This topic has been moved from "General" to "Phone Calls and Texting."
Hey Novacane,
Is it okay to send a few texts here and there to strike up conversation for the sake of staying relevant?
I'm still trying to find time to write up my first blog post for this website, but I've just been so busy that I haven't found time to do so. I wanted my first article to be exactly on this topic (because I have seen so many posts here about it), and in general,
the answer is an astounding no.
Too many guys have this idea that they need to be in "constant contact" with a girl to remain relevant. This isn't the way it works, and the
easiest reason to see why is to reverse the roles and see things from the female's perspective.
When a girl really likes a guy, she is
constantly thinking about him whether he is contacting her or not. The only reason she doesn't text the guy is that she almost ALWAYS does not want to come across as needy or desperate in fear of losing him, so she sits around hoping he will contact her. But guess what? That's exactly what you do
not want to do. Every time you contact her first (especially not to set up a date) is another reason for her to feel like she "has" you, and it gives her even
more reason to go out and explore her options because she knows that she can contact you at any time because you are always available.
Instead, it's better to
leave her in that state of constantly wanting to hear from you -- it keeps her extremely mentally invested in you, and chances are, she will jump for joy when you finally ask her out the next time you contact her. Now, is it possible that she COULD meet some other guy during this period and have you erased from the picture? Sure. But that is something you cannot control.
However, if you REALLY want to speed up that process of her finding another guy to spend time with, then
contacting her without the purpose of asking her out is the fastest way to get her to do that.
Girls are not that different from us. Let her sit there day after day wondering if you'll contact her. If you
TRULY made a good impression on her and she is interested in you, then believe me, she WILL be thinking about you. It will actually be more difficult for her to WANT to date another guy because, in the back of her mind, she'll still be hoping that she can be with
you. This is called "mental investment." Like physical investment (i.e. things such as saying "come with me" or "let me see your hand"), mental investment is a
powerful tool if understood and used correctly.
I hope to get more up on this later (if I have time), but for now, give girls a chance to
miss you. Make them think about you by NOT letting them know if you are thinking about them. This is the most powerful form of investment you can get from a girl (and even more powerful than physical investment) if used properly.
I hope this gives everyone some insight.
EDIT: I should mention that this is a technique that is
primarily used before you sleep with a girl. Once you've slept with a girl, then the game plan changes. However, mental investment still becomes a part of a relationship and can be used effectively to keep your significant from not wanting to lose you.
- Franco