- Joined
- Aug 1, 2018
- Messages
- 54
Alright so in the articles for each type of scenario, moving slow is described as something that can lead to both. So how do you know when you end up in either of both since it can be confusing?
As far as my understanding goes, you end up making her auto-reject whenever she likes you but you don't escalate and for whatever reason, either she thinks you don't like her / you don't like her enough, or she starts telling herself that you're not good enough for her. In this case you haven't really built rapport with her, and haven't moved beyond casual talk /casual flirting.
Whereas you end up in friend zone whenever you spend too much time texting her, casually hanging out, basically befriending her and thus only giving the interaction a 'friendship' vibe, instead of a romantic one.
Is that it?
Now to put this question into the context of my situation, I messed it up with a girl who, from what I could tell, had a crush on me. She's the shy excited type and at some point she started approaching me and worked towards building rapport with me up to a certain point where it stagnated. I guess that from that point she wanted me to move things forward by asking her out which I never did. I know I messed up but it is what it is, the damage is done and I would like to fix this. Without going into too much detail, I mostly acted aloof / cold towards her, to the point where sometimes she would ask me if everything was ok, or would have her friends do it for her. I occasionally made her go ice-cold on me, but I would usually turn things around by being warmer towards her, making her jealous (that's what I did most of the time) or she would sometimes come back to positive feelings towards me by herself, after I had cut off any interaction with her for a couple of days. This went on for like 2 months (yeah I know long time), and we would see each other like twice a week let's say due to college-related activities, trips and parties. She doesn't really have any experience (like me), hence why I've been able to get away with so many mistakes for so long.
However, one day we were at a meeting and we were sitting next to each other. She kept on putting her head on my shoulder and kept on complimenting me on how great I smelled. She was also very playful and kept on teasing me. However, whenever I teased her back, looking back at it, I was doing it in a cold way. At some point she even hinted that she wanted me to compliment her and I simply said that I'm not gonna do that. Even so, I thought that things were fine so I decided to text her the next day with the intention of asking her out. I started the conversation with an inside joke referring to her complimenting me the other day (might have been a mistake since she might have thought that I was cocky) and she laughed but she was kinda cold. So I decided to chat for a little bit and she eventually started to get more involved into the conversation. However, after putting her in a bit of an awkward situation she told me that she wasn't feeling well and that she was worried that she was giving me a bad vibe and that we should talk the next day. I didn't take her words literally but I also made the mistake of continuing to talk to her. I changed the topic and she was replying back, asking questions and occasionally trying to hype the conversation up. After some time, though, I realized that it was going nowhere and that what I was doing was wrong so I ended the conversation.
At this point I really became scared of the friend zone. However, I fear this 'zone' way too much. It's a personal issue if you want. Ironically, If I'm thinking about the last 10 girls that I failed with up to her, only 2 of them friend zoned me. It appears that I usually make girls auto-reject, but what's also wonderful is that, for some reason, I'm able to turn things around with them. The reason why those other 8 didn't turn into successes was because I was either not that interested, and they chased me for a while then gave up, or I messed up again and made them go cold for good. I only ended in friend zone when I chased. Last time I ended up friend zoned was a year ago, when I was too much of a nice guy with a girl and when she started to give me mixed signals, I chased her. It was an awful experience and I don't want it to repeat itself. This is why I acted so aloof and afraid with this girl who was crushing on me at first. I've had quite a few girls who were trying to hit on me walk up to me and say something like 'are you shy or stupid' at parties, whenever they were trying to get me to talk, dance etc. with them. However I wasn't interested in them so I would usually tell them I don't wanna dance, I was tired and stuff like that then walk away, hoping that they get the hint. In essence, they were in auto-rejection, but even though I've been acting like this on a number of occasions, they're still trying to hit on me, which makes me think that they don't actually see me as shy and that they keep chasing me because they can't have me. So I was wondering if this girl that I like and that I'm gearing up to take another shot with isn't seeing me the same way. I'm aware that she did in fact rebuff me during that chat, but I'm used to being rejected whenever girls don't like me / friend zone me. However, Chase does say in his articles that girls will reject you, even if they like you, if they don't feel like they can get what they want from you which does seem to be the case with this girl.
Long story, short, I'm just very afraid of the friend zone even though most of the things that happened in this case are kinda solidly indicating that she's in auto-rejection. To be fair, the only things that scare me that I might be in friend zone are the fact that on two occasions she switched her vibe from flirty to friendly. And that's about it. However those happened a long while ago and even if so was the case back then, I guess that it doesn't matter right now? Also, another reason as to why I'm not sure whether she's in auto-rejection or not is because she isn't really ice-cold. I did lose the little rapport I used to have with her, however. She also gradually started checking my social media less and less, up to the point where she doesn't at all right now and she stopped sending me snaps a while ago, mainly because I didn't really send her any back, while I was trying to look cool (I've also seen that girls in auto-rejection seem to do that, whereas girls who friend zoned you will still check your social media out, send you stuff and shit). What makes me confused is that whenever she sees me she still tries to grab my attention. She still comes over to say hi, she's flirty, she even hinted at us learning together once and I'm not sure whether girls in auto-rejection would do this. However her vibe's like it's always been - timid, yet flirty and she was still checking me out and trying to make eye contact with me. Basically, she isn't as vivid as she used to be but she isn't ice-cold either.
Also, can you end up in the friend zone of a girl who likes you, if you haven't even built rapport with her, haven't spent that much time with her and have hardly ever texted each other? Or are you still an unknown?
I really want to hear your guys' opinions and if you think that I'm tripping too hard over the friendzone (which I admit might be the case) let me know how I can get this stuff out of my mind.
As far as my understanding goes, you end up making her auto-reject whenever she likes you but you don't escalate and for whatever reason, either she thinks you don't like her / you don't like her enough, or she starts telling herself that you're not good enough for her. In this case you haven't really built rapport with her, and haven't moved beyond casual talk /casual flirting.
Whereas you end up in friend zone whenever you spend too much time texting her, casually hanging out, basically befriending her and thus only giving the interaction a 'friendship' vibe, instead of a romantic one.
Is that it?
Now to put this question into the context of my situation, I messed it up with a girl who, from what I could tell, had a crush on me. She's the shy excited type and at some point she started approaching me and worked towards building rapport with me up to a certain point where it stagnated. I guess that from that point she wanted me to move things forward by asking her out which I never did. I know I messed up but it is what it is, the damage is done and I would like to fix this. Without going into too much detail, I mostly acted aloof / cold towards her, to the point where sometimes she would ask me if everything was ok, or would have her friends do it for her. I occasionally made her go ice-cold on me, but I would usually turn things around by being warmer towards her, making her jealous (that's what I did most of the time) or she would sometimes come back to positive feelings towards me by herself, after I had cut off any interaction with her for a couple of days. This went on for like 2 months (yeah I know long time), and we would see each other like twice a week let's say due to college-related activities, trips and parties. She doesn't really have any experience (like me), hence why I've been able to get away with so many mistakes for so long.
However, one day we were at a meeting and we were sitting next to each other. She kept on putting her head on my shoulder and kept on complimenting me on how great I smelled. She was also very playful and kept on teasing me. However, whenever I teased her back, looking back at it, I was doing it in a cold way. At some point she even hinted that she wanted me to compliment her and I simply said that I'm not gonna do that. Even so, I thought that things were fine so I decided to text her the next day with the intention of asking her out. I started the conversation with an inside joke referring to her complimenting me the other day (might have been a mistake since she might have thought that I was cocky) and she laughed but she was kinda cold. So I decided to chat for a little bit and she eventually started to get more involved into the conversation. However, after putting her in a bit of an awkward situation she told me that she wasn't feeling well and that she was worried that she was giving me a bad vibe and that we should talk the next day. I didn't take her words literally but I also made the mistake of continuing to talk to her. I changed the topic and she was replying back, asking questions and occasionally trying to hype the conversation up. After some time, though, I realized that it was going nowhere and that what I was doing was wrong so I ended the conversation.
At this point I really became scared of the friend zone. However, I fear this 'zone' way too much. It's a personal issue if you want. Ironically, If I'm thinking about the last 10 girls that I failed with up to her, only 2 of them friend zoned me. It appears that I usually make girls auto-reject, but what's also wonderful is that, for some reason, I'm able to turn things around with them. The reason why those other 8 didn't turn into successes was because I was either not that interested, and they chased me for a while then gave up, or I messed up again and made them go cold for good. I only ended in friend zone when I chased. Last time I ended up friend zoned was a year ago, when I was too much of a nice guy with a girl and when she started to give me mixed signals, I chased her. It was an awful experience and I don't want it to repeat itself. This is why I acted so aloof and afraid with this girl who was crushing on me at first. I've had quite a few girls who were trying to hit on me walk up to me and say something like 'are you shy or stupid' at parties, whenever they were trying to get me to talk, dance etc. with them. However I wasn't interested in them so I would usually tell them I don't wanna dance, I was tired and stuff like that then walk away, hoping that they get the hint. In essence, they were in auto-rejection, but even though I've been acting like this on a number of occasions, they're still trying to hit on me, which makes me think that they don't actually see me as shy and that they keep chasing me because they can't have me. So I was wondering if this girl that I like and that I'm gearing up to take another shot with isn't seeing me the same way. I'm aware that she did in fact rebuff me during that chat, but I'm used to being rejected whenever girls don't like me / friend zone me. However, Chase does say in his articles that girls will reject you, even if they like you, if they don't feel like they can get what they want from you which does seem to be the case with this girl.
Long story, short, I'm just very afraid of the friend zone even though most of the things that happened in this case are kinda solidly indicating that she's in auto-rejection. To be fair, the only things that scare me that I might be in friend zone are the fact that on two occasions she switched her vibe from flirty to friendly. And that's about it. However those happened a long while ago and even if so was the case back then, I guess that it doesn't matter right now? Also, another reason as to why I'm not sure whether she's in auto-rejection or not is because she isn't really ice-cold. I did lose the little rapport I used to have with her, however. She also gradually started checking my social media less and less, up to the point where she doesn't at all right now and she stopped sending me snaps a while ago, mainly because I didn't really send her any back, while I was trying to look cool (I've also seen that girls in auto-rejection seem to do that, whereas girls who friend zoned you will still check your social media out, send you stuff and shit). What makes me confused is that whenever she sees me she still tries to grab my attention. She still comes over to say hi, she's flirty, she even hinted at us learning together once and I'm not sure whether girls in auto-rejection would do this. However her vibe's like it's always been - timid, yet flirty and she was still checking me out and trying to make eye contact with me. Basically, she isn't as vivid as she used to be but she isn't ice-cold either.
Also, can you end up in the friend zone of a girl who likes you, if you haven't even built rapport with her, haven't spent that much time with her and have hardly ever texted each other? Or are you still an unknown?
I really want to hear your guys' opinions and if you think that I'm tripping too hard over the friendzone (which I admit might be the case) let me know how I can get this stuff out of my mind.
