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- Mar 2, 2013
- Messages
- 876
Hey everyone,
This post was a collaboration between myself and Zphix discussing the need to pass mental boundaries and start getting results. Read on, my friend
Becoming an “Advanced Beginner” or Mindsets for passing uncomfortable Sticky Points
OK, so the title is kind of a joke, but this here post is about the critical transition between stages that I frequently see in the FR and journals section. I see these posts, and the conversations in them, and there are very witty, talented people I see making fast initial progress. And then they hit a point where they stall, and are not seeing tangible results (i.e. getting laid). This is problematic…not only because of stalled progress, but the risk exists that these people don’t see the point of PUA anymore and give up altogether, thinking they “are just not that guy”.
When progress has stopped, it’s a sign of settling and becoming comfortable, NOT that further potential doesn't exist. Settling or becoming stagnant is not generally a decision made consciously, but the mind defaults to not using energy wherever possible. So you may have overcome your initial Approach Anxiety, but now you have a hard time coming across as a sexual man. Or you’re getting a lot of phone numbers and interactions, but you’re too uncomfortable to get dates started.
Common “Comfort Zone Walls”
If you’ve been in PU for any length of time, you’ll know that you aren’t just learning one skill. You are learning how to:
- Pre-Open in a non-intimidating and comfortable fashion
- Approach despite anxiety
- Create mutual rapport
- Achieve a connection without supplication; coming across as powerful/non-needy
- Banter in a style both humorous and non-insulting
- Convey yourself as a sexual man (via Chase/Sexual frames and Sex Talk)
- Obtain phone numbers/contact info
- Go for the first kiss
There are many, many others, and what’s comfortable for one person may be uncomfortable to another. But what’s objectively true, is that there are multiple Comfort Zone Walls we pass at some part of our life or another to become a successful seducer.
On the FR/journal’s section, I’m seeing a lot of swift, fast progress. And it’s incredible to see the transformations. But there are three key sticking points that are hindering them from bedding more women.
1.) Lack of an effective pre-opener (or using one at all)
2.) Coming across as platonic/non-sexual
3.) Losing momentum
Targeting Specific Comfort Zone Walls
1.) Pre-opening –
If you aren't already using this, you are missing out. Big time. In the largest scope, anything you do that segways the thought of you from her original thoughts “naturally” will do. The aim is that you aren’t plunging her into cold water with your opener. I would list out the reasons why you need to use it, but let me show you instead:
Why you need to do it:
Let’s place you as an attractive, lovely young lady.
Scenario 1: You’re shopping at your local Whole Foods, thinking about what you’re making for dinner tonight, just checking off food from your list. Suddenly, a man blurts out next to you what sounds like a compliment. “Is he talking to me? Jesus, wasn't really ready for this!”. He’s a decent looking chap, you think, but this is already a little awkward, and the way he started the conversation shows he doesn't really "get it". Oh god, not another one of THOSE men. “Thank you, but I’ve got to keep shopping, I’m in a rush”, you say, and walk away.
Scenario 2: You’re shopping at your local Whole Foods, thinking about what you’re making for dinner tonight, just checking off food from your list. You feel a soft touch on your elbow, and you look to see what’s/who’s touching you, and you see a man who looks decently attractive, next to you gazing off somewhere in front of him, but not at you. “Who is this guy? What is he going to do?... Is he going to say something?” Immediately after, he looks at you in the eye and says something that compliments you. You feel approved by this mysterious man, and you're intrigued to learn more about him.
Same two people, same opener, different result. That’s pre-opening. It shows you are dominant (touching her arm without knowing her), socially skilled (you know how to start a conversation naturally), and probably experienced doing this with other women (pre-selection). And that’s a good way to start off before the opener…
How to do it:
- Touch her on the elbow – Simple; you walk up to her, place your hand lightly on her elbow, she looks at you briefly before you look at her, you then look at her in the eyes, and deliver your opener, just like our man in the example.
- Catch a girl’s eye – My absolute favorite! This is perhaps the best IOI if it’s matched with a smile. Generally speaking, when you walk anywhere; down the street; through the store; through a party; out of your peripheral vision, you’ll see people. Sudden movements in your direction should be inspected because, usually, they’re women looking at you.
But women only really notice you at first glance if you’ve got your fundamentals handled. At that moment when you catch a girls eye, reciprocate. Glance her way out of the corner of your eye (this is how you sexily notice a woman), and smile as you start to walk forward past her. She knows that you saw her, but wonders why you didn’t approach her immediately...so it’s a pleasant surprise when you make your way back around to her.
- Let someone else talk to her first (for pre-opening in groups) – Instead of being the guy who goes headfirst into introducing yourself and blazing afire socially…! Just chill, relax, and let the other people talk first. Throw on a nonchalant and just slightly bored look, looking away. A mysterious and intriguing aura will start surrounding you, and either the girl will open you herself, or you may see chicks giving you glances (those ones open really smooth). Better yet is if the group you’re with starts talking about you, before you even start your conversations.
2.) Sexual Framing/not being platonic –
Coming across as sexual instead of platonic does so many great things for you. In fact, if you want lays, it's an absolute must.
Aside from that - you’ll notice that when you start to become sexual (correctly), girls will latch onto you – hard. They will chase you, since "the sexual man is so rare", as Alek would say. I’ve had a few times recently where a girl will play along with a sexual frame, not long after tell them I have to really get going, and she’ll continue to try and make (or reinitiate) conversation. Women respond to the emotions you put out. If you’re sexual, so are they. If you act like a friend, then guess what!? You’re a friend...and not one with benefits either
If you need a primer on succeeding here, then check out this excellent article by Alek - https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-u ... e-and-mood. If you don’t read the article, then at least take away these 3 different ways of communicating your sexual framing:
Some notes on beginning this – If the girl plays along with your sexual frame, or doesn’t say anything and laughs shyly, then she has “bit” on to your sexual frame, and that means you have a promising prospect! If she gets awkward and surprised or ignores the frame, then gracefully cut the conversation and leave. Not worth plowing your time into girls who aren’t turned on to you. So, if and however possible, somehow incorporate a sexual innuendo/joke/frame during your first interaction with a girl to get the read.
Some quick examples of sexual framing (imagine with a sexy smile and voice tone):
Her: Yeah, the whole class was too easy, I was getting so bored.
You: So you’re saying you like it hard?
or
You: So show me your tattoos.
Her: Well, I have a few. I’ve got one here on my leg and one on my arm.
You: And the other is on an inappropriate place in your body
Her: Oh yeah
(these are what good reactions look like)
or
You: Man, it’s been such a long night, a little too exhausted to cook dinner tonight.
Her: Well, why don’t we eat out tonight?
You: Already planned to
Her: Haha! (good laugh) So what are we having?
Lastly, a problem that newer members tend to have with sexual framing, is forcing sex frames. Like the examples above, the frames should be smooth and effortless; easily perceived as a frame. Frames don’t need to be far-fetched or complex.
After learning about sexual framing, though, some guys have tendencies to place far too much emphasis on them and look for every excuse to use them. Don’t be that guy that does this:
You: Man, it’s been such a long night, a little too exhausted to cook dinner tonight.
Her: Well, why don’t we eat out tonight?
You: Already planned to
Her: Haha! (good laugh) So what are we having?
You: The time of your life
Her: I mean what are we eating!?
You: I’ve got a couple things in mind!
Don’t be this guy ^^^ The one sex frame alone was plenty, but he put too much emphasis on it, and inevitably, did not get laid that night! Leave it to a few frames at random times
3.) Losing Momentum
Everybody has different sticking points, as was said earlier in the post. The vast majority of guys will hit this point right here. The point where they are able to pull numbers, and pull women, but get no real results from them, meaning no sex; no dates; no relationship.
When that time comes, it’s imperative that you push! Comfort zones are the zones without progress! Whenever you start to feel content in your progress, you’re slipping! Find out what aspects of women make you uncomfortable and force yourself to tackle those aspects.
Whether that be pushing for sex, or pushing for the date. You should never be content and you should always look to push your boundaries because that’s how progress is made.
Do you think Decent or myself would be where we are without pushing ourselves? Do you think either him or myself was happy with only pulling numbers? NO! Sure it felt great that we were able to, but that’s not what this game is about, so push yourself out of your comfort zone to see progress, and to see naked women!
In Conclusion
For those who are finding a great deal of improvement in their approaching and conversational skills, remember that the next step to getting consistent lays are using an effective pre-opener, utilizing sexual frames, and pushing yourself out of your comfort zone! Read ‘em and absorb ‘em. And finally, remember that regardless of what specific Comfort Zone Wall you’ve reached, always, ALWAYS push and find a way to succeed. You pimp.
Any questions, critiques, comments or ideas are always welcome
PrettyDecent & Zphix
This post was a collaboration between myself and Zphix discussing the need to pass mental boundaries and start getting results. Read on, my friend
Becoming an “Advanced Beginner” or Mindsets for passing uncomfortable Sticky Points
OK, so the title is kind of a joke, but this here post is about the critical transition between stages that I frequently see in the FR and journals section. I see these posts, and the conversations in them, and there are very witty, talented people I see making fast initial progress. And then they hit a point where they stall, and are not seeing tangible results (i.e. getting laid). This is problematic…not only because of stalled progress, but the risk exists that these people don’t see the point of PUA anymore and give up altogether, thinking they “are just not that guy”.
When progress has stopped, it’s a sign of settling and becoming comfortable, NOT that further potential doesn't exist. Settling or becoming stagnant is not generally a decision made consciously, but the mind defaults to not using energy wherever possible. So you may have overcome your initial Approach Anxiety, but now you have a hard time coming across as a sexual man. Or you’re getting a lot of phone numbers and interactions, but you’re too uncomfortable to get dates started.
Common “Comfort Zone Walls”
If you’ve been in PU for any length of time, you’ll know that you aren’t just learning one skill. You are learning how to:
- Pre-Open in a non-intimidating and comfortable fashion
- Approach despite anxiety
- Create mutual rapport
- Achieve a connection without supplication; coming across as powerful/non-needy
- Banter in a style both humorous and non-insulting
- Convey yourself as a sexual man (via Chase/Sexual frames and Sex Talk)
- Obtain phone numbers/contact info
- Go for the first kiss
There are many, many others, and what’s comfortable for one person may be uncomfortable to another. But what’s objectively true, is that there are multiple Comfort Zone Walls we pass at some part of our life or another to become a successful seducer.
On the FR/journal’s section, I’m seeing a lot of swift, fast progress. And it’s incredible to see the transformations. But there are three key sticking points that are hindering them from bedding more women.
1.) Lack of an effective pre-opener (or using one at all)
2.) Coming across as platonic/non-sexual
3.) Losing momentum
Targeting Specific Comfort Zone Walls
1.) Pre-opening –
If you aren't already using this, you are missing out. Big time. In the largest scope, anything you do that segways the thought of you from her original thoughts “naturally” will do. The aim is that you aren’t plunging her into cold water with your opener. I would list out the reasons why you need to use it, but let me show you instead:
Why you need to do it:
Let’s place you as an attractive, lovely young lady.
Scenario 1: You’re shopping at your local Whole Foods, thinking about what you’re making for dinner tonight, just checking off food from your list. Suddenly, a man blurts out next to you what sounds like a compliment. “Is he talking to me? Jesus, wasn't really ready for this!”. He’s a decent looking chap, you think, but this is already a little awkward, and the way he started the conversation shows he doesn't really "get it". Oh god, not another one of THOSE men. “Thank you, but I’ve got to keep shopping, I’m in a rush”, you say, and walk away.
Scenario 2: You’re shopping at your local Whole Foods, thinking about what you’re making for dinner tonight, just checking off food from your list. You feel a soft touch on your elbow, and you look to see what’s/who’s touching you, and you see a man who looks decently attractive, next to you gazing off somewhere in front of him, but not at you. “Who is this guy? What is he going to do?... Is he going to say something?” Immediately after, he looks at you in the eye and says something that compliments you. You feel approved by this mysterious man, and you're intrigued to learn more about him.
Same two people, same opener, different result. That’s pre-opening. It shows you are dominant (touching her arm without knowing her), socially skilled (you know how to start a conversation naturally), and probably experienced doing this with other women (pre-selection). And that’s a good way to start off before the opener…
How to do it:
- Touch her on the elbow – Simple; you walk up to her, place your hand lightly on her elbow, she looks at you briefly before you look at her, you then look at her in the eyes, and deliver your opener, just like our man in the example.
- Catch a girl’s eye – My absolute favorite! This is perhaps the best IOI if it’s matched with a smile. Generally speaking, when you walk anywhere; down the street; through the store; through a party; out of your peripheral vision, you’ll see people. Sudden movements in your direction should be inspected because, usually, they’re women looking at you.
But women only really notice you at first glance if you’ve got your fundamentals handled. At that moment when you catch a girls eye, reciprocate. Glance her way out of the corner of your eye (this is how you sexily notice a woman), and smile as you start to walk forward past her. She knows that you saw her, but wonders why you didn’t approach her immediately...so it’s a pleasant surprise when you make your way back around to her.
- Let someone else talk to her first (for pre-opening in groups) – Instead of being the guy who goes headfirst into introducing yourself and blazing afire socially…! Just chill, relax, and let the other people talk first. Throw on a nonchalant and just slightly bored look, looking away. A mysterious and intriguing aura will start surrounding you, and either the girl will open you herself, or you may see chicks giving you glances (those ones open really smooth). Better yet is if the group you’re with starts talking about you, before you even start your conversations.
2.) Sexual Framing/not being platonic –
Coming across as sexual instead of platonic does so many great things for you. In fact, if you want lays, it's an absolute must.
Aside from that - you’ll notice that when you start to become sexual (correctly), girls will latch onto you – hard. They will chase you, since "the sexual man is so rare", as Alek would say. I’ve had a few times recently where a girl will play along with a sexual frame, not long after tell them I have to really get going, and she’ll continue to try and make (or reinitiate) conversation. Women respond to the emotions you put out. If you’re sexual, so are they. If you act like a friend, then guess what!? You’re a friend...and not one with benefits either
If you need a primer on succeeding here, then check out this excellent article by Alek - https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-u ... e-and-mood. If you don’t read the article, then at least take away these 3 different ways of communicating your sexual framing:
Some notes on beginning this – If the girl plays along with your sexual frame, or doesn’t say anything and laughs shyly, then she has “bit” on to your sexual frame, and that means you have a promising prospect! If she gets awkward and surprised or ignores the frame, then gracefully cut the conversation and leave. Not worth plowing your time into girls who aren’t turned on to you. So, if and however possible, somehow incorporate a sexual innuendo/joke/frame during your first interaction with a girl to get the read.
Some quick examples of sexual framing (imagine with a sexy smile and voice tone):
Her: Yeah, the whole class was too easy, I was getting so bored.
You: So you’re saying you like it hard?
or
You: So show me your tattoos.
Her: Well, I have a few. I’ve got one here on my leg and one on my arm.
You: And the other is on an inappropriate place in your body
Her: Oh yeah
(these are what good reactions look like)
or
You: Man, it’s been such a long night, a little too exhausted to cook dinner tonight.
Her: Well, why don’t we eat out tonight?
You: Already planned to
Her: Haha! (good laugh) So what are we having?
Lastly, a problem that newer members tend to have with sexual framing, is forcing sex frames. Like the examples above, the frames should be smooth and effortless; easily perceived as a frame. Frames don’t need to be far-fetched or complex.
After learning about sexual framing, though, some guys have tendencies to place far too much emphasis on them and look for every excuse to use them. Don’t be that guy that does this:
You: Man, it’s been such a long night, a little too exhausted to cook dinner tonight.
Her: Well, why don’t we eat out tonight?
You: Already planned to
Her: Haha! (good laugh) So what are we having?
You: The time of your life
Her: I mean what are we eating!?
You: I’ve got a couple things in mind!
Don’t be this guy ^^^ The one sex frame alone was plenty, but he put too much emphasis on it, and inevitably, did not get laid that night! Leave it to a few frames at random times
3.) Losing Momentum
Everybody has different sticking points, as was said earlier in the post. The vast majority of guys will hit this point right here. The point where they are able to pull numbers, and pull women, but get no real results from them, meaning no sex; no dates; no relationship.
When that time comes, it’s imperative that you push! Comfort zones are the zones without progress! Whenever you start to feel content in your progress, you’re slipping! Find out what aspects of women make you uncomfortable and force yourself to tackle those aspects.
Whether that be pushing for sex, or pushing for the date. You should never be content and you should always look to push your boundaries because that’s how progress is made.
Do you think Decent or myself would be where we are without pushing ourselves? Do you think either him or myself was happy with only pulling numbers? NO! Sure it felt great that we were able to, but that’s not what this game is about, so push yourself out of your comfort zone to see progress, and to see naked women!
In Conclusion
For those who are finding a great deal of improvement in their approaching and conversational skills, remember that the next step to getting consistent lays are using an effective pre-opener, utilizing sexual frames, and pushing yourself out of your comfort zone! Read ‘em and absorb ‘em. And finally, remember that regardless of what specific Comfort Zone Wall you’ve reached, always, ALWAYS push and find a way to succeed. You pimp.
Any questions, critiques, comments or ideas are always welcome
PrettyDecent & Zphix
