Socializing  Meeting people/new friends in a new city.

Hi guys,
I'm looking for some advice on making friends and moving to live in a new city where you don't know anyone.

My background:
I am Irish, but I moved to Boston. I initially did know some people but my core group of friends have all moved home, or elsewhere or are in relationships and I've come to the conclusion, we just don't see each other at all anymore and I need to meet new friends/people. Technically I'm not new to the city, but since the New Year the last of my close group are gone and it sort of feels for the first time like I'm totally new to a city where I don't know anyone.

Meeting girls:
I've never had a problem going to bars, concerts, events, or anything alone. I always had slightly different interests to a lot of my friends. This is not a problem.
If a girl asks "Where are you're friends", there are lots of ways through that so that's also not an issue.
But when seeing a girl you'd like to see past just sleeping with her, the inevitable "lets meet each others friends" becomes a problem. It comes off a little weird when I can't call up my guys and bring her along to meet them over a few drinks. Either I'm hiding her or embarrassed of her, or I don't have friends which is a red flag... or so I've experienced.

Meeting friends:
Now, I know the usual advice is "Go to a social event"... not an excuse, I swear I have trawled google for ACTUAL groups where there are a lot of 20-something professionals with some sort of common interest. It's not that common.
"Social Sports"... I've tried it. Great fun, I love the exercise, I've met plenty people but no lasting relationships. The problem I always find is that by their last 20's people HAVE their group of friends and become very hard to crack.

Tactics:
So I've read the articles here and elsewhere about being social and making friends.
I get how it works, you can't "take" from people. i.e. Instead of being the guy asking to tag along for drinks, invite someone along with you.
The problem I have with that is... you need a base.
Say I have 2 friends I go out with... I can ask a couple of guys on my team if they wanna meet at "X" place tonight, me and my buddies are grabbing drinks. Now maybe there is a group of 5-6 of us... why not ask someone from work to tag along, etc... I get that.
But without the first 1-2 friends, it's difficult.
I have lots of aquaintances but when I ask them to hang out it's difficult to provide value. Lets say it's a Friday evening, I am asking them to not go out with their own regular group of friends and come with just me, a little weird I feel. And asking to tag along works sometimes but it takes a lot of work to "crack" a new circle, not everyone is always receptive to it.


So how do you gt started? I'm finding this fairly difficult. It seems like with the internet there SHOULD be a wealth of places someone new to town can go and just meet more people who've just moved here and are open to new friends but I google and google and just don't find anything.
And yes, Boston IS a very Irish town, but mainly Irish-American as people where born here so the clique thing applies. I know there are more Irish here but most know those they moved with and there's really no "Irish social" or meetup that actually meets very much.

So.... sorry, this sounds like a big negative rant... but I know you guys are cool so I hope it's ok to let the guard down for a little bit and ask.

Can anyone provide any stories or advice for moving to a new city where you don't know anyone? Especially as a non-student?

Many thanks!
E.

If a girl asks "Where are you're friends", there are lots of ways through that so that's also not an issue.
But when seeing a girl you'd like to see past just sleeping with her, the inevitable "lets meet each others friends" becomes a problem. It comes off a little weird when I can't call up my guys and bring her along to meet them over a few drinks. Either I'm hiding her or embarrassed of her, or I don't have friends which is a red flag... or so I've experienced.

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There is nothing wrong in telling them that you are new in town, and that you're hoping to meet new friends.
Honesty is the best policy, and sometimes the girl feels sorry for you and will start introducing you to her friends.

In regards to meeting new friends in a new place, well the best thing to do is to go meet people similar to you.
Do you dance? Meet fellow dancers.
What are your hobbies? Go to places where you can find people with the same hobbie as you.
Your aim shouldn't just be "meeting any new people".
Your aim should be "Go Enjoy yourself, do what you love, where there are people!"

It is much easier to connect with a new friend once you have something to relate to with that person.
You only need one or two of these friends, and they can start introducing you to their friends.

Estate,

Moved this one to "Socializing."

When I look at where my good real-life friends have come from (since I've never been a social circle guy), they've come from:

• Internet forums (oddly enough)
• Bars
• Work
• Roommates

It's a short list.

A lot of PUA friends I've made online later become really cool real life friends. If a guy's working on improving himself hard to the point where he's getting notable results, he's usually a pretty intelligent, ambitious, and cool guy, and you'll find he's pretty good people in real life. I've also organized social events on private Internet boards for elites / travelers / wealthy - if you can find places like this (they're normally invite-only), they're usually easy to meet people off of since, because it's more exclusive, the members are more trusting of one another and more open to meeting in-person (unlike anybody-can-join networks like Facebook or LinkedIn or whatever).

Looking for cool roommates can be another way to make good friends. Whenever I search for roommates, I have an eye out for intelligent people who like going out and strike me as charismatic / cool. Usually these people view me as a kindred spirit, and we hit it off.

When you're out at bars, keeping an eye out for guys who are actively approaching women and who strike you as cool / normal / not weirdos can be another one. I wouldn't advise mentioning PUA to them, unless you do it in a super-smooth way, as not everyone thinks that PUA is a "cool" thing; many guys who are naturals think it's a bunch of nerds online trying to learn how to talk to girls. Instead, just tell the guy you like his style and offer to buy him a drink ("Let me buy you a drink, man"). Be interested in him. Mention a few things about girls so he doesn't think you're gay. Trade cell numbers with him and tell him you guys should hit up the bars sometime... then instead of hitting up a bar, try and invite him to do something chill near where he lives, like grab some lunch at some cool little cafe or taco shop. Get to know him as a person. Then party with him another time.

Friends are made across multiple experiences, in different kinds of moods and different kinds of environments. If you only ever see a guy at a bar, for instance, you can never get all that close, so switch up where you hang with him.

Also, focus on one friend at a time. Once you turn someone into your good friend, he or she will introduce you to his / her friends, and you can make friends with them too and enter their circle. Make sure to return the favor, and introduce friends of yours to other friends of yours you think they'd be compatible with as your circles expand.

Chase

Chase said:

A lot of PUA friends I've made online later become really cool real life friends. If a guy's working on improving himself hard to the point where he's getting notable results, he's usually a pretty intelligent, ambitious, and cool guy, and you'll find he's pretty good people in real life. I've also organized social events on private Internet boards for elites / travelers / wealthy - if you can find places like this (they're normally invite-only), they're usually easy to meet people off of since, because it's more exclusive, the members are more trusting of one another and more open to meeting in-person (unlike anybody-can-join networks like Facebook or LinkedIn or whatever).

Click to expand...

On a side note, how do you find and join those boards? Do you just google for them or what?

Meetup.com

Dude I'm from Boston and I don't see it as predominantly Irish American perhaps because I'm black and I live in a rougher area.I would say it depends highly on your location I'm guessing you're in southie try other spots maybe the north end etc. Dunno if I've hellped answer your question oh and Fenway is a big ads melting pot for meeting people.