AND can't get it up. Suggestions?

Postby ThePhoenix » Wed Jun 12, 2019 12:25 pm

Hey EP,

Congratulations on getting the girl willing!

Iʼm sorry to hear about the sexual problems. Youʼre absolutely not alone. Myself, my first lay got fucked up also. Like you, I had a lot of trouble getting it up, although it is usually more or less fine when Iʼm alone. In my case, getting oral sex did basically work after a while but the boner went away when we were messing with the condom.

For me, I believe there were several causes, which I wrote about extensively here, a large one being my having been subjected to genital mutilation (circumcision). There are some insights in that thread you might possibly find useful.

Unfortunately, the girl suddenly decided she had a boyfriend she was faithful to. Basically, attraction is based on how quickly you can impregnate her, so that pretty much killed it since, in evolutionary terms, I failed to do that. (Not that I actually wanted to, lol.)

I think it is much harder for us guys who left it to later in life before experiencing intimacy, because our brain is so used to not getting sexual with a live woman. And Iʼve never even used porn — probably that would have made it even worse.

But I am wondering something. To be clear, with the girl you had the E.D. with, during that same session, you had an immediate ejaculation beforehand? If so, that could easily mess you up.

After a male ejaculates there are a number of hormones released, including prolactin, which will make it much, much harder to become aroused again. The medical term for it is “refractory period”. It varies from one man to another and also I think on circumstances, but typically it can be several hours or more. (Even several days in older men.)

(I think it is evolutionarily adaptive. Since the penis is designed to remove semen (of another man) before ejaculating (thereʼs some research papers on that, would have to dig around for the link), it is maladaptive for the male to continue thrusting afterwards. So nature makes the erection go away to prevent this. Just my theory.)

For me at least, just reflecting on masturbation (thus no performance anxiety), usually there isnʼt much sex drive after ejaculating. If I am in just the right state of mind, sometimes, maybe after 20 minutes or so I might get hard again but itʼs not as hard as usual, it may go away easily unless thereʼs a lot of stimulation, and itʼs not something that usually happens — it requires being (i) totally relaxed and (ii) being very engrossed in sexual thoughts.

It is soooo much harder to get hard if Iʼve ejaculated within the same few hours or so, that I think if I was ejaculating right away before even getting hard I would need to look at solving that, because it would probably make it impossible to get it back up with any slightest amount of performance anxiety.

But I havenʼt experienced P.E. at all so I canʼt really provide much insight there. Other than, ever since I even learned to masturbate, I made a point to try to hold off orgasm as long as I could, so Iʼm trained, from a young age, to last a good while. (I used to sometimes go for an hour or more, but I donʼt normally do so any more since women donʼt even last that long, lol.) I suppose if you had a habit of rushing through masturbation, you may have trained it in the other direction, to happen quickly.

If itʼs really bad, there are some medications that can help delay or make it harder to ejaculate. (Actually, itʼs a usually unwanted side effect of some meds.) Iʼm not big on medication, but perhaps it is worth you researching and/or talk to a doctor.

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Re: ED help - Too sensitive AND can't get it up. Suggestions?

Postby zappbrannigan » Wed Jun 12, 2019 4:28 pm

Hey man,

Just a quick note to say I'm inspired by your progress. I read the backlog a bit and it seems you are in a very similar situation to me. Seeing that you managed to get like 99% of the way there means I'm not totally hopeless either. I'm sure that the next time you get this girl to your place you'll enter her and she will love it!
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Re: ED help - Too sensitive AND can't get it up. Suggestions?

Postby ElderPrice » Thu Jun 13, 2019 12:29 am

Thank you everyone!

Seppuku - I look at porn very rarely now a days, meaning like in the past 3-6 months. I'm doing better with girls, and as a result I'm getting too busy and too tired to want to watch! So that's good. Masturbating isn't really out of the ordinary.. maybe once or twice a week. But I'll definitely try your suggestion to scale it back more and see if that helps. But overall I think you're right - it's all in my head.

Phoenix - I don't think I specifically said it, but yes, in this case I had an immediate ejaculation beforehand. Trust me, this is a necessity. And it's going to happen whether I control the situation or not. If I don't rub one out on my terms, then I'll tell you exactly what will happen - I will explode the second the girl touches me (like within 10 seconds of her stroking my dick or sucking it, or entering her pussy), or I will explode while putting the condom on (which has happened 2 or 3 times I've practiced putting one on on my own).

You're right that it's hard to get hard after ejaculating, but aside from this anxious instance of finally almost getting laid, I can generally get going again within 20 minutes or so. I have to really want to, but I can do it. In the LR- I posted several months ago, I was getting hard again after getting a BJ... the rest just didn't happen for other reasons.

zapp - Thank you so much! Your comment made my day! I'm glad my hijinks can be helpful for others. And yes, I promise you, if I can get here - a short, balding virgin covered in acne scars - then anyone can! Make every step of the process fun for you and you'll get there faster than you'd expect!
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Re: ED help - Too sensitive AND can't get it up. Suggestions?

Postby zappbrannigan » Thu Jun 13, 2019 3:24 pm

ElderPrice wrote:zapp - Thank you so much! Your comment made my day! I'm glad my hijinks can be helpful for others. And yes, I promise you, if I can get here - a short, balding virgin covered in acne scars - then anyone can! Make every step of the process fun for you and you'll get there faster than you'd expect!


Is there any particular "trick" (mental or tactical) that you think made the biggest impact in terms of accelerating your success?

I still struggle a lot with timidity. When I'm out day gaming with the explicit goal to talk to girls, I can muster being commanding and teasing (especially if the girl is very feminine). But in my day to day life, I'm trying hard to be more "present" in the room at all times (contributing more to group conversations, trying to be a bit louder and funnier) but find that constantly doing that is rather draining.
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Re: ED help - Too sensitive AND can't get it up. Suggestions?

Postby ElderPrice » Thu Jun 13, 2019 11:44 pm

zappbrannigan wrote:
ElderPrice wrote:zapp - Thank you so much! Your comment made my day! I'm glad my hijinks can be helpful for others. And yes, I promise you, if I can get here - a short, balding virgin covered in acne scars - then anyone can! Make every step of the process fun for you and you'll get there faster than you'd expect!


Is there any particular "trick" (mental or tactical) that you think made the biggest impact in terms of accelerating your success?

I still struggle a lot with timidity. When I'm out day gaming with the explicit goal to talk to girls, I can muster being commanding and teasing (especially if the girl is very feminine). But in my day to day life, I'm trying hard to be more "present" in the room at all times (contributing more to group conversations, trying to be a bit louder and funnier) but find that constantly doing that is rather draining.

There are two things that helped me more than anything else, in my opinion. One is sort of a 'duh' thing and the other is a mindset.

1. I realized I needed to make absolutely sure I was using the right playbook for the right circumstance. In my case, I was trying to the cold approach playbook in what I later realized was way more of a social circle setting. Ever since realizing this and adjusting, I've had far better results.

2. The one mindset that made a big, instantaneous impact on me was when I learned of the paradigm of Taking vs. Giving. Also known as Coping vs. Thriving. In essence, I never realized that as I was living life, I was in the Taking or Coping mindset. The gist of it is, when you're sick, you're Coping, thus you set out to Take from others. Imagine you have a bad cold. You're laying in bed feeling like total shit. Your mom calls and says she's picking up some medicine at the store and bringing it over. What do you do when she arrives? Do you put on a big thank you, maybe make her tea, or take her out to lunch to show your immense appreciation? No, because you're deathly sick, you basically go straight for the medicine and take it immediately. Like Gollum having his precious returned to him.

You do the same thing when you're mentally sick. I don't know much about you, Zapp. But for me, all you need to know is this: I'm a 30 y/o virgin. I've never had a GF before. I started learning how to get girls at like 28 y/o. There's no debate, in order to get to this point in life, pretty much by definition, I am a fucking weirdo! Something is very mentally fucked up about me! There is just no way a non-religious person can achieve a life like this without being mentally ill in some sort of capacity. So because I never realized I was ill, I also forever never realized I lived my life as a Taker. Socially this means I was always looking for friends where I could hang out with THEM.... or other people's parties I can attend but never throw my own... or 'consuming' video games to cover up my dull, boring life... Or even when I started working on game, subconsciously looking at girls as objects that I wanted to 'consume' to fill an empty part of me, or an ill part of me, without ever truly caring about them.

When I immediately switched to Giving, absolutely everything in life got noticeably better. With regards to girls, what does Giving mean? It means when you encounter a girl (or any person) you give them a positive experience with you, even if it's nothing more than a smile or a warm "Hello." What makes this giving is that you do this without expecting or wanting ANYTHING in return. You should be able to see how this instantly makes you a warmer, cooler, all around more attractive guy. Let me put it to you this way. Before making this change, for my entire life I HATED nightclubs. They were just never fun at all. As soon as I made this switch, I started having fun in them. Why? Well, because my mission at the club now became to give a good time to as many people as possible, without wanting anything in return. I approached as many people as I could... I gave sincere compliments to guys and girls alike... I was all around more playful... Boom. Approach anxiety significantly reduced. Vibe much better. Response from others much better. More energy to keep going until closing time. I even could have got laid a couple times if not for my horrendous logistics.

So if this sounds interesting to you, I would definitely try it!
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Re: ED help - Too sensitive AND can't get it up. Suggestions?

Postby zappbrannigan » Fri Jun 14, 2019 3:40 am

Wow, that giving/taking mindset shift sounds amazing (and quite applicable to my situation too)! Was all it took just a conscious decision to start using this new mindset or did you develop it somehow?
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Re: ED help - Too sensitive AND can't get it up. Suggestions?

Postby ThePhoenix » Fri Jun 14, 2019 5:07 pm

@ zappbrannigan & EP:

My take on the mentality shift is that itʼs really about outcome independence. You need to truly not care if you lay this particular girl or not, because you know if itʼs not her, itʼll be a next one.

To get there, you need to eliminate any trace of the “Iʼm a loser whoʼse not getting laid” mentality. This thinking, women will sense a mile away. Key thing is, theyʼre attracted to men who get laid, so if you mentally make a big deal of the fact that youʼre not getting laid, itʼs going to be impossible.

If thinking of yourself as a social “giver” is what it takes for you to get rid of the “Iʼm a loser whoʼse not getting laid” mentality, then it definitely could help in that regard. I donʼt think itʼs necessary, though. I certainly wasnʼt in this high energy “life of the party, make everyone happy” mode when I made my breakthroughs — of course, that was more in day game, but still. The belief that trying to fuck women makes you some kind of social leech, would actually be counter‑productive in that you will have more trouble setting a sexual frame. Sexual men take what they want.

But the main point is, get out of the “Iʼm a loser whoʼse not getting laid” mentality!


@ EP:

About the need for this immediate ejaculation, which will of course make the next erection more difficult.

Could you, perhaps, give yourself sexual release at some particular time close enough to the date that youʼre not super sensitive? Like 4 or 8 or 12 hours or something prior to the date? Usually I would think thatʼs a bad idea because you wonʼt be horny enough, but it almost sounds like maybe you become too horny?

Iʼm not sure exactly what is the relationship between this “sensitivity” and horniness, but for me, anyway, and I think for most guys, the longer itʼs been since release, the more strongly the same physical stimulation will tend to move me towards orgasm. For instance, if I havenʼt had release in two weeks and then use a toy pussy, the stimulation feels very intense and I can feel my body moving towards orgasm quite quickly... I can hold it back, but I have to really concentrate or else I will climax within a couple minutes. By contrast, if I use the toy after itʼs only been a day or two since release, I find it quite easy to hold off orgasm for as long as I want, even an hour if I want. The stimulation is still there and it still feels good, but my body doesnʼt seem to respond to it with the same intensity.

Thatʼs why I wonder if you had release a few hours or whatever before the date, if maybe you could avoid the instant ejaculation.

Some generic ideas to help control climax would be kegel exercises, practicing edging (I was doing this since puberty without realizing thatʼs what it was called), maybe even practice with a sex toy. I find the Fleshlight pretty good. Has a much different feel from hands — more like tickling all over instead of rubbing one spot.

But if that first climax is almost instant, hmm, thatʼs a tough one. Maybe if you get really good with controlling the second one, youʼll find you can start to control the first one, too.

Iʼm wondering whether this first ejaculation is actually a “climax” in the normal sense — i.e., accompanied by orgasm, etc., — as would normally be at the end of an excitement/plateau phase that has just somehow gotten extremely compressed, or if itʼs something else entirely.

You really might want to see a specialist. I would consider ejaculating almost instantly, to be a medical problem.
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Re: ED help - Too sensitive AND can't get it up. Suggestions?

Postby ElderPrice » Fri Jun 14, 2019 11:16 pm

zappbrannigan wrote:Wow, that giving/taking mindset shift sounds amazing (and quite applicable to my situation too)! Was all it took just a conscious decision to start using this new mindset or did you develop it somehow?

I stumbled across an RSD video that talked about it then just implemented it. For me it was just one of those things where you're like "oh shit.. didn't realize I was doing that!"
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Re: ED help - Too sensitive AND can't get it up. Suggestions?

Postby ElderPrice » Fri Jun 14, 2019 11:47 pm

ThePhoenix wrote:@ zappbrannigan & EP:

My take on the mentality shift is that itʼs really about outcome independence. You need to truly not care if you lay this particular girl or not, because you know if itʼs not her, itʼll be a next one.

To get there, you need to eliminate any trace of the “Iʼm a loser whoʼse not getting laid” mentality. This thinking, women will sense a mile away. Key thing is, theyʼre attracted to men who get laid, so if you mentally make a big deal of the fact that youʼre not getting laid, itʼs going to be impossible.

If thinking of yourself as a social “giver” is what it takes for you to get rid of the “Iʼm a loser whoʼse not getting laid” mentality, then it definitely could help in that regard. I donʼt think itʼs necessary, though. I certainly wasnʼt in this high energy “life of the party, make everyone happy” mode when I made my breakthroughs — of course, that was more in day game, but still. The belief that trying to fuck women makes you some kind of social leech, would actually be counter‑productive in that you will have more trouble setting a sexual frame. Sexual men take what they want.

But the main point is, get out of the “Iʼm a loser whoʼse not getting laid” mentality!


@ EP:

About the need for this immediate ejaculation, which will of course make the next erection more difficult.

Could you, perhaps, give yourself sexual release at some particular time close enough to the date that youʼre not super sensitive? Like 4 or 8 or 12 hours or something prior to the date? Usually I would think thatʼs a bad idea because you wonʼt be horny enough, but it almost sounds like maybe you become too horny?

Iʼm not sure exactly what is the relationship between this “sensitivity” and horniness, but for me, anyway, and I think for most guys, the longer itʼs been since release, the more strongly the same physical stimulation will tend to move me towards orgasm. For instance, if I havenʼt had release in two weeks and then use a toy pussy, the stimulation feels very intense and I can feel my body moving towards orgasm quite quickly... I can hold it back, but I have to really concentrate or else I will climax within a couple minutes. By contrast, if I use the toy after itʼs only been a day or two since release, I find it quite easy to hold off orgasm for as long as I want, even an hour if I want. The stimulation is still there and it still feels good, but my body doesnʼt seem to respond to it with the same intensity.

Thatʼs why I wonder if you had release a few hours or whatever before the date, if maybe you could avoid the instant ejaculation.

Some generic ideas to help control climax would be kegel exercises, practicing edging (I was doing this since puberty without realizing thatʼs what it was called), maybe even practice with a sex toy. I find the Fleshlight pretty good. Has a much different feel from hands — more like tickling all over instead of rubbing one spot.

But if that first climax is almost instant, hmm, thatʼs a tough one. Maybe if you get really good with controlling the second one, youʼll find you can start to control the first one, too.

Iʼm wondering whether this first ejaculation is actually a “climax” in the normal sense — i.e., accompanied by orgasm, etc., — as would normally be at the end of an excitement/plateau phase that has just somehow gotten extremely compressed, or if itʼs something else entirely.

You really might want to see a specialist. I would consider ejaculating almost instantly, to be a medical problem.

Phoenix, you're absolutely right. The paradigm I talk about is all about outcome independence. I would say that it's just one particular way to get there mentally, and is most useful if your mind is screwed up in the exact opposite manner (being a super taker, and never giving). For me, it was an incredibly helpful solution for where my mind was at at the time. Most people are probably more normal or average and won't be screwed up enough to be super moved by it.

And to be clear, I was NOT saying not to have a strong desire to fuck women. When I talk about not being a "taker" that means not needing women to treat your depression or to fill a void in your soul. One should pursue women to make their great lives better, not to find their cure to depression. Because as you know, it just doesn't work like that.

Regarding the ejaculation, if I'm able to, I'd rub one out right before heading out, or maybe 30 minutes before. That would be 1-2 hours before sex if the date moves quickly.

Whatever it is, it's got to be just mental. If I grabbed a pillow and started rubbing it against my groin nothing would happen. But if it was a woman's big sexy ass? A mess. Eh, I don't know. Just got to fuck some girls and see if that also gets better over time. I assume it will.
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Re: ED help - Too sensitive AND can't get it up. Suggestions?

Postby ThePhoenix » Sat Jun 15, 2019 2:04 am

ElderPrice wrote:And to be clear, I was NOT saying not to have a strong desire to fuck women. When I talk about not being a “taker” that means not needing women to treat your depression or to fill a void in your soul. One should pursue women to make their great lives better, not to find their cure to depression.

Gotcha. Iʼve never had pervasive depression — some social anxiety, but not depression — so hadnʼt realized that it could put one into this mode where you are taking as “self‑medication” rather than “self‑enrichment”. It makes sense, put that way.


ElderPrice wrote:Whatever it is, itʼs got to be just mental. If I grabbed a pillow and started rubbing it against my groin nothing would happen. But if it was a womanʼs big sexy ass? A mess. Eh, I donʼt know. Just got to fuck some girls and see if that also gets better over time. I assume it will.

Yeah, I would expect experience should help.

Some ideas, since you mention itʼs situational:

  1. I know this is a bit hard to stomach, but try to start on girls youʼre not really attracted to. The thought here being that perhaps you wonʼt be quite as excited by the sexual situation. Maybe it can help acclimate you to being in a sexual situation, and then once you perform well in that less exciting situation, youʼll be in better control when you have a more attractive girl.

  2. This may not be a good idea if youʼre still in heavy depression — itʼs your own judgement call as to whether this would have a bad effect on your self‑image etc., plus if practical risks are worth it or not. But you could consider seeing an escort, to get more accustomed to the physical element of being sexual with a woman without it being so much pressure. It also depends on how easily you can seduce new women — if itʼs really easy, the risks wonʼt be worth it; if it was impossible it might be a bad idea from the ego hit; but somewhere in between, maybe it could make sense. Some guys have said it helped, others say it didnʼt. Probably also depends on the particular girl — needs to be a nice, understanding one. I havenʼt gone that route myself yet, but I have thought about it and if I keep having sexual problems, I might. To me, there wouldnʼt be an ego hit, because Iʼve already gotten a girl naked without spending a damn penny on her — just got robbed by sexual problems. Just a thought!

Cheers,
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Re: ED help - Too sensitive AND can't get it up. Suggestions?

Postby ElderPrice » Sat Jun 15, 2019 9:20 pm

ThePhoenix wrote:
ElderPrice wrote:And to be clear, I was NOT saying not to have a strong desire to fuck women. When I talk about not being a “taker” that means not needing women to treat your depression or to fill a void in your soul. One should pursue women to make their great lives better, not to find their cure to depression.

Gotcha. Iʼve never had pervasive depression — some social anxiety, but not depression — so hadnʼt realized that it could put one into this mode where you are taking as “self‑medication” rather than “self‑enrichment”. It makes sense, put that way.


ElderPrice wrote:Whatever it is, itʼs got to be just mental. If I grabbed a pillow and started rubbing it against my groin nothing would happen. But if it was a womanʼs big sexy ass? A mess. Eh, I donʼt know. Just got to fuck some girls and see if that also gets better over time. I assume it will.

Yeah, I would expect experience should help.

Some ideas, since you mention itʼs situational:

  1. I know this is a bit hard to stomach, but try to start on girls youʼre not really attracted to. The thought here being that perhaps you wonʼt be quite as excited by the sexual situation. Maybe it can help acclimate you to being in a sexual situation, and then once you perform well in that less exciting situation, youʼll be in better control when you have a more attractive girl.

  2. This may not be a good idea if youʼre still in heavy depression — itʼs your own judgement call as to whether this would have a bad effect on your self‑image etc., plus if practical risks are worth it or not. But you could consider seeing an escort, to get more accustomed to the physical element of being sexual with a woman without it being so much pressure. It also depends on how easily you can seduce new women — if itʼs really easy, the risks wonʼt be worth it; if it was impossible it might be a bad idea from the ego hit; but somewhere in between, maybe it could make sense. Some guys have said it helped, others say it didnʼt. Probably also depends on the particular girl — needs to be a nice, understanding one. I havenʼt gone that route myself yet, but I have thought about it and if I keep having sexual problems, I might. To me, there wouldnʼt be an ego hit, because Iʼve already gotten a girl naked without spending a damn penny on her — just got robbed by sexual problems. Just a thought!

Cheers,
Phoenix

I noticed my grammar wasn't correctly communicating what I meant to say, so let me fix it. I think you got what I was saying, but I'd like to correct it for future readers.
Original: One should pursue women to make their great lives better, not to find their cure to depression.
What I meant: A man should pursue women to make his great live better, not to find his cure to depression.

Oh yeah man. Depression is fucked up, and you don't fix anything by getting 'what you want.' Like if someone said 'I'm suffering from depression because I always wanted to be a millionaire but I'm not a millionaire.' If you just give them a million bucks, are they really going to feel better? No, they still won't be happy. Because their head is still fucked up. Has nothing to do with what they want and everything to do with that they just don't know how to be happy in the present, with what they have.

If you're depressed because you're a virgin and suck with girls, you're not going to be happy if someone buys you a hooker and you go out and try to talk with girls. You need to correct your mental illness and learn how to be happy in the present, with what you got, without being bothered by anything. Correct the unhealthy mindset, and absolutely everything in life will get better, including interactions with women.

Regarding your two suggestions - Duly noted. I've heard them before lol. I'll keep them in mind if my issues don't clear up after a lot of additional experiences.
ElderPrice


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