Lover of Women VS Trust Issues

I couldn't think of a better way to open this post than with a bit from Chris Rock's classic stand up: "Men lie the most, women tell the biggest lies." He then proceeds to tell the women in the audience that everything about them is a lie. Truth in all comedy.

On my recent night out I had an encounter that brought what I feel is a very significant issue to light for me. Sparing the details (I'll give them if asked), I managed to get a girl talking to me and was able to lead her onto the dance floor for a dance. Things were going smoothly until she decided to introduce me to one of her friends. As we were talking I casually asked for her number and that's when she dropped the bomb that she's dating someone. Here's the thing: I had chatted up a couple of guys in the group first who kinda brought me in and they told me she was single. Disconnect.


A similar instance happened about a month ago, where I was literally leading a woman out of the bar to come home with me only to have her friend from afar judge her and cause her to go into auto-rejection. When I asked for a number she told me she was married and used that as her excuse to cut off her time with me. Cause yeah her marriage really meant a lot with our lips locked and my hands all over her.

The bottom line is this, I am finding that even on the most basic of basic levels I cannot trust anything a woman says. Throughout my entire life I don't think I can say I have ever run into a trustworthy woman IE someone who simply follows through on what they say. Even when it comes to simplistic shit. A lot of instances I can say now are the result of my personal shortcomings as a man, but even so no matter how deep or superficial my relationship with a woman they always, lie, are not truthful, or at best simply do not do what they say they will do. It's at the point where a girl could tell me the sun is out, I walk outside and see a bright blue sky and I still wouldn't believe her.

This has become rather infuriating for me because I want to genuinely like women and shed more of my bitterness, but this thing really sticks. What's equally frustrating is that women are allowed to get away with this simply because they are women.

What I'm asking for from you more experienced gents are perhaps some frames or ways to make peace with this fact of life. I realize how some of this may sound so upfront I will say that rather than complain about the rules of the game, I am trying to learn them. The other thing too is that things will be going great until the, let's call it "attachment bomb," drops and then I'm cut off which makes troubleshooting my game very difficult. Cause it feels like I'm doing things right only to fall prey to circumstance. And my thing is if you are attached and aren't looking for anything don't lead me on. Once again...trust.

So yeah...any and all advice would be most appreciated since I'm stumped as to how to internalize these things and progress.

To say it in the words of Dr. House: "Everybody lies". It tion been mentioned in the material here to never follow her words, but her actions. For example, if she keeps saying "no, I won't go outside with you"... well actions say more than a thousand words. Now about the boyfriend thing, for me it genuinely depends on the way they represent it (though I think I might find some disagreement here).

If she makes an big, shocked gesture and goes "um, I have a BF!" that would usually make me take a step back. As for trusting people in general, for me personally I only fully trust my closest friends (some who've I've never even met in real life). I go by the statement - I trust them as far as I can throw them. It has never stopped me from actively approaching new people and having fun though. Sure you might see your "trust" harmed, but it will make you all the more wiser. And I rather see my trust misplaced than not to have given it in the first place. (As for the statement, I meant genuine trust, not the kind you throw around every day).

By the way, I'm also sensing some bitterness towards people/women in your post here. You might want to take a look at that first. Chase has written a great article about how to overcome this state of mind and why:
https://www.girlschase.com/content/most- ... -be-bitter


Anyway, I hope this gave you a step in the right direction

Thank you for the reply. You gave me some insight and reminded me that by default I am a little too trusting of people. Another piece of advice someone gave me was to not internalize these events as "good" or "bad." Just as outcomes. I find that mental frame helps to take some pressure and emotion out of approaches and interactions. And that article you linked to is actually one of the first I ever read on this site, and the information has helped a lot in shedding my own bitterness. The thing is though, and I believe the article says this, is that the best cure for getting over negative experiences is to generate positive ones. I'm making efforts towards that end but behaviors like what I described I find difficult to deal with. I accept it as how women are, but I don't like it and and am still trying to figure out how to navigate things so I no longer feel that way.

I've been researching on this topic and saw your thread. Obviously this post was made in 2014, so I'm curious as to how has your trust in women changed over the years? Has it gotten better or do you still feel you're at the same place as you were before?

One thing you have to understand, woman lie because it's safer for them. It's much safer to tell you she has a bf when she's not interested than to say that she's not interested, because:

1. You're bigger/stronger than her
2. You may blow up at her
3. Woman want to be liked/accepted - you're still going to like her if she says she has a bf, instead of that she's jus tnot that into you. The latter sting much more.
4. Women are cute and silly. You gotta remember this. Yes they lie, but who cares. That's what cute and silly people do.