Online & Apps  First date alternatives to coffee or dinner

Since joining okcupid, I have been lining up 5 or 6 dates a week, but it rarely goes beyond the 2nd date with any given girl, even when my fundamentals seem to be down and we relate and the conversation flows well. The thing that feels wrong to me is the absence of touch, which is hard to accomplish when you're on opposite ends of the table at a restaurant or coffee shop.

I generally hug at ghe end and sometimes the beginning of the date depending on the split-second vibe I get from the girl. Is this right or what are suggestions re: kino on a first date from online?

I live a fair drive from any restaurant in the city and the girls I date tend to be conservative or feminist types so I don't push for a post-date meeting at my place.

What are some good alternative first dates that allow closeness and touching without being overly complicated or costly. Platonic feeling dinner dates at 50 dollars each (I take the traditional route and pay for the 1st date, just cause I havent found a way of suggesting we split it where I dont feel like Im coming off as cheap) no longer seem practical or conducive to seduction.

mongoose,

I live a fair drive from any restaurant in the city and the girls I date tend to be conservative or feminist types so I don't push for a post-date meeting at my place.

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This is probably the main source of the problem. You should absolutely be setting up dates where you can invite her back to your place to close the deal. As "conservative" as you think a girl might be, she's likely on a dating website because she's hoping to find a man she can be "non-conservative" with under the radar and find a man that will give her the pleasure she desires deep down. For more information, I would check out this article here:

Dating Without Sex: Why It Usually Doesn't Work

I generally hug at ghe end and sometimes the beginning of the date depending on the split-second vibe I get from the girl. Is this right or what are suggestions re: kino on a first date from online?

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Personally, I'm not a fan of kino on a date, but I know some members on here use it to a degree of success. However, if you are going to use kino, then I think it's even more important that you try to close the deal on the first date. When you use kino, you are setting the expectation that things are going to be "sexual" and "physical." If you then close the date with just a hug and take off, you skew those expectations by not attempting to follow-through with a passionate night, and she'll likely have very little reason to see you again because your actions are incongruent with the results that she was expecting.

Feel free to experiment with your results, but coffee and/or drinks are certainly the best way to go for a first date to keep things low-cost and simple. Other alternatives might include things like grabbing yogurt or ice cream, but they all revolve around the idea of being able to sit down in an intimate setting and converse one-on-one with the girl with very few distractions.

Hope this helps!

- Franco

Thanks Franco, I'll try to close on the coffee dates then. Only problem is I mean conservative as in 27 and still lives with conservative Spanish parents or weary of players and claims on her online profile it takes 6 or more dates before she considers sex. I guess it's a matter of logically reassuring her "why do in 3 dates what you can do in 1?" or "well we obviously click personally,why don't we see if there's chemistry before forcing our way through a few more scripted dinners" or something.

Franco said:

Personally, I'm not a fan of kino on a date, but I know some members on here use it to a degree of success. However, if you are going to use kino, then I think it's even more important that you try to close the deal on the first date. When you use kino, you are setting the expectation that things are going to be "sexual" and "physical." If you then close the date with just a hug and take off, you skew those expectations by not attempting to follow-through with a passionate night, and she'll likely have very little reason to see you again because your actions are incongruent with the results that she was expecting.

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That's interesting. So instead of kino, you use sexual chase frames to get her thinking about you sexually? Then you initiate kino once pulled to the place you can have sex with? And if you can't have sex on the first date, do you opt for a kiss on the cheek because a make out would be awkward without prior kino?

What about approaching women in real life (so outside the internet)? Do you also avoid kino until she's been pulled?

mongoose,

I guess it's a matter of logically reassuring her "why do in 3 dates what you can do in 1?" or "well we obviously click personally,why don't we see if there's chemistry before forcing our way through a few more scripted dinners" or something.

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The last thing you want to do is logically try to convince her why you should have sex on the first date. For women, it needs to be more of an emotional thing. If you're one of the sexiest men she's ever met, then it's going to be a lot harder for her to resist the temptation of having a mind-blowing sexual encounter with a genuine, sexy man.

I'll take a piece of Chase's article titled How to Get First-Date Sex with Girls on Every Date:

And when a woman meets a man who makes her FEEL completely full of lust, and desire, and raw, throbbing, potent sexual need... when she sees NO REASON to object to going to bed with this man right now and taking him as her lover... when she will never see him again, and no one will ever know, and her body aches for him as it has never ached for anything else... and when it just happens, and suddenly they are alone, and he is on her, kissing her, touching her, bringing her to the point of surrender... then yes; even for a normally conservative girl, she will release her hold on logic and rigid rules, and she will take this man she longs for as her lover... even if it is the first and last time they will ever see each other.

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TBM,

So instead of kino, you use sexual chase frames to get her thinking about you sexually? Then you initiate kino once pulled to the place you can have sex with?

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Correct. Although I do use a few types of touch. The one that I always use is guiding her through a doorway or tightly-packed corridor by placing my hand on the small of her back. The other that I'll use sometimes on the date is asking to see her hand if she has an interesting bracelet on of some sort.

And if you can't have sex on the first date, do you opt for a kiss on the cheek because a make out would be awkward without prior kino?

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On the contrary, if she refuses to come home with me, then I opt for a passionate make-out session in the parking lot, but I make sure I'm the first one to pull away so that I put her as the one who's "chasing." A lot of guys have it in their mind that going for a kiss before kino is somehow awkward. This can't be further from the truth if your fundamentals are solid -- she'll be aching for you to grab her and kiss her passionately. This also leaves her wanting more and wondering what would have happened had she gone home with you that night...

What about approaching women in real life (so outside the internet)? Do you also avoid kino until she's been pulled?

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Depends on the circumstances. Sometimes I use kino in a nightclub if I'm going for a same-night pull because the tempo needs to fast-pace in the nightlife environment. But even then, it's usually still much less than some guys do.

In day game, you really don't need to use all that much kino to pique her interest. If you have tight fundamentals, she'll be intrigued just by your confidence alone.

However, on a date, regardless if it was an internet girl or a girl I met in person, my approach is always the same: very light kino until she's actually back at my place.

- Franco

Franco, thanks for the explanation.

I had a date where she initiated making out in the parking lot despite me failing to pull her. Any ideas why she went cold after the date?

viewtopic.php?f=5&t=3137

Thank Franco, having a sexy vibe is definitely a must, but in the article you mentioned, Chase list the logical element as key to addressing objections and says that he'll say if we don't have the sort of chemistry where we just wanna jump each other, maybe we should just be friends, or something to that effect.

I scheduled several dates next week at Dave and Busters, which is one of those places with lots of arcade games.

I had one there last week and it worked out well with lots of grabbing her hips/ass and kissing. It's pretty much guaranteed to make her laugh and feel comfortable, and you have plenty of opportunities to stand close to her and initiate kino. Just make sure you don't immediately go playing games but chat with her first, and then again during.

Yeah, it costs money and is a bit of a drive for me, but it beats the having coffee or dinner date which always brings the chance of being boring. Living in TX where it's been 100 degrees for the past few months, outside dates (e.g. park) are not really an option this time of year.

One problem I have with first dates is taking them to a kiss close. Especially with the 100 degree heat, you don't casually walk over to their car in the parking lot on the 140 degree pavement, and stand there for a minute or two chatting and then kissing. I also find that coffee and dinner dates don't necessarily make for a great connection, and it feels forced to kiss a girl at the end. Maybe I need to work on my game more, or maybe there's just no chemistry with some girls. That's why I scheduled the next batch at Dave and Busters too, where I can try the kiss in the middle instead of the end... which automatically means another kiss at the end as the pressure is already off

I'm also not convinced of the sex on the first date thing working... I have yet to succeed at it. Maybe my target women (30+) are just too old for that; as women get older they get a lot more picky and really make a guy work for it.

Yeah,I was thinking something more interactive where you can take breaks to talk personal stuff, but have more proximity and situational things to joke about without the pressure of worrying about awkward pauses in conversation. I'm going rockclimbing tomorrow (her suggestion), but an arcade might work for the next round of dates.