- Joined
- Jul 24, 2018
- Messages
- 2
Hey gents,
I'm relatively new to the forum but I have been following Girls Chase for a few months now and it has made a huge difference in my effectiveness pulling girls. That being said, I have had a very unique dilemma and I am not sure how many of you, if any, are going through the same. I'm about 14 months sober (personal reasons.. can't be changed or I would obviously do that) and haven't had a single drink/drugs in that time-frame. At house parties I am alright because I am with typically groups of people I know and can keep my ego in tact, but when I go out to bars/clubs, you can imagine some girls I am talking to take notice that I'm not drinking. I'm usually pretty low-key about it and am able to get a club soda with lime to cover myself from being outed.. but sometimes the situation arises where someone offers me a drink or a shot and I have to say no and if they dig (which they usually do) it comes out that I've been sober for over a year. The scenario always ends up with them either treating me like I'm a wounded puppy, giving the typical "Wow that's awesome. You should really be proud of yourself", or they ask why I've been sober which I'm hit-or-miss at tip-toeing around the question without saying too much or making it too deep/awkward.
All of that summed up: it gets in the way of my flow and I have trouble rebounding.
Just a quick story to show my point - I'm the best man for my friend's wedding and we were in Scottsdale, Arizona for the bachelor party which was a wild time. Sidenote for anyone who hasn't been: There are a lot of smoke shows in Scottsdale and the number of female bartenders/servers that you would let give you pink-eye just from a once-over is astounding just. They are all dimes. We had bottle service at this place "Bottled Blonde" and we got one of the best tables they had by the DJ in a somewhat private corner. We pulled a few girls over that were alright, but we became friends with the guys next to us and one of them pulled over 2 pretty good-looking girls. I immediately started talking to one of them, totally ignored the guy who the girl was intended for, and she came and sat down next to me.
I must have put in like 20 minutes flirting with her, touching her, she was very into me and I could tell, I was just waiting for the right time to close. She goes to the bathroom, comes back and sits back down next to me, we talk for a few more minutes. Everyone in my group does a round of shots (me clearly being the only person not doing one) and she notices that I didn't take one. She starts to ask me about it, why, etc. and I was real with her about it. We keep flirting and she still seems decently into me so I say fuck-it I might as well make my move. I go in to kiss her and she shoots me down. She starts saying "No we can't you're sober... I'm drinking..." and I get totally thrown off my game. At that point I am thinking I totally fucked it up, there's no going back from there, and we talk for a few more minutes and she splits.
I know it was partly in the way I presented it where I failed and partly in the situation, but to the extent that I can control the interaction I am not sure how I can handle this better in the future. Similar situations come up pretty frequently since I'm dealing with this as a lifestyle choice. When I started my sobriety I was pretty insecure about going out sober and hitting on girls for that exact "you're drunk, I'm sober, I don't want to take advantage" reason. I finally got over it after a few months, but I wasn't going out for a while because of it. Now I'm completely second guessing how I should think about this and I really need some advice on how to handle the question when it comes up. How do I frame myself within the situation so that I don't need any sympathy or patronizing "good-for-you"s, and I am not taking advantage of anyone?
I appreciate all of your feedback bros.
Your (new) guy,
C
I'm relatively new to the forum but I have been following Girls Chase for a few months now and it has made a huge difference in my effectiveness pulling girls. That being said, I have had a very unique dilemma and I am not sure how many of you, if any, are going through the same. I'm about 14 months sober (personal reasons.. can't be changed or I would obviously do that) and haven't had a single drink/drugs in that time-frame. At house parties I am alright because I am with typically groups of people I know and can keep my ego in tact, but when I go out to bars/clubs, you can imagine some girls I am talking to take notice that I'm not drinking. I'm usually pretty low-key about it and am able to get a club soda with lime to cover myself from being outed.. but sometimes the situation arises where someone offers me a drink or a shot and I have to say no and if they dig (which they usually do) it comes out that I've been sober for over a year. The scenario always ends up with them either treating me like I'm a wounded puppy, giving the typical "Wow that's awesome. You should really be proud of yourself", or they ask why I've been sober which I'm hit-or-miss at tip-toeing around the question without saying too much or making it too deep/awkward.
All of that summed up: it gets in the way of my flow and I have trouble rebounding.
Just a quick story to show my point - I'm the best man for my friend's wedding and we were in Scottsdale, Arizona for the bachelor party which was a wild time. Sidenote for anyone who hasn't been: There are a lot of smoke shows in Scottsdale and the number of female bartenders/servers that you would let give you pink-eye just from a once-over is astounding just. They are all dimes. We had bottle service at this place "Bottled Blonde" and we got one of the best tables they had by the DJ in a somewhat private corner. We pulled a few girls over that were alright, but we became friends with the guys next to us and one of them pulled over 2 pretty good-looking girls. I immediately started talking to one of them, totally ignored the guy who the girl was intended for, and she came and sat down next to me.
I must have put in like 20 minutes flirting with her, touching her, she was very into me and I could tell, I was just waiting for the right time to close. She goes to the bathroom, comes back and sits back down next to me, we talk for a few more minutes. Everyone in my group does a round of shots (me clearly being the only person not doing one) and she notices that I didn't take one. She starts to ask me about it, why, etc. and I was real with her about it. We keep flirting and she still seems decently into me so I say fuck-it I might as well make my move. I go in to kiss her and she shoots me down. She starts saying "No we can't you're sober... I'm drinking..." and I get totally thrown off my game. At that point I am thinking I totally fucked it up, there's no going back from there, and we talk for a few more minutes and she splits.
I know it was partly in the way I presented it where I failed and partly in the situation, but to the extent that I can control the interaction I am not sure how I can handle this better in the future. Similar situations come up pretty frequently since I'm dealing with this as a lifestyle choice. When I started my sobriety I was pretty insecure about going out sober and hitting on girls for that exact "you're drunk, I'm sober, I don't want to take advantage" reason. I finally got over it after a few months, but I wasn't going out for a while because of it. Now I'm completely second guessing how I should think about this and I really need some advice on how to handle the question when it comes up. How do I frame myself within the situation so that I don't need any sympathy or patronizing "good-for-you"s, and I am not taking advantage of anyone?
I appreciate all of your feedback bros.
Your (new) guy,
C