Went on a first date with a girl, and I came off as needy/desperate



Went on a first date with a girl, and I came off as needy/desperate

Postby ShampooMonk » Fri Jun 28, 2019 9:32 am

So I'm a beginner, so please give me any tips or recommendations you guys can suggest!

There was this cute co-worker that I work with, and she would always touch me or make flirty comments with me.

I asked her out and we went on a date on Saturday to get food. We talked for about 2 hours, which I think was sort of bad, considering she did 75% of the talking. But we did a lot of emotionally connecting, and deep-diving.

Long story short, she dropped me off at my house. (I currently don't drive due to DUI reasons.)

I tried to kiss her, but she said she doesn't move that fast.

I texted her the day after saying I had a lot of fun, and we should do it again, and she responded with, "yes I had a great and awesome time too!!"

We worked together Sunday, and were talking, and she asked me to meet up with lunch on Monday. I told her I had work obligations, and she said okay. The next morning my client canceled, and I told her if she wanted to meet up still, and she said she probably couldn't. I know this is where I messed up. I asked her if she still wanted to go, and she said she couldn't and maybe another day.

This is once again where I threw out red flags for being desperate and needy. I sent her a message after to let me know when her schedule clears up, and we can figure it out.

The next day she texted me that, "So yesterday was pretty much my last day at work!"

I replied with a dumb comment, and she basically ghosted me. I sent two more texts, one was an open minded question regarding her trip to her home country for a month, and the other one, "I would like to hang out with you before you leave, let's grab some bite or drinks?" (I know, huge no-no,) Ad she eventually said, "yeah sure, sounds good."

I told her let's meet up at 9 on Saturday, and she hasn't responded yet.

I would like to know what mistakes I made.

I know I came off as needy, and desperate, and shouldn't have persisted on the lunch date. I also shouldn't have sent her the dumb texts, or the scheduling thing when she clearly wasn't free.

She's going back home for a month. So if she does say okay to Saturday, how can I close it, before she leaves? Is it even worth pursuing at this point? And should I give her till today to respond, or just take it as a move on anyways?
ShampooMonk


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Re: Went on a first date with a girl, and I came off as needy/desperate

Postby JacobPalmer » Fri Jun 28, 2019 11:05 am

1. Her doing most of the talking is a good thing.
2. Hours was a bit long to sit and talk the whole time, move her around more and try to pull her home earlier.
3. I've had girls tell me they NEVER kiss after a first date, but they still kiss me. Don't read into that into the slightest. I also would have tried inviting her inside before trying to kiss her. I also don't know your reaction after she said she doesn't kiss on a first date, hope you played it cool like it was no big deal.
4. You next day text was ok, but shorten it next time. Don't say you should do it again as this conveys to her that you're already wanting to see her again and planning another date, just say you had a good time, and then a few days later ask her out again.
5. When you said you couldn't do lunch on Monday, did you offer her a different day that you could? Because if you didn't she could have taken that poorly. Hell, I take it poorly when a girl doesn't offer a different day to hang out after I set a date (but I always give flexibility now so that rarely happens).
6. After your clients cancelled, you asked if she still wanted to meet....to me that seems a bit like you're valuing her quite a bit and that you're unsure of whether she still wants to meet you. your mindset needs to be "Hell yes she does!" Just ask if she's still free next time.
7. Never put yourself into the position of asking a girl to tell you when her schedule clears up (unless you're doing a ball-in-your-court thing), because 9/10 times she'll forget or won't care enough to get back to you. You a=gave her all the control here when it need to be yours.
8. Yeah the double and triple texting - you know what you did wrong there.
9. 9 on a Saturday? Holy that's late. Go earlier.

Now for your gameplan:
1. If she texts you back and agrees to the date, then you have the date at 9. I assume you gave her a place to meet when you said "9 on Saturday." If you didn't....well that could be a reason she didn't text you back. If you did, then go on the date, physically escalate (in a calibrated way) while continuing to deep dive her and be fun/sexy, and pull her home after an hour, max. Just say "let's get out of here and drink wine at my place." If she says no then either persist or drop it. If you decide to drop it, don't kiss her.
2. If she doesn't text you back, you're not going to text her again until 1-2 weeks after she comes back from her trip.

Best o luck. :)
JacobPalmer


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Re: Went on a first date with a girl, and I came off as needy/desperate

Postby ShampooMonk » Fri Jun 28, 2019 11:16 am

JacobPalmer wrote:1. Her doing most of the talking is a good thing.
2. Hours was a bit long to sit and talk the whole time, move her around more and try to pull her home earlier.
3. I've had girls tell me they NEVER kiss after a first date, but they still kiss me. Don't read into that into the slightest. I also would have tried inviting her inside before trying to kiss her. I also don't know your reaction after she said she doesn't kiss on a first date, hope you played it cool like it was no big deal.
4. You next day text was ok, but shorten it next time. Don't say you should do it again as this conveys to her that you're already wanting to see her again and planning another date, just say you had a good time, and then a few days later ask her out again.
5. When you said you couldn't do lunch on Monday, did you offer her a different day that you could? Because if you didn't she could have taken that poorly. Hell, I take it poorly when a girl doesn't offer a different day to hang out after I set a date (but I always give flexibility now so that rarely happens).
6. After your clients cancelled, you asked if she still wanted to meet....to me that seems a bit like you're valuing her quite a bit and that you're unsure of whether she still wants to meet you. your mindset needs to be "Hell yes she does!" Just ask if she's still free next time.
7. Never put yourself into the position of asking a girl to tell you when her schedule clears up (unless you're doing a ball-in-your-court thing), because 9/10 times she'll forget or won't care enough to get back to you. You a=gave her all the control here when it need to be yours.
8. Yeah the double and triple texting - you know what you did wrong there.
9. 9 on a Saturday? Holy that's late. Go earlier.

Now for your gameplan:
1. If she texts you back and agrees to the date, then you have the date at 9. I assume you gave her a place to meet when you said "9 on Saturday." If you didn't....well that could be a reason she didn't text you back. If you did, then go on the date, physically escalate (in a calibrated way) while continuing to deep dive her and be fun/sexy, and pull her home after an hour, max. Just say "let's get out of here and drink wine at my place." If she says no then either persist or drop it. If you decide to drop it, don't kiss her.
2. If she doesn't text you back, you're not going to text her again until 1-2 weeks after she comes back from her trip.

Best o luck. :)


I'm really bad at this, yeah I didn't suggest a place. Should I just wait and see if she texts me back? Or should I just forget it?

I just said how about 9 on saturday?
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Re: Went on a first date with a girl, and I came off as needy/desperate

Postby JacobPalmer » Fri Jun 28, 2019 12:04 pm

This is kindof a lose-lose situation right now haha.

I personally think that your best bet is to wait for her to text you back and if she does, then suggest a place. If she doesn't, then just drop her, meet other girls, and see what happens when she comes back.

I don't think double texting her here suggesting a place is the right move because it shows you were thinking about this text a lot, and then you realised you didn't suggest a place.

Don't sweat it though you're going to get better. :)
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Re: Went on a first date with a girl, and I came off as needy/desperate

Postby ShampooMonk » Fri Jun 28, 2019 12:07 pm

JacobPalmer wrote:This is kindof a lose-lose situation right now haha.

I personally think that your best bet is to wait for her to text you back and if she does, then suggest a place. If she doesn't, then just drop her, meet other girls, and see what happens when she comes back.

I don't think double texting her here suggesting a place is the right move because it shows you were thinking about this text a lot, and then you realised you didn't suggest a place.

Don't sweat it though you're going to get better. :)


She just texted back that she's meeting one of her friends that day, but she'll let me know.

That's game over, I don't think there is anything else that I can do at this point.

Thanks for the help.
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Re: Went on a first date with a girl, and I came off as needy/desperate

Postby JacobPalmer » Fri Jun 28, 2019 12:13 pm

No sweat. BUT! Don't text her back now. Not one single word. This is your only lifeline.
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Re: Went on a first date with a girl, and I came off as needy/desperate

Postby ShampooMonk » Fri Jun 28, 2019 12:18 pm

JacobPalmer wrote:No sweat. BUT! Don't text her back now. Not one single word. This is your only lifeline.


So if she's interested, she'll let me know Saturday?

Is that what you're saying?
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Re: Went on a first date with a girl, and I came off as needy/desperate

Postby JacobPalmer » Fri Jun 28, 2019 12:19 pm

Yes, but it also allows you to regain a bit of the power here, even if she says nothing back.
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Re: Went on a first date with a girl, and I came off as needy/desperate

Postby ShampooMonk » Fri Jun 28, 2019 12:27 pm

JacobPalmer wrote:Yes, but it also allows you to regain a bit of the power here, even if she says nothing back.


Thanks for your help man.

I feel really dumb, I had a huge chance of going somewhere with her, but I knew I messed up when I pursued the lunch thing.

Anyways, I appreciate the help.

I'm going to be looking on these forums a lot more, all of this advice is very vital.

I will move on, and not text her back, but when she comes back, would it be okay to send her a text 1-2 weeks later?

And if so, what do you think is generally a good text to write?
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Re: Went on a first date with a girl, and I came off as needy/desperate

Postby JacobPalmer » Fri Jun 28, 2019 12:32 pm

Yeah it'd be if you texted her 1-2 weeks after she got back. But this is assuming you don't see her at work. Just send something like:

"Hey XXX :) how was your trip? Let's grab [coffee/a drink/ etc] and you can tell me about it!"

If you're going to see her at work though, I'd do the same thing but in person.

And if she declines your offer just play it off as no big deal.
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Re: Went on a first date with a girl, and I came off as needy/desperate

Postby ShampooMonk » Fri Jun 28, 2019 12:36 pm

JacobPalmer wrote:Yeah it'd be if you texted her 1-2 weeks after she got back. But this is assuming you don't see her at work. Just send something like:

"Hey XXX :) how was your trip? Let's grab [coffee/a drink/ etc] and you can tell me about it!"

If you're going to see her at work though, I'd do the same thing but in person.

And if she declines your offer just play it off as no big deal.


What would be a great way of writing no big deal?

"Okay, no worries. Have a good one."
ShampooMonk


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Re: Went on a first date with a girl, and I came off as needy/desperate

Postby JacobPalmer » Fri Jun 28, 2019 12:54 pm

You know, I used to go with what you wrote, but it doesn't get you anywhere. So here's a beautiful one:

You "Ok....... ;)"

And then you're never going to text her again until she's more compliant/puts more effort into talking/hanging out with you, even if she asks you what the winky face is for or whatever else.
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