Hopeless.

So, this sites apparently filled with experts, maybe one of you geniuses can analyze what my problem is. Im 20 yo, dont know a soul, dont know how to start knowing people, so dating really seems impossible to me. I dont really care about having friends, I care about getting sex and thats that. Sounds shallow, but so is everyone else at the end of the day, and im not looking for approval out of this site more advice. So how do I just go up and initate this? How do I get what I want? I know its pretty pathetic im 20 in college and have never gotten laid in college and only twice outside. My ability isnt in question at all in that regard, except I didnt nut either time I had sex, probably due to my lack of enthusaism in the situation; but I can definately out perform most men. This being the only thing I have going for me at this point; but I dont know how to get sex at all, when everyone else is having it around me. Im not an attractive person obviously inside or out, but worse people get what they want in life every day. No, I dont act miserable IRL, I may appear that way because its just the same shit every day. I do everything I can for my appearance, designer clothes, workout rigorously, modern haircut, I drive a nice car, and all this accomplishes nothing for me. I might as well be wearing a world of warcraft shirt, 300 lbs of fat covered in zits the way my life stands.

Disclaimer, no I dont care if you can "roast" me alive, I dont care how you compare your accomplishments to mine. I want advice, take it or leave it. If it seems like im being a asshole about this, its because of all the reasons stated and this is a forum for chasing women so I have pretty low expectations. Not expecting a single reply honestly.

Re: Hopeless

sme20,

Screamineagle20 said:

but I dont know how to get sex at all, when everyone else is having it around me

Click to expand...

They don't.

You remind me of an old friend who went to an all boys school. He's a normal guy, He has friends, but he doesn't "stand out". He doesn't have something i can point out.

If you do not "Stand out" in the group of friends you are in, find other friends and see what you can offer to other groups. If you don't have anything to offer, you will know.

It's either by drama, or lack of invites, or camaraderie without objective-ness.

Do not be too concern about fitting in, because most people do not fit in their social circle.

Here's the roasting part: I get your honesty. That you can outperform most men. It's a self defence mechanism. I get that. But i don't feel like you are someone i want to hang out with if i meet you in real life.

A major part why you are this way is i assume are two major things.

1)Society lack of teachings on boys (all of us since young)
2)Built for a certain infrastructure.

I like to point out number 2 because this is also why people are bitter. I mean because when people promise you, or you go to school, you expect a job.

I feel that kind of vibe when i talk to you here. It's better you don't find friends first. Because you just going to ignore the problem. Go study for yourself many books and understand what and how the world works.

Because any Girlschase member can post a response and it won't be better than mine. (See what i did there? )

Zac

Se20,

Looks like you're in a bad place right now. Don't worry, this community is non-judgemental and strictlt improvement oriented.

I do everything I can for my appearance, designer clothes, workout rigorously, modern haircut, I drive a nice car,

Click to expand...

That's great. This is something we call fundamentals. It's everything you can do to make yourself more attractive. This article gives you a good list of what you can do to be more attractive: https://www.girlschase.com/content/great-fundamentals-handling-your-intangibles

You're not getting the results you want. Ovbiously you understand women aren't going to magically fall into your bed.

So the question is do you actually put yourself out there and meet new girls? If so how many per week? And what are your sticking points?

Eagle,

From your post it seems that you have expectations of your deserved / desired outcome (getting sex), but little to no expectations of your behavior in the direction of that outcome. You have to form some sort of expectations for these dimensions of yourself for change to occur.

I know its pretty pathetic im 20 in college and have never gotten laid in college and only twice outside.

Click to expand...

Your notch count does not represent you entirely, it's really just a good metric to how experienced someone is with women. I wouldn't let this weigh you down, but rather accept it, own it, and let it motivate you to get more experienced with women.

You do obviously work on your fundamentals:

I do everything I can for my appearance, designer clothes, workout rigorously, modern haircut, I drive a nice car, and all this accomplishes nothing for me.

Click to expand...

...so I don't understand why you also think you're "obviously not an attractive person". This also shows that you can harness discipline to some degree - and care about self-improvement.

In fact the only thing that is clearly unattractive about you is your attitude. There's sprinkles of self-defeating, nihilistic, and self-hating thoughts throughout your post - which is very repellent socially whether you put on a mask publicly or not.

For you to "get what you want", I think it would help for you to write out a holistic view of who you are and try to be honest and objective with yourself. When I feel I need direction I write out my strengths and weaknesses, then try to angle my strengths in a way to fix / remove my weaknesses.

Rather than looking at how you are with women in a sum totality, consider what you specifically need to fix, and then change one thing at a time. It may be a slow and difficult start, but that's the case with basically everything worth putting time into.

There are many ways to fix motivation issues. But the only way to even begin fixing that is to try SOMETHING.
You have to find it in yourself to get moving.

Queue Jordan Peterson:
We are all-in during this life, and we're all going to die. Why not reach your maximum potential?
Don't let what you are stop you from becoming something you CAN and WILL be.

Here's some action items that may help with motivation:
- Enhance your diet (I recommend low carbs & high protein - cutting out all the processed shit)
- Limit masturbation (raises your testosterone & makes wet pussies your only access to orgasms)
- Exercise (testosterone booster, self-esteem booster, endorphin releaser). You say you're already doing this, so great.
- Attempt to see the glass half-full. Actually sit down and wrap your head around the concept of optimism, how people employ it, it's benefits. There's nothing in (a healthy dose - as in not fantasizing) optimism but good.
- Explore. If you're unfamiliar with something, go find out more about it rather than avoiding things, people, and ideas that your uncomfortable with. Try new things, do shit, and talk to others. The more you explore, the more you want to continue exploring, and the more fulfilling your life is. Join clubs at your university, attend guests speaker lectures around your major, show up to charity events by students, etc.


Oh yea, and lastly.. APPROACH. There's nothing more annoying on this forum than people who bitch and whine about their lack of results, when they don't even fucking approach. It's like complaining about how hungry and starving you are when there's a mountain of food, a fucking buffet right in front of them. How do you get it? You go and get it. No excuses.

As far as specific actions on how to approach, there's plenty of that on the main sight. The field reports and journals section here also shows the humble beginnings of advanced seducers on the forum.

The Beginner's Quick Start Guide To Pickup Up Girls and Dating
How To Get Started at Picking Up Girls
How To Approach A Girl Wherever You Are (Easily)
The Best of the "Field Reports" Board
Pretty Decent's Journal


Hope this wasn't overkill. Good luck.


Hue

Hue said:

You do obviously work on your fundamentals:

I do everything I can for my appearance, designer clothes, workout rigorously, modern haircut, I drive a nice car, and all this accomplishes nothing for me.

Click to expand...

Click to expand...

...so I don't understand why you also think you're "obviously not an attractive person". This also shows that you can harness discipline to some degree - and care about self-improvement.

Im physically an unattractive person. Girls have called me ugly since I was in elementary school. When I use apps they immidiately cut me off as soon as they see my face, so consider my face to look like golem if you would.

In fact the only thing that is clearly unattractive about you is your attitude. There's sprinkles of self-defeating, nihilistic, and self-hating thoughts throughout your post - which is very repellent socially whether you put on a mask publicly or not.
That describes me to a T. It was just more apparent in my writing because I do feel defeated coming here, and I don't like losing, but its all I ever do. Ive never actually won anything ive ever done so theres the nihilism. I used to be a racist nihilist on a extreme level, because people have always looked at me like I was some kind of monster, I wanted to give them one, ive changed that approach to life drastically, finding religion, and trying to improve myself instead of conforming to everyone's opinions; and ive dropped all my hate.




Oh yea, and lastly.. APPROACH. There's nothing more annoying on this forum than people who bitch and whine about their lack of results, when they don't even fucking approach. It's like complaining about how hungry and starving you are when there's a mountain of food, a fucking buffet right in front of them. How do you get it? You go and get it. No excuses.

And theres my hinderince. I cant approach people. I am not interesting and would have nothing to talk about, and since I look the way I do, its close to impossible. Its the person starving next to the buffet but they dont have arms or legs. What could I do to hange this? Nothing im interested in interests girls in the slightest, would probably turn them off. I also have no setting to meet people in because I have no job, no money, no idea how to talk people, and im not in school as of now because its summer break and everyone else is living it up.

Cacc said:

Se20,

You're not getting the results you want. Ovbiously you understand women aren't going to magically fall into your bed.

So the question is do you actually put yourself out there and meet new girls? If so how many per week? And what are your sticking points?

Click to expand...

Thats the problem. I have no idea how to talk to people, or where to meet girls at to make approach possible anyways. I mean public yeah, but I never know what to say, to start a convo or keep it going.

Re: Hopeless

ZacAdam said:

sme20,

Screamineagle20 said:

but I dont know how to get sex at all, when everyone else is having it around me

Click to expand...

They don't.

You remind me of an old friend who went to an all boys school. He's a normal guy, He has friends, but he doesn't "stand out". He doesn't have something i can point out.

If you do not "Stand out" in the group of friends you are in, find other friends and see what you can offer to other groups. If you don't have anything to offer, you will know.

It's either by drama, or lack of invites, or camaraderie without objective-ness.

Do not be too concern about fitting in, because most people do not fit in their social circle.

Here's the roasting part: I get your honesty. That you can outperform most men. It's a self defence mechanism. I get that. But i don't feel like you are someone i want to hang out with if i meet you in real life.

A major part why you are this way is i assume are two major things.

1)Society lack of teachings on boys (all of us since young)
2)Built for a certain infrastructure.

I like to point out number 2 because this is also why people are bitter. I mean because when people promise you, or you go to school, you expect a job.

I feel that kind of vibe when i talk to you here. It's better you don't find friends first. Because you just going to ignore the problem. Go study for yourself many books and understand what and how the world works.

Because any Girlschase member can post a response and it won't be better than mine. (See what i did there? )

Zac

Click to expand...

I stand out, because im always alone so people immidiately see me as some sort of freak. Also, instead of telling me the problem in your own words, what is the solution? Me reading books isnt going to get me women if I have nowhere to meet them or nothing to talk about.

Eagle,

People are not static. They are dynamic. This means that you have control over what you are, and that you can become whatever you want to become.

You say that you're the starving person with no arms or legs. Okay, then roll your damn torso until you can take a bite of food.

I used to be a racist nihilist on a extreme level, because people have always looked at me like I was some kind of monster, I wanted to give them one, ive changed that approach to life drastically, finding religion, and trying to improve myself instead of conforming to everyone's opinions; and ive dropped all my hate.

Click to expand...

Just as you did here, you can change yourself to become sexy, socially aware, and smooth. You used your ability to identify a problem and move in a different direction, and that's rational action. What's irrational action is repeating to yourself that "you can't". The more you repeat any action, the stronger that behavior becomes, and the deeper ingrained in your psyche & attitude it is. Self Talk is a very powerful thing, and it creates your subjective experience & narrative.

So if you dislike the fact that you're a nihilistic, pessimistic individual that doesn't have a job, money, or social skills - you must first understand the possibility and potential for you to become something different. As far as being ugly, there are several advance members who have commented that they do not have a good looking face and make up for it in other ways (Gunwitch and Narrow J if my memory serves me).

"Girls Only Want Good Looking Guys" is bullshit.
How Much Looks Matter For Romantic Success
"I can't get girls because they only want "blank".

There are MANY ways to be attractive. In addition, girls care about traits far more than physical appearance. You say that you don't have similar interest to girls - okay, well how about you explore some areas that you're not in already to see if you like them? I just picked up swing dancing and I'm fucking terrible, but I still show up and have fun. I never thought I would enjoy it when I first moved to the city I'm in, but find interest and value in it. The only way I reached that outcome? I SHOWED UP. If you don't go and show up for things, you will never know what you actually like.

Apply for a job. Better yet, apply for several job until you get hired. Change your expectations of yourself, push yourself to your maximums again, and again, and again, and make your expectations for yourself your reality. You're actually doing that right now, just in the opposite direction. You think that you don't have similar interests to girls and that they don't want to talk to you, which leads to you acting in a way congruent with that; a self fulfilling prophecy.

If you want change, you must change the narrative for your self fulfilling prophecy, and then fulfill it. From my experience with mental health I know that people find comfort in their self-pity and victim mentalities. If you want to stay where you are, then you will hug that comfort. If you want to become someone else, and you obviously do, or you wouldn't have came here, you have to make the change by performing ACTION.

By accepting that you have a self-defeating attitude, you are not "losing". In fact, you are gaining a wealth of insight and potential for change. But if you can't come to terms with that, then nothing will change. It takes time and commitment. I can't make you think any differently - that is 100% your responsibility.

Hue said:

Eagle,

People are not static. They are dynamic. This means that you have control over what you are, and that you can become whatever you want to become.

You say that you're the starving person with no arms or legs. Okay, then roll your damn torso until you can take a bite of food.

I used to be a racist nihilist on a extreme level, because people have always looked at me like I was some kind of monster, I wanted to give them one, ive changed that approach to life drastically, finding religion, and trying to improve myself instead of conforming to everyone's opinions; and ive dropped all my hate.

Click to expand...

Just as you did here, you can change yourself to become sexy, socially aware, and smooth. You used your ability to identify a problem and move in a different direction, and that's rational action. What's irrational action is repeating to yourself that "you can't". The more you repeat any action, the stronger that behavior becomes, and the deeper ingrained in your psyche & attitude it is. Self Talk is a very powerful thing, and it creates your subjective experience & narrative.

So if you dislike the fact that you're a nihilistic, pessimistic individual that doesn't have a job, money, or social skills - you must first understand the possibility and potential for you to become something different. As far as being ugly, there are several advance members who have commented that they do not have a good looking face and make up for it in other ways (Gunwitch and Narrow J if my memory serves me).

"Girls Only Want Good Looking Guys" is bullshit.
How Much Looks Matter For Romantic Success
"I can't get girls because they only want "blank".

There are MANY ways to be attractive. In addition, girls care about traits far more than physical appearance. You say that you don't have similar interest to girls - okay, well how about you explore some areas that you're not in already to see if you like them? I just picked up swing dancing and I'm fucking terrible, but I still show up and have fun. I never thought I would enjoy it when I first moved to the city I'm in, but find interest and value in it. The only way I reached that outcome? I SHOWED UP. If you don't go and show up for things, you will never know what you actually like.

Apply for a job. Better yet, apply for several job until you get hired. Change your expectations of yourself, push yourself to your maximums again, and again, and again, and make your expectations for yourself your reality. You're actually doing that right now, just in the opposite direction. You think that you don't have similar interests to girls and that they don't want to talk to you, which leads to you acting in a way congruent with that; a self fulfilling prophecy.

If you want change, you must change the narrative for your self fulfilling prophecy, and then fulfill it. From my experience with mental health I know that people find comfort in their self-pity and victim mentalities. If you want to stay where you are, then you will hug that comfort. If you want to become someone else, and you obviously do, or you wouldn't have came here, you have to make the change by performing ACTION.

By accepting that you have a self-defeating attitude, you are not "losing". In fact, you are gaining a wealth of insight and potential for change. But if you can't come to terms with that, then nothing will change. It takes time and commitment. I can't make you think any differently - that is 100% your responsibility.

Click to expand...

You keep saying its up to me to change, but if I dont have any social skills how is that going to work? I dont know where to even find women id be interested in to talk to outside of clubs, I have no fake and once again no money, so there goes that entirely. People look at me like im a monster when im alone and want to avoid me. Im always alone, so how could I approach without making them think im about to kill them?

You keep saying its up to me to change, but if I dont have any social skills how is that going to work? I dont know where to even find women id be interested in to talk to outside of clubs, I have no fake and once again no money, so there goes that entirely. People look at me like im a monster when im alone and want to avoid me. Im always alone, so how could I approach without making them think im about to kill them?

Click to expand...

Have you read any of the articles I've sent you?

Yes, all of them being indirect and situations that dont apply to me. For example I have no "niche" because I have no interests that would interest girls and I have no friends. Then all of the information on approach is indirect as well, I would be alone doing cold approaches, and theres no sort of advice for doing that, but instead focuses on problems that I may or may not have when doing this.

None of it takes the perspective of a loser loner who is beginning at this.

I would be alone doing cold approaches, and theres no sort of advice for doing that

Click to expand...

That's a good one. The majority of pickup tech is entirely focused on approaching girls, by yourself.

Doesnt say how to initiate conversation, how to make my intentions direct (but not too direct), and have success.

Click to expand...

Direct Openers vs Situational Openers
Opening (Initiating Conversation)
The Conversationalist
How To Pick Up A Girl in 6 Steps

For example I have no "niche" because I have no interests that would interest girls and I have no friends.

Click to expand...

Like I said you have to go out, and create hobbies & interests by ACTION.
The Single Guy's Guide To Starting Fresh In A New City


Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself and shouldn't expect you to take a desirable perspective on the hundreds of articles girlschase has. You will get more out of approaches themselves.

Try The Newbie Assignment before you overload your brain with pickup information. Go out and try saying hi to a girl (any girl) and get your feet wet. You will find what Chase calls required readings and specific, actionable items to do.

So ive read through these and none of them mention how I take it from getting her number to getting her in bed. If by some miracle I do get through long conversation and get her number what would I do then? The only times ive had sex I was just really straightforward and told them I wanted to fuck them and some reason I dont see this working in these situations.

Se,

If you're looking for a clear cut process on what to do from meeting her to sleeping with her and what your mentalities should be then read this: [url=https://www.girlschase.com...w.girlschase.com/content/how-g ... -ever-need [/url]

Each part of the process has links so you can understand what to do better.

Eagle,

Good question. Typically you want to keep things pretty simple over text. Before you even get her number (and assuming you're deciding to meet her and go on a date for a different date, as in not an insta-date) you want to set up the day you'll be meeting, and a general time.

In person (during a high moment in the conversation)

You: Hey you know, we should totally get coffee sometime!
Her: Yea, we should!
You: What's a good day for you? I've got a couple spots this week where my schedule's easier.
Her: Hmm, well I'm not working this Tuesday.
You: Great, let's do Tuesday afternoon. You ever been to [coffee shop?]
Her: Ya I've driven by but never been.
You: Same. Well cool we can try something new then. Give me your number I'll text you about it.

Click to expand...

Texting

2 hours after you meet her
You: Hey this is Eagle, save my #
Her: Got it!

Silence

The day of the date
You: Hey [girl] still on for today?
Her: Yep!
You: Sweet, how's 2ish sound?
Her: Works for me!
You: Cool, see you then

Click to expand...

The point of keeping things super simple is to have the connection almost exclusively built while together, to minimize possible mistakes or uncontrollable factors while not with her, and to easily identify sticking points. The simpler you keep it, the easier it is to add stuff in or take stuff out of your process.

Sometimes you might need a little more report than that, like "hope your week's been going well" when you reengage with her, but you don't want to be her texting buddy because doesn't help you in the ways you might want it to.

Hope this helps.


Hue

Re: Hopeless

why are you still arguing?

why are you still arguing? First thing. If someone is willing to write down a lot for you to solve a problem, see if he puts himself in a vulnerable position. Obviously you too idiotic to see that i am doing it.

Second thing? If the person trying to help you is vulnerable, consider his point of view.

Third? Trust, and do what i tell you to do. Faith is not an action. Trust is not an action. It is going ahead with what you going to do + feel.

What did i tell you?

Screamineagle20 said:

It's better you don't find friends first. Because you just going to ignore the problem. Go study for yourself many books and understand what and how the world works.

Click to expand...

You can ask other Girlschase members. They, Other GIrlschase members are trying to solve your problem at process level. Not gonna fix the long term problem, which i just point you. They are well intentioned.

Zac

You're being given a lot of solid advice, my friend.

We've had a fair number of guys start with zero skills and zero confidence become quite good with pick-up and social dynamics; I'm one of those guys, actually.

Anyway, we can't give you a roadmap that covers everything from A to Z. If you want to build a rocket that gets to the moon then you first need to learn how to build a rocket which means you need to get out there and start approaching so you can build up some experience and get more comfortable with it.

Keep a diary on the boards or post field reports and we can help you break interactions down to see if you have any noticeable sticking points. But, that being said, we literally cannot help you with anything else if you don't go out and approach/talk to women. Lottery ticket numbers only matter if you actually decide to play them, my friend.

-Richard