FRAME CONTROL: HANDLE VERBAL BULLYING



FRAME CONTROL: HANDLE VERBAL BULLYING

Postby nolimits » Fri Feb 17, 2017 7:46 pm

You can call it tooling but to me , any attempt of status upping through displeasant behavior / moral control / barking orders, is just PURE bullying.
Those who attack you deserve to be shamed, or at least punished.

So today i did not do that. I did not punish one person who tried to bullied me and so hurt my self esteem and self respect. Let's see what I'll do next time.

One of the most important things one can learn socially is being able to attack back and better on tooling/bullying attempts.

I was at the grocery and saw an old acquaintance of mine.

I was in front of him and found out this guy had just skipped the line to get to the cash right after me , instead of waiting me to complete the payment process. ( nothing super wrong , but at least , a guy who does it must joke about it and say '' couldn't stand waiting anymore my friend;) - this dude did not do that and wanted to up me socially, owning the room while trying to belittle me, as we'll later see.

he: so u went living in the house of our friend ( name) .. how can u live in such a small house? i once considered living there but it wasjust too small. ( nothing extremely bad - but it wasn't clear whether he was kidding and , i don't want anybody to talk to me like that without at least smiling)

me: well, why? there's a bathroom, a shower , a kitchen and it's in the center.. it's perfect

him: no it's too small man cmon ( can't you just feel the anger on your veins only by reading?)

me: well, it depends on what you're used to ( this wasn't bad because this guy knew my old house was amazing to say the least, but would have been better to say '' it's not. small houses are actually super easy to keep and not expensive. it's really cool. you probably did not evaluate well'' - defend, then attack)

his friend: hey your shoes are cool! you probably beat my friend's ones in a competition ( just a bad joke, not sure what he meant but didn't like the vibe behind it)

me: well this is not the king of compliments.. ( not bad but too subtle.. this felt like a social control attempt. should have said '' show me your shoes? and once he did , should have said '' wish i could say the same about yours man, but they 're just too ugly .. ahaha , i m kidding!!!)

him: (to me)hey , hurry up cmon! ( said in a nasty and commanding tone, the moment i was paying.. it caught me by surprise..)
he then repeated to hurry up and i ignored him, not hurrying up , but still , not punishing him. Not teaching him that nobody should fuck up with me.

i then finished and said bye bye to the guys. they didn't say it back. ( should have not say bye bye at all. they tried to belittle me, do they deserve my HI? )

Now,when he'll try to say ''hurry up!cmon!'' next time i'll say '' hey, michael jordan ( this guy is very short ) , stay there and stay chill. How did u get here? did u pass beneath the legs of the people behind me?'' and if he said something in return '' look , you've already scared those girls u tried to talk to in the way only a loser would. Don't be so creepy that they need to through you out of the grocery too''


I must learn to apply, the most important lesson one can learn in a social arena.. If someone attacks u and tries to up u or belittle you, being nice won't get you anywhere. You lose or win based on how you respond.
The only way to mantain you confidence, self respect and self esteem in any tooling/ bullying attempt is one:
attack him back and better.
Be so brutal he'll be ashamed.
He'll attack again.
Good. attack him even more brutally. go to family members, physical features. anything work as long as it's brutal.

Being nice is great, but just not the solution to handle terrorists.

Terrorists need torture and psychological damage.


leader or follower? you can't be both!
nolimits


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Re: FRAME CONTROL: HANDLE VERBAL BULLYING

Postby PrettyDecent » Sat Feb 18, 2017 10:55 pm

Hey man,

That strategy is not the most effective one. You might stop a problem temporarily, but you've created 5 more in its place (more people attacking you, not respecting you, ruining your life).

Chase has got a few posts about handling challenges from other people. I suggest reading that for a more effective strategy.

Nick
Knowledge and human power are synonymous - Sir Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
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Re: FRAME CONTROL: HANDLE VERBAL BULLYING

Postby Richard » Sun Feb 19, 2017 4:48 pm

Agree with Nick... who conveniently forgets to post helpful links to articles like this one.

Basic run-down is that if somebody is deciding to bully you or harass you it's because they've already sized you up and they think they can beat you. Any attempt to fight that fire with fire of your own just incentivizes them to keep on harassing you and escalating.

A better way to put it; if you're a black belt in a street fight and somebody is throwing wide, haymaker swings you don't respond by doing the exact same thing just to prove that you're stronger and can put more might behind your punch. When you know better and you know the proper way to handle something you don't stoop to another person's level just to outplay them because the very notion that you stoop to their level means that you lose the social battle. We've covered this topic multiple times on the boards (recently, too!) and, as Nick said, multiple times on the main page.

Overarching point is there is a way to handle verbal bullies without being nice, supplicating and turning the other cheek ANDwithout returning fire because neither of those options will get you anywhere.

Last point; nobody has control of your self respect and self-esteem, only you do. If somebody says something and it bothers you so much that you're hurt by it it's because you're choosing to believe what they're saying and you accept it as a truth about you. I can call Nick the ugliest bastard I've ever seen short of a bloated beach whale and he won't care because he doesn't accept that or use that as any measure of who he is. In case you read that, Nick, you know I love you you handsome son'bitch ;)

-Richard
Not a day in my existence did I experience life until I stepped out of my comfort zones.
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Re: FRAME CONTROL: HANDLE VERBAL BULLYING

Postby PrettyDecent » Mon Feb 20, 2017 9:06 am

Richard wrote: I can call Nick the ugliest bastard I've ever seen short of a bloated beach whale and he won't care because he doesn't accept that or use that as any measure of who he is.


Well, I do actually get mistaken for a bloted beach whale sometimes, so it's cool.

Nick
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Re: FRAME CONTROL: HANDLE VERBAL BULLYING

Postby BetaBoy » Wed Dec 20, 2017 10:18 pm

Dont waste your time on people like that. Deflect with humor or just say cool.
ENTJ, future executive and master of my own game.inside every straight man, is a gay woman.pussy is a commodity, you eventually pay for it one way or another.
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Re: FRAME CONTROL: HANDLE VERBAL BULLYING

Postby Ghost202 » Tue Jun 11, 2019 10:04 am

You simply just smack the shit outta them
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