Is there any hope for me with women?

HumanWhoLearns

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Jan 25, 2019
Messages
97
I'm 28 years old, I've never had a girlfriend or done anything meaningful with a woman. I also have depression, social anxiety, and no friends. The town I live in has ~75,000 people so it's hard to find any activities to make friends let alone meet a woman, unless you do the random asking women out thing which never works (don't want to go to bars and try that scene for many reasons). I've also tried online dating but I've gotten no results from that. I'm not really that interested in hooking up with another woman every week, just looking for a girlfriend. Obviously I need a lot of help & work, but this site seems like a great place to begin. What specifically do you think I should start with and focus on?
 

lostnumber

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Aug 31, 2017
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307
Human, I wouldn't worry about the girlfriend or sex element at this point based on what you are describing. I think you need to get yourself to a better place mentally and socially to be ready to start focusing on laying a girl. If it happens great, but I've seen a lot of new guys who are in a position similar to you and have their eyes all the way on the end goal (sex, marriage, relationship, whatever) and get frustrated because they are so many steps behind that it feels like they'll never get there.

I would focus on the basis building blocks of all social interaction, such as being able to have a good conversation, being able to read body language, coming across as warm and charming, etc. These are things that will help you become a better more well-rounded person and be more successful at all areas of life, not just romantic relationships. When you say that you have depression, anxiety, and no friends, these are not descriptors that are going to give you good results with women, so I would work on changing those things. Find some friends! Go to the gym! Get some hobbies! Get yourself to a better place mentally and you'll find that not only are you way happier with life in general, but your results with women will improve dramatically even before you start working on specific elements of game. That's my two cents anyway

Chase has some classic articles on how to be a good conversationalist that were incredibly helpful for me when I was starting out in the social arts, I'd recommend poking around and seeing if you can find those somewhere.
 

ElderPrice

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Jun 11, 2018
Messages
568
Dude are you stealing my identity??? Check out my journal! https://boards.girlschase.com/viewtopic.php?f=15&t=19842

Of course there's hope. Not only that, there's one of the most well-thought-out and put-together resources on the subject on these very boards to get your skills sharp FAST. It's called the Newbie Assignment. It's in one of the boards here, probably in one of the stickies here. Find that thread, stop thinking, stop overthinking, and just execute the assignment. Just do it. Do it then come back in this thread when you're done and say "YES THERE IS HOPE!" You can do it buddy!
 

Witcher

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Aug 7, 2013
Messages
300
Humanoutofelement said:
I'm 28 years old, I've never had a girlfriend or done anything meaningful with a woman. I also have depression, social anxiety, and no friends. The town I live in has ~75,000 people so it's hard to find any activities to make friends let alone meet a woman, unless you do the random asking women out thing which never works (don't want to go to bars and try that scene for many reasons). I've also tried online dating but I've gotten no results from that. I'm not really that interested in hooking up with another woman every week, just looking for a girlfriend. Obviously I need a lot of help & work, but this site seems like a great place to begin. What specifically do you think I should start with and focus on?

Hey bro,

I was in similar situation few weeks ago. I was a kissless virgin 3 weeks ago and ultimately lost the VCard in an epic way at the same age of 28. The difference is beside the intimacy thing I had no other social problems. Actually no one could ever could guess that about me quiet the contrary.

I will write a more detailed post about the best practices I used. Meanwhile You can find my journey to loose the VCard on some post of GC especially this one: https://boards.girlschase.com/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=19808

Good Luck!
 

HumanWhoLearns

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Jan 25, 2019
Messages
97
So I managed to get lucky and this girl who works at this casino I go to play poker at showed a lot of interest in me. I asked for her number and scheduled a date for next Sunday. The texting in between is going pretty well. I was just wondering if you guys had any general advice for someone going out on their first date, or any specific articles that would be helpful. This site is a gold mine of information but it can also be hard to memorize & apply a lot of information so I think it's better to pick a few and study and memorize those.
 

Seppuku

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Aug 25, 2014
Messages
1,149
Location
Middle East, Asia, Africa
Humanoutofelement said:
So I managed to get lucky and this girl who works at this casino I go to play poker at showed a lot of interest in me. I asked for her number and scheduled a date for next Sunday. The texting in between is going pretty well. I was just wondering if you guys had any general advice for someone going out on their first date, or any specific articles that would be helpful. This site is a gold mine of information but it can also be hard to memorize & apply a lot of information so I think it's better to pick a few and study and memorize those.

Yeah I know. At first the amount of information looks overwhelming. Compliance, Value, Attainability, chase framing, being a sexual man, being a lover, passing her tests, keeping your frame, etc... How the hell will I remember all this on a date?

A few pointers:

  • Low key. This date may mean a great deal to you, but avoid doing anything that tells her it's such a big deal. That puts a lot of pressure on her and is actually a turnoff. The same applies for the date venue by the way, go into a low pressure place rather than a formal restaurant.
  • Uber cool. You do not lose your shit. Whatever happens, always keep your calm and don't over-react. Also showcase yourself as non judgmental and open minded. And remain unfazed by her beauty at all times!
  • You pass her tests by standing for who you are. You can read BBoy's latest post in the General boards, where the girl throw some shit at him, then told him the date was over when he didn't put up. To which he told her "that's fine, no big deal, I'm going.", and left her (and later ended up fucking her). You're cool but do not compromise for who you are, and ready to let her go if it comes to that.
  • You also pass her tests by amplifying what she says (rather than denying):
    Her: this is our first and last date!
    Him (with a confident smile): Absolutely!

    Her: Do you have a girlfriend?
    Him (smiling): No. I have three.

    Her: obviously arranging her boobs.
    Him (sexy smile): Yes, arrange your boobs, you will attract some male attention!
    Note how in all three cases, he remained uber cool, didn't lose his shit, didn't go defensive or denying, and kept a confident, sexy attitude.

Be aware also that the slow, date after date, conquering approach is extremely hard and likely to fail. It's a very long road with plenty of chances to fuck up along the way! This is especially true if you are in your late 20's and above. Like Chase said, dating is a mating dance that should result in mating. And if not, the male is usually dismissed as impotent. It sounds hard, but it has been verified multiple times over and over by plenty of guys on these Boards.

So I know that you are a virgin and likely somewhat intimidated by the prospect of going to the sexual act. But that is the way to go if you want your best chances of success with her. So if you're going to give it a try, the recommendations are:

  • know in advance which place you are going to isolate and seduce her;
  • establish a good mood during your date
  • one or two hours into the date, end it and ask her to follow you
  • have an excuse ready to bring her home
  • at home, make her comfortable then escalate.

This is exactly the advice I have been giving to Witcher (in this thread) and ThePhoenix (other threads), and when they mustered the courage to apply it, it worked wonders.

This proposed method holds exactly the same whether you want to have a one timer, or make a long term girlfriend. It is much easier to make her your girlfriend after you have slept with her!

Good luck!
Seppuku
PS. Whatever happens, make a detailed write up of your date and post it on the Field Reports section of these Boards so we can anaylze and provide you feedback.
 

ElderPrice

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jun 11, 2018
Messages
568
Humanoutofelement said:
So I managed to get lucky and this girl who works at this casino I go to play poker at showed a lot of interest in me. I asked for her number and scheduled a date for next Sunday. The texting in between is going pretty well. I was just wondering if you guys had any general advice for someone going out on their first date, or any specific articles that would be helpful. This site is a gold mine of information but it can also be hard to memorize & apply a lot of information so I think it's better to pick a few and study and memorize those.
Since it sounds like you're very brand new with this, I'll go a step more basic than the amazing Mr. Seppuku's post:

Be honest with me and yourself - what do YOU actually want out of this date? Not this girl. This date. Do you actually want to sleep with her on this first date? Is that truly how you feel? Or would you be happy with a great conversation and then leave it there? Would you be disappointed with just great conversation? Do you just want a kiss? What do you want here?
 

jakesykes949

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Mar 5, 2019
Messages
54
Dude. The second I saw you said you live in a 75,000 person town, I know the #1 thing you need to do now.

GET THE FUCK OUT OF THAT TOWN.

Trying to "learn game" in a fucking small cow town is like trying to "learn baseball" in the middle of a soccer field.

Go somewhere different. New York, Chicago, Miami.

Change your life, and change your routine.

It's possible. It won't be easy, but nothing worth having ever is.
 

HumanWhoLearns

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Jan 25, 2019
Messages
97
You're right, I'm in the process of doing something about that. I really have no good memories in this town anyway, no real reason to stay here outside of my parents residing here. Every job I've had in this town has been terrible with low pay, so I'm real eager to get out.

Yesterday I went out with a girl from POF online and the date was terrible. Her pics online were kind of cute, but when she showed up I knew I was instantly unattracted to her from how fat she was. Plus her attitude and the way she dressed (all black everything), showed that she gave no fucks. She started the date off by telling me she thought I was autistic and was on her phone for a lot of the "date". Then she cut the "date" short halfway through so she could help jump her cousins car lol. To be honest, I'm glad because it was f'n awful.

That experience, the girl in my other topic giving me the cold shoulder, and girls in general not responding to my messages online, even if they message me first kind of makes me mad. I'm gonna take a few days break from this stuff to cool off.
 

Cody Lyans

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Mar 8, 2019
Messages
140
Humanoutofelement said:
You're right, I'm in the process of doing something about that. I really have no good memories in this town anyway, no real reason to stay here outside of my parents residing here. Every job I've had in this town has been terrible with low pay, so I'm real eager to get out.

Yesterday I went out with a girl from POF online and the date was terrible. Her pics online were kind of cute, but when she showed up I knew I was instantly unattracted to her from how fat she was. Plus her attitude and the way she dressed (all black everything), showed that she gave no fucks. She started the date off by telling me she thought I was autistic and was on her phone for a lot of the "date". Then she cut the "date" short halfway through so she could help jump her cousins car lol. To be honest, I'm glad because it was f'n awful.

That experience, the girl in my other topic giving me the cold shoulder, and girls in general not responding to my messages online, even if they message me first kind of makes me mad. I'm gonna take a few days break from this stuff to cool off.

Glad to hear you are willing to move, thats the biggest return on investment thing you can do
It really does affect game being in a tiny place
You put any good seducer in a 75 000 person town and they'll get depressed too
Unless its 75 000 pretty girls, then... its ok... don't move in that case

Hope the date went/goes ok
The trick on dates is girls are scoping out if you have weird reactions, so be natural
Interact and play with her
Just don't go overboard with it and pull yourself up a few times
Bring up conversations on what she likes, then discuss those things then discuss what she likes in men relating back to the things she said about her other interests
Try to get where she is at and provide some confidence boosting eye contact and stuff to smile about so she feels good
Then get her to show you her hand somehow, and either look at her heart line and be like "see look youve got a big heart youll be ok i think" or something else disarming, and start touching a little bit so you make it comfy
Give her hugs at moments she needs em or it makes sense

Its like trailers or previews to how itd feel to touch you more
Put energy into all the touches you do and make em feel great
 
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